


mirrorball

by cherryboys



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Actor Louis, Alternate Universe, Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Famous Harry, Famous Louis, Flirting, Fluff, Hate to Love, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Musician Harry, Pining, Slow Burn, Some Humor, i suck at tags sorry, narry friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:02:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 102,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryboys/pseuds/cherryboys
Summary: When Harry is asked to fake date Louis Tomlinson, an actor he hates because he bad mouthed one of Harry's songs in the beginning of his career, he is opposed to the idea. After some convincing and realizing that Louis has been going through a hard time ever since he abruptly came out a couple months ago, he ends up agreeing out of pity and also knowing that it will bring attention to his new, upcoming album. Little does Harry know that this is going to be the worst thing to ever happen to him. Or the best... same difference, really.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 48
Kudos: 219





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> hiii!!! I've been working on this fic for a while. I've done some research on the industry and if things aren't 100% accurate, don't hate me for it. enjoy reading!!! this is a rollercoaster :)
> 
> disclaimer; I use some real movie/song names, some fake names. it's all different and mostly used to fit the storyline, sometimes to basically give you an idea for a plot with the movie I'm talking about if felt needed. nothing too major. also this is a fictional story, names of characters are only used for the sake of the story.  
> and yes, this story is influenced by the song mirrorball by taylor swift!!!!

**May 2018**

Water drips down Harry’s body as he makes his way across the beach, sand continuing to stick to the soles of his feet as he approaches the sidewalk and once he touches the cement, the ground doesn't hesitate to burn him. He hisses ever so slightly, clamping his teeth together as if that will take away the pain.

Harry arrived here the same way he’s leaving. Barefoot and shirtless. He just wanted to dive into the water to wake himself up before joining Niall on their balcony for some coffee.

There’s nothing better than waking yourself up in the fresh air along with the coolness of the Jamaica water. Once he’s swimming in the ocean everything starts falling into place. He can’t describe the exact feeling, but there’s something about coming up from underwater for a breath of air while taking in his surroundings that makes him want to keep going.

The world is a beautiful place and he’s so fortunate to be able to visually experience it.

Harry pushes his soaked hair off his forehead, marching up the steps to see Niall already set up for their morning. He’s greeted with his eyes covered by his oversized Gucci sunglasses and one of Harry’s favorite poem books placed in his lap. He’s taking a long sip of his coffee as he watches Harry fall into the lounge chair next to him, eyes following his every move.

“Was it worth it?” He questions, knowing he was only down there for ten minutes or so. It’s a decently long walk from the room they are staying at, but that doesn’t bother Harry. He likes to travel on foot. Literally.

He nods, reaching across his body to grab his own cup that’s placed on the table between them. “You should have joined me.”

Niall scoffs and picks the book back up. _Pillow Thoughts_. One of Harry’s many recommendations for him. He always takes pride in the fact Niall will read whatever he suggests for him.

“Mornings are to lay and do nothing. Not a time for a hike. It’s fucking hard to make your way through that sand this early. And also,” he rambles, nodding his head toward the bottom of his chair. “Aren’t your feet on fire?”

He chuckles deeply, picking up his phone that Niall also brought out for him. He unlocks the screen and lets out a soft but content sigh. “Yes. Not that it really matters though because I enjoy—”

“The pain, yeah, I know. Fucking weirdo,” he interrupts, muttering the words to himself and causing Harry to laugh again. Ever since they were introduced they have been constantly making each other laugh, all while getting on each other's nerves at the same time.

In the grand scheme of things, Niall Horan is and will always be his best fucking friend.

Sure, he’s one of his bandmates, but he’s a friend first and foremost. There’s not many people like him in this world and that’s why Harry makes sure to hold him close.

He’s _real_. How rare is that? To meet someone who is constantly themselves even behind closed doors? _Specifically_ behind closed doors, if anything? There’s no pretending with him, no sugarcoating. If you want to hear the truth Niall will give that to you. He’ll be a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh so hard with until there are tears streaming down your face.

It’s a really beautiful thing and Harry doesn’t take his friendship for granted. Ever.

He met Niall in 2016, the year after he won _the X Factor_ at only the age of 18. That’s when his entire life got started and changed for the better, but, as well as for the worse.

Don’t get him wrong. He couldn’t be more thankful for the opportunities and life he’s been given, all his dreams becoming true each and everyday. For the most part, at least.

It’s just that at the time he was young and was willing to let anyone boss him around by telling him what was best for him. As if he didn’t know what he wanted for his career when he’s known all along. His team rushed him to work on his album with people he eventually learned that he didn’t care for, making something he wasn’t one hundred percent proud of... just to get something out for everyone that was expecting it.

That’s something he regrets but then again there really wasn’t anything more to do. He didn’t want his dream to be ripped away from him the moment he got it in reach of his hands. He finally had it and he wasn’t going to let it go because he wasn’t fully satisfied.

It was still an opportunity, wasn’t it? If he wasn’t involved with those people who knows if he would have been even able to release an album? To go on a tour to perform his songs?

He knew he couldn’t decline anything thrown at him during that time. So he just fought through it. But as soon as his first tour officially ended he basically started the fuck over.

He met new people he preferred, keeping them in his life and saying what he wanted for his music career. All he knew at the time was he wanted to get signed with a record label that could respect him as an artist. That’s all he _needed_. He wanted to be able to make the work he was capable of, not just pushed into.

So it’s fair to say he’s been taking advantage of this chance above and beyond. He’s been writing songs for the past two years but he hasn’t released anything since his first album. He just... Harry’s a bit of a perfectionist. Maybe a lot of a bit, actually. And since his debut wasn’t his finest work, he wants to try to make up for it with his sophomore album.

It’s coming along, that’s for sure. He has a lot of fucking songs to choose from and he’s making even more while he’s here. He wants options, he wants the struggle of downing the hundred songs to a simple tracklist that successfully tells a story.

He has had plenty of inspiration from all his new experiences. Getting heartbroken by his ex-boyfriend, Gabriel, that made writing more vulnerable and honest. Harry thought things were going well with him for the six months they were together when he was 18 until out of nowhere he dumped him over text.

That shit hurt him pretty bad and still to this day he never got an explanation for it. He was led to overthink a majority of his time before transporting those thoughts onto paper and through his lyrics. Maybe that was for the better.

He got over him rather quickly. Once he was out of his life he was reminded that he didn’t need him. All he needed was a guitar, pen and paper.

Even having a broken heart, that’s not what he writes most about. Instead he has songs that are written from a different perspective, his own take on other people's lives he’s seen and put into his lyrics. That’s his favorite thing to do. It’s like making a story through a song, very realistically. Even if he didn’t experience it himself.

There’s something about writing in the eyes of another person that feels so much more creative, more _effective_. It’s just the way he feels about it. It’s a good challenge and opens your mind more than you ever thought it could. You’re opening yourself up to an entirely different world, a different life. Then you just go from there.

Being here in Jamaica is giving him a lot of those chances. He’s just really, really happy to be here right now.

As Niall sits there in silence reading his book, Harry finishes answering the few messages he got since last night before he decides to go onto the monster app of Twitter.

The thing is, Harry does his best to avoid most social media. He thinks everyone in the world would feel a little better if there were limits to how much you could view in a day. It’s important to focus on your life instead of the screen, but sometimes, it’s a bit hard to do that.

He can admit phones are a great distraction from the real world. Is it the most healthy way to divert yourself? Probably not. But everyone is guilty of busying themselves on it nonetheless.

He’ll usually just go onto the trending page to see what’s going on at the time and boy, what he sees as the number one spot today isn’t what he was expecting.

Seeing Louis Tomlinson’s name at the number one spot isn't the surprising part of it. People adore talking about the movie star and Harry has to admit he absolutely despises it. There’s nothing special about him yet people cannot stop saying _Louis Tomlinson this, Louis Tomlinson that_.

It’s really fucking exhausting when you don’t even like that person and yet his name is all you see across every platform. Escaping it is impossible.

There’s always something new with him, whether it’s some scandal or him just simply enjoying his day having a nice walk around L.A. since the paps are drawn to him. Spreading false news about him is something all writers itch to do as well. He can only imagine how hard his publicist has to work to clear his already tarnished image.

But this headline... it’s a big one. He clicks into it and the first couple tweets under the hashtag make him swallow thickly. He just can’t believe what he’s reading. The feeling he gets in his stomach once he reads it is... well. How can he describe the feeling?

Shocked, for sure. He’s undoubtedly surprised since all this actor has done for these past years of his career is deny the rumors with ease. It’s almost unsettling to see these tweets.

He has to rub his eyes to make sure he’s seeing this correctly first of all. He clicks his profile—which yes, Harry has him blocked, he’s petty like that—and when he scrolls and sees more, they are all right there on his Twitter. They aren’t fake but instead very much real.

_@LouisTomlinson: YES I AM FUCKING GAY. GET OVER IT. NOW STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS_

_@LouisTomlinson: Fuck everyone and everything because I am bloody done. You can all suck my cock now leave me the fuck alone_

_@LouisTomlinson: No I am not hacked and no I’m not lying…..AND NO I AM NOT BISEXUAL OR CONFUSED FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. JUST STRAIGHT UP (hah!) GAY!!!!!_

Shit. Harry can feel his mouth dropping open as he continues staring at his tweets. This is going to be insane for his career because there has always been speculation about the actors sexuality—which is truly nobody’s business except his own quite frankly—but he always denied them, saying he is thoroughly comfortable with his heterosexuality.

Although, there was always a dullness in his eyes as he spoke about his relationships but Harry didn’t think much of it because again, it was never his business. Why would he care about who this random celebrity likes? Who he sleeps with behind the cameras? It has nothing to do with him.

Also he just doesn’t like Louis. And does he have a reason for that? Yes, he does, actually, believe it or not.

Before his debut album he had a single come out which happened to be the theme song in one of Louis’ newest movies. At the time Harry was beyond ecstatic because he was a fan of Louis. He enjoyed his romcoms because he was absolutely enthralling in them. Anytime he’s on the screen you are attached.

In 2014 Louis’ first ever major role in a popular movie premiered. This was the year before his _X Factor_ audition, when he was living life normally, doing things such as going to late night showings with his best friend Sara. That’s where everyone, including Harry, was first introduced to 19 year old Louis.

It was a great movie overall but Harry was really focused on the cast, specifically, the main character’s best friend which was none other than Louis fucking Tomlinson.

Right from there his career went spiraling up because it was clear where he was meant to be. Front and center. His character was the best part of the entire movie and everyone who watched it agreed wholeheartedly. It seemed like the main talk was about Louis and how each scene he was in, you were in tears laughing, just _captivated_ by his energy.

Harry definitely was one of the many. That’s for sure.

So much to the point where he might have gone home after seeing it in theaters only to find the movie illegally and skip forward to a scene of Louis in a pool and jerk off. But that’s something he will never admit to out-loud.

 _Never_.

Really, Harry didn’t mind him until he went out of his way to make a fool of his song for his newest movie in 2016. It was played throughout the film in a lot of different scenes and in an interview he was asked what he thought about it because at the time a lot of people were enjoying it as well as saying it made the film all come together.

But Louis? What did _he_ say?

He shrugged and said he’s heard better. That he wanted Zayn Malik’s new brilliant song to be the theme but it wasn’t his decision to make, otherwise he would have gotten rid of Harry’s one in a heartbeat.

Harry was pissed to put it lightly. It was so fucking unnecessary for him to say something like that where thousands and thousands of people would hear it, especially when Harry was just starting his career and this was a huge deal to him.

He blocked him on Twitter the second he watched that as his little fanboy crush disintegrated into thin air.

But he can’t block his name from the trending pages and his curiosity clearly gets the best of him at times. He continues scrolling through the tweets and sees some paparazzi pictures that were taken outside of Louis’ mansion in Hollywood.

There are bundles of shots of Louis and Zayn. Louis' eyes are red rimmed and he looks like he’s frantically trying to get Zayn to listen to him as he gets into his car.

The significance of these pictures are because there have been some rumors that this movie star and singer have been together in the past. They’ve always said they are just super close friends and that they are inseparable making them appear like a couple at times. Much like Harry and Niall he thinks. But at the sight of these, it definitely seems like a more serious fight between the two. Something really personal.

Relationship personal.

This has to be the reason Louis snapped on Twitter very late last night. It makes sense.

He has been zoned out for a while so he hasn’t noticed that Niall’s been scrolling through his own phone silently beside him. He eyes him curiously, debating himself before he actually brings it up. Fuck it, he wants to hear what he thinks. He clears his throat, preparing himself. “You see all the Tomlinson stuff?”

It’s risky bringing his name up to Niall but he’s taking the chance now because this seriously is a big deal. It’s all over Twitter and probably everywhere else.

And as much as he doesn’t care for Louis, he can’t help but notice what people were saying about him coming out. People were really fucking asking him if he’s doing this for attention, saying he’s only coming out now because his last film did terrible which is beyond ridiculous.

Harry always gets angry with the media, with the _world_. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people? Don’t they realize that just because he’s a celebrity doesn’t mean he’s not a person with feelings?

This is exactly why he doesn’t like opening Twitter.

In this world you don’t know who’s going to accept you and who isn’t. Not that you should care what people think about something you cannot control and is a part of you, but it still doesn’t make it any less hard. Hearing people talk about something so personal about yourself in a demeaning way sucks.

It really fucking does.

But Harry luckily never had to go through any of that. He’s been out ever since the X Factor because he didn’t want to hide who he is. He didn’t want to have a career based on lies.

He doesn’t know Louis’ situation and what it took for him to hide himself for this long but he doesn’t blame him for snapping one day. He probably just couldn’t handle it anymore.

Niall nods keeping his eyes glued to his phone. “Yeah. It’s a shame. It has to be because of those pictures and the reaction to them or something. Whatever they were saying clearly pissed him off enough to finally come out,” he observes, frowning slightly. “I can’t imagine what he’s going to wake up to if he’s not up already. He looked pissed drunk out of his mind, probably doesn’t even remember doing it.”

From the little bits he has already seen, he’s really hoping that someone took his phone away. Harry would never be able to handle reading those things about himself.

He starts chewing on his bottom lip. That’s one of his many nervous habits. Why is he nervous though? This has absolutely nothing to do with him. “I can’t believe people still care about this shit,” he reflects.

People really need to keep their thoughts to themselves when it’s harmful towards others, especially when that person is doing absolutely nothing to affect them personally.

Niall hiccups before scratching at his head, keeping his fingers intertwined in his hair, twirling the strands. “I can’t believe that you’re still pretending you’re not obsessed with him.”

Harry snaps his head at him, clearly offended. This happens more than he would like to admit, Niall teasing him whenever he brings up Louis. That’s why he was hesitating in the beginning of this conversation. “I am not obsessed with him!”

He snickers. “You probably have a secret Louis Tomlinson fan account. You always know what is going on with him and—”

“He was _trending_!”

“Come on, Harry just admit you’re mad at him over something so childish,” Niall begins and just when Harry is going to defend himself he puts a hand up to stop him. “He’s always honest in interviews, also, you didn’t even write the song he didn’t like. There’s no reason to be annoyed with him. Especially after three years.”

Harry rolls his eyes, locking his phone and letting it fall on his lap. He crosses his hands across his chest and closes his eyes. “He was a dick and I didn’t appreciate it. He took my 19 year old heart and ripped it out of my chest, destroyed all my hopes and dreams.”

Niall cackles at this. He lives for Harry’s sarcastically overdramatic comments. “For thinking he’s such a dick, you sure do bring him up a lot.”

Shaking his head, he only scoffs. “Shut up, Niall.”

He will neither confirm nor deny that. Louis is just the topic of a lot of conversations around him, so yeah, maybe sometimes, just _sometimes_ , he will speak of him too, but that doesn’t mean he’s obsessed with him. Fucking Niall.

“Okay,” Niall complies. It’s quiet for just a beat before he talks again. “I have a song idea. Want to hear it?”

This happens a lot. Niall loves throwing the most ridiculous song ideas at him and each time, none of them ever makes sense. He just tries to sound creative with his proposals but they normally just end up giving Harry a headache.

“No.”

“So I think you should write about sunburn. Hear me out, it’s brilliant. You can make like a comparison to how a sunburn is just as painful as a broken heart and—”

“Niall?” Harry pinches the bridge of his nose as he interrupts him. It’s only eight in the morning and the Niall Horan headache is already forming.

He’s supposed to be on vacation, enjoying himself and the sun around him. The smell of the fresh air and water is supposed to be relaxing. Not headache inducing.

“Yeah?”

“Stop talking.”

“Okay.”

Harry tries to relax himself after that but it’s hard since the taunting thoughts of Louis Tomlinson won’t leave his mind. What did he do to deserve this? There’s absolutely no reason to continue thinking about him and all those tweets revolving around his coming out.

Stupid, stupid fucking thoughts.

_****_

**August 2018**

Harry is exhausted and the funny part of it is he didn’t even do anything last night. Well, nothing along the lines of partying or clubbing. No, instead he stayed up with Niall until four in the morning who wouldn’t stop drinking beer and whining about the fact he’s never going to find true love.

He did not want to deal with that. Not at all. Especially not when he had to get up at seven in the morning to see Helena, his assistant, for a meeting that she insisted was important. He begged her when he woke up to meet her at his house instead of hers because he did not want to leave the warmth of his own home and she hesitantly—but thankfully—agreed.

God bless her soul. And fuck Niall’s soul.

Okay, no. He doesn’t mean that. He’s just tired and cranky. And he can’t be mad at Niall for being upset about his ex-girlfriend. They’ve only been separated less than a month and she’s already being seen holding hands with another guy at the airport. Barbara, the supermodel he dated for about five months until she dumped him out of nowhere.

So that’s why he’s exhausted when he buzzes Helena in as soon as she arrives—right on time like usual—padding over to his kitchen table and falling over it. She lets herself in and when she gets to where Harry is located he hears a laugh. “Poor thing.”

“Poor Harry,” he agrees, picking his head up to look at her through lidded eyes. “Why did this have to be done so damn early?”

She helps herself to a sparkling water from his refrigerator before turning back to him and joining him at the table. “Because I have been talking to certain people and we need to get things rolling.”

This catches his attention because people could be meaning anyone. He likes hearing her ideas when it comes to his career. She’s an extremely smart woman and always knows what is best for him.

Helena and Harry work together a lot with his manager, Jordan. She’s the one who really gets things to happen but Helena is someone who is mostly there for Harry’s emotional support and wellbeing. She’s a huge help in his life, and sometimes has better ideas than him.

“Do tell,” he encourages, folding his hands together over the table, anticipating her response.

She smiles at Harry weakly and oh boy. He knows that smile. It’s the smile of nerves which means he might not like this convention. “It’s a long story about how this idea came to be... but basically, I’m friends with a lot of people which you are aware of. Some of them work for other celebrities as well. And as you might know, you’ve got a very busy few months ahead of you that are going to be hopefully really big for your career.”

Well that’s the plan at least. He’s still finishing up his album but it’s getting really close. He’s got his new single all ready, filmed a music video for it and everything. That should come out in November because he wants his album released sometime in February. Hopefully Valentine’s Day.

He’s already taken his time on this album so there’s no problem with not rushing to get it out, even if it’s basically done. He wants to do everything at his own pace.

All he really has left is photoshoots and promo. That’s something he doesn’t mind waiting on.

But anyhow, he doesn’t know where she’s going with this. “Okay...” he mumbles quietly, curiosity getting the best of him now. “Go on.”

Helena laughs lightly, eyes brightening already. This doesn’t seem good. “It’ll be a way for people to start paying even more attention to you because of who you are involved with.”

It’s worded... strange. Harry doesn’t like the way she’s going about this because he’s pretty sure he knows what she’s trying to reference. “Helena... you know I said I never wanted anything to do with fake scandals,” he reminds her and she rolls her eyes.

He doesn’t want some rumor about him sparked over night. That’s one of the last ways he would like to have attention brought to him.

“Of course I know that,” she insists. She leans forward in her seat before continuing. “It’s nothing that’s going to make you look bad. Really, it’ll be easy peasy. But this all still brings me to my next point which is Louis Tomlinson.”

Harry perks up at the sound of that name. Which... why is he perking up? Weird. “What about him?” He asks, trying to not sound so eager to hear her response.

These past couple months have been brutal for him it seems. He’s been on the low ever since he came out. He didn’t even go to his _own_ movie premiere. The movie failed miserably and to have that happen to someone so successful like him after what he just exposed to the world couldn’t have been a good feeling.

Not that he cares, no. He doesn’t.

People weren’t so thrilled about this entire Louis Tomlinson being gay news. Which he can proudly say fuck everyone. Even if he doesn’t like Louis he thinks it’s a shame that the media has been reacting the way they have.

Helena clears her throat. Here comes the big pitch. “I’ve never mentioned it to you since I have no reason to but I’ve been close friends with Louis’ manager for years now. And he’s been telling me all about everything going on with Louis’ life and how much of a tragic mess it is, how all his auditions are failures, that he’s sort of stopped caring about what the public eye thinks of him, etcetera,” she tells him and Harry hums.

He thinks back to all the pap pictures he’s seen of Louis ever since he came out. He did look miserable. It appeared as if he was lacking sleep and he was undoubtedly losing weight. It all seemed to really affect him in an unhealthy way and he has to admit it’s a bit unsettling to see.

It was evident those three tweets harmed him when they were supposed to free him in the long run.

He looks up to Helena as she continues. “Because of this, as far as it goes for his career, he kind of already gave up on that as well. He thinks that everyone is happy to see him so miserable and unsuccessful. It’s just... he asked me for a big favor since he knows I’m involved with you. And I really like Louis’ manager and honestly, this would be really beneficial towards _both_ your careers...”

The look across her face is concerning and abruptly he finds himself widening his eyes as it hits him. When he glances back up to Helena her smile is bright and excited. “No. I’m not fucking dating Louis Tomlinson for PR.”

Is Helena insane? That would be setting up everything in his life for disaster. It’d also mean holding his hand in public, possibly kissing him and... oh God. Yeah, he can’t allow that to happen. Not when he doesn’t like the fucking actor, let alone.

He’s never even met him in person. This is a ridiculous idea.

“What’s the problem?” She asks, suddenly curious, taking in his panicked state. “You both need the exposure. It would be extremely favorable for your album and when people see Louis in a happy relationship, things will start to look positive for him again. Hopefully, I mean. Then he might feel comfortable in his own skin again and his auditions will come easier. Does that make sense? Jordan is all for it.”

Of course she already mentioned it to Jordan. They always fucking team up against Harry and try to presuade him into certain things.

He frowns slouching back in his seat and before Helena can get another word in Niall is barging in the kitchen.

“Morning. The freakshow has arrived,” he greets, widening his arms wearing only a robe.

Time for his daily Niall headache.

“Did you just refer to yourself as the freakshow?” Harry asks bewildered and well, if anyone would call themselves that it would be him.

Helena narrows her eyes at him. “Niall, we are in a meeting,” she says, trying to sound serious but everyone here knows that she really isn’t.

“Boring,” he sings, plopping down next to Harry. “About what? What’d Harry do now?” They both know that he didn’t do anything. He never does anything.

He wraps his arm around Niall’s shoulders. He’s not looking forward to his reaction but he knows he has to tell him anyways. “She’s trying to get me to fake date Louis Tomlinson out of pity for his current failing career,” he accuses.

Niall’s body spazzes at that, pulling away from Harry and jumping up with wide eyes. “Oh my God. That’s brilliant! You agreed to it, right? Please tell me you agreed! I’ve always wanted to meet him!”

This is information he didn’t know about. He awkwardly clears his throat. “You have?”

“Duh. _Rock Solid_ is one of my favorite movies of all fucking time, you know that?” He seems surprised that Harry is wondering why he wants to meet him. It was a rather stupid question. “Plus, I know how you feel about him. You probably came in your pants when—”

“Shut up, Niall!” He yells in a panic because what?! Jesus Christ, Niall is so annoying. He turns back to Helena seriously trying to pretend he didn’t just say that. “This is honestly more for your benefit than mine, isn’t it? Because you're friends with Louis’ manager and you don’t want to let him down.”

Niall chuckles to himself before smacking Harry in the back of the head as he heads to the cabinets. He gives him a glare that he doesn’t even see as Helena answers Harry.

“I mean, yes and no. Theo called me and he seemed really desperate. He’d really appreciate it because Louis has been so off lately and he thinks this would be a good idea. And you know it’s true that your album would get more listens if you were involved with someone like Louis, don’t even deny that.”

He crosses his arms nervously and leans back. He understands that people who are a fan of him would become curious about Harry’s music. His name would be in the media way more than ever. It’d be nice, yeah, if this album got real recognition. He did work hard on it.

He gulps. “What’d Louis say about this?”

This is where Helena’s face falters and oh. It’s pretty obvious that he wouldn’t be welcoming to the idea just with the expression she wears. “Theo is talking to him now as well. He said he might be stubborn about it but he’ll come around. He knows it’s what is in his best interests. I’ll be on a call with him soon after this conversation to tell him you agreed.”

“But I didn’t—”

“Yes you did,” Niall cuts in, turning around while holding a box of cereal. Coco Puffs. His favorite. “This is me agreeing for Harry. He’s all in.” He then faces Harry frantically, pumping up a fist. “You’ll finally be able to live out your fantasy.”

He might seriously kill him. He turns to Helena hoping she can help him. She knows of his annoyance toward Louis after that one interview but he never really mentions his name to her. Only Niall. Which was obviously a big mistake. “If I agree to this can we fire Niall from my life?”

She laughs and reaches over to grab his hand. “Ignore him. Think of you. No one would force you into this but consider that even though you don’t really like him now, he is going through a hard time. You’re a good guy, Harry, and Theo is really convinced that this will help him through it—to have someone—even if it’s not real. Just someone to be by his side at certain events and whatever else it may be. You know? Also, your album... it deserves to be listened to by as many people we can get interested in.”

For some reason this makes his entire face heat up. Silence fills the air as he considers this... all of it. Maybe Louis really does need someone by his side through all this, fake or not. If the media thinks he’s got a supportive boyfriend then maybe they will back off and let them succeed together.

He’s just trying to put himself in Louis’ shoes right now. It’s probably hard for him to push through this alone and yes, he might have his manager Theo who seems to be supportive, but it’s clearly not enough.

But if for whatever reason it does help Louis get back on his feet in his career and it also helps Harry’s album succeed more than normal? It shouldn’t be too hard to do this. He doesn’t think, at least.

“How long?” Harry breaks the quiet air to bring his attention back to Helena.

“We’ve yet to discuss it but we were thinking ten months. Louis has another audition for a movie he really wants next month and filming is supposed to start soon after that. It’s a drama starring a gay man so it is really important to him to get this one. He thinks he already has a good shot considering everything and it’d be a huge step in his career. And if he has a boyfriend during all of it, that will be a nice bonus.”

“Ten months?” Harry shrieks, eyes expanding even more. Oh God. That’s a long fucking time to be around Louis fucking Tomlinson.

Niall snorts. He’s leaned up against the counter just watching their interaction, way too much amusement on his face for Harry’s liking. “Relax, H, it’s not like you’re going to have to spend every breathing minute with the guy.”

He shoots him a scowl as he once again starts considering. A drama film starring a gay man. That’s huge for him. Really, a huge change and a step in what Harry truly believes is the right direction.

His comedies are really well done and he’s always been good at making people laugh. Some of the films had the serious bits and it is easy to see that Louis could prosper there as well—in the more intense scenes—so a movie solely as a drama genre would be different. It’d showcase more of his acting abilities.

He’s also thinking about the people around the world that this movie might help them through something they are personally dealing with. Seeing someone like Louis who could relate to the character he’s playing and bring them to life in a really personal way. Would Harry fake dating him really help him get this role?

It’s possible. The industry is weird.

“Filming would be from October to December which is when you’ll be doing the finishing touches for the album and your single will be released,” she explains, her shoulders rolling back. “Then his movie will premiere and you obviously can’t break up directly after that to spark the PR rumors that are bound to happen—sort of confirming it was fake. We’ll figure it out more after everything is agreed today, probably meet up with them next week.”

He closes his eyes. He’s doing this to be a good guy. He _can_ be the better person. Maybe it’s time to get over what Louis said about his song years ago. Like Niall said, he technically didn’t even write it. He just sang it.

But mostly he’s doing it for himself. Yeah, of course. That’s it. Not to be helping Louis out, no. He’s doing it for his album. He’ll use Louis’ name if he has to. Whatever.

He’s mad that he’s been convinced but what can you do? It’s his career after all.

Eventually he looks back at Helena while nodding. Holy fuck, he’s actually agreeing to this. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

Well. There’s that.

Niall opens his mouth to talk and a lot of Coco Puffs fall from it. Fucking gross. Jesus this boy has no common decency. “And just like that Harry’s wish was granted! Someone start playing that magical Disney music where dreams come true!”

His cheeks pinken as he flips Niall off and Helena bursts into laughter. “Thank you, Harry. I’ll call Theo. This is going to be really good for your career, and as screwed up as it sounds, it’s true,” she says excitedly, standing up and giving him one last look. “Your name is going to be in headlines a lot more than normal and some rumors might be spread that you don’t want. I just want to make sure you’re aware of this.”

She’s always looking out for him and honestly he didn’t think about that part yet. He’s too busy thinking about the fact he’s going to be fucking dating—fake dating—Louis Tomlinson. He didn’t think about what comes along with that pact.

He’s done a pretty good job when it comes to not getting himself involved in any scandals. Whenever his name is in headlines it’s normally for a bold fashion choice he made. Nothing personal.

He can’t turn this opportunity down. He wants a successful career too even if it means that. “It’s fine. I’m in.” Helena smiles and gives him a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder before leaving. He’s left with suddenly a judgemental Niall standing in his same spot. “What? What’s your problem?” He snaps because that’s the look he gives.

The look he gives when he has something to say that may or may not fuck with Harry’s mind.

He shrugs, putting the cereal back before walking over to him. “Just be careful with all this, alright? I know how you are.”

“How I am?” He asks, furrowing his eyebrows at him.

He sighs defeatedly, letting his hand fall on his shoulder this time instead of Helena. “Even if it’s fake you’re most likely going to become wonky in the head. Just think back to Gabriel, you couldn’t stop thinking—”

“Alright, that’s enough,” he rushes, not wanting to hear anything more. He knows where he’s going with all of this. He’s been confronted by Niall about his past relationship more than enough. “Also, where the fuck is this coming from? You’re the one who encouraged this. And besides, it’s all going to be fake so it’s not like I can develop feelings from just pretending.”

There’s no way he’d like the person Louis is. Is he attractive? Of course. But the person he’s seen him exhibit in interviews and such? Not attractive. That’s the main thing Harry looks for in a person as well which Louis already lacks.

Falling for him won’t be a problem. He does appreciate Niall’s sudden concern though.

There’s one last worried look from Niall before he nonchalantly shrugs and takes a step back. “Can we chill in the hot tub? And don’t let me go on my phone today otherwise I will look up more pap pictures of Barbara and that old geezer.”

God bless Niall and his sudden subject changes.

Harry ends up snorting because the guy she was with was seven years older than her and that doesn’t sit right with Niall at all. He did a full on background check on this guy last night in his drunken state and almost threatened to call the cops on him. For what? Harry doesn’t know.

“Sure,” he says and just as he does Niall drops his robe and Harry gets a full view of his cock. He slams his hands over his eyes overdramatically. “My poor eyes have never seen such a small dick! It burns!” He teases and Niall just cackles.

“I love it when you lie to me. My cock is almost touching the floor.”

Harry laughs as he uncovers his eyes and they make their way to his hot tub. “Well that’s not saying much because you’re already pretty short.”

“Hey!” Niall lectures and spins around to smack Harry’s chest. His laugh continues for a little as they’re walking but then the smile slowly fades off his face as he realizes what he just agreed to.

Like actually realizes it. Processes it.

He’s going to be involved in a PR relationship. A fake relationship to get his name across more social media platforms. It’s kind of fucked up, isn’t it? They’re both using each other for their own selfish reasons.

He really hopes this won’t be entirely unenjoyable. But he can’t see it being anything but unenjoyable if he’s going to be honest.

Fuck. This is going to be a nightmare. What the hell did he just agree to?


	2. two

“Can you please ask him to recite the ‘It's not a man purse, it's called a satchel’ line? Pretty please, H? And film it for me? I am begging you to do this one thing for me. I don’t ask for much.” 

Harry lets his head slam onto the table in front of him because if he has to hear Niall bring up Louis one more time he might actually have a stroke. Ever since he agreed to this relationship stunt last week it’s the _only_ thing he wants to talk about while Harry is trying to avoid it at all costs.

He even tried to get Harry to have a Louis Tomlinson movie marathon with him but he refused. Why the hell would he want to do that? He’s going to see enough of him during these next ten months. 

_Ten_. _Months_.

Yeah, that’s something he hasn’t fully processed. This seems like a huge joke to him even though he’s not laughing. It all feels unrealistic to him and well—it _is_ , quite frankly—it’s absolutely not real. At all. It’s just going to be one stupendous lie to the world for their own benefit. 

This is all so wrong.

“Um, Harry?” He snaps his head up when he hears a more gentle voice that doesn’t belong to Niall. There’s a teenage girl standing there who is coming across as shy, holding her phone tight in her hands. “Hi, can I get a picture with you?” 

This happens to him frequently when he’s in public but he can only imagine it’s going to get much worse once he’s linked with Louis. He can’t really complain because in the gist of things it really is just a picture. It takes one second to take and it could make someone really happy.

His scowl wipes off his face quickly and is replaced with a smile. “Sure thing.” 

This seems to lighten her mood as she comes closer, pressing her face against Harry’s as she takes the selfie of them. She then starts to thank him for his debut album and mentions how excited she is for the next one, saying the normal things a fan would basically. He’s heard it all before.

He simply thanks her back and says he’ll hurry to get it out which is sort of a lie but not really. February isn’t too far and November is even closer. They’ll at least get one song in that much which can hopefully hold some people over.

Her conversation is short and sweet but Harry appreciates these ones the most. He holds them close to his heart because he understands how it feels to have a certain artist’s music mean so much to you. Knowing that he has that impact on some people is life changing. 

It’s just not as personal yet since that album he didn’t technically make himself. This second one? When this one comes out and if people are really moved by it? _That_ will mean the absolute fucking world to him. It’d be an entirely different feeling when these people would come up to him to thank him. 

When she leaves the scowl returns and he directs it straight back to Niall who deserves it. “Will you please stop? You’re definitely going to end up meeting him so why would I ask him to do it when you’ll be able to eventually?” He picks his fork up and stabs at his salad aggressively because he’s angry. 

He’s angry because he’s meeting Louis in two days. He’s not ready for this change in his life at all. Will he even be able to pull it off? How does Louis feel about this? Does he know anything about Harry besides that one song he made for the movie years ago? He has a lot of questions and concerns.

“Fine,” Niall gives in before taking a bite from his sandwich. He shrugs. “Maybe he’s not that bad in person... like when you authentically know him, _maybe_?” 

One day Niall will learn to talk without his mouth full of food. Today is not that day. 

Harry ends up shaking his head and taking a sip from his water. “I’d doubt it. Besides, I don’t think we’ll have to spend too much time alone at least. We’ll be surrounded by others a lot. That should make this entire thing easier.” 

At least that’s what he’s been telling himself lately. He’s guessing that besides their outings they will be with their team for the most part. Plus, Louis is going to be filming a majority of the time, long hours on set for at least five days a week. They’ll always be able to escape each other if they need it. Their main goal is just going to be to let the media see them together and maybe some bystanders whenever possible. 

It shouldn’t be that bad. Hopefully.

Niall’s shoulders drop in defeat as he stares at Harry. “Come on. Aren’t you a _little_ excited to meet him in person? There’s no way you aren’t.”

He can’t really say he is. Is he interested to see how he differs from on camera? Maybe. He looks really good on film and pictures so he wonders if that transfers to real life. Well, really, there’s no way it doesn’t. He is a very attractive person, no doubt about that. No denying it.

Also his personality. He’s curious to see how that is because he’s described as a feisty but funny boy. That seems accurate enough from what he shows in interviews and such. Although, all Harry sees is a spoiled, rude prat who is just trying too hard to get laughs out of the people around him. He’ll just have to wait and see for himself, soon enough.

“I’m not. But I understand that you might be. Tell me again, Niall, do you want to meet him? I couldn’t tell if you do or not,” he teases, putting his chin in his palm while fluttering his eyelashes at him. 

Niall rolls his eyes and gives him the middle finger. “The man is fucking _funny_. I love to laugh and if he’s going to be capable of doing that? Then yes, I want to meet him. He’s definitely funnier than you.” 

This is going to be a long ten months.

“Maybe he can take you off my hands then,” he teases while taking the last bite of his salad. 

They decided to eat outside at one of the L.A. cafes since it’s such a beautiful day and Niall claims it’s their last days of fifty percent freedom. A strange way to put it but Harry thinks he understands. 

It’s going to get crazier for him after this but that’s fine. It’s something that comes along with this job and he’s always known that. Everyone is aware of it.

Which for whatever reason reminds Harry that he needs to call his mum who is back home in London. If she finds out from a media source that Harry is dating someone like Louis she’d be angry not hearing it directly from him. 

And that leads him to his next point. Maybe this is a bad idea, but he’s not going to tell his family that it’s a fake relationship. He doesn’t want them thinking he’s changed and is only doing this for his own sake. It really doesn’t sound like him to agree to something like this.

He’s made his mind up that he isn’t just doing it for himself... he is also doing it for Louis. It’s supposed to be a win-win situation. They don’t need to know the actual details because it wouldn’t harm them. It’s going to be an easy thing to lie about.

Not that he condones lying to his mum. Never. This situation is just a bit out of the ordinary and it makes more sense to do so.

“I hope he does!” Niall exclaims, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms along his chest. He’s wearing a white tank that is really showing off his chest hair. He’s been really proud of his growth in that area of his body. “You’re such a child.” 

Harry doesn’t feel like responding so he just reacts by kicking his leg under the table. 

“Ow! You fucking cunt! You’re a cunt child!” 

And with that he lets his head fall back onto the table. A bit harder than the last time just because. 

The rest of their afternoon goes by fairly quickly. They spend it browsing around some stores and getting Niall a new guitar. He insisted that he really needed one even though Harry knows he didn’t. He just wanted to buy it for fun. Nothing wrong with that. 

Niall then had him accompany him to buy new shirts. He explained that he’s got nothing to wear for when he meets Louis which... okay? Why would he need a new outfit to meet him when he doesn’t even know when that’s happening? 

Anyways, Niall just really wanted Harry by his side for his mini shopping spree because he thrives when it comes to picking out clothes. 

That’s something he’s always enjoyed. Fashion. He’s had this fixation for the different style and trends ever since he was young, always branching out with his own pieces. He’s pretty knowledgeable on the topic since he took the time to learn about it when he was back home, a preteen with nothing better to do at the time.

Fashion is all about being able to express yourself in a way that’s almost freeing in his own mind. The colors, textures, shapes, the reasoning behind why people chose a certain piece is all fascinating. It’s so much more than someone just simply like a certain outfit, it can also tell so much about a person and their personality. 

He feels it within himself a lot of the time too. Picking out something to wear is a form of self care to Harry. It always has been. He finds it a bit entertaining because naturally at times he’s a quiet person but he likes to think his clothes show that he isn’t afraid to be bold. It gives him a chance to feel good in his own skin and express himself without really using words. Ever since he was a child he would mess around with clothes, jewelry, and shoes. 

So yeah, Niall likes to say that Harry helps him feel confident with his choices for him. He loves to embrace whatever Harry will pick out for him.

After that Harry drove back home with the hood of his car down enjoying the harsh, cool breeze hitting his face. There’s nothing better than feeling the wind through your hair while playing your favorite music. He could never get sick of it.

He’d be content driving for days straight doing just this. All you need is fresh air and good songs to help lift your mood. Really.

When he gets back to his house he grabs himself a water before heading out to his balcony. He has a nice view of the city from where he’s located and he finds himself out there a lot of his time. 

He gets his phone from his pocket and dials his mum's number. May as well get this over with now. Whatever this is. 

“Hi honey,” she answers almost right away in her sweet voice. “How are you?” 

Harry kicks his bare feet up in front of him on the small table. “I’m doing okay, mum. What about you?”

“Oh, you know. Just enjoying the company of Evie.” 

He chuckles to himself imagining the sight. He can just picture that old cat sleeping on her lap because that’s all she does. They’ve had that cat since Harry was about ten years old and she’s still going strong. 

He misses her. He misses _home_. He really does. It sucks being all the way across the world from them but what can you do? Life comes at you fast sometimes. 

“Hiii Evieee,” he greets teasingly into the phone making her laugh. 

“She says hi back even in her sleep,” she jokes and the smile stays lingering on Harry’s face. It always lasts the entire time he talks with his mum. “What’s the update?” 

He hums to himself. Everytime he calls her there’s normally something he’s anxious to tell her so this is normal for her to ask this. 

He starts chewing his lip nervously. He should have thought this through a little better before calling maybe. “Um. I just... I’m sort of seeing someone? And I figured I’d call you before we have a date together where the paps might catch us.”

“Really?” She questions, sounding thrilled. Harry rolls his eyes, embarrassed and basically ashamed all at once. “Oh, that’s great, sweetheart. Who is it?” 

Harry scratches the back of his neck. “Erm, you know Louis Tomlinson, right?” 

The line is silent for just a moment as she thinks through the question. “From all those comedy films?”

“Yes. That Louis,” he confirms, crossing his ankles together. “We’ve been talking lately and we’re going to officially go out sometime next week.” 

The lie is coming off way too easily. It's almost shameful. Whatever. He’s not _fully_ lying, he supposes, just not fully telling the truth. Same difference?

“Ooh,” she proceeds. “He’s a cutie. Is he just as funny in person as he is in that one movie with Danielle Campbell? The one you really liked when you were younger? I love that one.” 

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Even _funnier_.” 

He doesn’t sound that convincing but thankfully his mum doesn’t notice. She laughs lightly through the line. 

“That’s good, Harry baby. I’m glad you’re finally seeing someone after what happened with Gabriel. Just be careful with this Louis, right? I’m sure it’s not going to be easy with all these people watching your relationship play out.” 

“Mum,” he whines. He’s only whining because she’s worrying for no reason and he feels guilty about it. “I know this.” 

He understands that she’s always looking out for him and he shouldn’t blame her for that. She’s his mum after all. That’s their job.

She lets out a gentle sigh. “I know you do but I still have to remind you. I’m genuinely happy for you. It’s about time you started dating again.” 

“ _Mum_ ,” he repeats, cheeks flushing. It just makes her laugh because she loves to embarrass him almost as much as his sister Gemma does. 

It doesn’t help with the fact it’s incredibly easy to make his face pinken. You could say anything remotely humiliating to him and he will burn up. That’s something he’s unfortunately always dealt with growing up and still to this day. 

They talk on the phone for another ten minutes about how things are back home, just the small updates they will give to each other every call. Harry cherishes these because he doesn’t want to be left out on anything.

It’s nice to hear about everything even if he isn’t there to experience it. 

When it ends Harry lets his eyes shut as he leans his head back against his chair. Now that part is over, the only thing he has to worry about the new two days is preparing himself to meet Louis officially and see what happens from there.

Harry’s life is a running joke right now. Maybe this is a new plot in one of Louis’ comedy movies. His declining saneness which is all Louis’ doing. 

How fun.

_****_

“Will you relax?” Helena asks, reaching over to stop Harry’s bouncing leg. 

Which no. He cannot.

They’re currently seated in the meeting room because today is the day. He’s meeting face to face with none other than Louis Tomlinson, his soon to be fake boyfriend.

There are a few people in this room, some are a part of Harry’s team, Jordan and his publicist. Then there are the ones on Louis’ team. Louis and his manager, Theo, are twenty minutes late by now. He wonders if he’s trying to back out of this already.

He doesn’t think he wants to do this anymore. He’s officially confirmed this is a horrible idea and he was an utter idiot for even _thinking_ about going through with this. He just decided this way too fucking late. Lucky him.

“Should I back out?” He finds himself asking, turning to Helena who has wide eyes at his sudden outburst. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

She laughs breathlessly, reaching over to pinch his cheeks and come _on_ , Helena, Harry is a 21 year old man. He’s not 18 anymore. “You’re just fretting yourself out because we’re here. Stop worrying.” 

He scoffs at that suggestion. “That’s like telling Niall to never talk again,” he mutters and just when he’s really considering standing up and leaving, the door opens. 

It’s already embarrassing the way his head snaps around to look over his shoulder at them but can you blame him? He already knows who’s walking in before he sees them.

Okay, and look—he is _not_ excited to see Louis for the fact it’s him—let’s get that part clear. He’s happy he’s finally _here_ after making them wait so fucking long. 

The first person through the door is Theo who is a middle aged man with very nice hair. Wow. He’s never seen such blonde curly hair in his life, it’s giving Harry a run for his money, that’s for sure.

“Really sorry to keep everyone waiting,” he says through gritted teeth, glaring behind him at the body who still hasn’t come through the door. He can’t see if he mouths something to Louis or not but whatever he just did is enough to get Louis to come in. 

And okay. He expected seeing him in person would be a hundred times better (if possible, Louis looks _really_ good on camera) but not this extreme.

Right away Harry casts his eyes up and down and feels a pang of compassion go through him because Louis seems to be miserably exhausted and clearly wants to be anywhere but here. 

He’s got a petite figure covered by a large grey sweatshirt with the hood up over his head, covering most of his hair. His cheeks are hollow, eyes are drooping, lips raw and chapped like he hasn’t stopped nervously biting them all morning. Harry can relate to that.

Either way he’s gorgeous. Honestly. He’ll admit that much. And he looks absolutely fucking lovely in every aspect. The cameras do him absolutely no justice, even if it seems as if he's had a rough morning.

Helena stands up to give Theo a large hug. “It’s been so long! You really need to stop being unreachable when it comes to in person meetings. Phone calls aren’t cutting it anymore.” 

Theo bursts into laughter. “Sorry but you know I’ve got a child to babysit at all times,” he jokes while referring to Louis who doesn’t find it humorous. 

He scowls, glaring at him. “Fuck off, Theo,” he snaps and his voice in person is sweet and fragile, almost. Similar to what he’s heard on videos but just a bit more different. It’s softer. Everything is different in person, even better. 

And what the fuck? Stop thinking, Harry. _Please_.

Louis walks over to the end of the table, pushing his hood off his head once he sits across from him, giving a view of his chestnut hair as he fixes it. He can’t stop watching the movements as his fingers fiddle around with the strands.

His hair resembles what reminds him of autumn. Warm golden hues peaking through, swept across his forehead. It’s rather feathery and looks like it’d be soft, almost to the point that he wants to run his own fingers through it just to find out how it feels. 

Which... what?

Helena waves toward Harry and Jordan. “That’s obviously Harry, and then we have his manager, Jordan seated on the other side of me.” 

Harry takes his eyes off Louis as he stands up to shake Theo’s hand with a smile. “Nice meeting you,” he greets, sitting back down when Theo then reaches over to take Jordan’s hand.

“I’m really glad today worked well for everyone,” Jordan comments before running a hand through her long black hair. “This was a good idea meeting in a hotel room.”

The three of them talk for another minute and Harry sort of zones out. He really tries to not glance in Louis’ direction again but he does anyway. When he takes in the sight of him he’s just staring blankly at the table in front of him. He’s patently in a mood and Harry’s guessing it has to do with this entire set up. He can’t blame him. 

Louis’ head eventually picks up and he’s finally looking back at Harry. He is promptly drawn to the color of his eyes specifically, an icy blueness that looks as if a storm is forming behind them, a cloud of grey overtaking the light blue of the sky. His long eyelashes that are hovering over his pretty eyes flutter as he blinks unabashedly at him. They accentuate him so flawlessly.

Is it possible to swim in the color of someone’s eyes? Because Harry realizes he wants to swim in Louis’ eyes. He wouldn’t care to get lost and drown in them for as long as... 

Wait, _what?!_ Slow down, Harry, Jesus. 

He doesn’t even _like_ him. Nope. He can’t forget about that interview regardless of how unreal he is in person. He’s a dick. 

With really pretty eyes.

“Alright, so, let’s make this quick. There’s not too much to discuss besides what our plan is. Then some papers to sign and we can be on with our days. Capiche?” 

Louis brings his stare away from Harry by throwing his hands over his face with a dramatic groan and slumping back in his seat. “You are going to kill me.” 

Theo smiles proudly at whatever made Louis say that.

“ _Capiche_ , Louis?” Apparently he doesn’t like the use of the word capiche. He flips Theo off making him laugh as he gathers some papers together. “Right, so, the estimated timeframe is ten months. It works best with both of your schedules if everything goes as planned for Louis that is. We’ll tell you guys when to go to certain events, dates, where to be pictured together. I know you both aren’t too keen on social media, but that’ll have to change just a little. A picture here and there that will lead your fans to speculations that you two might actually be together while going about it subtly. Does that make sense?” 

“Sounds stupid,” Louis responds immediately and this time Theo flips him off without even looking at him. 

Harry just nods for his answer and Theo gladly continues on. “Also, you guys will have to be careful about the people you see in public after the official statement is released from both your publicists since we don’t want any cheating predicaments. Those are too messy. And any personal information between the two of you is disclosed. You can’t be sharing anything with anyone—and I really mean _anyone—_ about your lives that aren’t allowed out in the media world. Getting that out of the way, we’re going to start it off like it’s casual until Louis successfully gets his new role. Then weeks later we will make it official. Really, it’s just us telling you two what to do at certain times. If you both listen...” he starts before eyeing Louis sternly. “Then things are going to go smoothly. There’s nothing too much to discuss here but we just wanted to make sure everyone is aware of how this is going to work for the most part. Everything is in these papers. All okay?” 

It doesn’t really seem all that bad. Right? 

Helena reaches over to grab the papers from the table to sign. “Let’s get this started. Happy Anniversary to Harry and Louis,” she jokes and Harry gives a weak and embarrassed smile.

He’s too nervous to check for Louis’ reaction so he patiently stares at the paper waiting for his turn to sign. Once he gets a hold of it and does so, he pushes it over to Jordan and then decides to make eye contact with him again. 

And... why is he looking at Harry like that? He’s got this flare in his eyes that could be possibly mistaken for firing mental bullets at him. What the hell? Harry should be giving _him_ those eyes. Not the other way around. He hasn’t done anything to Louis. It’s obvious already who the bigger person is here. 

Jordan does her job of signing before sliding it over to Louis.

He accepts the paper and scribbles his name across it before shoving it toward Theo aggressively. He then smirks as he folds his small hands across the table still staring at Harry. “Why is it you’ve got me blocked on Twitter?”

Fucking hell. _Shit_. He totally forgot about unblocking him. Could this be more humiliating? How can he even explain that without sounding like a child? Maybe Niall was right about this after all. For once in his life. 

He tries clearing his throat casually. “Um. I don’t remember doing that.” Smooth, Harry. Real smooth.

Louis narrows his eyes at him and apparently he’s got no problem with confrontation. “Are you sure it’s not because I made some comment about your shitty song that was in _Good Boys_?”

So he does remember. It’s not a surprise that he does but he still didn’t expect him to bring it up. Harry wasn’t going to but now that he did...

“You mean my shitty song that was in your shitty movie? To me it was quite fitting,” he says back boldly and yeah, Harry can have a tongue when he needs to.

He definitely has this side of him but he has better control of it. He’ll let it out when he thinks that person deserves it and he truly thinks Louis deserves it in this moment. Nothing wrong with that. 

Louis seems surprised because it probably doesn’t seem like he’d come back with something. It only lasts a moment though as he spits back. “Aw. At least you watched it. I can’t say the same about your music.” 

Harry’s jaw clenches almost instantly. Fucking bastard. 

“Louis,” Theo starts while giving him a warning glance. It’s not returned because Louis and Harry are too busy giving each other scowls. “Don’t start.” 

Louis shrugs. “He started it by having me blocked. I’m innocent,” he explains, leaning back with a big smile plastered on his face, throwing his hands up in defense. He faces Harry once again. “People are entitled to their own opinions. You don’t see me blocking every person that says something negative about _my_ career.” 

He apparently has no limits and isn’t afraid of confrontation. If he wants to overreact about this then Harry can simply return the favor. He doesn’t want him thinking he can get away with talking to him anyway he pleases. 

See, Harry is normally a pretty decent guy. Even when someone is being an utter prick to him he can still pull himself together and fake a smile. But for Louis he doesn’t want to do that. He has had things go his way for his entire life it seems and although he might be going through a harder time now, he doesn’t want to let his behavior be excused. 

Louis coming out seems to be a slap of reality a bit. He feels horribly for thinking something like this, something so serious and personal, but it’s still true. He hasn’t received this type of treatment, nothing nearly this bad. 

Sure, people have hated on him for countless things but who knows if any of the stuff they hated him for was even real? This, Louis being gay, _that’s_ real. That’s why this is so much harder. 

Does Harry feel a little bit of sympathy for him? Yes. But is he going to let him behave this way toward other people, especially him? No. 

Harry licks his lips slowly, copying his movement by leaning back. “Well that’s because there’s way too many people saying negative shit about you. I don’t blame you for not blocking them, it would take you _forever_ ,” he states simply before letting a smile come on his face as Louis’ scowl comes on his own. He then falls back, pleased as he got the reaction he wanted. 

“Harry,” Helena mumbles beside him just like Theo did for Louis. She’s seen this side of Harry a couple times and each time she hates it. 

Maybe that was a low and unnecessary blow. But it’s done now. He can’t take it back.

Genuinely, Louis might be shooting fire bullets at him. Like, for real this time. He thinks he can almost feel the heat radiating off the boy, directing it all toward Harry. He might have lit him on fire with his mind. He wouldn’t even be surprised with how those words seem to have upset him. 

Louis continues staring for a while and everyone remains quiet. The air is very intense right now and Harry is sort of proud of himself for doing that even though technically he shouldn’t be.

Soon enough Louis swirls toward Theo. “I’m calling it off. I’m not going to pretend to fucking like this curly haired cunt.” 

Curly haired cunt? That’s a new one. It sounds like something Niall would call him. If he liked Louis he probably would have laughed but he doesn’t like him so... he keeps the blank expression on his face. 

It’s enough to make Theo snort but he quickly replaces it with a serious look. Professional—well, at least he’s _trying_ to be professional—and he’s doing a fine job at that. “You already signed the papers. Sorry.” He’s not sorry in the slightest, he instead looks pleased.

“Well rip them up,” he insists, standing up and trying to grab them but Theo hides them away. “Theo—“

“Not happening. What’s done is done.” 

Louis gives him a lasting cold glare before pushing back his chair far and hard enough to hit against the wall behind him, making everyone else flinch. He proceeds to exit the room without another word not even sparing Harry another glance.

Okay, what he said wasn’t _that_ bad. It wasn’t. It was bad but nothing to be so dramatic about. Seriously, what a fucking diva. Is that honestly what Harry is going to have to deal with for the next ten months and...

Oh God. That’s ten months doing shit with Louis and pretending to actually like him. Shit, maybe even look in love with him at certain dates. 

“Well this will be fun,” Helena says to break the silence, making Theo laugh relatively hard. Harry’s too busy to make any noise because he’s internally panicking still.

Because what if they give it away that their relationship isn’t real? That could be messy for the both of them if people start having that assumption. It would especially be bad for Louis after they thought he was coming out for attention and hopes that his movies would do better.

Not that he cares of it being worse for him. But still. He doesn’t want to be involved with all of that. 

Theo sighs as he collects the papers. “I should go after him,” he explains quietly before walking over toward Harry. He reaches a hand out for Harry to shake once again. “Really big fan of your music, by the way. I’m happy it’s you we’re working with.”

Like he always does when he gets a compliment, he starts to blush before nodding sweetly. “Thank you. You as well.” 

He says goodbye to Helena and Jordan before everyone else clears the room. It leaves the three of them in there alone and soon enough Helena smacks the back of Harry’s head. “What is wrong with you?” 

His head jerks forward and he gives her a frown. “Ow,” he reacts. “I’m sorry. I just... he kind of... he pisses me off.” He doesn’t even know what to say.

“Get over it,” Jordan demands as she stands to her feet. “You’re not going to be able to look annoyed with each other for longer. Just apologize to him and hopefully he will return the favor.” 

“I’ll ask Theo if he can handle that,” Helena chirps in already taking out her phone. As she starts typing she gives Harry a stern look over the screen. “You had him _blocked_? Really, Harry?” 

He groans and lets his head fall onto the table. “I forgot to unblock him before all of this. That was my fault. I did it when I was 19 and offended.” 

“And if anyone could hold a silent battle it’s you,” Helena suggests and Harry picks his head up at that. 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“You’ve got a lot of miscommunicating flaws,” she replies easily with a shrug. She then stands up and starts walking out with Jordan. 

He drops his jaw and is frozen there for a moment before he jumps up and follows them out. “Woah, why are you saying this shit now?” 

Helena and Jordan both laugh. “When Gabriel broke up with you, you just let him. You didn’t even try to reach out and figure out why. You’ll only fight when you have the advantage,” Jordan answers straightforwardly.

He rolls his eyes and stuffs his hands into his jean pockets. Maybe they’re making a point. He will fight with someone when he knows he’s right and could win the argument. But if he thinks the fight will lead to something he doesn’t want to hear he will simply ignore it.

“You guys are the worst assistant and manager. _Ever_ ,” he mumbles and they continue to laugh just causing Harry’s cheeks to heat up once again. 

“And worst PR boyfriend apparently goes to Louis Tomlinson,” Helena partially jokes. “You’re welcome for that.” 

Harry shakes his head. “I hate you.” 

The conversation dies down as they all exit the building together where Louis and Theo are already long gone. He can’t help but wonder what is going through Louis’ head right now after that brief exchange with him. 

Look. Harry can realize and admit that he’s acting a bit immature. That’s a known thing. But it seems like Louis is just as immature. He sort of started it. 

He bites down on his bottom lip as he takes out his phone to unblock Louis. He then follows him and hopes that it can ease a little tension between them. He doesn’t want this thing to be completely brutal. There has to be _some_ good air between them. Just a little at least. 

He sighs to himself lowly. This is going to be a long ten months.


	3. three

Harry has spent a total of 20 minutes with Louis and he is regretting this entire thing more than he already was to begin with. Why did he agree to do this again? He’s having trouble figuring that out.

They were set up to go on a ‘shopping date’ this afternoon and they were supposed to drive together in Louis’ car but at the last moment he texted Harry that there was a change of plans. He simply told him he was out of the way and to just meet him there instead.

Which he wasn’t. He knows he wasn’t out of the way by any means. He just didn’t want to pick him up because he’s trying to get back at him for his comment at the meeting. Harry isn’t stupid.

So they arrived separately and met up at Starbucks per Louis’ request. He was sitting outside at a table enjoying his frappuccino—which gross, Harry hates those drinks—when he approached him.

He had on casual clothing, a black t-shirt paired with some dark ripped jeans. Flattering. They were flattering on his body was the first thing Harry noticed. Especially those pants, Jesus. They hugged his thighs exquisitely...

...And why was he looking at his thighs?

It was sort of hard not to because he was sitting in the chair like a child. His legs pulled up to his chest as he was sipping at his drink. He looked far more amused than he should have. Probably because he knew Harry had to rush into his car and drive there himself.

Bastard.

Louis eyed him up and down curiously, not even being shy about it. “About time you got here.”

Harry clenched his jaw and fixed his tote bag on his shoulder as he stood over him. “Thanks for picking me up like the original plan.”

He laughed as he brought his sunglasses on over his eyes that were placed on his head. “You’re so very welcome.” He then suddenly reached his drink up toward Harry’s face.

He flinched away from it as he gave him knitted brows, lips pouted outward. “And why is this shoved in my face?”

Louis shrugged, looking bored. “Want a sip? I think it’ll look pretty romantic if you take one from my straw. It’s a couples thing to do, innit? We should start practicing now.”

Harry just shook his head and pushed the drink back down toward Louis. His fingers brushed against his for just a brief moment and he ignored the shock he felt shoot throughout his body. Seriously, what the hell was that? “No thanks. Frappuccinos aren’t my thing.”

“Then what is your thing?” Louis scoffed, bringing his drink back to be placed on his lap as he crossed them instead which made him look even smaller than normal.

“I’ve always liked Americanos,” he replied before clearing his throat. He wanted to leave to get this thing over with sooner so that’s exactly what he decided to refer next. “Is it possible for you to walk and drink that at the same time?”

Louis quirked an eyebrow at him. He paused a moment before coming up with his response. “Hm. That’s a good question. You’re asking me to multitask? I don’t think I can, sadly enough. That seems awfully hard to do.”

Harry rolled his eyes but nodded anyways. He knew Louis was just doing that to be complicated and then he realized he shouldn’t have even said that. Dumb idea on his behalf. “Okay. I can wait for you to finish then.” He didn’t want to look bothered by him even though he was.

He went to sit in the seat next to him but Louis quickly kicked his feet up so he couldn’t. He froze with his hand on the back of the chair. “Sorry,” he mocked, not caring. “My legs are aching.”

He ignored him and reached over to grab a chair from the table next to them that wasn’t being used. He offered his best smile to the people sitting there as he stole it away. He sat down next to Louis being closer than he intended to be. “Just let me know when you’re done. I’m ready whenever you are.”

Louis smiled and took possibly the smallest sip from his drink. He smacked his lips together and clicked his tongue a few times. Then he took another tiny sip before repeating the same actions and noises. “I just don’t want this drink to end. You know? It’s so good. I have to savor every sip I share with it.”

Harry couldn’t do it. He knew why he was being like that and he decided he should try to maybe fix it. This was technically his own doing otherwise Louis probably wouldn’t have been that complicated. Again, he’s the bigger person here.

“Look. I get why you are acting this way and I just wanted to say... I unblocked you on Twitter. I followed you, too.” He doesn’t know why he said it like that but before he knew it the words were out of his mouth. He sounded like a fool. He didn’t mean to bring that up, no, he wanted to talk about what he said at the meeting.

Louis cackled, clearly thinking the same. “Oh goody. Just what I wanted, a follow from _the_ Harry Styles.”

He licked his lips self consciously as he eyed him up for a brief moment, ignoring his sarcastic comment. “So yeah. Can we just forget that happened?”

After Harry suggested that Louis simply placed his stupid frappuccino down on the table and folded his hands together. “I don’t forget anything.”

Ah. A grudge holder. Just fucking perfect.

He didn’t know where to go from there. Actually no. He did. He just really didn’t want to apologize for something so fucking stupid.

Nonetheless he scratched at his arm and shrugged. “And I’m sorry about that unnecessary comment I made at the meeting. It was a stupid joke.”

See? Easy. It came out of his mouth smoothly although he didn’t even mean it. He can be friendly even toward someone he doesn’t like or thinks deserves the apology.

Louis didn’t seem all that convinced unfortunately. “And I’m _not_ sorry about making that true comment about your shitty song in that interview.”

Harry just sighed, reaching his hands up to scrub down his face. He would’ve argued that he didn’t even write it but he didn’t want to waste his breath any longer. “Okay. Fine. Whatever. Can we now forget about all this since you got that off your chest?”

He seemed to debate that suggestion for a moment before nodding. _Thank fuck_ , Harry thought. “Works for me. Now sit there silently so I can enjoy the rest of this.”

Silence was followed for the next five minutes that Louis used to finish his drink. Two fans came up to take pictures with Louis who agreed easily and gave them very big hugs. He didn’t seem like the type to initiate hugs Harry thought.

After all of that they started walking down the street and Harry asked if they should go into the Gucci store where Louis just rolled his eyes but agreed. He didn’t know why he rolled his eyes at that suggestion but he didn’t question it because frankly he didn’t care what he was thinking.

So that’s where they are now.

Louis is somewhere behind him as he browses through all the clothes. He’s trying to really focus on all the options but he’s a bit distracted knowing that he’s here with Louis currently.

He curiously peaks over his shoulder to see Louis talking with some employees in a friendly way. His sunglasses are now in his hair again and his eyes crinkle up when he smiles genuinely. He looks far sweeter than anything Harry has experienced with him so far in their short time together.

Funny, that.

People are probably going to pay more attention to Louis than Harry since he’s more well known here than Harry is with his face plastered everywhere.

Not that people don’t know who Harry is. He’s recognized a lot—it’s just that Louis is technically more popular than him—unfortunately.

He can’t help but wonder how it has changed for him though after he came out. If people approach him differently or not. People on Twitter aren’t afraid to be cruel but it’s not always the same in real life.

All cowards.

Louis laughs loudly at something one of the employees says. It’s a nice sound. Too bad it’s behind an annoying bastard.

He rolls his eyes to himself and when he turns back around there is a pair of white pants that catch his attention straight away. He is almost pulled to them.

At least he’s leaving today with one good thing coming out of it.

When he goes to the checkout line, that’s when Louis rejoins him and he looks down at him. He really is short.

“Nice choice, babe,” Louis comments with a bored expression on his face clearly not meaning what he’s saying.

Harry shakes his head and places the pants on the counter once it’s his turn. “Thanks, baby. I thought of you as I picked them out. I figured you’d like ‘em.”

Louis narrows his eyes at him and Harry smirks while he takes out his card. Louis then takes out his phone and starts scrolling through it while he finishes paying for it. He clearly hates this just as much as Harry does.

It’s just so... it’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable and unnatural. How are they supposed to keep this up when they can’t even fake being nice to each other seriously? They have to be convincing in front of other people which isn’t happening by the look on the cashiers face. She watches them a bit suspiciously but Harry can’t really read what her expression means.

Once finished purchasing they walk out of the store together and Louis stuffs his phone back in his pocket. “Anywhere else you want to shop specifically, your highness?”

Harry just shrugs and fixes his bag on his shoulder again. The damn thing always slides off of him. “Not really. Have there been paps yet?” He decides to ask because he hasn’t noticed them if there was.

Louis shakes his head. “Not yet. They’ll be here soon enough.” He scratches at his wrist before letting his hands fall down to the side. “Well we can only hope at least.”

Ah. So he wants this to end just as quickly as Harry does. He figured as much but he did just admit to it outloud.

They continue walking in silence through the crowd of people. It’s pretty busy but that’s normal for a nice day here. They’re lucky barely anyone is stopping them for pictures.

He’s staring at his feet when suddenly Louis heads into a store without even warning Harry. He halts to a stop and goes in to follow him. He glances up at the sign above to read Sunglass Hut.

He catches the door right before it closes. He then whispers behind him once they’re both inside. “Thanks for the warning.”

Louis peaks over his shoulder and gives Harry his sweetest fake smile. It’s soon after that the employees notice who just walked in and become overly delighted.

“Louis! It’s been a while,” the man behind the counter says before walking over and approaching him. “Was wondering when your ass would be back in here. I think this is the longest you’ve been away from us.”

So his choice of hoarding appears to be sunglasses. Now that he thinks about it, he is always wearing them whenever he’s papped for the most part. It has to be an attempt to hide his face but that never ends up working.

Harry stands awkwardly behind him as he takes off his sunglasses and widens his arms. “I’m back and in need of a new pair of bloody shades.”

He then folds them up and places them on the hook of his shirt. This makes it fall slightly down and he gets a view of his collarbones. There’s a tattoo peeking out that he’s never seen before but he can’t make out what it says.

The man laughs and he now stands in front of them. He does a onceover toward Harry before bringing his attention right back to Louis. “You always do. Just looking around for now?”

Louis grins and reaches over to squeeze the man's forearm. “That’s the plan. I’ll let you know if I need any help with anything, Andrew.”

He can’t help but see the other people in the store that are subtly trying to take secret pictures of Louis specifically. Of course Harry is going to be in them and he supposes that’s a good thing. That’s the entire point of this date, to be spotted by people who will post things about them on the internet, starting the rumors.

“Sure thing. You brought someone other than Zayn,” Andrew observes and this makes Harry snap his head back toward the man. “You’re the lucky one to witness Louis trying on every pair in this store today then, huh?”

Zayn Malik. He’s one of the best vocalists that are currently in the music industry right now and like Harry’s already mentioned, he’s good friends with Louis. Possibly more at one point even though those rumors have always been denied.

It’s also a possibility that he was the reason Louis spiraled and tweeted that he was gay that night. He wonders if they are still friends because they haven’t been seen together since.

But that’s not really any of his business.

Harry gives his best convincing smile. “I am.” He just answers the question shortly to play it off safely.

“I was thinking Harry here needs a new pair himself. We’ve got a lot of browsing to do so if you’d kindly excuse us, my dear friend,” he winks before grabbing Harry’s wrist and pulling him toward the wall of selections.

He’s taken back by this speedy action at first but then remembers this is what they need to be doing. They need to look a little more friendly than they would be if people weren’t watching.

He can’t help but watch as Louis starts glancing over all the different options and picks one out before placing them on his face. He turns to Harry and just waits and... right. He’s supposed to give his opinion.

They’re just a plain black pair of raybans and he’s sure Louis already has a hundred pairs of those exact ones. So he shrugs and tilts his head at him. “There’s better options?”

Louis actually laughs at this and it sounds sort of genuine? It makes Harry’s heart pick up a pace for just a second until it settles back down. He takes them off and puts them back. “Alright then.”

For a few more minutes it’s a lot of Louis trying on different pairs and turning to Harry to voice his opinion. He either nods or shakes his head simply. Every pair that Harry approves of he puts into a bag that Andrew brought over to him mid-shopping.

“Any pair catch your eyes specifically?” He asks out of nowhere, eyeing him up curiously. It looks like he actually wants him to pick out something.

He gulps as he scans over all the pairs of sunglasses and reaches over to grab a pair of yellow ones. He holds them out to Louis ignoring his original question. “Try these.”

Louis just quirks up an eyebrow and puts them on his nose. The second they’re on his face Harry can’t help but smile because they are huge on him. They slide down and it seems to make him a bit self conscious as he rips them off. “You did that on fucking purpose.”

“I didn’t,” he admits because he really didn’t. He liked them himself and just wanted to see them on Louis. He’s always liked the colorful pairs and he didn’t see Louis try on anything like that beforehand.

He’s still smiling when Louis reaches up to place the same pair on Harry’s face instead. He allows him to do this and expects Louis to start making fun of him now but instead he just scoffs. “You fucking arse, they look good on you.”

Harry can’t tell if he’s just saying that or actually means it. He faces the mirror in front of him and nods because okay. He actually does like these on him. He chuckles just a little once he realizes the reasoning. “They only look better on me because they fit my facial proportion.”

He watches Louis as he rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Not sure if that’s a good thing, big head.”

Again he ends up laughing at his comment and Louis takes them off Harry’s face and places them into his basket. He doesn’t even bother letting Harry know he’s done shopping until he’s turning around and making his way toward the register.

And oh... he’s getting those sunglasses for Harry, isn’t he? He doesn’t have to do that. He’s putting it together as he steps up next to him and the cashier takes them out of the bag. “You don’t need to get me those,” he admits quietly.

Louis just shrugs and takes out his card. “Why wouldn’t I, babe? The less I see of your ugly mug, the better, right?” Harry gives him a glare as the cashier bursts into laughter. Louis nudges his body into his. “I’m joking, I’m joking.”

But he’s not. Harry rolls his eyes to himself as he finishes checking out. After everything is paid they say a goodbye to Andrew and some fans ask Louis for a picture while once again not paying any attention to Harry. He doesn’t mind it in the slightest.

He ends up taking the picture of Louis and this group of fans. He smiles widely and gives a thumbs up to the camera as girls are on each of his side.

They finish up and head out the store. Harry looks around desperately to see if paps are anywhere but he can’t see them. Damn it, where the hell are they?

People at least got pictures of them in the store so that’s something. But they still need those fucking pap photos to call this a successful outing.

Louis takes Harry’s yellow sunglasses out of the bag and hands them over to him. “That’ll be $350.”

His jaw is dropped for a moment as he takes them in his own possession. “Oh, right,” he says as he takes out his phone to possibly Venmo him and Louis just chuckles.

“I’m just kidding. I don’t want your money.”

Harry freezes as he’s trying to find the app, eyeing him suspiciously. Yeah, he really is just messing with him. He puts his phone away and decides to wear the sunglasses. “I can get you something nice on our next date, baby.”

This makes Louis snicker. “How unfortunate. Our next date.”

Yeah, that’s true. It’s going to be the next of many. They both really aren’t looking forward to it already by the looks of it.

Harry sighs to himself and he thinks about the people possibly watching them. They should have a flowing conversation going on just about now. He bites his bottom lip as he comes up with something. “So are you excited about your upcoming audition?”

Louis glares at him and he just realized he didn’t put his sunglasses back on yet. His chest is still displayed and Harry instantly starts thinking about the blueness of his eyes again as they’re making contact with Harry’s own. They’re so painfully blue.

“Don’t talk to me about my movies.”

And alright then. Harry forces himself to stare down at his feet because he doesn’t want to even bother looking in his direction after he attempted to ask something considerate. “Just trying to make conversation.”

“Don’t try again,” he snaps and honestly it almost makes Harry laugh. He was just being somewhat decent but that act is gone since no one is around specifically paying attention to how they’re talking to each other.

He really is annoyed with him all because of that one bloody comment he made, isn’t he? Again, he barely said anything bad. Truly he didn’t think it would irritate him this much.

That has to be the reason he’s behaving this way.

“It must be convenient being an actor,” he remarks out of nowhere. “You can be whoever you want to be in front of anyone and make it truly convincing.”

Louis’ sunglasses are back on his face but he can almost feel the glare behind them. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Harry just shrugs and fixes his bag again. He knew he shouldn’t have brought it today, it’s only giving him trouble. “You can act all sweet to whomever it pleases. But you clearly turn that stunt off when you’re only around me. No sugarcoating yourself here, right?”

Is he coming off too strong? Probably. Does he care? Not really.

He doesn’t like Louis and he wants him to understand that he’s not messing around. He won’t let him get away with anything he throws toward him.

Louis just scoffs. “You want me to be fucking kissing your arse 24/7 then?”

“Well, we should be convincing,” he mumbles, not really knowing how he should go about this next. He got what he wanted to say off his chest but now what?

“I don’t want to be doing this fucking thing with you.”

And there it is. It’s honest. Harry knew that already but he’s bluntly admitting that to him now. He should probably do the same. “Do you think I want to? I’m doing this for you.”

Louis is taken back by this comment. He stops walking causing Harry to do the same while people almost run into them. “For me? I don’t need you to do fucking anything for me.” This is the first time he’s heard him sound personally offended.

He didn’t like that at all. Maybe as much as the one from the meeting, if not more. This one might have topped it.

People are eyeing them up and down as they pass now. They’re just stopped in the middle of the walkway and he really hopes people aren’t listening to them talk. He responds in a whisper just in case.

“I’m sorry but it’s true. That’s the main reason why I agreed to this.”

He can be just as honest with him. They may as well get all of this out of the way. It might be better to do this thing with nothing being kept secret, put everything out in the open.

Louis doesn’t seem convinced. “Don’t act like you’re not doing this for your own benefit as well you fucking prick.”

“I’m doing it more for you than myself. That I can admit to you.”

What is he even saying anymore? He’s just talking to talk and maybe he should close his mouth. You can’t screw up anything by staying quiet.

Louis’ body tenses and he shoves his hands into his pockets. He shakes his head mostly to himself before continuing to walk. He brushes Harry’s shoulders harshly as he passes. He almost stumbles behind him as he struggles to follow. “Do you want a fucking cookie?”

And what? Why is he offering him a cookie? “Sorry?”

Now Louis looks confused himself. “What?”

“Why’d you ask me if I want a cookie?”

Louis’ jaw drops as he tries to come up with his next words. “I wasn’t asking you literally. Jesus fucking Christ,” he mutters, running a hand through his fringe desperately.

“I don’t get it. Why’d you ask that at all—”

“God help me. Please fucking help me,” Louis pleads to himself before turning his face toward Harry with a scowl. “You really annoy me without even trying. That’s bloody perfect.”

“Likewise.”

Things get really uncomfortable after that exchange. He still doesn’t know how that conversation took a turn for the worse so fucking quickly. He thinks that Louis just likes to overcomplicate things.

Harry was right about him having a shit personality. It’s possible that he even has some anger issues with his excessive swearing and the darts he shoots from his eyes into Harry’s soul.

He’s attractive but that’s all he has going for him at this point. He almost feels bad for him.

And okay. Fine. He might be a good actor. That he can admit as well. Maybe not out-loud to him but... it’s true. It doesn’t really matter though because that’s old news, everyone knows of how he succeeds at what he does.

Well for the most part. Lately his movies haven’t been doing the best but that technically doesn’t have to do with the work he puts into it. You can be a really good actor in a shitty movie.

They walked for about five minutes in intense silence before Louis took out his phone and started typing away. He turns the screen to Harry unexpectedly and he hesitates to look at whatever he’s showing him.

_The paps are here pretend I’m showing you something funny and laugh dick_

Harry ends up forcing out a very exaggerated and fake laugh that makes Louis scowl at him as he overdoes it. He rolls his eyes and stuffs his phone away. “Maybe we should have left the acting to me.”

He elbows him slightly to try to make them appear playful between each other in front of the paps. “Hey. Who said you’re better at acting than me? You’re lucky I haven’t been given the opportunity to outshine you yet.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Louis spits with a smile on his face even though it’s not real. “They got some shots, we can fucking go now. I’m done with you for today.”

Harry doesn’t even have time to process anything when Louis stops and pulls Harry into a hug. “Jesus,” he breathes out as he stumbles and tries his best to make this look natural. He wraps his arms around him and Louis stands on his toes to reach Harry’s ear.

“Thanks for the horrible date, babe. I couldn’t have asked for someone better to waste my time with.

He lets go of Harry and he stares with his mouth gaped for a moment until he collects himself. He’s trying to ignore the feeling of the hug they just exchanged. Words, Harry. Fucking words.

He blinks rapidly. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

Louis smirks and winks at him before walking in his own direction. Harry’s left speechless at how fast that all just happened until he’s able to head back to his own car. Wherever that is. He’ll figure it out.

He closes his eyes to himself as he thinks back to everything.

One date down, way too many to go.


	4. four

Louis’ place isn’t too far from Harry’s home, thankfully. They had to enter some gates and be buzzed in which is pretty normal for a place this big, especially when a celebrity wants to take the extra precautions. Currently, Niall is literally bouncing in excitement as they wait outside his door to be let in.

“Would you calm the fuck down?” He whispers desperately to him because he’s already embarrassing him.

It’s been a week since Louis and Harry’s first outing together and Helena had texted him earlier this morning that he was going to go by Louis’ house later today. He’s supposed to post something with his hands in a familiar spot of his place so people can put two and two together. A very specific plan.

He tried to ask if Louis could just send him a picture but she said no. Of course she said no. Why wouldn't she? He thinks she was just saying that to be complicated and annoy him further by making him get his body in the picture instead. He can’t see why this is necessary at all.

He ended up asking Louis through texts if it was alright if he brought a friend along—which you guessed it—would be none other than Niall. He just didn’t want to head over to Louis’ alone and he knows Niall is going to keep bugging him until he meets him so... it’s a smart opportunity to get that over with now as opposed to later.

Although he is regretting it as he watches Niall beside him.

“Nope!” He shouts purposely and he rolls his eyes as Louis swings the fancy door wide open.

He flickers his eyes between the two of them quickly before stepping aside. “Welcome to my humble home, babes,” he greets and Harry watches as he shoves a little dog to the side he almost didn’t notice. He didn't know that Louis had a dog. “Come in before the rat runs out.”

“That’s one big rat,” Niall teases as he follows Louis’ instructions, reaching out his hand. “I’m Niall. It’s great to meet you. Really big fan of your acting, bro.”

He accepts his hand offer quickly before forcing out a smile. “Thanks,” he mumbles and Harry wonders if he really does hate talking about his films in the slightest bit. It seems like he doesn’t want that to be a part of any conversation, big or small. Maybe as of now it’s a touchy subject for him.

Harry takes the chance to scan Louis up and down as Niall and him begin small talk. His hair is messier than normal meaning he most likely didn’t bother taking any time to fix it today since he woke up. He wears another grey sweatsuit with bare feet sticking out on the floor.

“If you guys want you can wander around,” he offers while stuffing his hands into his pockets. “I won’t be giving you a tour so just do as you please.”

Now he takes a moment to spin his head around to actually take in his surroundings. Maybe that was the first thing he should have done instead of looking at Louis himself.

The three story house has mustard colored walls, tiled floor that is sparkling with the help from the sun peaking through the large windows. Of course there is a spiral staircase leading to the second floor that is placed to the right of them, covered in fake leaves.

There are a lot of fake plants hanging wherever they please. Harry likes to think that having so much greenery makes a room feel more clean. It always looks nicer when there’s that pop of color spread throughout. At least that’s his motive with the plants in his own house.

Upon the walls he noticed there are a bunch of different framed movie posters. They range from popular films to films Harry has never seen before. He wonders if those are his favorite ones since he’s not seeing any of his own up there.

Harry turns his head back toward Louis as he speaks up for the first time since they got here. “No thanks. Let’s just get this over with, yeah?”

Louis shoots him a rather unpleasant glare before he starts walking away. His bare feet smack against the tile and both Niall and Harry hesitate to follow him. The little dog is still right by Louis’ side, so close that he almost trips on him at one point.

He leads them to a theatre room. Yes, an actual room with one of the biggest screens he’s seen. It’s definitely not movie theatre big but it’s bigger than your normal widescreen. There’s maroon colored lounge chairs that recline backwards that are fitting to the theme. The coolest part has to be the mini snack bar on the side with a popcorn machine and a glass display with tons of candies inside of it.

“Jesus,” Niall murmurs, taking in the sight of the room. “This is fucking sick, I’ve always wanted my own personal theatre.”

Louis just chuckles and sits down in one of the chairs. The dog sits on his foot and he pushes it off, making it stumble back. It’s one of those white fluffy things with dark eyes and it seems rather sweet so he doesn’t understand why he’s treating it so badly.

Harry finds himself walking over to sit down next to Louis. He remains staring at the dog that keeps trying to get closer to him but he ends up pushing it away each time. Why does he even have it if he doesn’t want it anywhere near him? “You are so mean to your dog,” he comments and Louis only scoffs.

He pushes the button on the side of his chair so it can recline back. “It’s not my dog. I would never get an ugly fucking thing like that,” he reassures and Niall bursts into laughter sitting down on the other side of Louis.

Thanks for that, Niall. Leaving Harry all alone with him on the opposite end. Just what he wanted. He’s doing that on bloody purpose.

“That’s rude,” Harry insists, reaching down to pet it. If Louis won’t give the poor thing any attention, he may as well. It allows Harry to do this but it keeps their eyes locked on Louis as it pants. “What’s their name?”

He groans at his question, rubbing his eyes with his fists. “That’s the worst fucking part. I can’t even say it without cringing.”

Everything seems to get on Louis’ nerves; it's almost entertaining to watch it play out. He doesn’t even try to stop the quirk of his own lips. “Well are you—”

“Lou, how the hell are you out of toilet paper? Who the hell runs out of toilet paper?”

Harry and Niall both turn their heads to look at the person who just entered the room. He didn’t know that he’d be having a guest here and the second he takes in who that guest is he frowns unintentionally. He’s a bit surprised if he’s going to be honest.

Because Zayn Malik strolls in, scratching the back of his neck and stopping in front of them all. He offers shy smiles to both Niall and Harry when Louis starts talking.

And in all honesty... he looks freshly and thoroughly _fucked_. His sweatpants hang low on his waist, revealing the bandline of his boxers, his brown eyes are groggy and his hair is just as ruffled as Louis’.

“Tell them what you named this rat,” he says, nudging it with his foot again.

“Droolius Caesar, you mean?” He asks before bending down and picking him up. He kisses his head and cradles him. “Also stop calling him a rat. It's rude and he told me he doesn't like the nickname.”

Harry doesn’t understand what is going on here. He thought that they stopped seeing each other ever since those pap pics came out. They haven’t been spotted together since and Louis just looked so fucking upset but now they seem... fine? Like none of those were even real?

He’s really confused. Niall seems to be as well when he spares a questioning glance in his direction to see if maybe he was aware of this. Harry just subtly shrugs.

Also, if they are actually together this could cause problems between their contract. Weren’t they not supposed to be seeing anyone on the side so cheating rumors didn’t spark?

Technically if no one knows that Zayn is here though it might not be a problem. And they’ve denied the rumors of them being together more than enough.

Harry’s starting to think they weren’t rumors by the looks of this.

Louis huffs and crosses his arms. “That’s Zayn,” he introduces, pointing a thumb at him like they aren’t supposed to know that already. “The man who owns the rat.”

“Stop,” Zayn says again, putting the dog back on the ground. “Nice to meet you guys. What’s up?” He moves to sit down next to Niall who is currently in awe watching him move.

Harry understands why since he’s in awe himself. Because Zayn doesn’t even seem fucking real. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen a person this gorgeous in front of him. This easy glow he’s got going on—creamy, smooth skin, full lips, long eyelashes—there’s not a flaw on him.

It’s just not fair.

“I’m Niall!” He shouts with a big smile. “Harry’s best mate and best guitarist no matter how many times he refuses to admit that.”

Harry rolls his eyes as Zayn just nods his head. “Cool,” he comments before pointing at Niall’s watch. “I like this.”

They get lost in their own conversation then and he’s too busy staring at Zayn to notice Louis’ been curiously watching him this entire time. He feels himself start to blush as he’s been caught, sinking back in his seat while Louis raises an eyebrow at him.

“Don’t you have actual pictures to be taking? Not mental ones of Zayn?”

He feels his mouth stay gaped open because Louis is more than aware what he was doing and he’s calling him out for it openly. He doesn’t seem happy with the fact either. What the hell is he supposed to do now? It’s obvious what just happened. It definitely seems as if he likes Zayn... or maybe he is just a bit overprotective of him and is mad that Harry was checking him out.

He honestly wasn’t in the way he is probably thinking. He didn’t even realize how intently he was staring until he was captured in the act.

Also, he’s just starting to realize this entire thing isn’t going to be easy if Louis is as confident as he is with any type of confrontation. That’s where Harry weakens in his own life.

He might call someone out if they are being ignorant, sure, but if it’s something that doesn’t personally hurt him, he will keep it to himself. Again, it all comes back to the fear of hearing something he doesn’t want to.

It’s a bit pathetic.

He tries clearing his throat, snapping himself back to what is happening in real time. “Um. Y-Yeah? I’ll get to it, don’t worry.”

Louis lets his eyes dart all over him before he sighs and stands to his feet, slapping his thighs on the way up. “Everyone want a glass of wine? God knows I’ll need it.”

Harry tries to ignore the subtle reference because of him. He nods without saying anything and is surprised to see Niall and Zayn already smiling at each other and getting along way too fast for his liking.

Not that he’s jealous or anything. He’s not.

Droolius Caesar follows Louis out of the door as he goes to retrieve their wine. He realizes that maybe he should go and help him carry the four glasses. That would be the polite thing to do. He likes to consider himself a good guest.

Also he doesn’t want to be stuck with Zayn Malik after that entire fiasco with Louis catching his eyes.

So he follows him out and once Louis hears the sound of his feet he glances over his shoulder to see who is behind him. “What are you doing?”

“Helping you,” he answers casually, folding his hands behind his back. He does this when he doesn’t know what else to do with them.

How did he get so awkward in the matter of seconds? He truly doesn’t know why he feels so off all of a sudden. It can’t be because of Zayn, right? He’s got no problems against that boy, there’s no reason to have any...

“Aw,” Louis purrs as they enter the kitchen. “Thanks, babe. Maybe I should keep you around after all if you like to help without being asked.”

He rolls his eyes as Louis gets the wine glasses, handing two over to Harry before grabbing a bottle. He almost trips on Droolius Caesar as he takes a step back to give Louis some room.

He then processes what his name is and starts grinning to himself. He didn’t really pay attention to that in the first place since he was too busy focusing on who he belonged to.

“Is his name really Droolius Caesar?”

This makes Louis snicker and he turns around while looking at the dog. “Unfortunately. Zayn’s got this obsession with Rome and Latin and all that shit so of course he had to go and name it that. It’s not really fitting for the mutt, is it?”

He laughs because it’s definitely not. He takes a moment to consider what would work better with that name. “A bulldog would be more suitable, I think.”

“Ew,” Louis responds, wrinkling his nose.

Harry bites his lip and really, really considers bringing up the next question. While they are sort of on the topic of the person, he may as well, right? Get it out of the way sooner than later.

He uncomfortably clears his throat as Louis starts leading the way back. “So like... are you and Zayn...?” He doesn’t want to fully ask anything but certainly at least imply something.

This makes Louis freeze in his steps, turning around so they don’t enter the room where he’s currently in before talking about him. “Are me and Zayn what?” He asks peculiarly, tilting his head at him.

God, well, this is awkward. He knew it was a bad idea but he couldn’t control himself.

He blinks rapidly. “I mean... I was just wondering because we aren’t really supposed to be seeing anyone else during all of this, yeah? It’d be kind of bad if you know... it got out that you were seeing Zayn again after all those rumors that—”

“Quite frankly, Harry,” he interrupts with a cruel tone in his voice. Great, he already managed to piss him off today. “That is none of your business. And for your information, we just can’t be seen with anyone else publicly. There’s nothing wrong with him being here inside my home.”

Now he realizes there was no reason for him to bring that up. He’s feeling like a fool and Louis isn’t shy about really pushing those thoughts about himself. “Alright. Sorry I asked.”

“So now that we are on this topic,” he starts, shifting his weight as he holds tightly on the bottle and glasses. “I don’t mind us seeing other people as long as we don’t get caught. That being said you have to be really fucking careful about it but it’s fine with me. What about you?”

See, Harry hasn’t gotten with someone in a year. Well over a year in fact. So this isn’t really something that would be for his benefit... but it seems as if Louis wants to continue being with Zayn after all. Because he didn’t deny them being together so it has to be him. Right? But then he also didn’t confirm it... so.

Harry doesn’t know what to think of this. Again, really, it’s none of his business so he can’t say no. They aren’t actually dating so it's not like it’s a serious problem. He just doesn’t want them to get in trouble with the contract or anything because yes, Harry is serious when it comes to any of his business obligations.

“Okay. Yeah, that’s fine,” he responds, unsure of how else he’s supposed to react to that.

Louis nods and turns back around to continue walking. When they re-enter the room, Zayn and Niall are starting up a game of Mario Kart. It’s easy for Niall to get on with someone this quickly but Harry just isn’t too fond about who it’s with right now.

Jesus. Maybe he doesn’t like Zayn after all. But there’s really no reason to so that’s why he’s all confused about his feelings.

Maybe once he starts talking with him he’ll be able to get past whatever this is.

It’s probably jealousy. Not of the fact he’s been—maybe is— with Louis, of course not, but career wise, yes. For sure. He belches out those high notes like he’s never done anything easier in his life. His talent is out of this world and Harry could only wish to achieve what he has one day.

He doesn’t want to admit that’s why he feels a slight disliking toward him but... that has to be what he’s feeling right now. More envy rather than dislike, per say.

Louis places the wine glasses in all their cup holders in the lounge chairs before pouring the liquid in each one. “Bad decision, starting a game with Zaynie, buddy,” he lectures Niall with a smirk. “He sucks and loses every match and then refuses to stop playing until he wins at least once which takes fucking forever.”

Harry falls into his own seat and watches as Louis reaches him last to pour him some wine. He offers Louis a little smile which only gets him a scowl in return. So sweet, he is.

“I suck too,” Niall admits while aggressively smacking the controller. “But I don’t think anyone is worse than Harry.”

“Hey,” he defends himself with a frown, suddenly feeling insulted. “That’s not true.”

“Oh but it is,” he argues, making Louis chuckle as he sits down.

He suddenly looks really smug as he makes himself comfortable. “Is there anything you _are_ good at?” Louis teases and he can tell in his voice that it genuinely is supposed to be friendly banter which is... different. “Actually, you’re pretty ace at getting on my nerves. There’s one thing.”

Oh, Harry could definitely get on his nerves more than ever if he was actually trying, that’s the funny part of it. So before he drinks from his glass, he decides to bend over to pick up Droolius who is still basically on Louis’ feet. He grabs the dog in his hands and places him gently into Louis’ lap.

His arms freeze in the air as he stares at the dog before glaring over at Harry who gives him one of his fake dimpled smiles. “I think Droolius wanted up.”

Louis just shakes his head before reaching over and drinking from his wine. Harry tries to not stare at his throat as the liquid travels down it because... alright. Fine. Louis Tomlinson looks really fucking hot doing anything. He finishes it in one take and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand almost making Harry’s legs tremble. He then lets it fall down on Droolius, patting his head gently. “I still hate you,” he whispers to the dog. He glances back at Harry. “And you more than anyone.”

Harry smiles for real this time.

Not sure why he’s actually smiling fondly at Louis when he just admitted to hating him, he quickly takes out his phone and decides he should take the picture before he forgets. Also just to get his mind off whatever the fuck that was. He swipes to the camera with shaky fingers. “People would recognize your movie room, right?” He questions because he’s sure this is somewhere on his Instagram.

Louis nods and lets his head fall against the cushion of the chair. “Yeah. The bottom right of the hutch literally has my initials on it.”

That’s something he didn’t notice at first but he follows his eyes and sees what he’s talking about. He then raises his wine glass and gets a picture of his hand holding it with the screen in the background, getting the perfect angle of the initials behind it as well.

He opens Instagram and goes with the caption of ‘On cloud wine.’ He shows it to Louis for approval which only gets a scoff in return, naturally.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you,” he admits and Harry raises an eyebrow at him as he hits post.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Louis actually smiles sweetly. “It means you post the stupidest shit with the most ridiculous captions to go with it.”

Yeah, that is true. He just has always done that and he isn’t going to stop now. Ignoring the fact that Louis has also stalked his page, he narrows his eyes in at him. “That’s a bit offensive.”

“I was just shocked you didn’t have me blocked on that as well.”

Here we go again. Jeez this boy is stubborn. “You’re not ever going to let that go, are you?”

“Well you clearly weren’t going to let my comment go since you had me blocked for three years,” he bites back and okay. He has a point there.

“Louis, chill,” Zayn interrupts even though he wasn’t a part of the conversation. But Harry can’t help but notice he’s technically sticking up for him right now.

Yeah, being annoyed with him is clearly the wrong thing here. He seems to be a nice guy so far, it’s unnecessary to be feeling this way.

Regardless, Harry continues on with his little argument with Louis. “Fine,” he responds softly and then takes this as the chance to open Louis’ Instagram and follows it. He shows him his screen once again. “There. Your turn.”

He can see Louis biting down a cheeky grin and for whatever reason this makes him feel a bit proud of himself. “I’ll think about it.”

Harry widens his eyes. “ _Think_ about it? We’re dating, you have to follow me back. As well as on Twitter since you’ve been so luckily unblocked.”

This actually gets a real laugh from him and alright. It’s a really nice sound, even better when you’re the one who is the cause of it. He can admit he wouldn’t mind doing that again. “Was it in our contract? Because if it wasn’t I don’t have to do anything.”

He just responds by flipping him off and getting the same exact gesture in return.

“What a perfect little fake couple you guys make,” Niall comments as soon as he’s still messing around on the controller as they play their game.

Before they know it they share a glance between each other and are both laughing and kicking their feet up to relax while drinking their wine.

_****_

“Now that I think about it Louis is exactly your type.”

Harry and Niall are currently doing their own thing in Harry’s living room like they always do when those words leave Niall’s mouth. Niall is sprawled out on the sofa while Harry is just writing notes in his journal at the desk. Is he purposely facing away from Niall? Maybe. For this reason exactly.

But this specific comment makes him whirl around in his chair to eye him up because what? Why is he even talking? “Pardon me?”

Niall just shrugs and stuffs his mouth with his cheese popcorn. “He’s just like all the other guys you like. Shorter than you, big bum, bright eyes, shaggy hair, funny...”

This makes him scoff and shake his head since no. _No_. That’s just not true at all. Now he’s just trying to get on his nerves for the hell of it and maybe it’s working. “I don’t have a specific type, Niall. Also why the hell are you looking at his arse?”

“Because it’s a good arse. Aren’t I allowed to appreciate a good arse?”

“Not when it’s my boyfriend's arse.”

“Fake boyfriend arses' don’t count.”

Harry ends up laughing before shaking his head, debating. What the hell. “Maybe he does have a good arse,” he admits while Niall nods aggressively, a little too aggressively, that. “But he’s fucking annoying. You saw that last week.”

They didn’t spend that long at Louis’ house because there was no real reason to. Niall got along perfectly fine with both Zayn and Louis which was expected since he gets along with anyone he meets. Harry on the other hand mostly stayed silent while sipping at his wine, listening to their conversations and barely making any input of his own thoughts. He didn’t think anyone wanted to hear him talk.

After they finished two drinks they left and haven’t seen each other since then.

It’s safe to say that his Instagram post blew up for the most part, everyone putting together that Harry was spending time with Louis at his house. He didn’t read the comments though because he didn’t want to see what people were saying about their possible relationship.

Oh, and Louis officially got the role for the movie they’ve been anticipating so that means they are one step closer to making their not so official relationship official in the public eye. Harry is oddly very nervous about that.

Another thing he is nervous about is the fact they are attending the Emmys tonight which is... intimidating because they are arriving together. Thankfully, they won’t be walking the red carpet or taking any pictures, just head straight into the award show and to their seats.

It’s nine in the morning and he has to leave to go and get ready around eleven before meeting up at Louis’ place again so they can ride in the same limo. He’s not looking forward to this at all. Harry doesn’t like award shows as it is so this is going to be even more fun, attending with Louis Tomlinson by his side. Life has really been testing him lately it seems.

Niall loudly smacks his lips. “You find me annoying as well. Have you ever considered that maybe you’re the problem?”

“Hm,” he hums as he strokes his jawline, contemplating. “I haven’t because it couldn’t be possible. I’m a delight.” He flutters his eyelashes purposely toward him.

Niall easily gives him the finger which is stained with remnants of cheese powder. “Sure. Delightfully annoying.”

Harry’s response to that comment is flashing his best dimpled smile, teeth and everything. 

Being anxious for today, last night he decided he wanted to see what Louis and him looked like next to each other since they are going to another public outing. So he ended up looking at the paparazzi pictures of their shopping date that he never got a chance to. Well, he could have plenty of times, he just avoided doing that because he didn’t really want to see them.

A big part of that was he didn’t want to read what people were saying. It probably wasn’t the sweetest choice of wording so he decided to just stay away from articles and tweets.

But he finally got himself to look at only the pictures. It was strange to say the least, knowing how they treated each other that couldn’t really be caught through the pictures. He has to admit it genuinely seemed as if they were getting along fine, like they were enjoying each other's company. He has no idea how, but. It did.

It might be easier than he thought. What people don’t hear won’t harm them, right? It’s not a big deal as long as they are convincing in front of anyone who sees it.

Maybe Harry should consider going into acting after all this.

He sighs while running his hands through his hair. He’s been so fucking stressed out lately and a huge part of that is not knowing what to expect each time he is around Louis.

“I wish you could come with tonight,” he confesses with a small frown on his lips. “I like having you around.” It’s risky admitting this fact out-loud to him but he feels the need to anyway.

“Aw. You love me,” Niall teases, standing up and stretching his arms above his head to crack his back. “You’ll be fine. I know you hate award shows and Louis Tomlinson but like... maybe it’ll balance out?”

He furrows his eyebrows. “Like two negatives equal a positive? Not sure if that’s how it works, but alright.”

Sometimes Niall really does try to make you feel better by not making sense at all. He can appreciate the attempt because it is always there at least. That’s what a good friend does.

“At least you get to dress up?”

He shrugs because eh. He dresses up more than enough. “Still doesn’t help.”

“Well damn then. Maybe you really are going to have a shitty night.”

Harry rolls his eyes because yeah, he thinks he is too.

_****_

Look. There’s really no denying that Louis Tomlinson is effortlessly attractive. He’s been aware of this fact since he first saw him on screen. Then meeting him in person—which was even better—and he couldn’t deny it there either. He only lived up to his expectations, maybe even exceeding them.

But this is the first time he’s seeing Louis dressed up in a suit in front of him and lets just say that it might be causing slight issues for Harry. Feelings that he was doing so well with ignoring for the couple times they’ve been together so far.

And now he’s mentally cursing Niall because he can acknowledge that he was pretty spot on with his comment. Louis is more than his type, he’s practically exactly what he would look for in someone. From just about everything about him.

Don’t get him wrong. He still doesn’t like him that much. But there’s no doubt that he has all the traits and qualities he does look for in a partner. Even his personality which... he doesn’t want to admit to that part yet.

He’s just got natural, good humor, okay? He might be irritating as fuck but he can make him laugh when he’s not even trying.

He’s wearing this all blue suit, basically matching with Harry’s blue wool-blend coat he’s got on top of a red striped shirt. But it fits him so fucking well. It hugs all the right parts of his body, really emphasizing his curves. It’s not healthy for Harry’s health, literally speaking.

Because he really fucking loves suits and this wonderful Gucci suit being worn by Louis Tomlinson? He’s experiencing things he doesn’t want to. It’s making him more on edge which he didn’t think was possible considering how he’s been all day already.

He was a stuttering idiot the second he laid eyes on him while Louis just casually told him he liked his pants specifically which okay. He can accept that. He’s only wearing basic plaid trousers but that still means that Louis took the time to look at them on Harry. He can appreciate the fact.

He sure as hell was looking at Louis’ pants as well.

Now they’re in the back of the limo and Harry is fanning himself with a random brochure he found on the seat. He feels so hot and suffocated back here with him that he has no choice but to do this.

“You good?”

He turns his head to Louis who is curiously watching him do this. He nods even though he isn’t. “Yeah. Just a bit hot, that’s all.”

“Then take off your coat.”

Harry gives him a peculiar look. He’s surely joking, right? “I can’t. It’s a part of the outfit...”

“Oh. You’re one of those people. Aren’t you? Willing to wear whatever looks best despite if it’s uncomfortable?”

“Yeah,” he answers easily because of course he is. “It’s a vital piece to my look, Louis.” Also he may or may not like matching with him at this moment.

Louis scoffs, resting his head back against the window facing away from him. “Who cares? We aren’t even walking the carpet.”

He shrugs, fiddling with the sleeves of his coat, suddenly feeling self conscious. “I do,” he responds, voice weak.

“Hm,” Louis hums, amused. He pauses for a moment before continuing. “There I think we are alike, young Harold.”

He laughs at the use of this nickname. The only people who have callen him Harold are his mum and Gemma, his sister. He doesn’t think he’s heard that one out-loud in a while. “Did you really just call me young Harold?”

“That I did.”

Harry lets his hands travel up his sleeves before they fall back on his lap so he can play around with the rings on his fingers. “And what do you mean by that?”

Louis’ head spins back toward him and he lets a little smile come onto his face. His eyes crinkle up and Harry wants to almost reach over and run his thumb over them. “I think that we both care a little too much about what people think about us.”

This coming from Louis is surprising. He’s always thought that he didn’t give a shit about what anyone thought of him. Ever since he was rising to fame he never seemed concerned about what people were speculating about him.

But then when he came out he did lose himself. Everyone knew how hard it was for him to continue on with his career—and just his entire life in general, really—after the public reacted to it. Now that he is thinking about it, that’s the only time he’s seen anything actually get to Louis. At least from what was shown on cameras.

Apparently Louis off screen and behind the media genuinely cares. That’s what he is taking from that comment right now. He finds it rather alarming because without knowing him personally you would never guess that. He seems so unbothered by it all.

Although, Harry should know better than anyone though that it’s not that simple. Rarely ever. He’s a celebrity himself, it’s easy to let the media see what you want them to see.

Louis is just a really fucking good actor then.

He tilts his head at him. “What makes you think I care?” He decides to ask this because he wants to know what made Louis form that opinion on him.

“Do you?” An answer with another question.

He starts chewing on his bottom lip, feeling exposed even though he hasn’t said anything yet. “I like to believe I don’t. But then I’ll read that one thing about myself that really makes me uneasy even when it shouldn’t really affect me because at the end of the day, they are just words... aren’t they?”

Louis upsettingly frowns which Harry wishes he didn’t. He thought he was saying something that could help him out a bit but it seems like he just did the opposite. Damn it.

“Words shoot to kill,” he responds softly, shrugging it off like it’s not a big deal but he can tell with the weight on his shoulders that it sincerely all bothers him. “And some people got better aim than others.”

Harry opens his mouth to say something but nothing ends up coming out other than an odd squeak noise. He closes it and tries to think of how he can properly reply but before he can they arrive at the Emmys and fucking shit.

“Shit,” he curses, this time out-loud, making Louis chuckle.

Louis slaps his hands against his thighs, making Harry’s eyes widen because his attention gets directed to that area and Jesus Christ. He forgot for a moment there how fucking nice his thighs are. “You ready?”

“No,” he responds honestly before forcing a smile on. “But let’s go, baby.”

Louis reaches over to shove playfully at Harry’s shoulder before exiting the limo. Harry doesn’t follow right away because he has to compose a settle breath without Louis directly next to him, trying to gain control of his nerves. He hates arriving at these things more than anything.

“God damn it, Styles,” Louis mutters as he reaches his hand out for him to take. “Hurry up.” He appears to be rather anxious himself but he’s definitely better at keeping it under control than Harry is.

“Give me a second,” he snaps back, shooting him a quick glare. “Impatient much?”

He grabs Louis’ hand because he understands they need to arrive that way. It’s really hard for him to act calm at the contact, trying his best not to notice how they fit well together.

When Harry gets out of the limo, Louis’ hand and his hand are clammy up against each other. It has to be because it’s their first time making a public appearance like this together. It’s entirely different than walking down the street or getting lunch together. Being at an award show is more pressured.

“Do you always sweat this much?” Louis hisses as they start walking, ignoring the cameras and the people shouting their names.

This is already a fucking nightmare.

He blinks, glaring down at the boy and bending over to be closer to his ear. “It’s not just me, you idiot.”

Harry trips over his feet as Louis basically drags them toward the arena and fuck. He’s not wasting any time getting them inside. He apparently wants to be seen less than Harry does.

“Walk faster,” Louis demands, continuing to pull him too fast than what he can manage in his current boots.

“I’m trying.”

He’s additionally trying to remind himself that this is the first time Louis is officially seen with another man that he is most likely dating after being out as gay. It makes sense for him to be anxious since he’s never done something like this before.

But Jesus Christ Harry cannot keep up with him. His legs move super fucking fast.

Once they are finally inside Louis drops his hand and makes a show of it as he wipes his own down his pants. “Alright, let’s just get to our seats then.”

He watches as his hands are trembling and all of a sudden Harry pities him because this is obviously hard for him even though he’s trying to play it off fine. He can’t just not say anything, especially after what he just said in the car about caring what people think.

“Are you okay?” He asks carefully, not knowing what to expect with him.

He’s definitely taken back by the question and for a moment, Harry can see that he appreciates being asked this, but he quickly snaps back to his strong act. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Harry licks his lips, letting the tongue linger on his bottom lip before answering. “It’s just that it’s your first time being around all these people in a like... speculated relationship after coming out. And you’re with a...” He awkwardly clears his throat, waving his hand around. “Boy.”

“So?” Louis clips, tilting his head upward at him. “I could be asking you the same thing, couldn’t I? Are you good?”

Technically, Harry and Gabriel were a very private couple. People knew at the time they were together if they really looked into it, but Harry wasn’t too famous yet, and Gabriel was just his hair stylist so he wasn’t well known. He supposes he’s right because this is his first really public relationship as well.

But still, their situations don’t compare. So he shakes his head. “Well, I’ve been out ever since my career started. You haven’t. That means I understand if you’re a bit more nervous tonight than you normally would be. And there’s nothing wrong with that... I just wanted to ask you how you are doing so far. That’s all.”

There. Now hopefully Louis will see that he genuinely wants to be there for him during all of this, even if he doesn’t like him as much.

He just understands that what he’s been dealing with hasn’t been easy and he can have sympathy for that. He’s still just a person struggling with something personal after all, he just happens to be in the public eye which makes the matter even harder.

Louis frowns. “Oh,” he mumbles, taken by obvious surprise. “I’m... I kind of just feel weird, I guess. I didn’t want to even look at anyone so that’s why I rushed us in here and... shit, I don’t know. Sorry if that was a bit much.”

Harry feels his lips quirking up. He didn’t know he actually apologized for anything. “Felt like I was competing in a race.”

“Fuck off,” Louis says although it isn’t in a mean way, only joking. “You don’t go to many award shows, do you?” He asks, briskly changing the subject.

Which no. He doesn’t. He likes to avoid them at all costs. “Not really. I haven’t been in the industry too long though to be invited to a lot, I guess. Plus, I haven’t come out with anything new in years. But yeah, I still don’t really like attending them.”

“Me neither,” Louis admits, shaking his head and crossing his arms across his chest. “Too many expectations going into them, all while being surrounded by people I couldn’t give two shits about.”

Harry laughs, taking in his hurried attitude. “You don’t like anyone here tonight?”

“Didn’t say that. Danielle Campbell is here, I’ll have to introduce you. She knows that we are not really together, by the way, so we don’t need to put on an act in front of her. But don’t worry, she’s one of my best friends.”

Ah, yes. Danielle was the main actress of the movie Louis firstly ever acted in, the one that got his career going. They’ve been seen together countless times throughout the years enjoying each other's company. It’s quite apparent that they’ve stayed close ever since that film.

He simply nods, offering a small smile. “Sounds good.”

Louis sighs, clapping his hands together before motioning them toward all the seats. “Shall we?”

_****_

Harry is tipsy and exhausted and currently missing the comfort of his bed. He wants nothing more than to rip off his clothes before diving face first into his pillows, allowing the duvet to warm up his naked body until he passes out into a blissful slumber.

The award show was decent, nothing different than what he’s attended before. He knew what to expect for it and it was a bit intimidating sitting next to someone like Louis the entire time, but overall, it wasn’t too horrible.

Frankly, he sort of enjoyed it because Louis’ commentary skills are pretty spot on and hysterical. He found himself laughing into the palm of his hand a majority of the night, trying to contain the sounds.

They’re now at the afterparty, sitting at a table that Louis once again dragged him by hand to. Danielle and a few of her friends are sitting here, who he met at the show earlier and immediately adored. She has the sweetest heart and although he just met her, it’s easy to tell that she’s that type of person. One that makes you feel safe the second you’re in their presence.

They’ve been talking for over an hour now, sipping at their wine and laughing loudly. There’s so many stories being exchanged about both Danielle and Louis and how it was working together on that film which is actually interesting to Harry. He likes hearing about all of this stuff since it was unknown beforehand.

“Every. Single. Day.”

“It wasn’t everyday you lying bastard!”

Danielle laughs, shaking her head and pointing a finger in Louis’ face. “Everyday you blasted that album! It’s all we heard on repeat. I know the entire album from start to finish by heart now, I could probably sing it right here if I really wanted to.”

“Fuck you,” Louis spits, smile huge and endeared. “It’s a good album at least! Very fucking motivating, that one.”

“He got me listening to it before each of my scenes now,” she admits, laughing and getting a more than proud reaction from Louis. “It’s true. _Appetite for Destruction_ is all I listen to on set because of this fool. Even after all these years!”

Harry just snickers watching the exchange between these two because it’s pretty entertaining. They just work so well with each other and you can immediately see that they were made to be friends.

He doesn’t know if the alcohol in his body is getting to him, but after tonight, he’s starting to think that maybe Louis isn’t that bad. Seeing him interact with other people, watching how he laughs and jokes, all while listening intently to what that person is talking about... he’s not horrible, okay? He really, really isn’t. Although Harry doesn’t want to admit that just yet. Maybe not until Louis seems to be just as fine with Harry’s company.

Louis just has a protective shell is what it seems. That’s what that tough, snarky side of him is. And it’s understandable considering what he’s going through. There’s more than what meets the eye.

He’s thinking about giving Louis a chance because it’d be kind of stupid not to. Truthfully, Louis seemed to be lightening up to Harry a bit tonight as well, since he was joking around and including him in conversation whenever he thought he could be brought into it.

They just need to forget about that rough start and move forward. Because Harry is starting to believe that they could actually become friends. So far tonight, they definitely have more in common than he would have guessed. And Louis is easy to become friends with, that part is obvious.

So yeah. If Louis will continue being this way, Harry is going to try harder to get along with him. In the long run it will undoubtedly help their situation out. It’s going to be a long ten months so it’d be best done if they were on the same page.

Soon enough Danielle gets up to go to the bathroom and Louis spins to Harry. He’s way more drunk than he is, his eyes drooping as they make contact with Harry’s own. He lightly elbows him in the hip. “You having a good time, Curls?”

“Maybe,” he admits, smirking slightly. “Danielle’s a sweetheart. Why aren’t you more like her?”

Louis genuinely laughs. “Please. I’m the sweetest person in Hollywood, haven’t you heard?”

“Ah, yes,” Harry hums, tapping at his chin. “That would actually explain the cavity I’ve recently gotten, babe. You’re just too damn sweet.”

This makes him gape but only briefly. “Oh my fucking God. You are the most insufferable fake boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

“Likewise,” he responds, making a kissy face which causes Louis to gag.

He slouches back in his seat just staring at Harry. One thing about Louis is his eye contact is too unnerving for Harry to properly handle. “So they’re making us official next week.”

He nods, desperately drinking down his wine. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, forcing himself to glance back up at Louis. “Yeah,” he says quietly, frown forming at his lips. “Are you ready?”

It only makes sense to ask him this because again, it’s going to be his first time officially in a relationship with another man since he’s come out. It’ll be confirmed so that’s a huge thing for him to be happening.

Louis lifts his shoulders, letting them fall back down harshly. “Even if I’m not, I sort of have to be,” he acknowledges, gnawing on the inside of his cheeks. “I still can’t believe Theo thought of doing this.”

They haven’t discussed any of this yet so he’s interested to hear about how this all went down on the other end. Harry was clearly against it at first, hesitant to agree and he believes Louis was the same.

“How did he think of it?”

Louis pushes his eyebrows together, scooting his chair closer to the table. “Does Helena not talk to you?”

“What?” He asks, not understanding where that question is coming from.

“Theo and Helena go way back. They’re always talking whenever the chance is there. Pretty sure there's some unconfessed love going on between them. It’s been like that for years now. They’re just using us as a way to finally be in each other's lives again, which whatever. At least one good thing might come out of this entire disaster.”

What the hell? This is the first Harry’s hearing of this. He didn’t have any fucking idea about the fact they might like each other. But it does make sense considering how much she wanted to do this and... shit. He can’t wait to lecture Helena about this.

She never talks about anything personal in her life so this doesn’t come to a surprise for him. It’s not like she’s always telling Harry about her relationships. But this situation is a bit different and he at least deserved to know of this information before going into it.

And also, what did Louis just say? “One good thing?” He asks, suddenly not giving a shit about Helena and Theo. “I’m pretty sure that Theo isn’t doing this to get closer to Helena, Louis. He’s doing it for you more than anything.”

He already got the part for the movie. Although that didn’t have anything to do with Harry, he still got it and that’s going to be a great step for him. And now he’ll just have Harry by his side during all the filming, promo and premiere for it, which is hopefully going to help him out. He won’t have to go through any of that alone like he did when he came out apparently.

“Yeah, right,” Louis mutters, still not believing it and why wouldn’t he believe it? There’s no way that Theo would do something like that to him after what he’s been through. At least, he wouldn’t think so. He didn’t seem like that type of person from their brief meeting.

“Look. There probably weren't many options for this, yeah? I was there and available. So it makes sense why he reached out to Helena to see if I would agree to this. I wasn’t exactly jumping at the idea at first but when I thought about it, I knew it’d be the right thing to—”

“Here you go again with the fucking pity agreement,” he interrupts, eyes darkening. Great, he messed up again with his words. “You’re kind of making me feel like shit when you keep saying that. I get it, alright? You’re only doing this for poor little me who couldn’t handle how the world was reacting to my coming out, resulting in me fucking up my auditions at the time. Now apparently after all that shit, I need some fucking support system through this new movie which happens to be you, my wonderful fake boyfriend. And honestly, good for you, Harry. Really fucking happy that you’re doing this from the kindness of your heart.”

Oh fuck. Damn it, he didn’t mean that. Really, he didn’t.

“I want to be doing this,” he blurts out, unsure. “Seriously, I mean it.”

“Because you also want your new album to be successful,” he confesses, still on edge, continuing to openly challenge Harry. “I get it. You don’t need to explain yourself.”

Harry sighs, running his hand through his curls and pulling at them. Sure, at first when he agreed he’d say that was the one of two reasons he was going to do this. And maybe he still is. But he doesn’t want Louis to think that of him because it sounds shitty. It is shitty. He’s aware of that.

He feels really fucking guilty all of a sudden. He has to come up with something to fix this.

“Listen to me. Please?” He asks desperately, waiting for Louis to look back up at him. Once he does he sighs before continuing. “I can see why you’re thinking all of this. Okay? But really, Louis, I want you to know that I’m here for you. Although you’re not the biggest fan of me, I want you to know if you’re dealing with anything... and I mean, _anything_ , I’m here to listen. I’ll try and be there for you because I get it. I know that none of this has been easy for you and I’m not trying to pity you like you think I am. I only want to be someone you can turn to if things start getting shitty again because that’s why I’m here. Not because I feel bad for you, or because I want more attention brought to my upcoming album... but because I _get_ it. I have your back.”

Louis lets all those words sink in. He hopes he didn’t go too overboard with that mini rant because he didn’t mean to. He is just trying to dig himself out of the hole he put himself in with Louis.

Because he does feel bad. He doesn’t want Louis thinking anything like that about him. If the roles were reversed, he could see why he’s feeling like shit about this entire thing. Harry too would be a little annoyed with himself.

But maybe if Louis knows that Harry is here because he’s like him and he genuinely understands what it’s like to go through something like this, that will help him do this movie and continue on with his career and life after his abrupt coming out.

“Fine,” Louis whispers, reaching over to grab his wine glass frantically. “You better not be taking the piss.”

“I’m not,” he declares, shaking his head. He then considers his next words carefully. Maybe now is the time to bring this up. “And I just wanted to say I’m sorry about how we started this thing off. I hope we can put that behind us because we’re stuck together for a while now. May as well enjoy it, right?”

This gets Louis to smirk and Harry honestly doesn’t know what that means. Instead of getting a response, Louis only takes out his phone and places it on the table so Harry can see his screen. He goes to Twitter, typing in Harry’s name before following. He then goes to Instagram and does the same, glancing up to his face with a smug look on. “Consider today your lucky day, babe.”

“Couldn’t be happier,” he mocks with a smile, realizing just how close they are together and noticing just how lovely Louis looks and...

Maybe Harry really is fucked after all. Great.


	5. five

“Louis bloody Tomlinson then, huh? I can’t believe it. When mum told me I seriously thought she was lying. He’s so out of your league.”

Harry rolls over on his bed, scoffing at the insult from his sister. “Thanks, Gems. Really appreciate the support.”

“Well he’s such a lovely lad. But how’d it even happen? I can’t see you two together.”

Now that it’s been a good amount of time, he’s come up with a story to give to his family about the wonderful start of their relationship that sounds believable. He knew he needed to come up with something that he could tell them as the curious people they are.

“I was out to eat with Niall when he came walking in, and you know how Niall is when he sees a celebrity he’s a fan of, he has to introduce himself. And Louis ended up recognizing me because of my song in his one movie. We sort of laughed off that comment he made in that one interview and ended up clicking right then and there,” he explains shortly, lie coming off a little too smoothly.

Gemma isn’t aware of his anger toward him all those years, believe it or not. He didn’t talk to his mum or her about it because there was really no reason to. They knew of that one interview but that’s about it. He just pretended it didn’t bother him in front of them.

They’re a bit overprotective and he’s sure Gemma would have found one way or another to contact Louis if he let them know he was actually hurt at the time with his words. She’s just like that.

“That’s sweet,” she acknowledges softly. “You’re happy?”

He clears his throat, holding a fist to his mouth because he hates lying to her. “So far, yeah. We haven’t been together too long but it’s going good.”

She hums gently across the line. “I’m glad. This is sort of different for you, innit? Is it weird already being so public about it?”

Shit. He hopes that she isn’t seeing right through his lie right now. “It is,” he answers, chewing on the insides of his cheeks. “But it was sort of hard to be private since you know how famous Louis is, and how people have been watching him like a hawk since he came out. It’s a lot different than dating someone like Gabriel.”

That sounds pretty convincing, he thinks.

“True,” she agrees. “It seemed like he was having a hard time with it all.”

“He was,” he rushes. “People are still being shitty about it, God knows why. I’m just kind of happy to be there for him during this.”

That part isn’t a lie at least. He’s not sure if Louis feels the same but maybe. It’s starting to seem that way.

Because ever since the Emmys he’s been more than tolerable. They haven’t seen each other much because he started the process of his new movie but the couple times they did it was an enjoyable time.

They went on an ice cream date where they were noticed by many fans, people nonstop coming up to them, asking for pictures and even including Harry in them. They took a bunch together with the fans in between them which was the goal for that night.

Another thing, weirdly enough, is that they’ve actually been sort of talking. Through texts, that is. More than he thought they would be.

To get that entire thing going, Louis sent a picture of Harry’s debut album at a record store he was at one day, along with the words, _I’d recognize that ugly mug anywhere!!!!!_ Where Harry easily responded with a picture of him flipping off the camera.

Ever since that, they’ve just kind of been going back and forth with a whole lot of nothing. None of their messages really make sense, but at least they are somewhat communicating with each other.

And Harry’s enjoying it, surprisingly. He almost gets excited when his phone buzzes, because there’s that chance of it being one of Louis’ ridiculous and funny texts.

“Yeah. I can’t even imagine,” Gemma comments. “I don’t know, H. Just be careful for me, okay? I don’t want you getting caught up in all the media stuff, especially since it was just confirmed and people are going to be nonstop on your back. You’re normally good at staying away from it, but it’s obviously it’s going to be really different being with someone as famous as Louis is, and how people are criticizing him—”

“Okay,” he interrupts, not wanting to hear any of this. “I’m a big boy, Gemma. As much as you don’t want to accept that, I can handle myself more than enough.”

She scoffs. “Fine. But I still worry about you, always. You're my baby brother first and foremost.”

He smiles since he truly is thankful to have such a good sister in his life, no matter what happens. It’s comforting knowing that she will be there for him through just about anything. “Thanks for getting all sappy on me, sister.”

This makes her laugh, Harry doing the same. “Shut up,” she teases. “I’ve got to go now. Say hi to Louis for me?”

“Nope. Bye,” he replies just to annoy her. “Love you.” He hangs up quickly to not hear her complain after that.

He’s smiling to himself as he picks his head up to look out his window to see the sun shining through into his bedroom. It’s a beautiful day outside and he’s in the mood to go on one of his hikes.

For whatever reason, he comes up with the idea to ask Louis to go with him. He’s not sure if he’s into hikes specifically, but maybe it’ll be a good way for them to bond even more since they’ve been doing so well lately.

He shoots him a quick text, hoping that he says yes. He wouldn’t mind having company today and it’s not like Niall has ever agreed to go with him. He says hikes are for the crazy people in the world, people who willingly hate themselves.

Still on his bed, Harry then decides to go to the article on TMZ that is currently blowing up about their confirmed relationship. He stares at the headline for longer than he probably should because he can’t really process that it’s actually there and he’s reading it.

**Louis Tomlinson & Harry Styles Make Their Relationship Official, Sources Say.**

Truth be told, he never thought he’d be in a headline like that. He always told himself if he got in a relationship again after Gabriel, that it wouldn’t be a thing at all. He’d make a point of keeping it private just like last time since it was nice.

But this is the entire point of what they are doing. Under the circumstances, they want headlines like this. It’s important to draw as much attention to them as a couple when possible.

He still doesn’t like it even though he knew that this is exactly what was going to happen.

It’s just so unlike him. Normally he would go above and beyond to never confirm something like this as long as he could help it. It’s nice being able to hold onto as much privacy as you can, especially when it comes to someone close with you. You normally don't want to bring them into that world.

It helps at least that both Louis and Harry are pretty used to this. He supposes.

He’s just standing up from his position in his bed when his phone starts ringing. He glances down to see Louis calling him. This is the first time he’s ever actually called him so he can’t help but get a little nervous at the sight of his contact coming across the screen.

He clears his throat, trying to prepare himself before answering. “Hello?”

“Does Helena think we should or are you asking?”

So that’s straight to the point. He shrugs even though Louis absolutely cannot see him doing this action. “Um, me. I’m asking. I just thought it’d be nice, I guess.”

The line is silent for a while and he’s not taking that as a good sign. Maybe Louis is weirded out by his sudden want to hang out with him when they aren’t even told to. It’s not weird though, right? If they’ve been getting along okay lately then it shouldn’t be a—

“You driving?”

Harry blinks, realizing that he’s actually agreeing now. “I can pick you up in twenty?”

“Give me forty.”

Just like that he hangs up before Harry can even say anything else. He brings the phone away from his ear, smiling all over again because he’s realizing that he might even be a little excited to hang out with Louis.

It’s not a big deal. It’s a good thing, rather, he’s convinced. And maybe after this he’ll have a new hiking buddy finally since Niall is helpless.

Hopefully.

_****_

“Don’t tell me you do this shit often.”

Harry glances behind him to see Louis pushing up his sunglasses as they slide down his sweaty nose. He’s having a lot of trouble keeping up with him right now but at least he’s trying. But of course there are some rather good complaints to go along with this hike.

“Why not?”

Louis scoffs like it’s genuinely the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. “Because this is a nightmare.”

Amused, Harry smirks to himself. “It’s only been ten minutes, Louis.”

“And ten minutes too fucking long.”

The funny thing is, Louis is definitely breathing heavily already. They’ve barely gotten anywhere yet and he’s clearly exhausted from a short amount of time. He can hear his panting from behind.

Harry ends up chuckling. “Why’d you agree to come if you were going to start complaining so early on?”

It’s quiet for a moment and Harry takes this as the time to slow down. He waits for Louis to catch up to him and then he forces himself to walk slower so they can stay side by side.

“Because it’s better than being stuck in that Goddamn house all day. I like the fresh air obviously but fuck, I forgot how out of shape I am. Jesus,” he puffs out, putting his hands on his hips.

He wonders how often he gets lonely living in that mansion of his because Harry always feels alone at his home. He either has to be talking to someone or writing, otherwise he starts going insane being inside that place.

“Maybe we can make this a frequent thing,” Harry suggests, sort of joking but also being serious. “Get you into shape and all that.”

“No thanks. This is the first and last time I’ll be joining you here.”

Harry accidentally lets his eyes veer down to his blue shorts that are riding up his thighs, his muscles flexing with each step... he gulps, forcing himself to turn straight ahead and try to avoid looking in Louis’ direction for the rest of this walk.

He knows that most Saturdays and Sundays are Louis’ off days for this movie, otherwise he’s busy throughout the entire week. They have longer days than others, some are cut short, but normally his time has already been taken up by the new film.

Since it’s the weekend he decides he should ask him about it, even though he mentioned to Harry before that he doesn’t like talking about his career. He’s just genuinely curious and maybe Louis will actually respond to it this time.

“So how’s the new movie going?” He asks quietly, a bit timidly.

He can feel Louis rolling his eyes underneath his sunglasses. “It’s different. But fine, yeah. I guess.”

Okay. At least he answered the question. Harry licks his lips nervously. “I think it’s a great opportunity for you.”

“Yeah well, so does everyone else,” he mumbles, kicking at a rock that gets in the way of their travel path.

And what? “You don’t?” Harry asks, surprised by his response.

He never really heard Louis’ opinion about doing this film now that he thinks about it. He always expected that he was wanting to do it because it does seem like such a good change for him, especially with everything going on in his personal life. Everyone else seems to think so, don’t they?

He shrugs, body bouncing with each of his short steps. He’s still breathing heavily but it seems to be better now that Harry has slowed down with him. “The timing is bad,” he admits, not sounding so confident as he starts speaking. “It seems like I’m using my coming out for the advantage of my career now which... I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just... for whatever reason, it feels a bit wrong to me.”

Harry frowns because he never once thought about it that way. “Not at all,” he reacts, honestly. “It makes the role more... real, right? Since you might be experiencing some of the scenes, at least I’m presuming, in your personal life and stuff. It’s not wrong, Louis, people aren’t going to think that.”

He laughs bitterly, turning his head toward Harry. “They already do,” he confesses before sighing loudly. They are? Harry hasn’t seen anything about that. Why the hell would _that_ be their opinion? “Look, I thought I told you I didn’t want to talk about my movies.”

He still can’t help but wonder why that is. Apparently it’s a touchy subject for him. Was it always like this? Or was it just after he came out and his career started going downhill? “Yeah, I know. Sorry,” he apologizes, not really feeling too bad though. “I just wanted to see how things were. I didn’t realize you were serious about that.” That’s a lie. He figured he was serious about it, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“Do you like talking about your music?” He asks, sounding actually curious, like that’s going to prove his point.

And now that he’s thinking about it, he doesn’t think he talks to anyone about his music besides his band members. Especially Niall. But that’s only because they work with him.

Shit. Maybe he does understand Louis’ reasoning for that now.

It’s not like he isn’t proud of his work, it’s just sort of uncomfortable to talk about. There’s no specific reason for that besides maybe feeling a bit embarrassed and vulnerable, all at the same time. Also, there isn’t too much to say about it.

He shrugs, feeling caught. “”Suppose not.”

“See?” Louis presses and Harry shoots him a quick glare even though he doesn’t mean it in a cruel manner. Just in a, don’t have to rub it in my face that you were right, manner. “There’s so many other things to talk about. I’m surrounded by my job enough as it is, so when I’m not working, I like to avoid speaking about it. You know? I’m sure you can agree with me, rockstar.”

Harry suddenly laughs, not expecting that new nickname from him. “M’not a rockstar.”

“I beg to differ,” Louis argues, making Harry’s heart thump against his chest for some reason. “I watched one of your performances the other night. Was pretty rockstar-ish to me, if I say so myself.”

“You did?” Harry asks, feeling a lot of things all at once. He wishes he could see Louis’ eyes right now because they’re easier to read than his body language. Damn those sunglasses.

He can’t lie about wanting Louis to actually like his work. It’d make him feel good about himself, if someone like him appreciated his music. He didn’t like that single of his but he can’t count that because again, he didn’t write it. Everything past that he at least co wrote on for his debut.

Although it isn’t his best, it’d still be nice to know Louis likes some of his songs he doesn’t even consider all that special. Because maybe if he liked that shit, he would really end up loving his new stuff that he’s most proud of.

That would mean a lot to him.

“Yeah. The Jingle Bell Ball one or whatever, from like two years ago? I’ve got to admit, your stage presence took me by surprise.”

He laughs nervously and self consciously. “What do you mean?”

“Well you’re pretty laid back and quiet in person. I just didn’t expect you to be the type running around the stage and grabbing your crotch.”

Harry gapes, nudging Louis with his elbow. “I did not grab my crotch during that performance. Not once.”

He knows this because there’s only one song he would do that for. He didn’t perform that one during that show due to a shorter setlist.

Louis chuckles, running his hand through his hair while continuing to face Harry as they keep on walking. “Maybe it was a different one then.”

“You watched more than one?” He questions, surprised and still feeling a bit bashful and overwhelmed with this fact and now that they are talking about it.

He’s completely understanding Louis’ reasoning of not wanting to bring up his movies now.

“I wanted to know what my boyfriend is capable of,” he states, as he brings his sunglasses down only to wink at Harry before pushing them back up. “Plus, once you get into that hole of YouTube you can’t stop.”

“Shit,” Harry mutters, feeling his cheeks heat up. “What else did you watch?”

“I never kiss and tell.”

Harry scoffs, hoping he didn’t watch any of the shit from his _X Factor_ days because those are the most embarrassing things that take place in his career. He was young and stupid, okay? Trying to sound all cute and funny in front of the cameras to get people to like him. He has nothing but regrets looking back at all those moments.

But what’s done is done. God damn 17 year old Harry.

“Bastard,” Harry breathes, wanting to get back at him. He clears his throat, making a show of waving his hands as he gets ready to recite what he hopes gets on Louis’ nerves. “But I... am a boy. I’m a boy, that is standing, in front of a girl, who is asking her to love—”

It works. It works because before he can even finish Louis extends his foot to trip Harry, making him stumble forward, nearly almost falling since he sucks at keeping his balance. Clumsiness is definitely one of his most defining traits, unfortunately enough.

“Don’t ever fucking quote my movies to me unless you want your dick chopped off into bits and fed to the birds.”

Harry laughs, turning around to look at Louis who is now a shade of red himself. Ha. Serves him right. “But it’s an iconic line, moviestar. One of my favorite ones you’ve ever delivered.”

He smiles, more reserved than his previous ones. “So you’ve watched my films, then?”

Now he wants to talk about them? Or maybe he just wants to hear Harry’s opinions on them which is a little more understandable, he supposes. May as well get that curiosity over while they are somewhat on that topic, right?

So he nods slightly, not wanting to sound like a crazy fan or anything, but not wanting to lie either. “I’m pretty sure I’ve seen them all, yeah. I mean, I did have a lot of time to watch films, especially when I was traveling on tour. I’m a big fan of comedies and romcoms and all that so, yeah. You happened to star in a lot of them... and like, I thought the descriptions of all of them sounded good, without even seeing the cast and stuff... you are in a _lot_ of movies, it’s almost hard to watch one that you aren’t—”

“Harry,” Louis interrupts, a smug smirking coming onto his face. “A simple yes or no would have been fine, thanks.”

When Harry is nervous he over explains. Not sure why he would be nervous even admitting to something like this, it doesn’t seem to go over Louis’ head though because he can see that he’s sort of enjoying watching him trip over his words.

“Whatever,” he mumbles, bringing his eyes away from him. His legs are starting to hurt him from this hike already, so he can’t even imagine how Louis is feeling, since he was complaining so early on.

“ _Ever Since New York_ ,” Louis says out of nowhere, making Harry trip again because shit. Not this again. “That’s my favorite song of yours, I think.”

Definitely not one of Harry’s favorites from his album, so he and Louis apparently have different taste in music. Well, maybe he shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but still. It’s at the bottom of his list.

Instead of commenting on that, he decides to make his own. “ _Juno_ is my favorite movie of yours.”

“Seriously?” Louis asks, surprised while laughing. “That’s such a stupid choice.”

Harry begins to smile fondly because he can see that Louis is sort of pleased even if his words say otherwise. “I haven’t known you long, but my guess is that any movie I would have picked, you would have called a stupid choice,” he accuses and Louis is quiet for a moment before shrugging in agreement. “Come on. The plot was great and that headband look totally suited you. Maybe you should incorporate that into your fits now. It’s not too late.”

Louis reaches out to swat at him before a devious grin appears. “Only if you start wearing those saggy jeans again.”

He can’t stop his eyes from widening in distress, knowing exactly what he’s referring to. “You did watch my _X Factor_ videos!”

His obvious panic causes Louis to giggle. “You were quite the rambunctious teenager,” Louis admits, and Harry crosses his arms like a stubborn child, feeling shy. “Glad to see you’ve settled down and got a better taste in fashion since then.”

“Fuck off,” Harry mumbles, really processing the fact that Louis really meant that he went into a deep hole and probably watched as many videos of Harry there is on YouTube.

He doesn’t want to think about that. Nope.

“Hey, if it helps you sleep at night, at least you were cute,” Louis adds, and at this rate, he’s solely doing this to get a reaction from Harry. And it’s working. “What happened?”

He can play this game too if Louis wants, though. He’d be more than happy to join in. “It’s almost like you’re begging me to bring up your Super Bowl commercial back in 2016.”

Louis gasps, for whatever reason getting distraught over this more than he thought he would. It makes Harry start laughing immediately as he starts rambling. “You fucking saw that? Please, that shit was the worst thing I’ve ever done. Seriously, I black it out of my head until a cunt like you brings it up and makes me remember it. It was horrible.”

“It was cute,” he corrects him, but also teases. “The cowboy hat was adorable. And don’t insult it! Wasn’t it ranked like, number three in the Forbes article of funniest commercials for that year?”

Harry’s not even quite sure how he knows that information but it’s too late now to take that back. He realizes his mistake once he sees Louis’ expression change.

“Careful, Harry,” Louis smirks, voice low and deep. “Or I might think you’re a fan of me.”

He makes a squeaking noise, trying to sound as offended as he can. Before he gets the chance to throw something back at him, there’s another screech that causes them to both snap their heads up to see who made the noise. There’s two girls sitting on a rock ahead, staring at Louis and Harry and perfect, they’re about to get another picture posted on social media.

They share a look between each other, smiling softly knowing that they are going to get a little break from this hike to interact with these obvious fans.

When talking with them, they are for once more fans of Harry than Louis, which hasn’t been seen too often. It sort of makes Harry feel a little special, even though it’s dumb. He supposes it’s just sweet to hear these things after Louis has been getting love nonstop in front of him.

Not that he doesn’t deserve it. He deserves to get all the support from his fans he runs into since the media doesn’t give him that whatsoever.

Once they part, Louis takes off his sunglasses finally, placing them in his hair before sparing a glance toward Harry. “Still like walking around the house naked?”

He smacks his arm and Louis bursts into laughter, clutching his stomach and Harry can’t help but just watch him fondly and...

Right. There’s that damned word again.

Maybe Harry is a little fond of him. How did that happen in the matter of weeks after only being irritated with his presence? He’s not sure. There’s no way to really describe how that happened.

But it’s there now and he can’t deny it. That prickling feeling he’s starting to get when he’s around Louis.

Damn it.

_****_

The oven beeps and Harry gets up from his spot on the couch to get the pizza out of it. Normally he tries to avoid frozen foods like this, especially pizzas, but Niall gave him a surprise visit after he got home from his hike with Louis, bringing his choice in food. Harry was honestly too hungry to argue with him.

He places it on the counter so it can cool off, hearing Niall’s shouts from the living room. “Bring me another beer, H!”

He sighs, padding his way toward his fridge to do that for his friend. When he makes his way back to him, he gives him an amused smile as he takes in his current position. He’s sprawled out on Harry’s bean bag chair, blanket brought up to his chin, completely covering him. It’s sort of a cute sight, if he’s going to be honest.

“You sure you can escape from your cocoon to retrieve this?” He asks as he hands the beer over.

Niall chuckles, letting an arm maneuver its way out from under the blanket to grab it. “Thanks,” he mutters, bringing his eyes back to the telly. They’ve been watching episodes of _Criminal Minds_ together because Niall insisted that they needed a marathon night of the show. Harry doesn’t really mind, he enjoys it at least. “I’m fucking starved, I can’t wait to eat that damn pizza. Hurry up with it.”

Harry simply salutes him. “Anything for you, dear,” he teases, walking back to the kitchen to start cutting it into slices because he’s probably just as hungry as Niall. He’s willing to burn the roof of his mouth to get the food into his poor, grumbling stomach.

After he’s finished getting it all cut and prepared, he brings it back with some plates and napkins to their little area so they can both grab at the pieces and enjoy. Niall is ecstatic to watch his return, fully removing himself from his bean bag comfort.

“This shit slaps,” Niall comments, bringing a slice to his mouth, before even tasting it. “Don’t even try to deny it.”

Harry laughs, about to respond to him when his phone starts ringing in the pockets of his hoodie. He gets a little too excited at the thought of it possibly being Louis for whatever reason. When he digs it out and looks onto the screen to see Helena’s name on it, he can just feel himself start to frown, disappointed.

He answers it, placing the call on speaker. “Hello my lovely assistant. You’re on speaker with Niall Horan in the room.”

“Hi my annoying client,” she replies, making Niall chuckle. Harry flips him off as he bites into his pizza. “I’m calling because I just saw a picture that sort of made me wonder.”

Great. The girls posted the pictures of them on social media that she saw. He clears his throat, ignoring Niall’s stare. “Why would it make you curious?” He asks muffled, mouth full of food.

“Because I don’t think Theo or I suggested it,” she replies, sounding way too pleased with herself. “I’m just glad you two are getting along then. If you willingly asked him to join you on one of your hikes, that’s a good sign, isn’t it?”

He rolls his eyes, not wanting to admit to anything but also not being able to deny it. “I just thought it’d be nice. I wanted company and you know Niall sucks, so I didn’t have many options.”

“I do not suck! I actually love myself and wouldn’t put myself through that torture for the hell of it,” he defends himself, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand to get rid of the sauce on his lips. “You’re just insane and apparently Louis is too, then.”

They didn’t say what she was specifically referring to, but Niall clearly is smart enough to pick up on it anyways.

“I knew you’d end up liking him,” Helena comments too happily. “I’m suddenly thankful Theo suggested this. You’ve finally made a new friend!”

Niall bursts into laughter because he understands Harry isn’t the one to ever make friends if he can’t help it. He takes pride in the fact that he’s Harry’s closest and basically only real friend. Smug bastard.

Maybe this is a good time to bring up what Louis mentioned to him at the Emmys. “Speaking of Theo,” he begins, scooting up on the couch to grab his water. “I think you’ve got some explaining to do.”

“What?” She asks, all amusement in her tone gone. Ha.

“Because from the information I’ve received, it seems like you two might fancy each other a bit.”

Niall raises his eyebrows at him, while Harry just nods his head to confirm he’s not making this up. The line is silent for a while and he can just picture Helena freaking out. She loves to pick at Harry, but once it’s her turn, all jokes come to a halt.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she finally says, voice trembling the slightest bit. “Actually, I’ve got to go. Keep it up with Louis, whatever it is. People are loving you guys.”

Just like that she hangs up the call, clearly paranoid with Harry’s accusation. It makes him snicker, Niall watching him curiously. “No shit. They actually like each other?”

He nods, grabbing a napkin to wipe his hands of the greasiness from the pizza. “Louis mentioned to me that they’re basically using us to get closer all while promoting our careers at the same time. It seems as if it’s supposed to be a win-win situation for multiple people.”

Niall scoffs, crossing his arms while narrowing his eyes at him and shit. There’s one of his looks before he says something that Harry isn’t going to be too appreciative about. “Speaking of Louis, you were hoping that call was him... weren’t you?”

Harry starts chewing his bottom lip anxiously, knowing it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to admit to Niall that he’s been enjoying hanging around him as of lately. But he’s Niall, so no matter what he says, he’s going to be annoying.

“We’ve been getting along more, yeah. And don’t say I told you so. I don’t want to hear it.”

His thigh gets nudged as Niall digs his foot into it, a wild grin on his face. He opens his mouth to say something to piss off Harry, but after getting a glare from Harry, he controls himself. “I want a girlfriend,” he begins, changing the subject for Harry’s sake. “Can I get a fake one too? Possibly Selena Gomez?”

They just stare at each other in silence for a moment before they burst into a simultaneous laughter, their joint bellows covering up the sound of the telly in front of them.

It’s been a good day.


	6. six

October comes around and Harry couldn’t be more thrilled to be in his favorite month. There’s a lot of things approaching with his album which is a little nerve wracking, but otherwise, he is ready to get the final touches done.

Really, he has to figure out what he wants to do for the aesthetic of the entire thing. He has his ideas already but that has to be actually completed soon enough. He’s not too stressed about it because this part is pretty easy and can be fun since he has free range with how he wants to express himself through the cover and photoshoot to match up with the music.

There’s still a lot of time until the album gets released, not another four months or so, but it’s good to get this done now so he can announce the release date at the right time.

Next month his first single and music video for it will be put out, so that’s something else to look forward to. Harry is genuinely excited and ready for it all. He thought he wasn’t but as time passes and the dates get closer, he is starting to get antsy to just get it out to the world.

So yeah. It’s a busy four months for him, starting with this one officially. But still... a lovely month ahead.

It’s an early night for Harry only because he woke up at the crack of dawn to go with Niall to a yoga session. He for once was able to convince him to come along to one, and surprisingly enough, he only complained about three times which is a whole lot less than normal. 

He had his nighttime routine which consisted of some classic England styled tea, a book with a candle lit nearby until his eyes got droopy enough before blowing it out and falling into a peaceful sleep.

But unfortunately, that sleep wasn’t peaceful too long because in the middle of the night, Harry’s phone wakes him up after about the third time it rings. He started hearing the stupid Marimba ringtone in his dreams only to realize it was actually playing in the real world.

He groans, not even bothering to look at the caller ID as he presses answer, bringing it to his ear while keeping his eyes closed. “Hello?”

“Sorry to bother you, Harry. It’s Theo. I know you were probably sleeping but we kind of have a bit of an issue.”

His eyes snap open, feeling anxiety spread its way into his body. He has no idea what he’s referring to. He isn't in trouble, right? There's nothing he can think of, if he did something wrong or not. He sits up straight, letting his forearm fall on his bed to keep him propped up. “What do you mean?”

Theo sighs loudly, sounding completely done with... well, life, maybe? It’s one of those sighs where it sounds like he would do anything to be nonexistent right now. Harry understands those very much. “So I just spoke with Louis’ driver and bodyguard, Johnny, not sure if you’ve met him, but he uh... Louis is at a bar right now and apparently is being the stubborn, annoying brat he is, resulting in him flirting with all these guys openly and it doesn’t look good. So, I was just hoping you could get over there so people will see you guys together and not really accuse Louis of being a cheater. Like, show everyone that you two are still happy and touchy with each other, I guess.”

Really, Harry couldn’t give two shits about what Louis is doing. This isn’t his problem to fix. Why should he be forced to leave his home now just because Louis wanted to not listen to their contract? “I was sleeping...”

He’s still a bit out of it, meaning he isn't really processing that he’s speaking to Louis’ _manager_ this way. Not the best way to handle it professionally, but still. He was sleeping and doesn’t feel like going out just so a fan or two can snap a picture of them happily together.

“I’m really sorry. I understand it’s asking a lot and this was really unprofessional of Louis but like I’ve said, he’s stubborn and he refuses to leave yet and Johnny is pissed and doesn’t want to deal with him. It’d be really, really appreciated if you could stop in. I promise I’ll have a word with Louis about this and—”

“No, it’s fine,” Harry interrupts, not wanting Theo to lecture Louis about it, even though he probably will anyways. “I-I’ll go. Can you just text me the address?”

“Of course,” Theo rushes, seeming beyond relieved that Harry is actually going. “Thank you, really, Harry. This won’t happen again.”

He mumbles a bye before forcing himself to leave the warmth of his bed. Damn it, Louis. He hasn’t seen him in over a week and he’s still managing to be a pain in his arse.

He’s not even pissed with the fact he’s flirting with other boys, it’s just that he’s apparently doing it to an extreme to where Harry has to remind him that he’s ‘dating’ him and can’t be doing that publicly.

He throws on a t-shirt and sweatpants since it’s the easiest before he treads himself out of his house and to his car after he gets the address from Theo.

Checking the time on his phone to see it’s one in the morning, he curses because he really hates going out like this if he doesn’t have to. Most of the time at bars specifically, because if a drunk fan is there, there’s literally nothing more annoying than that. They think that they are your best friends and it can get sort of uncomfortable. Harry never knows what to do.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair as the other one stays rested on the wheel. He’s starting to feel like a dad going up to pick up his irresponsible son in the middle of the night.

Look, he realizes falling asleep before ten on a Friday night is a bit... sad. He’s young and should be going out and enjoying his life like Louis is, but then again, he just really fucking loves his bed.

He’s always been a homebody which sounds inaccurate considering his job consists of a lot of traveling at certain times. But if he’s in L.A. or London with his family, and his home is close to him, he will most likely be there doing nothing instead of being out and doing something.

He likes to take it to his advantage. He loves traveling, more than anything, really, but that doesn’t mean he would say no about going home so he could crawl into his own bed.

It doesn’t take too long to get there and once he does, there are paparazzi waiting outside like vultures since they know Louis is here. They of course snap pictures of Harry who ignores them like normal, going inside and realizing he’s got no idea what Johnny looks like. He’s never met him.

He freezes in the doorway, scanning the crowds of people hoping he can just find Louis himself. He’s half expecting to see him grinding on some stranger with how distressed Theo sounded over the phone earlier.

He’s still trying to spot him when a huge body approaches him, partially startling him to death until he speaks and properly introduces himself. “Thanks for coming,” he greets and there’s his answer about what Johnny looks like... a six foot five man with a beard that runs down to his buff chest. He could throw Harry like he’s a baseball. “Louis is by the counter and he refuses to talk to me because I said something to piss him off. Hopefully you can convince him to go home.”

Harry nods, wondering what his bodyguard could have possibly said to upset him. He can’t see a bodyguard upsetting him that much, unless he just is overreacting which sounds like him.

He heads over to the counter that he said he’s at. It doesn’t take long to spot him because he’s in a pretty bright outfit tonight and... rather cute, too. Shit. A red shirt, white pants with some white suspenders hooked around him. He’s never seen him dressed up like this, it’s always either a casual t-shirt and jeans or sweats. This is... wow. Harry sort of loves it.

Nerves start kicking in as he reaches Louis, trying to ignore them while mentally preparing himself for whatever he’s about to deal with. “A little birdie told me you’ve been causing quite the ruckus,” Harry teases as he takes the seat next to Louis.

He turns his head to watch Harry sit, a tired smile spreading across his face. His blue eyes are covered by the droopiness of his lids. “Hey,” he greets quietly. “Hi boyfriend. My rockstar.”

Harry laughs, taking in his body in full. Louis is the drunkest he’s seen him yet, meaning he’s probably going to say and do things he wouldn’t sober. This is going to be interesting, as bad as that might sound.

But at least there isn’t any flirting going on currently with other boys. “I can tell that you were having fun tonight,” he observes, nodding to his forehead which is covered in sweat, hair all over the place. There’s no way he wasn’t dancing and he guarantees there will be videos tomorrow on the internet. He makes note to himself to look for those.

Louis just shrugs, waving the bartender over. “You want a drink?”

Probably not the best idea, but as long as he forces himself to remain sober, then it shouldn’t be too bad. He’s here, right? May as well enjoy one drink with him before they go. Maybe it’ll get Louis in a better mood as well. “Sure.”

“What’s your poison?”

“A margarita is fine.”

Louis raises an eyebrow at him, amused. “Really?”

“Really,” he responds, smiling ever so slightly just purely at the sight of Louis’ face so close to his own. He rolls his eyes as he gets them their drinks. “Thanks, baby.”

“You’re fucking annoying,” Louis mutters mostly to himself, clearly not meaning it. He snaps his head back toward him, crossing his hands together. “And you missed all the fun, you know.”

“I’m aware,” Harry accuses, narrowing his eyes at him. “How dare you flirt with other men when I’m the only boy you should ever have eyes for.”

Louis snorts while shaking his head. His hair is getting rather long, making it fall onto his forehead and stick there with all the sweat. Harry sort of wants to reach and push it off. “You’re right. I could never compare your ugly mug to anyone else here.”

“Hey,” Harry whines, nudging him with his elbow as the drinks are placed in front of them. “Quit insulting me or I might think you actually like me.”

Not sure why he’s feeling so brave all of a sudden, but he doesn’t want to stop. He has been opening up with Louis more and more since he is easy to get along with, and honestly, they do click. He thought they would once they got past the rough start and each time they are together he is just proven right.

This causes Louis to snicker like it’s the most ridiculous assumption ever. “You wish.”

Harry pouts purposely, causing Louis to roll his eyes, making a gun with his fingers while pretending to shoot himself in the head. They both laugh as they start drinking from their glasses, making small conversation as they enjoy them.

He can tell that Louis was truly having fun but he’s winded down probably just before Harry got here. Which makes sense, really. The first couple drinks made him want to party but as the night went on he just got more and more drained. That’s normal.

Now, Harry has seen a couple videos of a drunk Louis out partying but that’s usually when there was some drama going on with them, or if maybe a fan or two snuck one. Mostly the videos he’s watched in the past are ones of walking out of the bar and cursing the paps out.

There was one though he remembers that took place with none other than Zayn Malik. They were dancing together and apparently bumped into someone who wasn’t too happy about it, and Louis started flipping out. There wasn’t any context behind that, but it did make Louis seem like an utter prick. And well, a spoiled celebrity.

But again, it was never said why he started screaming at that stranger. Maybe he did say something that was worth getting yelled at by him. Because now, Harry has a little more faith in Louis that he isn’t as snobby as a person as the media likes to portray him at times.

Knowing him for over a month and spending a good amount of time with him, he’s got a decent heart. He tends to hide it with his strong personality, letting that side overpower it so he seems more confident and brave or whatever. But then there’s this sweeter side, one that’s gentle and kind, worrying so much about others.

The way that he interacts with his fans, Jesus. That’s a whole nother level. He listens intently and offers them all his attention, really making sure that they know he appreciates them just as much as they do to him.

He loves watching people meet Louis. He really does. It doesn’t bother him ever whenever they come up to interrupt one of their dates or whatever, because it’s such a special thing to witness.

“This might be the most underdressed I’ve seen you in public,” Louis comments, scanning his eyes over Harry’s body for a second. “Besides that cursed hike, that is.”

Harry laughs because he doesn’t think he’s ever going to hear the end of that. He just shrugs, licking his lips and carefully debating how he wants to respond to him. “It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone, right? I’ve already won over your heart...”

“Says who?”

“Our contract.”

Louis snickers, rolling his eyes. Harry’s smirking as he brings his glass to his lips when there’s a sudden hand resting on his lower back. He glances over to Louis who is leaning closer and fuck. His heart picks up a pace or two when Louis’ lips go against his ear, rubbing his hand in small circles. “Sorry. People are taking pictures.”

He gulps, nodding as Louis stays like that for a little longer before pulling away. But he only moves slightly so now they can stare at each other and their faces are super fucking close. Harry blinks rapidly, eyes traveling down to Louis’ lips because it would be so easy to just kiss them right now. And he sort of wants to kiss him.

Which... what? When has _that_ become a thing?

No, he doesn’t want to actually kiss him. It’s the alcohol he consumed, yeah. Even if it was a small amount. That’s the cruel thing to blame. Kissing Louis for his pleasure and not for something having to do with their PR is a huge no. He can’t want that.

Louis seems to notice that Harry’s eyes are focused on his lips because he quickly straightens himself up, way out of Harry’s reach. “I want to go home.”

Well. There’s that. Louis definitely doesn’t want to kiss him back which he can’t be all that shocked or upset about. Harry himself shouldn’t want to kiss him. Maybe it’s just the fact that he hasn’t kissed someone in so long and Louis really is here and he’s so lovely and gorgeous... it’d be _easy_ to kiss him, if he wasn’t such a pain in the arse. That’s it, no big deal.

“Okay,” Harry agrees, bobbing his head desperately, wanting nothing more than to forget about that last minute. “Do you want me to take you? Instead of Johnny?”

He blinks lazily, standing up and running his sweaty hands down his shirt to dry them. He stares at Harry with soft eyes. “You’d do that?”

“Sure,” Harry confirms, voice just above a whisper. “It’s not a far drive. No big deal. Promise.”

Louis lets out a shaky breath, obviously grateful that Harry offered this to him. “Thank you. Johnny is so pissed at me and I don’t feel like hearing him lecture me in the car. My head is fucking pounding and he’ll only add onto it.”

Harry chuckles, reaching over to squeeze his arm to reassure him. “No problem. Let me go tell him, yeah? Stay here?” When Louis nods in agreement he heads back over to let him know.

He’s standing by the door just watching them, eyes dark and clearly pissed off that he’s still here. He’s intimidated going up to him but once he says he can be the one who takes Louis home, he doesn’t hesitate to allow that and leave the bar. Which... okay, probably not the best idea because what if something were to happen to Louis before they get to leave and he’s not here?

Whatever. They’ll be fine. He walks back to Louis who is just standing there, massaging his temples and Harry frowns, noticing how sick he’s starting to look. He’s pale in the face. “Hey, are you alright? What’s bothering you?”

He opens his eyes and wobbles a little, Harry reaching out to grab his forearm so he can help steady his balance. “Y-Yeah, just feeling a bit sick.”

“Let’s get you home,” Harry insists, gently pulling him toward the doors and hoping to God he can block Louis out from the paparazzi. When you aren’t feeling good, those lights and shouts don’t help. Not that they are ever good, but especially now.

Once they get outside Harry tries his best to shield Louis as he gets to his car. There’s not many paparazzi, maybe only a couple, but it’s enough to make your vision go a bit blurry with the flashes. He mentioned to Louis to keep his eyes closed and he’d guide him, which was exactly what happened. He got him into the passenger seat soon enough and then hurried to his drivers spot.

They drive in silence because Louis seems to have a throbbing headache still, leaning his forehead against the coolness of the glass window. Harry tries blasting his air since he understands that he tends to overheat when he starts getting sick, and with the way Louis is starting to sweat, he can tell that he is.

It’s not too long of them sitting in the car, thankfully. He honestly did try and hurry because he didn’t want Louis puking. He hates having a dirty car and the smell would have taken forever to get out.

“Thanks for being so cool about all this,” Louis mumbles out of nowhere, pushing his head off the window to look over at Harry as they pull into his house. “You didn’t have to come out tonight. Who called you, anyways? Was it Theo?”

He sighs, nodding. He can tell that Louis is a bit embarrassed about him coming out there, but he’s trying to ignore the fact that he is. “Yeah. It’s fine, though.”

“Hopefully I didn’t force you away from anything,” he says, stifling back a yawn with his fist. “I’ll try to control myself next time.”

Harry chuckles, running a hand through his hair as he pulls his keys out of his car. “Come on. Let’s get you in bed.”

“Mm,” Louis hums, opening the door to step out as Harry does the same. When he slams it, he gives Harry a sultry look over the hood of the vehicle. “You going to undress me? These suspenders are quite... difficult, to get off myself. As well as these pants. They’re just so damn _tight_.”

What the fuck? Harry can feel his eyes widening and his dick already threatening him with that taunting question. What is he doing? Why the hell is he flirting _now_?

It’s the alcohol. Yeah. Louis is still drunk and being an arse, per usual. So he laughs nervously, walking over to grab his hand. He tries to hide the way he’s trembling. “Shut up.”

“You gonna make me?” He chirps, a little too happily as he basically prances next to him. “I could think of a few ways, rockstar.”

“Jesus Christ,” Harry hisses, turning around as they reach his door to see his facial expression which is amused and cocky. Louis Tomlinson might actually kill him. “Why are you fucking with me?”

Louis giggles, taking his keys out and handing them to Harry since he’s still not functional enough to unlock it himself. Now, Harry’s not too sure he is either with how badly his hands are shaking. He’s starting to sweat too, and he can only imagine how red his face is.

“Because you’re so fucking easy it’s hysterical. I could snap—” Louis suddenly shoves his hand in Harry’s face, snapping his thumb and middle finger together to prove his point. He flinches back slightly. “—my fingers and get you all flustered.”

He stumbles into the house, trying to get away from this fucking menance. He hastily reaches out to drag him in as well, slamming the door shut. He’s feeling anxious now, not liking where this is going.

But also enjoying it. He’s confused and he is flustered. Louis is not fucking wrong and it’s pissing him off.

“I’m just going to ignore you,” he mutters, glancing around the house and frowning when he remembers how huge it is and how many rooms it holds. Also, it’s only his second time here. “I have no idea where your bedroom is.”

Louis rolls his eyes and starts bringing them up the stairs, Harry still holding onto him just in case his balance decides to give up on him. He really tries not to stare at his arse and thighs as he’s a step in front of him. But it’s so hard not to because it’s right there.

When they reach his room, it’s probably the most plain room in the house from what he’s seen so far. He was expecting a lot of character in it for someone like him, but instead, there’s just a lot of... black. There’s a black duvet, black curtains, black walls. It’s borderline depressing.

No. It _is_ depressing. He frowns, watching Louis as he approaches his bed, sitting down to take off his shoes. “Can I ask why your room is a literal dungeon?”

Louis bursts into laughter. “Whaddaya mean?”

“This is a dungeon for a vampire, Louis. Why is it so dark? I’m getting depressed just standing in here," he shivers. It sounds like it might be a joke but it’s really not.

Shit. Was this where he spent all his time after he came out? That had to be absolutely horrible. This room cannot be good for someone who is dealing with such hard things in his life all of the time. He almost... why does he feel pitiful toward him? More than ever before? All because his room is dark??

“I can’t sleep well unless it’s pitch black.”

“Then just get a sleeping mask?”

He shakes his head, undoing his suspenders and shit. This is where he teased Harry about helping. “I like it like this. Fuck off, stop judging my room.”

“Dungeon,” he corrects with a smirk. “But fine,” he jokes, walking over so he can pull the covers down even as Louis continues undressing himself. He’s trying to ignore the pounding in his chest from his heart. “Do you want me to grab you a change of clothes or?”

“I sleep in me briefs. So no,” he mumbles, moving to rip off his shirt and Harry trips backwards as he tries to retreat from the bed. He will not look at his body that has way more tattoos than he knew about. One is spread over his chest, and his arms are full of them. How did he not notice this before? And... nope. Not looking. “You alright?”

Smug bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. “Just hurry up so I can tuck you in.”

Louis bursts into more laughter, staring at Harry with wide eyes. He seems to be borderline hysterical. “Tuck me in? What am I? Fucking five years old? Get out of here, Harry. I’m fine.”

He flushes, realizing that maybe they aren’t close enough for him to have said that. See, Harry always tucks Niall in when he’s drunk. He kind of forgot that maybe that isn’t a normal thing for everyone. Oh well. “Alright. Well, um, goodnight, Louis.”

“You can crash on my couch, if you want. There’s no reason for you to drive back home when I’ve got plenty of options here for you to sleep. This is my thank you for doing this for me,” he offers, standing up and crawling under his sheets. “Seriously, though. Thanks for saving my arse.”

Harry bites his lip to suppress another grin. “Welcome. And yeah, uh, thanks. I-I will probably just crash here, then.”

He can see Louis smiling as he turns on his side, getting comfortable. Harry’s hand lingers on the door handle as he watches him a little longer. “Goodnight, rockstar.”

He releases his lip as he can’t stop himself anymore from smiling. God damn it. “Goodnight, moviestar.”


	7. seven

Apparently Louis is one of those celebrities who has no food in his house because he gets meals personally delivered or cooked for him. Harry is going to have to have a word with him about this monstrosity.

He woke up to Droolius Caesar licking his hand that was hanging off the couch. It startled him to near death, making him fall off the couch and almost landing on the poor dog, but thankfully it moved out of the way just in time. He groaned as the dog crawled onto his chest, licking at his face and he remembered in that moment that this is Zayn’s dog. If Zayn is keeping a dog at Louis’ place, that has to mean they’re involved in something serious... right?

But then he reminded himself that it’s none of his business whatever the hell Louis and Zayn are to each other. They’ve known each other for years and if they’re secretly dating for real, then good for them. Must be nice for Louis to have a real boyfriend during this entire fake one. Maybe Harry should try and do the fucking same.

He petted him for a while knowing that Louis probably doesn’t give him any attention before he made his way into the kitchen to get breakfast started for them. Normally, a good breakfast always helps Harry with his hangovers, and hopefully it does for Louis too.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to work with. He ended up having to make eggs and some toast with strawberry jam, finishing it up just as Louis made his way to join him, which was perfect timing. “There’s people for that, you know.”

He fucking called it.

Although, Louis doesn't seem to be bothered because he takes a seat at the dining room table, getting comfortable as he watches Harry. For a moment, they briefly stare at each other and take in how they are in the morning.

Louis, for one, looks sweeter than he’s ever seen him. Seriously. He is considering walking over to him and stuffing him in his pocket just so he can show off to everyone else that it’s possible for a human being to be this fucking cute.

He shakes his head hoping that thought he just had will dissolve and never, _ever_ reappear. _You really need to get a grip of yourself_.

He has maybe the worst, but best bedheads. How does he manage to still look more than decent? His hair sticks in every direction, strands falling on his forehead. His eyes are drooping, eyelashes still prominent as ever. Cheeks are a shade of rosy pink, matching the color of his lips.

Fuck.

He clears his throat, turning back to the oven so he can dump the eggs on the plates with pieces of toast. “This is very disappointing, Louis.”

Unalarmed, Louis hums. “What is?”

He picks up the plates and brings them over to the table so they can both enjoy it. He feels Louis’ eyes piercing into his body. “Your kitchen. It’s so empty.”

“Yeah. Does it look like I’d fucking cook?” He mumbles, bringing the plate closer to him, not even hesitating. His one leg is propped up on the chair, arm hanging over his knee as he uses it to pick up the fork and starts eating. “Like I said, I’ve got people to cook for me when I have the taste for a homemade meal. Apparently, you now fall into that category, so thanks for that.”

Harry scoffs, taking a bite from his toast. “I like cooking. Plus, Droolius was great company,” he admits, nodding to the dog who is now at Harry’s feet. He may or may not have accidentally dropped a bit of strawberry jam on the ground for him. “Think I’m his new favorite.”

“Good. Maybe he’ll stop following me around all the fucking time,” he muffles with a mouthful of food, and Harry actually laughs because this boy is so grumpy.

It shouldn’t be endearing. Not in the slightest. “Does he stay here all the time? Because if so I feel horrible for him.”

Louis rolls his eyes, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Harry definitely doesn’t track the movement. “Sometimes. Zayn’s going on tour now, for two months, so I’m just keeping the dog here because it’s better for it that way. It gets car sick, so.”

Why did he not even know that Zayn was going on a tour? He feels like that’s something he would have been aware of. Maybe that shows just how little he actually pays attention to anything in the music industry.

He simply hates seeing what other people are putting out, and how they are doing because it makes him feel like he could be doing better. It’s really hard for him to not think so lowly of himself since he always thinks so highly of others. Comparing yourself is incredibly difficult _not_ to do. At least for Harry, that is.

So yeah, that has to be why. Especially with someone like Zayn.

“Well that’s nice. I guess. I sure hope you’re feeding him,” he admits, not really seeing Louis being responsible enough to take care of it. “And taking him on walks. Exercise for dogs is important.”

Louis smiles, one side of his cheek full of eggs, making it stick out. “I’ve got people for that.”

Harry rolls his eyes this time. “Unacceptable. But really, we need to get you some groceries because this is pathetic.”

This makes Louis laugh as he suspected it would. Probably because Harry sounds a bit ridiculous but he doesn’t care. It’s just his honest opinion. “Fine. You wanna make me some cream puffs while you’re at it?”

He drops his fork on his plate because fuck, that question caught him off guard. Apparently Louis did way more fucking research on Harry than he would have expected. He’s got no clue what to think about this. Everyday Louis just seems to take him by surprise more and more.

He mentioned in an interview one time that his mum and him used to make cream puffs together, that it was something special they shared. A little tradition, maybe. He doesn’t even remember where he said it, but it was such an insignificant one, he knows that much.

This is... a lot.

“How many videos did you watch of me?” He asks frantically, picking his fork back up to stab his eggs while keeping his attention focused on Louis.

Louis smirks, shrugging while rubbing his chin against his knee. “I needed to figure you out. You’re hard to read so I had to do some research. It’s pretty cool knowing all this shit about you and you haven’t even told me any of it. Makes me feel like I’ve got power over you.”

“You’re an insane person,” he whispers, partially kidding but also serious. Louis looks delighted and it starts to stress Harry out. Maybe he’s one hundred percent serious, actually. “No. Seriously. Is there something wrong with you?”

“A lot of things,” he admits, letting his feet both fall onto the ground now, resting his elbows on the table so he can place his chin on his folded hands. “But I’m such a great actor. You would never suspect a thing.”

Harry blinks as Louis winks at him. “Should I be worried for my like... I don’t know? Life?”

“Maybe if you make me some cream puffs one day I’ll spare you.”

Laughing, he narrows his eyes at him and fuck it. Damn it, he’s got nothing better to do today. “I can make them today if you want. I’ll order the ingredients for that and then as well as other things for you.”

“If it’ll make you happy, sweetheart,” he agrees, mocking.

“It will.”

Louis then pushes away from the table to stretch out his body after he’s done eating. The white t-shirt that he threw on to come out in rides up by his stomach, revealing the delicate skin underneath. Harry’s eyes travel down to that area before moving to his arms, taking in just how many tattoos he has. He’s seen parts of the ink before but once he took off his shirt last night, he only noticed that he has way more than he originally thought.

Also, a lot of the times he’s seen him he’s been in long sleeves besides maybe twice. So yeah.

He stands up eventually and Harry snaps out of it, especially when he can see Louis smirking knowing he was checking him out very openly. Damn it. “Want to go for a swim?”

He blinks, gulping before standing up himself and grabbing their empty plates. Swimming alone? With a shirtless Louis? The thought is making him start sweating. “Y-Yeah. Let me just clean up—”

“Harry,” Louis laughs, giving him a funny look. “It’s fine. You’ve done enough, don’t worry about that. Seriously.”

He really would like to drag out time right now if he’s going to be honest. He doesn’t know if his poor body will be able to handle this.

Jesus. He really needs to get himself laid. This is pathetic if he’s worried about feeling things toward Louis only because they’re going to be swimming together. It shouldn’t be causing him this much stress just at the thought of doing that.

He sighs, putting the plates in the sink and just nodding slowly and giving in. “Alright.”

_****_

It was a cruel, cruel idea on Louis’ behalf. The thing is, Harry believes that Louis deliberately did this because he’s starting to see that he might have an affect on him after all and he’s testing the waters. No pun intended.

And it worked. He successfully got Harry to react. For fucks sake, he is only human, after all. It’s not his fault that Louis is as attractive as he is and he was forced to be around him when they went swimming.

It started with Louis letting him borrow some swim trunks before they both changed into them and made their way down to his backyard, Harry doing everything in his power to not let his eyes travel Louis’ body up and down at that moment. He did a pretty good job there, keeping his head bent forward so he was only focused on his own bare feet.

For Harry’s benefit, Louis sprinted into the water as they got close enough and he encouraged Harry to do the same. Quite frankly, it’s hard not to listen to Louis’ requests so he did just that, and then they spent the majority of the time just floating and talking.

To his surprise, it seems as if Louis actually pays attention to Harry’s career because he did bring up his new single which caught him just a tad off guard at first.

“So, how are you feeling about your new song coming out a couple weeks?” He asked, leaning back on the stairs, using his elbows to keep himself propped up.

Harry shrugged, licking his lips self consciously. “I don’t know? It’s a lot different this time round,” he admitted, wanting to actually get it off his chest to someone other than Niall or his family, feeling like Louis might be a good option to do so.

Louis tilted his head softly at him. “How come?”

Letting his finger absentmindedly run over the top of the water, he sighed, getting ready to say everything he wanted. “Because it’s all me. This entire album, from start to finish, I was able to make it exactly the way I wanted it. Like... last time, I was rushed into things and had to work with people I would have preferred not to, even though I didn’t know it yet, while not even getting a full say with what went into it. Which, I guess, when people didn’t like it, I didn’t take it to heart since I didn’t even like it completely myself. That’s why it took me so long to work on this, because I didn’t want to release something until I was one hundred percent proud of it, unlike my debut album. It’s much more nerve wracking, that’s for sure. I don’t want to disappoint anyone, or be disappointed in myself, as well.”

Louis seemed to take in everything he just said considerately, because he didn’t respond straight away. Instead, he nodded slowly and chose his words carefully before speaking them. “And you’re one hundred percent proud of it?”

Harry didn’t hesitate. “I am.”

Because it was true. He worked on this album for two years, pouring his heart into it and giving it everything he could. From just about everything. The production, the lyrics, his vocals... there has never been a doubt in his mind that he could have done better. This is his best work, and he truly believes in that.

It’s a good feeling, knowing how proud he is of himself, but that still doesn’t mean he’s not worried about what others will think and say. Because if they criticize it, then is he just being overly confident? Is he hyping himself up when he doesn’t maybe deserve it?

“Then that’s all the matters. If you’re happy with what you’ve created, then leave it there. Don’t let others ruin it for you because they have their own opinion. I get sometimes it’s easier said than done, trust me, but if you are this proud of yourself, then other people shouldn’t matter at all,” Louis suggested quietly, sounding so sincere with every word.

He was right. It’s similar to what everyone else has been telling him, but those are the people close in his life. Coming from someone like Louis, someone he hasn’t known too long, truly meaning everything he just said, it means a lot. He really wanted to hear it from him.

He nodded, giving a small smile. “Thanks, Louis.”

Louis started smirking, smugly leaning forward toward him. Harry’s heart stopped for a moment up until he opened his big mouth. “I think you might’ve just lied to me though, rockstar.”

Harry frowned, swimming away from him. “What?”

“You said that you didn’t take it to heart what people said about your first album,” he teased, that damned smirk growing by each second. “My block on Twitter begs to differ.”

He simply splashed him with water and they laughed it off.

Basically, everything was going in Harry’s favor for that time spent until he got out first, turning around to watch as Louis followed him which was a mistake on his behalf. He didn’t think that through even though he should have.

When he got out, his shorts were all disoriented, very much showing the outline of his cock. He tried not to stare, but as Louis adjusted himself he kept his eyes locked on the area, causing Louis to snap his fingers to get him to look back up.

He was fucking humiliated, to say the least. Because he’s sure it looked like he was foaming at the mouth and Louis was thrilled with that fact. “You alright?” He asked, one of his fucking annoying smirks on his face.

He cleared his throat and then grabbed his towel harshly before he wrapped it around his waist. He felt the blood rushing up to his cheeks like they were made to do. “Yeah, sorry.”

Harry couldn’t help but think back to Louis’ first movie. Because remember that scene? That one fucking scene in the movie where he was first ever introduced to Louis? The pool scene that he illegally found so he could jerk off after seeing it in theatres?

Well. It was like seeing it in person in a slightly different way. Up close. And even better.

He suddenly got flashbacks to that fucking day and remembering how he felt back then, a teenage boy on the verge of discovering his sexuality, watching a very attractive boy on the big screen emerging front the water in slow motion, a big smile plastered on his face. It was just a lot for him to see.

Even at the ripe age of 21, he felt like a horny teenager all over again just because he saw the outline of his (rather large) cock for less than a minute. Jesus fucking Christ.

He was getting even hotter when he came to the realization that Louis Tomlinson was truly right in front of him. He needed somewhere to breathe without this boy right next to him. When they walked into the house he immediately excused himself to the bathroom to cool off which is where he is now, leaning against the tiled wall, taking deep, steady breaths and slowly relaxing.

Everything is fine. A big reason he’s having trouble right now is because he hasn’t had sex in almost a year. He’s slowly dying a painful—in need of a good fuck—death. It’s excusable, no big deal. He just really needs to get laid.

And he refuses for that person to be Louis, no matter how badly deep down he might want that to happen. It’s just not a smart idea and he doesn’t want to give Louis that satisfaction after he obviously wants to fuck with him and get him flustered.

He’s aware of it, too. He made that clear last night. So no, he won’t give in and admit that he might be able to make him feel things when they’re together.

Once he manages to collect himself and feels a little less hot, he changes back into his clothes that he successfully managed to grab before coming into the bathroom, going back into the kitchen where Louis is now sitting in a hoodie and scrolling through his phone. He doesn’t really know how long he was in there, to be honest, but he hopes it wasn’t too long.

He wouldn’t want Louis thinking he was jerking off, to put it frankly.

He clears his throat to make his presence aware of, going to sit down next to him. “What're you doing?” He asks with a small voice crack. Real smooth, Harry.

Louis shrugs, not making any effort to look at him which he can be thankful for. “Getting the ingredients for your cream puffs. That was the plan, wasn’t it?”

Harry reaches over to grab his phone out of his hands. “Let me do it so you don’t mess it up.”

“Arse,” Louis mutters just as Droolius barks at them. He groans, standing up and letting the dog outside. It makes Harry chuckle a little as he scrolls through the phone.

They sit in silence for the most part as Harry gets together a cart of the ingredients they need for the cream puffs, and then as well as other things that Louis can keep in his house that he could possibly cook if he gives in one day, or if Harry somehow ends up back here he could make it himself.

Not that he’s hoping Louis invites him over more or anything. Definitely not.

He’s just about finished when there’s a text that pops up on the screen and he really doesn’t mean to glance up at it, but naturally he does and sees Theo’s name as well as part of the message he sent.

**Theo 2:17 P.M.**   
_You’re lucky that Harry saved your ass last ni…_

He blinks, handing Louis’ phone back to him and feeling a bit guilty that he just read that even though he truly didn’t mean to. It’s just the normal reaction, isn’t it? When something pops up on a phone like that you just look at it. He shouldn’t feel guilty, right? Shit.

Louis takes the phone silently and completes the order. He then goes to his messages and Harry anxiously chews on his lips, knowing that Louis is aware he probably saw what he said.

He confirms it because as soon as he’s done reading whatever he fully texted, he lets out a sigh and puts it face down on the counter. “I’m sorry for that,” Louis mutters, playing with the skin around his nails, Harry watching as a very sudden nervous energy overtakes him. “It’s just... fuck, sometimes I read certain things about our papped pics and it gets me so worked up. That’s why I went out last night, and when I drink when I’m already upset, it ends up with me being stupid. So really, Harry, I know I’ve said it but I truly am sorry that I acted that way last night and you were asked to come and fix the problem I created. We’re in this together and I disrespected that. I don’t want to make you look bad or anything, but I mean hey, I’m sure you were aware of what you were getting into at least being involved with a shit-show like me.”

He was not expecting that. Not at all. Suddenly, Harry feels horrible for him. He knew that Louis cares about what people think of him, he even admitted that much when they went to the Emmys together. But he wasn’t aware that it affected him this bad.

Also, he’s got no idea what people are saying about any of their papped pictures, or even their relationship at all, because he doesn’t look for that. Solely because of this reason. People are cruel and they say things they know would hurt someone without thinking twice.

He frowns as he starts to realize something. He’s noticed that Louis subtly is always looking at what people are saying about him. He actively seeks the bad comments, if anything.

Because at their ice cream date, he made a joking comment that he saw someone say online that there’s no way Harry would willingly date Louis and he said it with so much humor that at the time, he didn’t think he was upset about it. So he laughed with him and joked back because it seemed like that was the right thing to do.

But now, he can see that probably bothered him and hurt him. And that he’s constantly searching for comments like that which isn’t good. You can’t do that to yourself because it only worsens the situation.

Harry clears his throat, wanting to reach out to him. “You need to limit your screen time,” he admits with a frown. “You’re always looking at what people are saying which isn’t healthy.” That’s something he truly believes. It’s not healthy for someone's mental health to be watching strangers put you down constantly.

Louis just laughs again which damn it. Why does he try to hide his feelings with humor all the time? “It’s not that easy for me.”

Harry nods because it’s understandable. When he first started out, he was constantly doing the same thing. He wanted to read what people thought of him and the good comments made him feel over the moon. But then he’d get those few harsh ones and he felt like it was the end of the world, basically. Not even trying to be dramatic or anything, it just stung reading that shit. How can a stranger’s words hurt that much?

So he made a point to stop doing that to himself because it’s better that way. It’s made a huge difference in his life and he only hopes for the same with Louis.

“I know,” he says softly and understanding. “But it’s not good for you. You’re just hurting yourself for no reason.”

He shrugs and he’s about to answer when there’s a scratching at the door, meaning that Droolius wants to come in. He’s about to stand up to let him in but Harry stops him with a hand on his shoulder so he can go and do that instead. As he’s walking there, Louis speaks up. “Whatever.”

Alright then. Harry doesn’t think that was what he was originally going to say before Droolius interrupted him. But now he knows that means he’s going to keep looking for them and there’s nothing he can really do to stop him completely. The least he can do is keep encouraging him to not do that, but it doesn’t seem like it’ll be that easy.

Droolius runs back in and Harry closes the door behind him. “Just try to limit your screen time, yeah?”

“Okay, mum. Will do.”

Harry shakes his head but smiles anyways even though it’s more pitiful than anything.

The rest of the time they spend together before their groceries are delivered is talking and Harry insisting that they go outside and play with Droolius. Louis refused at first but eventually gave in after Harry picked him up and gave his best pouty face which ha. He knew that would work like a charm.

Everything soon got delivered and Harry unloaded everything and explained to Louis why he got each thing and he could tell Louis was just pretending to pay attention, but was distracted by something on his phone again. It looked like it was messages from someone because he was consistently typing on it. He knew it was none of his business so he didn’t ask even though he really wanted to.

He’s just curious about Louis’ life and it seems that as each day passes, he only wants to know more. There’s something about him and Harry can’t help but think everyone who gets to personally know the inside bits of him are lucky people.

Suddenly, maybe he is jealous of Zayn. And he wonders if that’s who he is texting.

Soon enough they started to make the cream puffs. Well, Harry made them while Louis stood close and watched. At least he put his phone down during all of this, not letting himself get distracted by it. He made a lot of comments about each thing Harry was doing, making him laugh in the process because like he’s said before, Louis really has amazing humor.

When they’re done completely, Louis immediately grabs his phone and takes a picture. “These better be fucking good because if not I’m about to lie on the internet,” he says as he posts the picture of the cream puffs to his Instagram story.

He shows it to Harry before he posts. The caption along with it says, ‘new obsession!!!! Thanks to my baby ;)’ and Harry starts chuckling, feeling a bit warm in his heart and for one second... only for a second, he wishes that this was real.

Because today was a good day. It really was. They didn’t do much but the time they spent talking about random things, it was strangely nice and comforting. They just click. He didn’t think that they would get along this well, but as each second passes, it only seems like they could easily become close friends since they have things in common and their conversations are starting to flow naturally.

“Finally admitting to the world that I’m your baby?”

“Unfortunately,” he answers with a wink.

Harry bites back a dangerous smile and realizes he won’t be against the idea of spending another day like this with Louis again sometime soon.


	8. eight

This week has been a busy one for Harry because his new single finally came out on Thursday night the week prior and he’s been doing a lot of radio interviews since then.

That’s something he didn’t miss, that’s for sure. He just hates being asked about himself more than anything and on top of that, it’s also distributed to the world for everyone to hear how he sounds like an idiot more than half the time. Harry is... he’s bad with words, sometimes. Becomes a stuttering mess and he talks a little too slow for these radio hosts’ liking.

But besides that, he’s been really proud of the reaction. People seem to like the song and that’s all he can ask for. Well, from what he’s seen, at least. He only lets Helena and Niall send him the good comments that will really boost his esteem which is what they have been doing.

Later today he is going to be shooting the album photoshoot. He’s beyond excited to get that done, especially after having this single coming out. He is getting more antsy just waiting now and wants to get a move on things. It only took two years, but still. He’s there now.

Niall and him are currently sitting on his balcony, listening to Harry’s album in full like they usually do when they get bored enough. It’s always nice listening to it with Niall specifically because all he does is talk about how great it is and how it’s going to change the world of music.

Which might be going a little overboard with the idea, but it’s still a nice thought of him and Harry can appreciate it because he just sounds so sincere and confident while saying it.

They’re about five songs in when his phone chimes and he immediately reaches over to the glass table it was placed on to see who it is, really hoping that it’s a certain someone.

**Louis 11:17 A.M.**   
_Just watched your music video. Good job rockstar , thanks for proving to the world that i’ve got a sexy boyfriend ;)))_

He bites his lip to suppress his smile. He can’t stop the blush of his cheeks, but at least he can stop that much. Earlier in the week Louis did congratulate him on the song, but he didn’t know if he watched the video that they worked really hard on in Jamaica. But now, he’s so fucking happy that he just confirmed that he did. Louis admitting this, as well as sending this information in one of his teasing texts, is really doing something to Harry.

He’s typing away his reply when there’s a smack on the back of his head, causing him to glare up at the assaulter. “Ow. What the hell was that for?” He asks, giving Niall a frown and going right back to his phone.

“Because I asked you a question. Do you want to get food before the shoot?” Harry nods absentmindedly after he finishes talking because he didn’t hear a word he just said to him again which clearly doesn’t get by Niall.

He hits him again, a bit harder this time. “Ow! What?!” He shouts, giving him a dirty look because Jesus. Can he leave him alone?

“What did I just say?” Harry blankly blinks at him because he has no idea and realizes he’s now fucked. Niall doesn’t hesitate to rip the phone from his hands to see who he’s talking to. He almost jumps out of his seat to get it back but it’s too late. The devious grin that comes across his face means he already put it all together. “Now what is _this_?”

Harry finally lunges and gets his hand back on his phone, cheeks flushing even more than they already were as Niall continues becoming more and more smug. “Nothing.”

“To me it looks like flirting,” he comments, crossing his arms accusingly. “With your fake boyfriend. Who you supposedly couldn’t stand to be around.”

He rolls his eyes, finishing his text before letting his phone fall into his lap. “Leave me alone.”

Niall just chuckles, settling back in his original seat. “No, H, it’s a good thing. I’m glad you two are getting along. I’m just surprised to see _how_ well you guys are getting on now, if you know what I mean.”

“He’s just...” Harry sighs, wanting to rant about how he’s been feeling lately, but also worried about Niall’s reaction. “He’s not as bad as I originally thought and we sort of have a lot of things in common. It’s definitely making this thing a lot easier, too, I think.”

He nods like he’s been aware of this fact all along. “You’re not wonky in the head yet, right?” He questions, sounding only a little concerned.

He wants him to shut up so badly right now. “Niall. Listen to me closely because I’m only going to say this once,” he begins, leaning forward seriously. “I understand we’re always looking out for each other, but you don’t have to worry about me with Louis. He’s keeping me good, friendly company. I’m not... I’m not looking for or want anything more. I’m allowed to get close to him without developing those types of feelings. I mean, look at us, for instance. We’re extremely close and aren’t in love with each other.”

“Ouch,” Niall teases, faking hurt. “We’re not? Speak for yourself.”

Harry gives him a stern look. “Really. I know what you’re thinking, and I know what I’m doing.”

Niall appears defeated, giving into everything he just said which Harry really is thankful for. “I’m just worried because this is such a weird situation. You know? Like, I get that you two can be friends and such, but isn’t it weird that you have to act all lovey in front of people? I just can’t see becoming close with him like this as a good thing. Because once you’re doing that lovey dovey shit with him when you have to, you really don’t think you won’t develop feelings? Even if that part of it is fake? Everything else is real then, so I... I don’t know. Maybe I’m not making sense.”

Damn it, Niall. That’s exactly what he’s been trying to avoid thinking about.

He understands that as time goes on they’re really going to have to play out the boyfriend card. Being in private, it’s easy to let people assume things. They haven’t been really in the moment yet where they need to convince anyone just how serious they are.

But he’s sure at some point they’ll have to share a kiss or two. And he’s really not looking forward to that moment at all.

Well, no. He is. But that’s the problem. Because if he’s looking forward to that there’s only one reason why he is.

He might actually be starting to like Louis after all.

He forces a thin smile, picking his head up to see Niall’s face which is still worried. “No, I get it. I’ll be fine, N. I promise. And if not, I’ll allow you to knock some sense into me for getting myself into this mess.”

Niall just laughs, reaching over to squeeze his thigh. “An excuse to beat the shit out of you? Count me in.”

Harry flips him off and laughs too, even though his stomach is starting to get really nauseous at the thought of this thing turning out to be a disaster in a way he didn’t originally plan.

_****_

“This is going to be so good, Harry. I’m so excited,” Helena says as she steps next to him, clapping her hands together. “How are you doing?”

He gives her a smile because he genuinely appreciates her enthusiasm. She’s always there to hype Harry up when it comes to anything. “Yeah. I’m good,” he says, nodding his head toward the clothes rack he was standing in front of. “I’m waiting for Susan to get here so we can pick out my outfit. I think I already have some idea, but I still need her approval and help.”

Susan is his lovely stylist, always there to guide Harry with what actually looks good on him and what doesn’t. He will only listen to her opinion and not anyone else's. Especially not Niall’s, that’s for sure. The lad thinks he’s some fashion expert when he really isn’t.

“So, what are you thinking so far?” She asks, interested. She loves seeing his ideas when it comes to styling pieces.

Harry is about to show her but he stops himself when he hears Louis’ voice. His head spins around to the direction of it to see him happily talking to Niall. His stomach is soon filling up with butterflies and when Louis starts heading over to him, his smile is unable to be controlled. He didn't even know that he was going to come to this. “What are you doing here?” He asks eagerly and wanting to reach out to someway touch him but knowing he shouldn’t do that.

He also tries to not sound as fondly excited as he is, but fails miserably there. He hopes to God that Niall isn’t paying attention to that now as he walks over here with him.

Louis ends up meeting Harry’s want by placing his hand on the small of his back and rubbing. “I’m here to support you, of course, and let you know how sexy you look,” he teases, winking at him and making Harry cackle a little too hard.

Helena clears her throat and they both glance toward her. Niall is also standing directly next to her, ecstatic to finally see them together after what he witnessed with Harry’s texts this morning.

“You remember Helena, right, Louis?” He questions, waving his hand toward her. “I was just about to show her the outfit I’m thinking about wearing for the shoot.”

Louis gives her one of his sweet smiles, placing his hands on his hips, removing his touch from Harry. “Right. Hi Helena dear, how are you?”

She narrows her eyes at him before giving in and smiling in return. “I’m alright. I didn’t know that you were stopping by.”

He shrugs, running a hand through his hair and ruffling it up. “Honestly I didn’t know either. But we finished filming for the day and I figured I may as well stop by. It was on the way back to my house anyways, so yeah. Here I am.”

Harry is staring at him with probably the stupidest grin on his face. He cannot control it as much as he wishes he could. It’s just that Louis surprisingly showed up here because he _wanted_ to. This is really important to him.

“Look at those fucking pants,” Niall says, pointing to Louis’ grey shorts with lace at the bottom. They are rather fancy shorts, to be honest. He looks exquisite in them though. “I need myself a pair immediately.”

Louis starts laughing. “I was so luckily greeted with Niall harassing me about where I got them the second I walked in,” he explains, looking up between both Helena and Harry. “Burberry, in case you both wanted to steal them too.”

“Can’t say I will,” Helena responds teasingly. “But thanks anyways.”

He tilts his head at her, leaning his body more toward Harry. “How’s Theo? I mean, sorry, I’m just asking because I haven’t seen him today. He said he had breakfast plans and I’m only assuming they were with you.”

Harry and Niall both laugh at Louis’ unexpected question, which makes Helena blush in the process. “Nice try,” she deadpans, embarrassed and not wanting to talk about that. She turns to Harry sternly and he wipes the smile off his face. “Pick out your damn outfit and tell your fake boyfriend to mind his own business.”

“Wait. Is Theo your real boyfriend or your fake boyfriend? Are we doing like a two for one deal in this contract?” Harry asks before she can go.

She gives one last look to the three boys before finally giving in and allowing herself to chuckle with them. But soon enough she’s walking away without another word which means he’ll definitely hear about this later, there is no doubt about that.

Harry is about to turn to Louis to talk to him but Niall interrupts him before he even gets the chance to. “Louis, have you met the other bandmates? I mean, I know you haven’t met the crew yet, so come on. Let me just introduce you to everyone, mate,” Niall insists, reaching over to grab his wrist.

Louis glances at Harry over his shoulder before shrugging and following Niall without much choice since he’s dragging him away anyways. Harry just smiles fondly, watching the two of them approach his other bandmates.

Quickly enough Susan gets here and he shows her what he was thinking about wearing, where she agrees with him and adds on necessary accessories that match with it. He then gets changed and when he comes out to start taking the pictures, he’s looking everywhere for Louis who disappeared sometime, frowning at the thought of him leaving already.

He wouldn’t have left without a goodbye, right?

He’s not really able to focus as he’s posing because he’s distracted. All thanks to Louis. The photographer is definitely getting impatient with him, and he keeps mumbling some sorry’s to him because truly, he’s not ever like this. He understands that he’s acting a bit unprofessional by glancing behind the camera every now and then.

Luckily for him, Louis eventually emerges from what seems to be thin air with none other than Niall, both of them starting to encourage him. They are laughing as Harry poses, mocking him and the choices he is making. Harry can’t say he minds.

Susan is sitting in a chair behind them, and when Niall notices that she’s here, he brings Louis over to her because she seems to be the only one left that he didn’t get introduced to.

Harry can hear them talking, and when Louis says one certain thing, Harry can’t help but get all jittery inside.

“I was there when he picked out those pants, you know,” Louis tells Susan with a proud smile.

And it’s true. These are those white Gucci pants he got when they went on their first outing together. He just loved them a lot and thought this was the perfect opportunity to wear them. He can’t believe that Louis actually noticed that.

In-between takes, he watches as Louis and Niall take some selfies together, and he can only assume that Louis is going to post those somewhere to let everyone know that he was here at the shoot with them.

He almost forgot that they need to actually post things so people know they are still ‘together’ which is kind of annoying. But whatever. At least Louis is here and he did come on his own behalf. Not Theo or Helena’s. That means something.

It’s almost time for the full band pictures, so as soon as he’s done with his solo ones, he approaches the two of them who are sitting on the floor eating grapes. When they notice Harry coming near, Louis lifts one up. “Catch!”

He tries to catch it in his mouth, but clumsily stumbles while he misses it. It makes Louis and Niall burst into laughter, causing Harry to kick at both their feet. “That was a terrible throw!”

“You looked great, rockstar,” Louis compliments before standing up, Niall slowly following behind him. “Hopefully you’re just as photogenic as I am.”

He laughs, smiling down at him. Fuck. He’s been smiling a lot at everything he’s been saying lately, hasn’t he? “Maybe having you here is good luck?”

“Duh. That’s why I came,” he teases and he laughs again. He catches Niall’s eyes and immediately forces it off his face. He’s making him nervous, watching them interact. Fuck. “But I’m afraid I have to go so I won’t be able to watch this hunk right here pose with ya.” He pinches Niall’s cheeks before he swats his hand away.

“That’s damn straight. I’m the sexiest one in this room and this photoshoot is going to prove it.”

Louis rolls his eyes but Harry only processed one part of that. “Wait, what? Why are you leaving so soon?” He won’t lie and say he isn’t upset that he’s already going to go. He wanted to talk to him after he finished.

“Yeah. Got things to do,” he replies shortly with a shrug. “I’m glad I was able to stop by though for a little and meet everyone who works with you. Was kind of nice.”

Harry nods aggressively because he couldn’t agree more. It was more than nice seeing him talk with everyone, even his bandmates. Niall, for Christ’s sake, him too. He loves seeing them get along so well. “Me too. Hopefully everyone won’t quit on me and try to work for you instead.”

Louis laughs, reaching over to shove at his chest. “Oh yeah, because of my undeniable charm?”

“Precisely.”

He rolls his eyes before saying his goodbyes to the two of them, followed by everyone else. Harry is watching him with a smile that he wasn’t aware was on his face until Niall snaps him away from it.

“Stop smiling like a lovestruck fool.”

He doesn’t think he’s ever forced a frown on his face faster in his entire life.

_****_

Louis groans, stuffing the paper in his face, giving up. “I’ve never done a depressing movie like this,” he mumbles, pulling the script away so he can look into Harry’s eyes. “I’m still worried that people are going to say that I came out to purposely get this role.”

It’s been a little over a week since Harry’s album photoshoot. He hasn’t seen Louis since then, but they were texting very frequently. More than they ever have before, actually.

He was surprised when he got a text earlier today from Louis, asking if he wanted to come over to help him learn some of his lines for his film. He had to read it over three times to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.

It’s just that Louis has been so consistent on not wanting to talk about his movies. Harry supposes that practicing with him isn’t really talking about them, though, but he can’t see them being able to avoid the topic completely if they’re involving themselves in it. If that makes any sense.

He of course agreed, having nothing better to do on this lovely Sunday, hurrying over to his place when Louis gave him the okay.

He was greeted by both Louis and Droolius, as well as some pizza that was in the living room. They ate that together, getting lost in conversation before they both sort of remembered why Louis asked him over here.

When they started rehearsing the lines, he couldn’t help but notice that Louis was trembling as he was holding the script. He was trying so hard to look confident, make himself appear big and strong, but each time he opened his mouth, the lines just fell flat.

Harry watched him carefully, barely able to listen to the actual words itself, only to the way he was delivering them. His voice shaky and uneven, like he wants to break but just won’t allow himself to.

And now it seems as if Louis might finally be able to admit that much to Harry. He knew that something was seriously bothering him all night.

He sighs, putting down his copy he was using to read the other characters lines.

“Louis, I promise no one is going to think that. And if they do, who cares? You know that they are wrong. Isn’t that all that matters? You’re the one who told me that other people's opinions shouldn’t—”

“Sorry, but our situations are a bit different here,” he interrupts, anger washing over his soft face. “Someone simply not liking your song is completely different than someone thinking that I’m using my... my sexuality as a way to have some sort of advantage toward my career. Don’t you think?”

Harry stares at him, unable to comprehend why he is so damn consistent with this specific idea. “Can I ask why you can’t get past this mindset?”

“Because it’s all I’ve been fucking seeing on the Internet. Oh, Louis Tomlinson coming out right before he gets this huge role in a queer film, pretty convenient, isn’t it? After lying all these years? Sounds to me like he couldn’t take failing anymore and is willing to do anything, even when it’s just disrespectful,” he rambles in a mocking tone, hands flying everywhere. “I just don’t know how to change myself to get them to stop thinking this.”

He frowns, knowing how comments like that could get under someone’s skin. The only thing here though, is that he could truly avoid reading those if he wanted to.

He scoots closer to him from his spot on the couch. “See? That’s your problem. You’re too obsessed with what people think and you seriously need to stop. How do those comments make you feel? Shit, right? I can see that they’re messing with your head, and even with this movie, already. Also that thing you just said about changing... you don’t have to change to please anyone but yourself. You’re supposed to be happy in your own skin, don’t put a layer on just because those people are saying things, or might say things that make you want to change. If you ignore them, it’s easier to feel comfortable and it’ll get better each day.”

Louis shakes his head, not taking anything he just said to him to heart or considerately. “I don’t like people saying that shit about me. Honestly, I would do anything to get them to change their opinion on me. I want to continue reading their comments so I know how to fix it.”

Jesus. He never would have suspected anything like this from Louis. He always... he always seemed like himself on camera. He never looked like someone who would pretend to be anyone but himself. This is really unsettling for him to find out because all this time, was he just always putting on an act?

Now that he’s spent actual time with him, he can come to the conclusion that the Louis on camera is nothing like the Louis that is sitting in front of him right now. Fuck.

He furrows his eyebrows painfully at him, not knowing what else to do. He ends up opening his mouth before he can really think about what he wants to say. “I will confiscate your phone if I have to.”

This makes Louis laugh, shrugging. “Actually, not a bad idea. I’ll let you take it away from me until I perfect these lines, at least.”

“And the next time you are reading comments that are making you feel like shit about yourself, call me and I will come over here, take your phone, and leave with it. That way you can’t look at them anymore,” he explains and when Louis starts laughing more, he frowns. “I’m serious, Louis. I hate that you do that to yourself.”

The amusement from him dies down quickly, and he just sighs as he hands Harry his phone. He slowly and cautiously takes it from him. “Let’s just keep practicing.”

So that’s how they spend the next half hour. Repeating the same lines that Louis keeps struggling with, all the way until he successfully delivers them exactly the way he wanted to.

After they finish, Harry doesn’t know if he’s supposed to leave. He doesn’t want to leave just yet, if he’s going to be honest. He would like to stay with him a little longer, and it seems that his wish comes true the second Louis opens his mouth.

“Can you show me your album?”

Now that’s really not what he would have hoped for him to suggest that they do, but he can’t find it in his heart to say no to him even though he couldn’t be more fucking nervous to play it for him. Especially if he’s going to be here while watching his reaction.

Louis must notice his hesitation, reaching out to squeeze his wrist which fuck. “I promise I’m not a judgemental bastard. Even though you probably think that, I wouldn’t ever say something about your music to purposely upset or offend you.”

“I don’t think that,” he reassures, voice cracking a bit at the end. “I-I don’t show my music to just anyone though. I mean, like, early, before it’s released. So, yeah. That’s the only reason why I’m hesitating.”

“But I’m not just anyone, right? I’m your fake boyfriend,” he teases softly, making Harry genuinely laugh but also a bit sad. “And if I for some reason do offend you while I’m listening, you’re more than welcome to reblock me.”

He laughs again, Louis’ jokes making him feel more at ease and okay with playing the album for him. He then takes out his phone before he can change his mind and holy shit, he’s actually going to do it.

When he presses play, he scoots far away from him so he can lean his back against the armrest on the couch. He continues facing Louis, pulling his knees up to his chest to comfortably watch each and every one of his reactions.

At first, Louis just seems to be listening intently to the lyrics specifically, keeping his mouth partially open as his focus is fully on the words. He does this for a majority of the album, and he could swear that he almost sees him tearing up at certain lines of different songs.

The last song on the album though, that’s the one he is most excited but anxious for Louis to hear. And once he listens to it, he feels panic as Louis completely freezes, no readable expression on his face like the other ones. This is the most important song to Harry, and if he doesn’t like the album, he at least wants him to like this one. Even if he only likes it’s a little bit, that’s more than enough for him.

When it’s done, he takes back his phone with shaking hands, turning it off and clearing his throat. He doesn’t want to be the first one to speak, so he waits as Louis looks up to him. He still can’t read his expression for the life of him. He hopes that one day he’ll be able to know what each one of his faces mean.

“Harry,” he begins slowly. “I’m afraid that you’ve created a masterpiece.”

He sounds so sincere and honest when he says this, that it ignites something in Harry that he didn’t know was there.

It’s not really like him to want to rant about his work, but after seeing how much Louis loves it, how he’s basically speechless as he sits there after listening to this album the first time, he actually would really like to talk about it. He wants to let Louis inside of his mind for just a moment. He feels comfortable enough to do so, so why not? What is the harm?

He blinks rapidly, not even knowing where to start. “Really? You think so?” He asks as Louis nods before he continues. “I-I sort of worked really hard on it, so it means a lot that you think this. Can I talk to you about how I write? Like, the explanation behind the lyrics and stuff? Only if you don’t mind, I don’t want to like... start rambling if you don’t want to hear it. I know that we said we wouldn’t really talk about our careers when we aren’t at work and—”

“Harry,” Louis cuts in, giving a small laugh. “Of course you can talk to me about that.”

He nods shyly, gulping nervously before speaking. “So for this album specifically, I really wanted to do something different. For me, when I write, I like to write down ideas or things I’ve seen in person. Sometimes I like to write from a different person's perspective. I do that because sometimes it’s easier to be vulnerable through someone else’s life while still being private and basically getting my own thoughts across. Does that make sense? It’s almost like making up my own short story. I like twisting things around and being creative with it. For whatever reason, it makes writing more exciting. And I guess, also depressing, depending on the story you’re trying to portray. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a couple songs that are from my own personal experience, but that’s what makes this album so much more compelling. Well, that's how Niall describes it as, at least. Because people won’t know exactly what is me and what isn’t, so that way, I’m still keeping my personal life... personal? It’s a weird thought process, I know, but that’s just... yeah. That’s how I made this album.”

He sucks in a deep, long breath after that entire rant. He didn’t expect to go all in, but seeing the passionate, curious eyes of Louis sinking into him, he almost felt encouraged to keep going. He could almost feel that Louis was truly interested and it made him want to say as much as he could.

Louis is quiet for a moment before he eventually leans back, crossing his arms over his chest. “No wonder your head is so damn big. It’s full of big thoughts.”

They stare at each other in silence for a good five seconds before they burst into laughter, a part of Harry wanting to crawl on top of him and kiss him, but he settles for kicking at Louis’ shin with his socked foot instead.


	9. nine

Harry has never been on the set of a movie before today. Although, it’s exactly what you would expect. It’s extremely busy and hectic, but the energy is still rather exciting.

He’s aware that most shoot days are long and brutal, but for this Indie film specifically, it doesn’t really consist of any special effects or stunts, which makes it a little less stressful in certain aspects. It’s a movie solely devoured in its acting, really focusing on the way the story is portrayed with its words. But that does make it more stressful for Louis himself, because the main focus is on how he brings this character to life.

It’s really different from most films being made today from what he’s gathered. Low budget, small casting, same sets. Harry does think that this is what is going to make the movie so fucking significant. It’s raw, so painfully _raw_ , and he knows that Louis is truly going to give his best performance of his entire career.

Harry doesn’t know much about the plot though because he wants to keep it as a surprise. Louis offered to him the copy of the script the one night they practiced together, if he wanted to read it in full, but he declined because like he said, he is really excited to see it all come together in the end without knowing too much about it.

Yesterday Helena texted him and told him he needed to go visit Louis on set today since they’re supposed to be seen leaving the building together. Paps have been lurking around like crazy lately, capturing whatever they can of Louis whenever he enters and exits the set. She explained that it would look good if he was seen supporting him during this.

As much as he wanted to go and see Louis, he also felt a bit strange about doing it. And it was all because it was Helena’s idea and not his. He almost felt guilty since Louis showed up at his own photoshoot without being referred to do so. Not like he hasn't been wanting to see Louis in his element, of course not. He's beyond thrilled to finally see him behind the scenes. He just never really thought about actually going there until Helena brought it up.

But he has to keep reminding himself that this is normal and a part of their contract. He’s got no reason to feel wrong about this. Plus, it’s not like he doesn’t want to go. He really does want to go see Louis and he’s kind of glad that he’s being basically forced to, because otherwise, he doesn’t know if he would have had the confidence to show up his own choice.

The only reason for that is because what if Louis didn’t want him here? What if he was pissed off that he showed up because he wanted to? That would really put a damper on him knowing that Louis wouldn’t appreciate his support like Harry does.

He doesn’t even know if he’s making sense anymore.

When he arrived and made his way to where Louis was currently located, he spotted him in his casting chair scrolling through his phone, looking lovely as always. He shyly walked up to him and had to clear his throat to make his presence known.

Louis’ head snapped up and he immediately frowned which wasn’t a good sign. “You’re here _today_?” He asked, and he actually didn’t sound angry, but more nervous if anything.

He nodded, resting his hands on his hips. “Yeah. Helena texted me yesterday,” he said, suddenly wishing he didn’t bring that up. “But I wanted to come, of course. I’ve been wanting to watch you in your element since you started, moviestar.”

He scoffed, letting his phone fall onto his lap. “Damn it,” he mumbled, cheeks pinkening slightly. “She couldn’t have picked a worse day.”

Harry saw his insecurity building up, not understanding what is so wrong with today. “What do you mean?”

Louis scratched at the back of his neck, shrugging. “There’s sort of a serious scene we’re filming. A lot of pressure, you know? And you here watching me doesn’t really help.”

Oh. It made a lot of sense in his mind, because Harry knows if Louis was there watching him deliver a very important performance of his own on stage, he’d probably be shitting himself. “I don’t have to watch you if it makes you uncomfortable,” he reassured. “I could just put my headphones in or something.”

He shook his head, sucking in a deep breath. He seemed to be on edge more than he’s seen him. “No, no. It’s fine.”

Although he didn’t believe him, he just gave a small smile in return, trying to tell him that he’ll do fine.

Hours later, he had no idea what Louis was talking about for a majority of the time because he was doing absolutely perfect. He was barely screwing up, and each scene he performed couldn't have been done better.

But then they got to the part where Louis is caught in bed with another boy in front of his mum, who is supposed to be completely unaccepting before kicking him out of the house right then and there, where it all started to click together. Each time he tried to say his lines, he would stutter and become an absolute mess, and not in the way it was supposed to be in the film. It was more like it was affecting the real Louis and not his character.

That’s what he was so self conscious and stressed about. This scene specifically.

“Tomlinson,” the director snaps after he tries for the maybe fifteenth time, clearly becoming agitated with his incapability of doing it right. “What is going on? Just fucking say the lines like you’re supposed to. It’s not as hard as you’re making it, for Christ’s sake. Get it together.”

After seeing Louis’ body completely shrink, making himself look smaller, nodding softly and trying to collect himself even though he can see how fucking hurt he is right now, he can’t just let him continue. Harry doesn’t know what comes over him but all of a sudden he finds himself walking over by all of the crew before they restart. “Hey, why don’t we just take a break, yeah?”

The director—he doesn’t care to know what this dick’s name is—turns to look at Harry unimpressed. “I’m sorry, but who asked you? We have a certain timeframe and considering all the time we already wasted because of him—”

“Don’t care,” he interrupts, suddenly angry at his insult toward him, giving him one last glare before facing Louis and nodding his head toward the back doors. “Come on, Lou.” He unconsciously reaches his hand out for him as well because he just really wants to get him away from this arse.

He can just tell how exhausted Louis is because he doesn’t even protest. He basically leaps off the bed to follow Harry, grabbing his hand in his. “Thank you,” he whispers breathlessly, sounding like he sincerely means it. Like he rescued him, or something.

Harry just squeezes his hand in return.

When they reach the outside of the building Harry reaches into his pockets to get out a cigarette for Louis. He for whatever reason decided today that he was going to bring them, having a feeling Louis might want to take a break and smoke, which he couldn’t have been more spot on about. He gives him one which he happily takes and starts the second after he lights it.

He curiously watches Harry as he lights his own. “Didn’t know you smoked.”

Harry shrugs, putting the fag to his lips and inhaling it. “Only when I feel like it,” he answers as he blows out. “I think that prick makes everyone want a cigarette,” he mumbles, referring to the director.

Throughout the day he’s been okay, but he did have a lot of moments where he was just an utter prick for absolutely no reason. Especially now. It’s obvious that Louis is struggling here and he just can’t seem to care.

Louis only laughs nervously, running a hand through his hair. He messes it up so Harry reaches over to fix the strand that fell over because it needs to look the same as when they left. “I need a drink, too.”

He huffs lightly, taking in Louis’ shaky demeanor. He feels terrible for him because he knows how important this role is and he’s trying his absolute hardest to get it perfect. “You okay?”

It’s probably not the smartest thing to ask but he has to anyways. He needs to at least attempt to see if he wants to talk about it. There’s something bothering him more than he’s willing to admit.

Louis closes his eyes while he blows out a large amount of smoke he inhaled. He then shrugs, reopening them and turning his head toward Harry. “I didn’t realize how close this role was going to hit home. It makes it a lot harder because in certain aspects it doesn’t even feel like I’m acting anymore... but _reliving_ it. And who the fuck wants to relive that?”

Shit. Harry frowns automatically, wanting to reach out to touch Louis but realizing that he probably wouldn’t want that. He didn’t even think about that being the reason but now it’s making him feel rather uneasy. He went through something similar to that?

He doesn’t know what to respond with. There’s nothing you can really say in this position, can you? It’s Louis’ job now, he has to finish that scene no matter how difficult it might be for him. There’s no way out of this shitty situation.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers cautiously, wishing he could do more. He bites down hard on his lip, trying to think of at least something. “Hey. I can’t fix this even though I would do anything to be able to. But what I can do is make us some cream puffs tonight. Yeah? It isn’t much but... I know you really like them and that’s one good thing that can come out of today. Maybe?”

Louis rolls his eyes slightly but it’s not in a rude way. He can see with the way his lips start moving upwards it’s more fondly than anything. “You’d do that?” He asks softly, voice shaking just a bit.

Harry gives him a sincere smile. _I’m starting to think I’d do just about anything you’d ask me to_. “Of course I would,” he replies instead. “And listen. You’re going to get through this scene no matter how hard it might be because you’re a strong person, Lou, stronger than you give yourself credit for. Once it’s over that’s it. You’re not going to have to relive it ever again and that has to be somewhat comforting, right?”

“I guess,” he agrees, voice hoarse. “I just never wanted to in the first place...”

“I can’t imagine anyone who would,” he acknowledges, another pout forming. “And I’m sorry that in a way you have to. But you’ll get through it. You always do.”

Louis shakes his head and now his eyes are suddenly glossy and fuck. Fucking hell. Where did he go wrong? He was trying to comfort him not make him even more upset and he failed. He’s such a shit person.

“Do I?” He asks and the words crack. That’s the last thing Harry wanted so his only way to react is to reach out to grab his hand again. He starts rubbing his thumb across Louis’ knuckles when he continues. “You’re saying I’m a strong person but... how can that be true? How can it be true when I hide myself from fucking everything? Instead of facing my problems I hide from them which in the long run, only makes things worse for me. It comes back to bite me and that’s being proven right now.”

See, Louis has never really opened up about anything too personal in his life. He doesn’t know about what the hell he’s talking about but from the scene he’s acting out now that is so difficult for him to deliver, it seems as if there was someone important in his life that didn’t support him for who he is... who he likes.

That’s all he can really take from this. It doesn’t seem like he’s going to be opening up about what exactly happened, but instead implying it.

Harry nods because he does understand what he’s saying. He does the same thing when it comes to certain personal parts of his own life. “I think we all have a habit of running away from our problems because facing them isn’t something we want to do. It’s simpler to ignore them. There’s nothing wrong about how you’re feeling right now. And... you might not see it, or think this way about yourself, but truthfully, Louis, when I look at you, I see someone who has gone through shit and is still standing tall. Maybe not literally, but...” he wants to throw in a joke in there to lighten the mood and it works because Louis is laughing, squeezing his hand defensively. “And not everyone can do that. I’m not saying that it was easy for you by any means, but you still fought through it. You’re here now and you’re not hiding because you’re going to go right back inside and absolutely kill the scene. _That’s_ what makes you strong.”

Louis is just staring at him before he stomps out his cigarette, body looking beyond tense. He’s still staring which is making Harry a little squirmy under his eyes. “Can I give you a hug?”

It’s not what he expected at all but the second those words leave his mouth, he probably starts smiling insanely big. He can’t even help himself. He starts nodding aggressively, opening his arms up to him and closing the gap. “I’m so, so proud of you. I really am.”

“You’re too sweet to me,” he mumbles, shaking his head into Harry’s chest. His arms engulf him and everything is just nice. He holds him a little tighter then, just cos.

Soon after their special moment—Harry decides to call it that—they go back inside and it starts to feel better already. It only takes Louis two more tries before the scene is absolutely perfected.

Harry may or may not have teared up from the sidelines.

_****_

It’s official that movie premieres might be Harry’s new favorite thing to attend. Louis on the other hand seems to absolutely despise them, probably because he understands how it feels to be on the opposing end, the entire casting side of it.

But being here as guests just to watch the new Danielle Campbell movie, it’s been really fucking pleasant and almost too enjoyable. They’re both in fancy suits for Christ’s sake, sharing popcorn in the theatre seats, giggling as they made commentary throughout an actual good film.

When they arrived together they held hands and made their way straight in, still avoiding being interviewed together or taking pictures on the red carpet as Louis isn’t ready for that just yet. He can’t say he blames him, and he’s sort of glad they didn’t do any of that as Harry is the same way.

They did get into only a little bit of trouble during the film. Well, not serious trouble. People were just really irritated with their unnecessary childness and unprofessionalism. But hey, what can you do?

“Should we be that annoying couple and feed each other our popcorn?” Louis asked, leaning his head back against the seat and fluttering his eyelashes.

Harry simply opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. Louis giggled, reaching over and grabbing a handful of it, shoving it into mouth. He almost choked, letting pieces fall all over his lap and onto his suit, coughing and giving him a glare. “Are you trying to fucking kill me?”

“What?” He fauxed innocence into his tone. “Your mouth is huge. I thought you’d have no trouble fitting all of that into it.” 

He felt himself gape open, not knowing what to make of that comment. Instead, he reached over and grabbed more popcorn, returning the favor to Louis. “Is this what I have to do to shut you up?” He questioned as he started chewing on the large amount of popcorn he shoved into his mouth.

He shrugged, unbothered. “I could think of otherways, baby.” He winked and Harry really felt like he was losing his Goddamn mind. Louis has got to stop doing that to him.

“You’re a fucking menace,” he hissed and Louis bursted into laughter, even though it was a scene that didn’t call for that.

They got a bunch of shushes from around them, and they sunk in their seats ashamed but also still somewhat laughing, not really caring at the same time because they can have so much fun with each other.

They then met up with Danielle after the film for only a little bit, speaking with her about how much they enjoyed it and congratulating her on the new success. She was very keen on pointing out the fact they were living up to the boyfriend act in front of people that they didn’t really need to be doing it for.

Louis just threw his arm around Harry and explained to her that they are not only fake boyfriends now, but good pals, which he couldn’t disagree on. Really, they have gotten very close a little too quickly. But they both don’t seem to mind.

There was an afterparty but Louis said to Harry that he wasn’t really feeling up for it, and Harry would be lying if he said he wanted to go and be surrounded by a bunch of other people. He was sort of glad he didn’t want to either. He would have clung onto Louis anyways, so.

It wasn’t until Johnny was driving them back home when Louis asked him if he wanted him to drop them both off at his house, because he wanted to sit out on his balcony and enjoy a glass of wine with the view of the city, still wanting some company.

That being one of Harry’s favorite things to do at his own home, he couldn’t decline the offer. Especially if he was going to be enjoying a moment like that with Louis.

So that’s where they are now, still in their suits that are now just undone a little so they’re more comfortable, laying in the lounge chairs next to each other. The breeze hits them and the city is bright and alive even though the only sound they can hear right now are the crickets chirping and their soft breathing. But Harry feels like he’s in Heaven.

“Who inspired your album?”

Harry blinks his eyes open, turning his head to already see Louis staring back at him. “W-What?” He stumbles, shyness overtaking him with the very unexpected personal question.

He shrugs, not seeming too worried about overstepping any boundaries. “You said that some of the songs were written from your own perspective, but you never told me which ones. I’m just curious about who you were writing about when it did come to your own personal experience.”

Now that he thinks about it, Louis probably has no idea about his past relationship with Gabriel. There hasn’t been anything about it on the Internet for the most part, at least from what he could find on his own. They’re so outdated and they were never confirmed, and it could have easily been taken out of context to where they were only friends. Just like Louis and Zayn, honestly.

He doesn’t mind talking to this about Louis, since they are pretty close now and could easily talk about just anything, it seems. At least Harry feels comfortable enough opening up to him if the opportunity is there.

“I dated my hair stylist, Gabriel, for about six months,” he begins slowly, thinking back to how close they actually were. “We of course kept it completely hidden, because I was just starting out my career and he was basically working for me. It just felt like the right thing to do and it obviously was,” he admits, shrugging self consciously and playing with the rings on his fingers. “I always thought we were good together. I never really saw any signs of us ending anytime soon, but one day out of absolutely nowhere, he quit his job and broke up with me. All in the same day. And he never gave me any explanation. Like any normal human being during something like this, I wanted answers as of why he did this to me, but I could never build up the courage to reach out to him and figure out why. I am shit at communication and confrontation, especially if I’m scared it’s going to end up with me hearing things I don’t want to hear. So I just avoid it completely and hope it goes away.”

Admitting all that to Louis is kind of... it feels like he’s opening up a real serious part of himself to him, which he is, but still. The weird part about it is he isn’t even stressed about doing so. Instead, it sort of is a relief saying all of this to him. Like he’s letting Louis inside his head so they really could know and understand each other in a way that not everyone does.

Maybe it is a bad thing. Maybe he’s making a mistake allowing himself to become even closer with him. But right now, he can’t seem to care. At this moment, it feels like the right thing to do.

Louis, like always, processes his words completely before responding. “That was really shitty of him,” he comments quietly, sitting up straight. “I’m sorry he did that to you.”

Harry shrugs, biting his lip hard. He feels himself starting to blush as well. “What can you do about it?”

“You haven’t spoken to him since he did that?” He asks and Harry shakes his head. “Wow. I can’t imagine not getting closure with the person you loved.”

This makes him laugh, giving Louis wild eyes. “Who said I loved him?”

Louis looks a bit stunned himself, like he wasn’t expecting that. “Oh, sorry. I just assumed?”

He understands why he would think that. After dating someone for six months like that, it would only make sense for the two of them being in love. But he never was, not with Gabriel. “Our relationship was based on infatuation more than anything. It lacked a lot of things, communication obviously being a big part of that,” he reprimands, laughing a little to himself. “I mean, for a while there my life did seem to revolve around him, and I didn't know where to go from there after the breakup. I was a mess for a good month or so, but after thinking about it, it only made sense that it was never going anywhere serious in the first place. That’s why I’m not still hung up about it, and why he only got one song written about him on my album.”

Louis chuckles softly. “Only one? Fucking loser.” They both laugh for a while, drinking from their wine glasses and Harry thinks the air is cleared again until Louis decides to talk about his own personal relationships. Something that has been eating Harry alive since the first time he walked into his house and was met face to face with a specific person. “I really liked Zayn, you know?”

Harry becomes very aware that Louis is actually going to talk about this now. He’s going to maybe explain whatever Zayn and him has, and he can’t help but become anxious at the knowledge of that. He gulps. “Liked?” He asks as he realizes he said it in a past tense.

He nods, carefully debating if he should continue before actually doing so. “This year was clearly really fucking shitty for me, if that wasn’t obvious enough. Like, seriously. The second the clock struck midnight, making it 2018, it was already shit. Because I realized right then and there that I liked him. Then it wasn’t until May when I almost fucked everything up and admitted that much to him. Those pap pics? When they came out, that was the literal moment after I told him and he ran off on me, saying he couldn’t deal with this right now. I was already losing my God damn mind, thinking about how I just ruined us, and then I saw them posted and people were already making their fucking assumptions like they always do. Everything was messed up and I just... I clearly lost my shit on Twitter because someone took pictures of our fucking _private_ thing. Rumors were being spread and I got so sick of it. All at once, I told myself I just made the risk of losing my best friend, why not risk my career as well?”

So it’s always been a one sided thing between the two of them. He doesn’t know what he was expecting to hear, but with everything he just told him, he can’t say he’s too surprised. The pictures really spoke for themselves but having him just basically confirm it all, he feels so horrible.

He reaches his hand out and takes Louis’ in his, giving it a good squeeze. “At least you’re ending this year in a better place. Right?” He asks because it’s already December and honestly, Louis has seemed to be doing better lately. But then again, he could just be hiding it.

Louis lifts his shoulders, but they don’t seem heavy. “Maybe. I mean, yeah. I didn’t lose my friendship with Zayn, my career got back on track, and on top of that, I’ve got the best supportive fake boyfriend there is. Not to mention he’s a rockstar.” He winks, still a bit shaky with what he just admitted to Harry, but also looking more relieved than anything.

Harry laughs, feeling the glisten in his eyes as he stares back at Louis. He’s only a little tipsy, but it’s enough to know that he has actual feelings for this boy next to him. No fake feelings.

“Likewise,” he settles by saying, keeping their hands intertwined because in this moment, it feels more than right to do so.


	10. ten

Things are starting to all come together for both Harry and Louis when it comes to their careers. He just announced his album release date which is going to end up being Valentine’s Day, just like he wanted it to be, while Louis is officially done filming his incredible movie.

He can’t help but feel extremely proud of Louis after everything. He was there when they wrapped up filming, and you could just see how fucking happy Louis was that he successfully completed it, especially after the terrible year he had. His eyes were bright, absolutely could not stop _smiling_. It was like a breath of fresh air. He pushed through it and Harry already knows that this is going to be his best work, and very well deserved.

They’ve been spending a ton of their other freetime together, even when they aren’t asked to. It’s normally just the two of them, but sometimes Niall will tag along and Harry honestly couldn’t love seeing them interact more than he does. It just makes him feel so content to see two of his favorite people in the world getting along like they do.

Which... yeah. That’s a thing. It didn’t take long for Louis to get that title which should be scary, but Harry is just allowing himself to live in the moment and not worry too much about what’s happening. He’ll worry about that another day.

It’s just that they share so much together. They like the same things, their conversations are never awkward or lacking. They are constantly enjoying themselves whether they are doing literally nothing or sharing a drink at a bar. Everything comes almost painfully natural between them.

They’ve been opening up a lot, too. Mostly, just learning the smaller, _stupidest_ things about each other. He’s learned Louis’ favorite time of day, what helps him fall asleep at night when he’s having trouble, his favorite albums and why, that he tried writing poetry when he was only fourteen for a good four months until he finally gave up, that there is nothing that aggravates him more than someone taking food out of the microwave early.

He learned that one when he was heating up leftover pasta at his place. He took it out with two seconds left on the timer and Louis lectured him and told him to not do it again or he'd kick him out.

It’s things like that that he has been dying to know and he is learning more of him each and every day. He seriously couldn’t ask for anything more, because with what he’s gotten so far, it’s everything he’s been wanting to find out about him. Not everyone knows that Louis has never once seen _any_ of the Harry Potter movies, as famous as he is in the film industry. But Harry does.

And don’t worry. He gave him a very strict lecture on that and why he needed to sit down and watch them immediately. Harry offered to join him, of course.

Right now, they’re on one of their scheduled lunch dates, where fans were coming up to them before their food arrived, but now that they are eating, people are respectful enough to let them enjoy it in peace. Louis is taking a big bite from his burger when Harry decides to ask him about his holiday plans.

“Are you going back home to Doncaster for Christmas?” He asks, placing the fork he was holding in thin air into his mouth, really liking this salad he’s currently eating. He’s never been to this place but Louis recommended that they go to it and he will definitely be returning.

For Harry, his holiday plans consist of going back to London to be with his family, of course, and he’s really ready for that. He hasn’t seen them in such a long time, and being able to be with them is so important to him. It’s the only time of the year he is fully with them and able to enjoy it.

Otherwise, he knows that Louis is from Doncaster, born and raised there before he moved out to California to start his career. There’s never been too much talk about his childhood, but he at least knows where he is from thanks to the internet. So he can only figure that his family is still there, but he’s not entirely sure. That’s why he wanted to bring it up since he’s pretty curious as to what he’s going to be doing.

Instead, he shakes his head. “I will be spending Christmas in my home right here,” he responds, wiping his hands on a napkin.

He didn’t expect that answer. “Alone?” He raises an eyebrow. “Or is your family coming here? Sorry, I don’t know much about your family at all, actually. So. I shouldn’t just assume you’ll be alone, that was weird.” He’s stumbling over his words now, not knowing what he's even trying to say.

He’s talked to Louis about his mum and sister, rarely, but he’s still brought them up at least. Louis on the other hand hasn’t once brought up his own now that he thinks about it. He always avoided the topic pretty smoothly and Harry didn’t think much about it.

Because he’s seen one interview where Louis had said the reason why he’s here today is all thanks to his family. That has to mean they’re close, so there’s no doubt in his mind that they’re not spending it together. Why did he even ask if he was going to be alone?

Louis smiles weakly. “No, you’re right. I’ll be alone. Well, actually, Droolius might stick with me. Zayn is going to go back to San Fran and will probably make me watch him again. Seriously, why did he even get that rat if he’s just going to force me to watch it all the time? He’s such an idiot,” he mutters, shaking his head, and suddenly angry but Harry cannot tell at what specifically.

And... what? He was right? He’s actually spending Christmas alone? Not to mention his birthday is also on Christmas Eve, so he’ll be alone then too?

“Wait, what? Why are you going to be alone?”

“Because that’s how I spend the holidays, Harry,” he answers in a harsh tone. “Now drop it.”

Apparently it’s a touchy subject and he has no idea why. Maybe it’s just hard for him to go see his family only to be torn away from them again? Really, he can’t think of any reason. Nothing seems to make sense in his head as to why he spends the holidays by himself. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like it’d be a good idea to ask him why, so he’ll respect that part of it.

But Harry being Harry refuses to just drop it completely like he wishes. Instead, he thinks maybe he can make it better. See, he does hesitate at first as this thought comes across him... he really does knowing this could be a huge mistake and possibly one of his dumbest ideas yet, but for whatever reason, he can’t just let Louis be alone without trying something first.

So he sucks in an unsteady breath, preparing himself for rejection. “Do you want to come with me to London?” He surprises himself with his own voice, as well as Louis. He blinks, freezing in his spot as he stares back. Harry panics and starts to continue frantically. “I-I mean, think about it. It’ll obviously be really convincing to our whole relationship thing, yeah?”

Again, he feels guilty throwing in the entire fake bit in it, but it’s true. It really would look beneficial towards it and make it all even more convincing than anything. But Harry isn’t thinking about it that way at all. Rather, he one hundred percent is only offering this because he feels bad for him and wants him to be there with him. Louis can’t know this though. If he figures out that Harry has real feelings for him, that might fuck everything up. He doesn’t want to risk it in any way. So he will just let him believe he is doing this for their careers.

Louis finally sighs, leaning back in his seat and anxiously running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, Harry...”

“Come on,” he insists, abruptly, really wanting Louis to come back with him. It’d probably be a really good time for the both of them to get away from this city and just finally fucking relax. “You’ll die when you have my mum’s cooking.”

Louis’ lips twitch just a little. “Is she just as good as you are?”

Harry might’ve cooked for Louis a couple times the last month. It’s a thing, not a big deal. Two friends can simply have homemade meals together. “Even better.”

It seems as if Louis is genuinely considering, but doesn’t want to agree to it just yet which is pretty understandable. It’s not like it’s just a state over, it’s an entire country. Even though they are both from there, it’s still a long distance thing. But if they consider it as work, it’s not that serious... right?

Harry doesn’t know what to think between them anymore because it truly feels as if he’s the only one with these confusing thoughts. Louis, on the other hand, is just going day by day unbothered. He doesn’t appear to be having any inner panic about how close they’ve been, but instead going about it as something natural and not a big deal. He wishes he could say the same, to be honest.

“I’ll think about it,” Louis replies softly, sounding like he wants to say yes but just isn’t sure if he should yet.

He nods frantically, accepting that as an answer because it isn’t a no. Deep down, he has been spending so much time with Louis lately that he doesn’t know if he wants to spend two weeks away from him. It’d be the longest they’ve been apart since they really started getting close.

That right there should be a huge red flag for Harry. But ideally, he chooses to simply ignore it.

Later that night is when he realizes he is digging himself deeper into the hole as he does get a text from Louis saying he’ll come if there are going to be cream puffs. Harry promises him that there will be much more.

_****_

Louis nudges Harry’s feet with his own. “Move,” he instructs and Harry refuses to give in, so instead he throws his legs over Louis’ to get more comfortable which only enrages the boy more. “Seriously! Get your giraffe legs off of me!”

He pushes him again, making him laugh and reposition himself because apparently Louis isn’t as cuddly as he wished he would be. “We need to take a picture of our legs tangled up. It’s very romantic, don’t you think? Snuggling on a flight across the country together?”

This of course makes Louis roll his eyes as he quickly fixes his blanket, putting his legs on top of Harry’s. He takes out his phone and snaps a picture of it, before removing them just as fast and shoving him again. “There. Now leave me alone.”

Harry scoffs. “You are cranky this morning,” he observes, because well, it’s true. He’s surprised he’s this angry since he had such early days while he was shooting. He should be used to this.

“Harry, darling, it’s seven in the fucking morning and you are already bothering me. Why are you so chirpy right now? Go to sleep,” he snaps, and Harry is honestly anything but intimidated by him.

Instead he finds it cute. Is that weird? Finding it cute? He can’t seem to care regardless. “Well I had a good night's rest,” he brags, really meaning that. He got in a good eight hours before he had to wake up for this flight which he likes to think is rather impressive considering he had to get up at five in the morning. “Did you not?”

“Does it _look_ like I got a good night's rest?” He asks, allowing Harry to get a better glance at him. His eyes are drooping, his bags underneath are extremely prominent, and his cheeks are sunken in. Yeah, maybe it doesn’t look like he did.

“Why were you up so late?” He decides to question, getting his Kindle out from his bag so he can start reading. It doesn’t seem as if he’ll be talking with Louis long because he is already getting ready to take a nap.

He shrugs, resting his head against his pillow. “Just couldn’t sleep.”

With the tone of his voice he can tell something was bothering him and keeping him up. Louis doesn’t always rush to get what’s weighing him down off his chest, and Harry knows that right now is one of those times. He’s going to want to avoid it and just hope it goes away.

He watches him a little longer, wishing he could rip out all the sadness that is in this boy, before settling down himself and trying to get comfortable in his own spot. “Okay. If you want to talk about anything, I’m here.”

Louis sighs dramatically. “Unfortunately.” Harry kicks his shin in response.

For the rest of the long flight, Harry ends up reading a book in full and by the time he’s finished, Louis is still sleeping so he decided to take a nap as well. They both woke up with about two hours left until they landed before they agreed on a movie to watch together for the rest of the way.

Harry has been secretly panicking for a while because he’s trying to figure out a way to let Louis know he’s never told his family that this is a PR stunt. Everytime he has spoken to mum and Gemma since this thing started, he’s been pretty convincing toward them.

Also, it doesn’t help that he shamelessly rants to Gemma all the time—at least as of recently—about how much he really likes Louis.

This is going to be an utter mess. He didn’t even realize this until he was packing last night and remembered what he’s been telling them.

That’s his biggest problem right now, trying to find a way to bring this up to Louis without making him panic along with him. There’s really no way to go about it though, so either way, they are both kind of screwed. Even though it’s all Harry’s fault.

Once they are off the plane after they landed and successfully gathered their bags, Harry rents a car for them to drive over to his mum’s house and is anxiously tapping at his steering wheel. He’s still thinking about what to say, and apparently his behavior is too obvious, as Louis doesn’t let them sit in silence any longer.

“What the hell is bothering you? You look like you’re about to hurl everywhere,” he comments, teasing just a little. “Do you not want me to meet your family anymore?”

Harry turns his head to look at him for a moment. “No, no. I just... I don’t know how I’m supposed to bring this up to you. I’m not sure if it’ll piss you off or not.”

“Yikes,” Louis responds, bringing his full attention to Harry. “Just spit it out and we’ll see if it does.”

He sighs, not wanting to look into his eyes as he says it. He runs a hand through his hair, pulling at the curls. “So um. My family and I have always hated this entire fame thing. We were basically worried that it was going to change me, all that typical shit that comes with the so called risks of being famous or whatever, if that makes sense. And I, um, I would consistently tell them I’d never fall or get myself into stupid bullshit. I would just write and sing, mind my business as much as I could help it. Which, I guess, also meant I wouldn’t ever like... lie about anything to better my career...”

He can’t get himself to complete his explanation, but luckily, he doesn’t have to because Louis isn’t stupid. “Like lying about being in a relationship with someone,” he finishes, and Harry nods. “Which means they think we’re genuinely dating with the rest of the world?”

Harry groans, suddenly wishing he would have just told them in the first place. “It’s not like they would have cared. But I just... I’m so scared of them thinking that I’ve changed throughout the years, in a bad way, that is, and I felt like they would start to believe that if I was involved in this huge PR scandal. Like think about it, we’re lying for a long time,” he insists, not knowing where he’s going with this. “And I just would hate it if they thought differently of me only because of this stupid stunt we’re doing and—”

“Harry,” he interrupts, a breathy laugh escaping his mouth. “It’s fine, I get it. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m an actor, after all. You on the other hand, are you going to be able to convince them? They probably can see right through you better than anyone else.”

He frowns because truthfully, he never thought about that. “I hope so... can you help me out if I start being, you know—”

“Flustered?” He jokes, raising an eyebrow at him. It makes Harry laugh because even though he’s partially kidding, that’s exactly what is going to happen.

“Yeah,” he breathes, really thankful for him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he reassures, putting his feet up on the dashboard. “It’s the least I can do after you offered to bring me with you. I didn’t want to accept the offer at first because I doubt you see them often and I hate to intrude.”

He figured that’s one of the reasons he hesitated at first. Harry would have done the same. “We’re a small family anyways. It’s always just me, my mum, Gems, and her boyfriend, so it’ll be nice having at least one more person around. Mum could never get the food proportions right on Christmas, we’re eating the leftovers for a full week. Maybe you being there she’ll finally perfect it.”

Louis chuckles and doesn’t say anything else. Harry can’t help it as he throws a quick glance in his direction, a warm and sweet feeling traveling through his body just being able to look at him and process that he’s here with him right now, going to his actual home.

It feels like something he doesn’t want to be only temporary in his life, he knows that much.

The drive isn’t too long which Harry couldn’t be more thankful for after sitting in the plane that long. He always gets too antsy sitting at periods of time, needing to at least stand up and pace when he can. It’s probably the thing he hates most about traveling.

When they get to his home, Harry takes Louis’ bag for him but then they just get into an argument because Louis grabs Harry’s bag and tries to let him carry them both in, but Harry refuses.

“You’re the guest, Lou, let me take them—”

“Exactly. I’m the guest, so I should be doing as many favors as I can for you. It’s only polite,” he clarifies, reaching to grab his bag but Harry pulls away.

“But you’re doing me a favor as well and I know where to put them,” he insists and Louis just shakes his head.

Are they really arguing over this right now? “Give me my fucking bag.”

“Only if you give me mine first.”

They stare at each other with narrowed eyes, only to be interrupted by the door swinging open. They turn to see Gemma standing there in the doorway, an amused smirk immediately on her face. “Trouble in paradise already?”

Harry opens his mouth to speak but since he’s distracted, Louis takes this as the opportunity to rip his bag out from Harry’s hands, running away from him. His hand stays in it’s position it was in, just now without holding his bag, while he watches Louis jog up the stairs. They're both a bit heavy for him, so he struggles and sways as he moves, trying to play it off like he's fine.

“You must be Gemma,” he greets and Harry just sighs before closing the car door, locking it with the keys and walking up himself. “I’m Louis, nice to meet you. Now where am I putting these bags?”

He rolls his eyes, and just realized they didn’t talk about the sleeping situation. If they don’t both stay in Harry’s room, it would look weird. But he doesn’t want to be with him because thats... it’d be too hard while he’s still trying to deny his actual feelings about him.

Shit. Maybe he can just pretend he’s having a sleepover with Niall. They cuddle together in the same bed all the time and... okay, no. Ew. That’s a really stupid way to think about it. Louis is not Niall and Harry is not 16 years old. He shouldn’t be so worried about this.

It seems to be pretty obvious that Harry’s suddenly sick, and Louis able to read his mind speaks up before Harry gets the chance to think of a response. “Your bedroom, I presume?”

Harry laughs nervously, hoping Gemma is still buying this. He’s about to screw it up and they haven’t even been here for two minutes. “Yeah. Come on,” he says, placing a hand on Louis’ back as Gemma steps aside to let them in.

Once they are inside, Gemma throws her arms around Harry and engulfs him in a tight hug. He returns the gesture, resting his chin on the top of her head. “Hi, Gems,” he properly greets this time, too distracted before to do so.

“How long has it been? Since April, yeah? Right before your big Jamaica trip?” She asks as they depart, but she only reaches up to pinch his cheek. “Eight months and you still look as ugly as you left.”

“Awww,” he purrs, reaching over and hugging her again, even tighter. He spins around so he can face Louis now who is just watching the exchange. “You hear that? You two sound exactly the same.”

Louis laughs, jerking his body as he tries to grab a better hold on his bags. “Yeah, really, I’ve been so lucky to stare at his ugly mug these past three months.”

He stops hugging Gemma and reaches for the bags now. “We’re huggers, so get in there,” he instructs and Louis allows him to actually take them to do as he said.

“It’s nice to finally meet the boy my brother has been rambling on and on about,” she teases, wrapping her arms around Louis once he steps closer. Harry instantly blushes, really wishing she didn’t just say that. “He said you just finished filming, yeah? How did that go? I understand it’s different from your comedies, which by the way, are such an enjoyment to watch. You’re a natural on screen.”

Harry makes a slicing motion over his neck to try and get her to stop as their eyes meet. He should have mentioned to her over the phone before they got here not to bring up his career, but he was too busy worrying about other things that it just never crossed his mind.

She’s obviously confused, sending him weird eyes as they pull apart from the hug. She places a smile back on her face as Louis chuckles nervously, putting his hands into his hoodie pocket. “Yeah, yeah. I want to say it went well, but we’ll see after post production and everything. And thank you. That’s sweet of you to say.”

“It did,” Harry blurts in, feeling the need to boost Louis’ confidence and self doubts he’s been having about this movie lately. He only briefly mentioned it to Harry after the party, that he was worried about being handed such an amazing opportunity and ruining it. “He did such a great job, and everyone is going to be more than impressed when it comes out. I promise that.”

Louis rolls his eyes and Gemma simply laughs. She takes a step to the side to give them room. “Mum is out at the store stocking up. You guys should go put your stuff away and get settled before she comes back. I can make us some tea and food? I’m sure you’re starved after that long day of traveling.”

“You would be correct,” Louis replies, with one of his sweet smiles. “And that’d be great, I think, right, H?” He asks, turning to see Harry’s reaction. He nods. “Then yeah. Thank you, Gemma. Also, thank you for like... letting me stay here for the holidays. I’m sure you weren’t too ecstatic about a stranger coming into your home during a special time like this, especially after not seeing Harry for so long, but I really appreciate you guys. I can’t say it enough, so really, just, thank you.”

Gemma instantly smiles, waving her hand to dismiss him. “Do you know how long it’s been since this one brought someone around? _I_ was the one who was thankful. I was getting sick of him showing up here with his lonely arse and moping around wishing he had someone to hold.”

“Hey,” Harry frowns, reaching over to lightly shove at her shoulder. “It’s not my fault you flaunt your relationship in front of me every year, only worsening my insecurities about not being in one.”

Almost instantly, this seems to be a cue for Louis to wrap his arm around his waist, pulling him closer to him. He stumbles as he’s caught off guard from his warm, gentle touch. “Well you’ve got me now, babe. No more insecurities and moping your lonely arse around. Christmas cheers, and all.”

Not knowing how to react, he just uses his elbow to nudge him away since both his hands are preoccupied with his bags. “Come on, you. Let me show you to my bedroom,” he says, winking and making Louis cackle loudly.

“No bedroom talk in front of the sister,” Gemma teases, laughing with them until they all go their separate ways.

Louis follows Harry as he leads them into his bedroom. He always forgets that his bedroom is the same as he left it when he was 16. It’s very... teenage boyish. He always loved decorating and making his living space his, so it might look a little childish and much, but it made him feel safe inside of it. Being surrounded by everything he loved, it just made him happy.

He opens the door and drops the bags down immediately. “Here it is. And don’t make fun of it,” he lectures, seeing how Louis’ eyes are already sparking with amusement as he takes in all the posters hung up, clearly wanting to. “This is all 16 year old Harry’s doing. Don’t criticize me now.”

“Not a fucking _Notting Hill_ poster,” he mumbles, shaking his head in disapproval. “And _Bridget Jones’s Diary_? Why am I just finding out that you’re a Hugh Grant fan?”

“Shoot. You’re right. I should have started with that at our first meeting, my apologies.”

Louis only smiles, not responding as he continues taking in every square inch of his room. Harry starts anxiously shifting his weight from side to side as he watches Louis literally inspect everything. He nearly forgot everything that is in here, hoping to God there isn’t something he forgot about that he wouldn’t want Louis seeing.

He points to a picture of Harry and Sara, his best friend before all of this started. “Who’s that?”

Harry walks over to sit down on his bed. “Sara. She was my closest friend for about... four years? She got me that frame on my 15th birthday and I just have kept it there since, I guess. I mean, granted, I haven’t really changed my room much since I left and really never came back.” He shrugs, watching as Louis moves onto all the records, CDs, DVDs and books he has shelved.

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” He asks, letting his fingers run along the books. “How one day your life is normal and the next it’s not? It happens so fucking fast. Like... basically, you’re dreaming about the life we have now, and then all of a sudden, it’s your old life that starts to feel like a dream, one that is unreachable.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, breathlessly. He has thought about that constantly, ever since he won _the X Factor_. He just never formulated it into words as well as Louis just did. “Unreachable,” he repeats, very quietly. “ _This_ is the life that seemed unreachable for so long and for many people it still is. Then you... you get here, and returning to who you used to be is now impossible which is sort of sad when you really think about it. I-I like how you said that.”

Louis modestly grins in return. “Did I just help you put the thoughts you always had into words?”

“Yeah,” he repeats, laughing a little. “How’d you know?”

“I had trouble putting them together for a while too,” he admits, freezing when he scans his eyes over something. He rips it out of the shelf, turning it to Harry. When he sees the DVD he’s holding, he feels himself starting to panic because it’s Louis’ first ever movie. His eyes widen hysterically and Louis’ smirk grows deviously. “What’s this?”

“Gemma really likes that movie,” he blurts, cheeks flushing. “She, uh, she got it for me.”

Louis stares at him for a while longer, before putting it back in it’s spot and shaking his head. “Such a terrible actor. Promise me you’ll never go into acting?”

Harry takes his pillow and chucks it at Louis who only laughs as he dodges it and Harry can’t help but join him. “Excuse me. My boyfriend act is pretty spot on.”

“Is that so?” Louis asks as he crosses his arms across his chest. “I beg to differ.”

He raises an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He shrugs, walking over slowly and running his finger up his thigh. Harry jerks at the very unexpected gesture, almost panting as he gazes into Louis’ eyes that are dark and only focused on Harry. “If we were really boyfriends, I don’t think you would still get this flustered by me.”

Harry gulps, blinking rapidly. His head snaps to Louis’ touch that is still on his thigh, before darting back up. Words would be nice. “That’s not true.”

“No?” He mocks, giving his thigh a nice squeeze. He jerks again and almost groans because what the hell is he doing? Why does he act like this out of fucking nowhere? “Would you get more worked up, then? When I touch you like this?”

He can’t do this. There is something seriously wrong with this boy. “What are you—”

“Harry! Mum’s home!”

Louis brings his hand away from him, putting them both instantly into his pockets again, as a way to show if he didn’t do that, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from touching Harry again. Or maybe he just wants to pretend that didn't just happen.

He gawks at him for a moment because does this mean what he thinks it means? Does Louis have feelings toward Harry as well? Does he want to touch him like real boyfriends? Because it sure as hell seems as—

“Harold!”

“Let’s go,” Louis states, nodding his head toward the door like he didn’t just do this to Harry and is sending him into the world’s biggest panic right now. “I want to meet your mum.”

He nods incoherently, standing up shakily and guiding them out the door very slowly. He feels like his knees are about to snap and he’s going to fall to the floor.

They both walk into the kitchen and although his nerves are about to kill him, when he sees his mum, it definitely helps him begin to calm down already. “Baby,” she welcomes, walking over to pull him into one of her bear hugs. “Look at you! I missed you so much.”

He squeezes her, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck. “I missed you more.”

When they let go of each other, her eyes drift over to Louis and another big smile overtakes her face. “And you’re Louis! Hi, dear, I was so happy when Harry said you’d be joining us. I’m so excited to meet you,” she tells him as she walks over to give him a hug too.

Louis hugs her back and Harry purposely avoids his eyes because he thinks if he looks into them, he’s going to actually break. He’s going to collapse and not know how to get back up.

“You as well,” he laughs into her tight hold. “Thank you for letting me join you—”

“Nonsense. No need to thank us. None of that, it’s our pleasure to have you here,” she interrupts genuinely. “Now let’s enjoy some tea together and have a chat.”

He can see in his peripheral vision that Louis nods, and he goes to sit down with everyone else. They’re all in deep conversations, mostly his mum and Gemma getting to know Louis better who doesn’t seem distraught in the slightest.

He’s so fucking confusing. He wishes he could shake his small body and get all these thoughts to fall out of him, so he can pick them up and finally just understand whatever it is he’s thinking. There’s clearly a lot that he’s not telling Harry, or that he’s purposely avoiding. Although, it is hypocritical of him to think this since he’s been avoiding telling him a lot of things too as of lately.

“Can we please watch the interview where you insult him?” Gemma asks, kicking Harry’s shin. “This one acted like it didn’t bother him but I know deep down he wanted to cry. I think he’s always had a bit of a crush on you, to be honest. Well, a fan boy crush, back then.”

“Gemma,” he mutters, speaking up for the first time in what feels like forever. “Shut up.”

Louis only chuckles, shrugging. “Sorry, sorry. I know you guys probably hated me for that and I don’t blame you. It’s just that Zayn wrote his song specifically for that film, and I thought it was brilliant, and at the time he was my best mate that I felt bad for, so I reacted in an immature way. I actually loved Harry’s song, but I would have never admitted that, especially not in front of Zayn. But now I’ve got no shame. In fact, I think it was my most played song that year.”

This gets Harry to break out of his glum thoughts, glimpsing up to Louis to see if he’s bluffing. “You’re shitting me.”

Their eyes connect and it’s quiet for a moment before Louis shakes his head. “It was catchy, okay? I even got my Spotify wrapped up stats to prove it to you if you don’t believe me.”

Wow. Okay. So Louis apparently did listen to him beforehand. Did he always? Or was it just that one song he did? This is... wow. He doesn’t know what to think of this. He always made it seem like he had no clue about any of his music.

“You’re so annoying,” Harry says under his breath, bringing his tea up to his mouth. “And a _liar_.”

“What can I say? I’m full of surprises,” he confesses, teasingly with one of his winks.

Gemma and his mum laugh, but Harry doesn’t because all he can think is yeah. Louis sure is full of fucking surprises.


	11. eleven

There’s something about seeing Louis Tomlinson with his childhood cat on his lap that is really messing with Harry’s feelings. More than anything that has happened before, which is very... strange. And alarming? Out of all things that could be making Harry’s entire body feel warm and full of affection—as well as a bit wonky in the head—it’s the sight of Louis and Evie together.

He doesn’t understand. But he hates it. He _hates_ that he’s feeling this way. Emotions, be gone. Please.

“So. You’re a cat person,” Harry states as casually as he can, sitting across from Louis while bringing their tea to the table.

Louis retrieves his with a soft twinkle in his eyes. “Thanks,” he mutters before he lifts his shoulders. “And what? Why do you say that?”

“Well, Evie doesn’t just snuggle up to anyone. Also, I’m pretty sure Droolius has never gotten this type of attention before.”

Louis sways his head from side to side before looking back down at Evie and stroking her softly. “Fair enough. Maybe I am a cat person after all.” Harry beams at them and isn’t even thinking when he takes out his phone and snaps a picture of them. Once he takes it, Louis’ head moves back up and he breathes out a laugh. “You want to post _this_? A bit boring, innit?”

“What?” Harry asks, properly confused before he understands what he means. “Oh. I-I don’t know? Why not? It’s a cute sight, actually. Maybe.” He wasn’t planning on posting it anywhere. He just wanted the picture to himself but now apparently he should post it so Louis doesn’t think otherwise.

Shit. He nearly forgot about posting at all. He doesn’t want to post any of this, not what they share together while they’re at his childhood home. Maybe he’ll just pretend he forgot about it and not do it, he’s sure that Louis won’t notice.

“Aw. You think I’m a cute sight?” He wiggles his eyebrows at him, resulting in Harry rolling his eyes.

“The cat. The... Evie. _Evie_ in your tiny lap is a cute sight. Not necessarily you as a whole, I’d say...”

“Hey!” Louis yells, making Evie jump off of him as she gets startled. “You’re being rude to your guest.”

He opens his mouth to banter back but he’s interrupted. “Harry, be nice to our sweet guest,” his mum says as she promptly enters the room, pointing a finger at him as she goes to get her own tea. “I want to keep him around. He’s funny.”

Louis waves his hand. “Thank you, Mrs. Styles. I’d like to say so myself.”

“Please, dear, call me Anne. I thought we went over this?” She lectures, a big smile on her face and Harry can tell it’s because she actually likes Louis already.

He can’t say he blames her. It doesn’t take long for him to maneuver his way into your heart, no matter how small or big that part is. He finds a way to stick in there and make some sort of impact on a person. That’s just who he is, he’s special in that way.

“Sorry, Anne. I’ll get better at that, promise.”

Harry watches them as they continue talking, keeping a hand up to rest his cheek against it. He feels like he’s in a daze as he keeps his eyes locked on Louis, tracking his every movement. He lets them scan over his entire face, to his lips as he speaks, his nose when it crinkles, his cheeks, his eyebrows, his feathery hair... just everything he can see, really.

Last night, they both ignored whatever the hell happened between them. Whatever Louis’ weird doing was, that is. He still has no idea what got over him, or why he decided to act all seductive in literal seconds. Maybe he just got a bit cocky knowing Harry watched his movies when he was a teenager, enough to have a DVD in his room or something. Made him want to act that way.

They did sleep together on his small bed, possibly snuggling a bit as well which they are both pretending didn’t happen, or maybe just acting like it’s a normal thing. It isn’t too big of a deal because ideally, it’s not _that_ weird. He cuddles with Niall all the time when they sleep together in bed, as friends. It’s never been strange between the two of them. So, he’s saying it’s the same exact way with Louis. Friends are allowed to cozy up together as they sleep for the night.

He woke up with his arm hung around Louis’ waist, face pressed into his armpit. He was almost suffocating until he pulled away, jerking awake and realizing the position they were in. Apparently he was the one who wanted to cling onto Louis as they slept (not surprising). Louis was completely knocked out on his back, head facing the other way with all his hands to himself.

He may or may not have stared at Louis for a little bit, comprehending if he truly wanted to, he could count every freckle that laid across his skin. He may or may not have actually counted them. And he has a feeling he is the only person in the world that may or may not know that Louis has twenty one freckles on his face.

Yeah. Everything is going completely fine.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Harry breaks out of his trance, bringing his eyes to Louis’ own. He was currently staring at his wrists, for whatever reason, but now he’s brought back into the real world and not just his thoughts. “What?” He glances to where his mum was standing to see she’s not even there anymore. When the hell did she leave the room?

Louis chuckles, sinking down in his chair. His mug is hovering over his mouth, small hands holding it tightly. “What’s going on, Mr. Thinky? You seemed a bit out of it there for a while.”

“Oh,” he laughs nervously, scratching at the back of his head. “Um, yeah. I guess I’m just tired.”

“You, rockstar, snore like a fucking plane landing,” he teases and Harry scoffs, crossing his arms across his chest defensively.

“Do not.”

“Don’t worry. It’s cute. Maybe not a cute sight, you know, with you all mouth wide open and drool pouring out, but it’s a cute sound?”

Harry unironically lets his mouth fall open, snickering in the process. “Excuse me. I’m always a cute sight.”

“Well so am I. Don’t even try to deny it,” he demands as he puts his mug back down, only so he can intertwine his fingers and hold them up under his chin. “Look at me. So fucking cute.”

He feels himself blushing because he isn’t lying. And him doing this action, he does look really fucking cute. “Eh.”

“ _Eh_?!” He yelps, making Harry erupt into laughter. “What do you mean, eh?! Aren’t you, as my boyfriend, supposed to agree and tell me how cute I am?”

“You’re a whole lot cuter when your big mouth isn’t running.”

“Hm,” Louis purrs, releasing his fingers so he can tap at his chin. “So what would you rather my big mouth be doing?”

Jesus fucking Christ. He unintentionally almost drops his tea as he stumbles to place it back on the table, not taking his eyes off Louis once because right now he can’t. Not when he’s looking at him like that again all while saying these things.

“I will not be answering that,” he mutters, finally about to form words this time. He needs to change the subject quickly before he loses himself again. “Hey, can um... I wanted to ask you if you wanted to walk around town together later? I thought we could just get some hot chocolate and see where the night takes us, basically.”

As much as he would have loved (but also hated) to see where he was going with that, he can’t handle it. He doesn’t want to get himself involved into an awkward situation like that again. He can’t tell if Louis wants it reciprocated, or, if he just wants to get a reaction out of him. Either way, he’s not risking it again as long as he can help it.

Louis seems to take the hint, sighing before nodding hesitantly. “I think I’d like that?”

“You think?”

“It’s a bit cold, innit?”

Harry smiles, reaching over to pat his cheek. “We’ll bundle up, sweetheart.” Louis shoves him away and flips him off.

_****_

“Ow, fucking shit, cock sucker,” Louis spits, trying to cool down his tongue like an absolute idiot.

Harry can only laugh at him, watching as he fans his mouth and pants crazily. “You can’t be serious. That’s like, the first thing you don’t do when you get hot chocolate.”

“Fuck off,” he mutters and Harry shakes his head admiringly at him. “I’m excited to drink it. I don’t know the last time I’ve enjoyed one.”

“Me neither,” Harry admits. “That’s why I thought about doing this. I figured it’d be kind of nice.”

Louis hums, watching Harry as he suddenly shivers, entire body shaking as the breeze hits them. “You were the one who made it seem like the cold doesn’t bother you,” he observes, laughing a bit.

Harry glares at him, trying his best to press his jacket close to his body. He digs his chin into his scarf, secretly regretting this offer because of the freezing weather, but also still enjoying it. He’s a bit conflicted. “I just didn’t want to be inside.”

“Winter is the time to be inside, rockstar. The L.A. in you isn’t used to this weather anymore. Don’t lie and say you’d prefer this weather as opposed to back home.”

He has a point. “I mean, I’m here every holiday... and I do sometimes miss the snow. I love watching it fall,” he admits. It’s been snowing tonight very, very lightly, but it’s still coming down. “It’s pretty and calming.”

“Of course a sap like you would think that,” he mutters, and Harry nudges him with his elbow.

“Stop that. You don’t like the snow?”

“It’s gross. You get all wet and it turns to mush, making the streets look more dirty than usual. There’s not much to enjoy after it’s done coming down and starts to melt,” he rambles, shaking his head and risking another sip from his hot chocolate.

Harry licks his lips, staring down at him. His eyelashes are damp from the snow that’s fallen on them, and the brightness of the lights and snow that is already on the ground combined, is making his blue eyes even more vibrant.

He’s about to open his mouth to ask when the last time he’s experienced a white Christmas, feeling as if he hasn’t been coming down to England at all during the holidays, when there’s a voice coming up behind them.

“Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson? Is that actually you?” They both turn their bodies to see a girl holding multiple shopping bags in her hands, eyes widening once she registers that the people she assumed they were are actually them. “Holy shit! Hi?!”

Harry just chuckles, glancing at Louis who is already eyeing her up. “I can see you’re doing a lot of last minute shopping, there.”

She bursts out a nervous laugh, nodding her head frantically. “Um, yeah. That I am. I’m... holy shit,” she repeats, looking between them. “Can I take a picture with both of you?”

“If you can manage getting a free hand out, sure love,” Louis teases, giving his hot chocolate to Harry to hold before approaching her. “Do you need help? I can take a couple of the bags off while we take some.”

“Oh, um, yeah, thanks,” she stutters, giving him the bags off her left arm and quickly going to grab her phone. “Thank you so much.”

She hands her phone to Harry to take a picture of the two of them, before Louis and him switch spots. She then rambles on about how much she loves them together and how this just made her Christmas a whole lot better already, how much she adores both of their works individually, basically everything that they do. They listen to her politely before they go their separate ways, and Harry can just feel how much she was actually a fan of them equally. That has been happening a lot more frequently, especially after Harry released his new song.

“She reminded me of Gemma,” Louis states once they start walking again. “Very bubbly.”

He laughs, adjusting the beanie on his head. “Yeah. I suppose so,” he agrees, coughing a little. “You like my sister, then? She wasn’t too bad?”

“Of course I do,” Louis answers like he was crazy to even ask that. “Your mum as well. I’m... I’m really thankful for you guys. Really, Harry. I know it’s only been a night but that’s all it took for you lot to make me feel welcomed and not like I was intruding on anything. I expected as much after spending so much time with you, but still. I appreciate it.”

Louis sounds so sincere saying all of this, and Harry can’t get over how happy he seems to be with a family. He can’t help but get curious all over again with why he isn’t spending the holidays with his own.

He knew he wasn’t going to be able to keep quiet forever, but right now seems like a good time to bring it up. He’s willing to risk it.

“I’m sorry if I’m overstepping a boundary here by asking you this,” he begins very quietly, hoping to God Louis won’t get upset with him. “But why aren’t you with your family? Weren’t you close with them? I mean, I’ve heard you talk about them and you mentioned how they’re the reason why you are where you are today?”

Louis gives him a weak smile. “Just because I said they’re the reason why I’m here doesn’t mean it’s a good thing,” he replies cautiously, words shaking as they leave his mouth. This seems to be a really touchy subject for him already.

He immediately starts frowning seeing how tense he becomes. “I don’t understand?” He really shouldn't keep pushing but he can’t help himself. He just can’t tell what he means by that.

It only takes a moment but Louis seems to pull himself together and now he just appears angry. His posture straightens up and his chin rises high. “They’re the reason why I had to work so fucking hard after being forced on the streets to live in my damn car,” he explains with a shake of his head and... what? Did he just say he was living in his _car_?

“Wait, you what?” He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to respond to this. He can feel himself getting nervous just like Louis is.

Now that he’s thinking about it he’s got no clue how Louis really got started. All that everyone knows is that he’s from Doncaster, born and raised until he moved to California to begin his career. That’s it, a very vague description. He’s never made a point to discuss anything else from his home life.

Louis shrugs, swallowing what could be a lump down in his throat. He’s trying to hold himself together but Harry can tell it’s harder for him to do so confidently. He wants to reach out and hold him. “I’ve always been a stubborn bastard. Literally, ever since I was a child, honestly. And it didn’t help that my parents never liked me. They basically thought I was a waste of space, and they absolutely fucking hated the direction I was going. Like how I wanted to get involved within the film industry someway, they couldn’t believe it. Oh, and they hated that I was gay, which news flash mum and dad, the world does too.”

“Louis,” Harry whispers quietly, sympathetically. “That’s not true.”

He doesn’t remember what night it was when he decided to do his own little Louis search recently, but he ended up finding pages and pages dedicated to Louis, specifically ones that only talked about how much it meant to them that he came out. All he could think about is if only he knew how many people actually looked up to him, maybe he’d stop seeking for the hate as much as he does. Well, Harry’s sure that he knows they exist but they’re not his main focus. His main focus is on the people that don’t like him.

He wishes there was a way to make him stop doing that to himself.

He just waves him off with his hand before continuing. “It’s a long story. But my parents had me at a very young age. I think they were both eighteen? So they already didn’t like me because I was a failed condom, or whatever, putting a damper on their teen years. As I grew up, I knew straight away I wanted to perform in some way. I asked to be put into plays, acting lessons, all that. My mum did her best to get me whatever she could afford, because she did like the fact that it got me away from the house and to quit bothering her all the time. Then I got older and really knew I wanted to act... like to really _act_ in something. That didn’t go well with either of them, because at the time, they were starting to have more kids and were struggling with money, per usual. They wanted me to get a real job that could help pay the bills, but I refused. Then at sixteen they figured out the boy I was bringing into my room wasn’t a friend, but the boy I was experimenting with. They got so mad, Harry, they just... they thought everything I was doing was to ruin their life. I can’t even explain it,” he breathes, shaking his head.

Harry reaches out to hold his hand because he doesn’t know what else to do, just like the time when he was struggling with that specific scene on set. Fuck, he stares at him wordlessly, not one thought in his mind is coming across that could possibly make him feel better. There’s nothing to say.

Louis squeezes their mitted hands before continuing. “We got in a huge argument, and I was just so fucking sick of their shit, that I simply packed everything I had at the young age of 16, which wasn’t much, keep in mind, and got in my car and left. I drove far away, ended up in Manchester. I got myself some job at a restaurant as a dishwasher,” he shrugs, biting his lip. “Enough to get myself food and pay for gas. I showered at some random gym whenever I really needed to. I lived like that for about two months until I realized I was a fucking idiot and had no idea what I was doing. So then I called my Uncle... my Uncle Theo.”

“Theo?” Harry asks, getting caught completely off guard. “Theo is your Uncle?”

He nods. “He’s the one who made me want to get into acting because he always worked in the industry, and would tell me all about it whenever I saw him as a child. That’s how I was first introduced to the idea at only six years old. Anyways, I ended up calling him and he was so thankful to hear my voice, as the words obviously traveled from my parents. I asked to live with him, even though it was a problem since he lived in L.A. and I’ve never been on a plane. Also, he was always extremely busy. He obviously hesitated, but he knew how desperate I was and he eventually agreed because he couldn't let me live in my car alone any longer. When I first got there, I begged him to just tell my parents I was okay and let me never speak to them again. I couldn’t... I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to see them ever again and thankfully, he respected that. If they didn’t want to support me, I didn’t want anything to do with them. But anyways, right away we got going with my career, since he knew people and got me an agent, where they worked together to get me auditions and stuff. I had connections, so I was going to use them, you know? I didn’t give a shit at the time if I was basically using them. I just needed to prove to my parents that I knew I had a talent for acting, that I wasn’t just trying to live out unrealistic dreams. And I... I don’t know. You know the rest, I guess.”

He doesn’t know how to feel. It’s just... Louis has never shown any signs of going through something like this. Not once. He always made it seem like he had such a good life and that everything came beyond easy to him before he came out. That’s not true at all. Even now, just talking about it, he really doesn’t seem that upset. Just pissed off.

Jesus Christ, Harry feels immensely for this boy.

“I had no idea,” Harry says eventually, quietly. He almost feels guilty. “Why haven’t you ever mentioned this story? Louis, I... I don’t even know what to say. Well first off, I’m so fucking sorry that your parents were so shitty to you. No one deserves to get treated that way by the literal only people in your life that are supposed to support you regardless. Second... I’m a bit in shock? That is terrifying, that you lived in your car all alone for two months at only 16. I can’t even imagine how you were feeling and what you were going through.”

This makes Louis laugh and aggressively nod his head. “It was shit. I can say that much,” he acknowledges, drinking from his hot chocolate before shaking his head as more thoughts come across him. “And as much as I hate them, I send them money every month because you know why? I have about five sisters back home that don’t deserve to live with such shitty people like them. I figured if maybe they have the proper money they could at least give them some sort of happiness through tangible things, as fucked up as that might sound. I know they suck at giving their children actual affection, so,” he mutters as he kicks a rock that comes across their path. “It’s funny too, because I’m not even sure if any of my siblings know I’m their brother. When I left, there were only two sisters then, and the oldest one was no older than four? I think? I doubt she remembers me hanging around. They want me to visit them, they try to reach out to me frequently, still to this day. Every time I ignore them because it's easier to do that than actually going over there and seeing them face to face. But... I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore. I mean, that’s the only way I’m in contact with them, is what I’m trying to say, I guess. And that’s why I don’t spend the holidays with them.”

Harry sighs, gulping and forcing his eyes to the ground. He feels like shit right now and wants to protect this boy from everything bad in the world. He doesn’t want anything to hurt him ever again if he can help it. 

“You’re so brave, Louis. I really mean it when I say this and I know you never want to hear it, but Jesus Christ. I can’t imagine... sorry, I’m just thinking about what I’d feel like if I didn’t have a supportive mum throughout all of this. I think I’d go a bit mad.”

He doesn’t mean to make it about himself and the second he says that he regrets it. It’s just that his mum and sister are the people that keep him sane during all this. They’re the whole reason why the risks of this job haven’t gotten to his head yet, that he really needs people like them.

He goes to open his mouth to apologize again, but Louis is too quick. “But really, if it wasn’t for them, I don’t know if I would be here now. And I mean that. I used to be so timid. Like yes, I was always stubborn and a brat, but them being so invalidating of me, it made me want to work twice as harder than I normally would have. You know? It made me build up this wall, refusing to let anyone break it down, no matter how hard they tried. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve seen the side of me where I do let people tear me down, but what I’m trying to say is they can never keep me down. I just build myself right back up. That’s another reason why I’m such a prick to everyone, because I refuse to let anyone treat me like they did.”

It’s all making so much sense. The way he is, how he acts, how he feels. Harry finally understands every little part of Louis Tomlinson he’s seen throughout the years, from just on screen, and now, from knowing him in person.

“You are such a different person here than you are within the media,” Harry tells him quietly, remembering all the times he’s snapped at those condescending pricks about his films and life in general. “Like completely different. You’re such a sweet person, genuinely, like here with me now... but then you’ll watch an interview of you, or something, and you’re this feisty thing that takes nothing from no one. Which is good in a way, of course, don’t get me wrong, but before I met you, I just thought you were such a prick for no reason at all. No offense,” he rushes, really not meaning to offend him.

Louis softly laughs. “Eh. I know,” he agrees, thankfully. He seems to debate his next words for a moment, before opening his mouth and timidly admitting them out-loud. “I’ve always thought of myself as a mirrorball,” he explains softly and Harry tilts his head at that.

He feels his own lips quirking upwards slightly because he can’t help himself. “A mirrorball?” It sounds so fascinating to him and whatever description he’s about to give; he knows it’ll be a good one.

Louis sighs, wrapping his arms around himself tightly after he throws away his now empty hot chocolate cup. He glances up to the sky, making the stars shining above them brighten up his eyes. His side profile is something Harry envies, how delicate yet structured it is. He’s the perfect portrait.

Harry can barely believe he’s real.

“Yeah,” he begins in barely a whisper. “It’s shiny and has so many sides to it. So like... multiple sides of a person, you know? I definitely have my sides I show to different people at different times. I can change myself to please whomever that is. And it can reflect people and they can see whatever they want to see. Also, it’s something that is hung up high on like a dance floor or something, building up excitement for those around it, doing what it was made to do, which is to please people. And if you were to break it, there would be a million pieces. Not trying to sound poetic here or whatever, but I think my mirrorball finally broke this year. I’m still shining on film or whatever, but in person? I’m just... I was shattered. Yet people still saw this mirrorball despite what’s happening on the inside. They just see the display. And I guess that’s my own fault, really. For displaying myself as a shitty person throughout the years. That’s probably why people showed no sympathy when I came out. At least now I’ve finally gotten myself back together, and I think you’ve got a big part to do with that. So thank you.”

Harry’s mouth is gaped open as he stares at Louis. There’s a lot to process right here. He had no idea Louis’ was so... Jesus. How can you even explain this? He’s never once heard someone compare themselves to something like this, for it to make so much sense and for it to be almost heartbreaking.

Also, he’s thanking Harry? He’s thanking him for being there for him. Jesus Christ.

He wants to cry.

Instead, he sucks in a shaky breath, bringing up the stupidest fucking question he can come up with. “Why do you display such a heartless person sometimes? Like, I get it’s to show that you won’t take shit from people, but sometimes you do it so extreme. I mean, you definitely show the world your fun side, but you always would cover it up by being so...”

“So cold?” He interrupts with a smile, clearly not too upset right now. Harry nods. “I’d rather have people hate me for someone I’m not.”

Harry’s entire body shrinks, his shoulders dropping sadly. “And that’s why it was so hard for you when people were... when they were giving you hate when you came out.”

“Precisely.”

Come to think of it, Harry thinks of Louis as a breath of fresh air. He really is.

He looks down at their hands that are still holding onto each other through their mitts, realizing he never wants to let go. “Can I say one thing?”

Louis gulps, looking at Harry for the first time since he started his long journey. “Yeah.”

“Thank you for being you.”

This seems to make Louis more emotional than he already was. He gives him the most genuine smile he’s gotten since he’s known him, before bringing up their hands and giving Harry a kiss on the exposed fingertips he has at the end of his mitt. “Thanks for not actually being a curly haired cunt like I originally thought you were.”

Harry laughs, untwining their hands only so he can wrap his arm around Louis, pulling him tightly as they stumble on through the streets of London. He is too happy right now as he leans over to give him a quick kiss on his temple, not even thinking twice about it.

Louis doesn’t seem to mind.


	12. twelve

It’s safe to say the holidays fucked Harry up, just as he suspected they would. Although, he didn’t expect they would go _as_ well as they did, even though he did have his worries.

It’s just... yes, he wanted them to go good, of course he did. But he also didn’t because that would automatically result in his already existing feelings for Louis to grow even more. Which they _did_. And he can’t explain how badly that stresses him out.

They ended up celebrating Louis’ birthday on Christmas Eve since Harry made a point to go above and beyond for him after hearing about what he went through with his family. From his understanding, that would mean he hasn’t gotten a proper birthday... possibly ever? At least he’s spent a majority of them alone for the past seven or so years, which is plain horrible.

He did ask him why he doesn’t spend the holidays with Theo, where the answer was that he still goes over to his parents place for them, all the way back to Doncaster, and as many times as he’s tried to get him to come along too, he’s always refused. It all makes sense.

Louis might’ve teared up when they brought out a birthday cake for him. He could just see how overwhelmed he felt that it was almost too much for him to handle emotionally. He excused himself to the bathroom and Harry knew he allowed himself to cry in there, as he came back out with a splotchy face to confirm that, and all Harry could do was hold him tight in his arms and remind him that he’s so proud of him.

If Harry teared up too, he doesn’t want to admit it.

They ended up giving each other gifts on Christmas Day and if this doesn’t say that they are the same person, he doesn’t know what will. Because Harry gave Louis a signed copy of his first album, and Louis gave Harry a signed copy of his first movie. They probably laughed about it for five minutes straight.

As fun as that was, they did give each other things that weren’t just a joke gift. Harry got Louis customized sunglasses that have little rainbows at the ends of them, which he immediately adored. Louis on the other hand got Harry new nail polish, personalized guitar picks with his album name in different fonts, and a back massager because he’s always saying that it hurts because of his bad posture.

He really tried to lecture him about getting him a decent amount of unnecessary things—although he loved each and every one of them—but he insisted he wanted to after being offered to stay here.

So yeah. It’s extremely bad now. His feelings for Louis, to be clarified.

The flight they took the 29th led them straight to New York, where they are going to celebrate the new year. They have a mini vacation, so call it, planned along with Zayn and Niall.

Unfortunately, when they got to their hotel room, Louis asked if it’d be okay if he shared a room with Zayn and then Niall would share one with him. Harry can’t even describe what he felt inside once he was hit with that, but he can’t deny that whatever it was... he didn’t like it. He hasn’t seen Zayn in months due to touring and it wouldn’t be right to argue against it, even if at the time he wanted to use their fake dating as an excuse.

He was honestly just secretly hoping they’d be able to share a room again, together in the same bed, even though they just finished doing that for about two weeks at his mum’s house.

Whatever.

It was also weird seeing Zayn again after now knowing everything that Louis and him went through, how the bastard just took off after Louis admitted something so personal to him. He understands that they were able to work it out no problem, but it still doesn’t mean he isn’t a bit annoyed with this information.

It’s none of his business though. It never will be. He’s allowed to feel this way on the inside, but he’d never show it in person because that’d be wrong. Louis can be in a hotel room with his best friend for a couple days, same with Harry and Niall. They’ll survive just fine.

Well, Louis will, at least.

A part of him is only worried Louis still has those feelings he had for Zayn in the past. He did tell Harry he got over them, and Zayn is just always going to be the closest friend he has in his life, like Niall is to him, but he would like to argue he never had feelings for Niall. It’s a bit different when it’s a situation like that.

But again. He shouldn’t be worrying.

It’s now early morning the 31st, and Harry and Louis were asked to take a romantic walk around Central Park together. Louis for some reason is acting extremely annoying... like, more annoying than ever, honestly. Harry is on the verge of shoving him down and leaving him in the park like a stray puppy.

“I’ve seen videos of you at a party, young rockstar,” Louis states, causing Harry to aggressively roll his eyes. “I just have to say I’m excited to finally see this side of you.”

“You’ve seen me drunk before,” he mutters, trying to get his hands further into his pockets. It’s fucking freezing outside and he’s just praying to God no one else asks them to stop for pictures. They’re hiding pretty well with their sunglasses and layers of clothes and hats, but still. People are crazy when it comes to recognizing their favorite celebrities.

“Yeah, but in a like... club setting? Never,” he states. He’s a little too bouncy today, walking way ahead of him. He has to turn around to walk backwards so he can make eye contact with Harry which he doesn’t understand why he feels the need to do that, but alright.

He didn’t sleep well last night because Niall was up late talking on the phone to some girl he met in L.A. and has apparently been seeing. Normally, Harry would be thankful he finally found someone, but not when he’s rambling at three in the fucking morning and laughing like a hyena specifically when Harry has to wake up at seven.

“Don’t expect much,” he says under his breath, shaking his head and glaring at him through his shades. He might not be able to see his eyes, but it still serves his purpose.

Louis chuckles, tilting his head teasingly. “No? I won’t be getting a lap dance?”

Unfazed at first, he scoffs. “I gave Niall a lap dance that one time because he thought I wouldn’t do it,” he snaps, feeling a headache coming on. Jesus, now he’s getting Louis induced headaches instead of Niall ones? “I’m not... hold on. Wait. You saw that?” He panics, realizing what he just said.

“Course I did. I think Zayn sent me it once he found out you were being my boyfriend,” he explains, laughing a bit harder. “Christ. I wish you could have seen the conversations we had about you through text before all this.”

Harry gapes, not knowing if he should freak out or laugh along with him. “Bad?”

“They were... well, I don’t know. We could have been a little nicer, maybe. I do feel bad after knowing you’re just one big teddy bear.”

“Hey,” he hisses. “Don’t call me a big teddy bear. That’s fucking weird.”

“A sweetheart?”

He shrugs. “Better.”

Louis chuckles, shaking his head. “Zayn was reluctant at first with you being our first real contender for fake boyfriends. He said it would look weird specifically because I was already friends with him, then the entire movie thing with your songs and how I said I wanted his instead of yours and—”

He doesn’t even finish listening to his story because he starts to see that Louis is going to fall or something with the way he’s walking backwards and still teasing, not paying attention at all to where he’s going. “Lou, stop going back—”

And yup. Just like he called it, Louis trips over his feet and falls backwards and it all happened so fast, Harry didn’t even get the chance to grab his wrist to catch him. He ends up on the ground, smacking his head on the sidewalk, causing Harry to fucking panic because he just hit his head on _concrete_.

He groans, going to grab his head. “Fucking ouch,” he mutters and Harry hurries to the ground to help him up.

“Jesus Christ, are you alright? Wait, no, that was a stupid question. Are you bleeding?” He asks, grabbing his head and trying to feel for blood after he takes off his beanie. “Holy shit, I can’t believe you just fell and hit your head on the sidewalk. I want to fucking kill you, I was literally just about to tell you to stop walking backwards like a fucking _idiot_ —”

“Harry, holy fuck, calm down,” he interrupts, keeping a little mirth in his voice as he rips the beanie back from his hands. “I’m literally fine. Just hurt a bit at contact, that’s all. And I’ll probably have a headache for the rest of the night, but please, relax.”

Harry glares at him, fingers still in his hair feeling for blood. “In my defense, you could have really hurt yourself. A hit to concrete is normally never good. I would know, I’ve had like... two concussions when I was younger because of it.”

“Yeah, well, that’s because you’re naturally clumsy. I fall once in a blue moon.”

He starts to smirk, pushing at his chest. “Maybe you fell for me.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Aww,” Harry continues, purposely to fuck with him after giving him a near heart attack. He places both hands on Louis’ cheeks, squishing him. “Baby, you literally _fell_ for _me_!”

He shoves him off of him. “You’re embarrassing me.”

He chuckles, helping them both up as they stand to their feet. He lets his hand fall back on his head where he hit it, rubbing slightly. “You sure you’re okay?”

“If you stopped touching me, then maybe.”

Harry does as he says, eyeing him up once more to make sure he’s fine, before they continue walking. Instantly, he then remembers what he was just saying, perking up a bit with wanting to know the rest. “And wait a minute. Sorry, but you had contenders for this?”

He nods, placing the beanie back on his head. “Yeah. Like Sam Hunter, Aiden Grimshaw—”

“Grimshaw?!” Harry asks, widening his eyes. “No fucking shit? You were seriously going to date my biggest competition on _the X Factor_? Are you kidding me?”

He understands that they have been seen together in the past, implying they were friends whenever he was in L.A., which Harry absolutely hated when those pap pics came out one night. Seeing the two people he—at the time—despised the most together, was infuriating.

Louis bursts into laughter. “Oh my God, chill out. You wouldn’t have even been affected if that would have happened, frankly. Why are you pissed?”

“Because he’s my enemy. He’s a real prick,” he admits, crossing his arms like a spoiled child. “And I hate him. The thought of him having the pleasure of being your boyfriend makes me sick.”

He’s not even lying. He hates that bastard more than anyone, with the way he bullied him on set every time he came across him, and just thinking about him getting the chance to be boyfriends with Louis, being able to hold him the way Harry does, no fucking way. He’s pissed at this hypothetical.

“Fake boyfriend,” Louis corrects quietly. “He would have been my fake boyfriend. Like you are.”

Harry blinks, realizing what he just said. When he looks at Louis, he curses mentally because they are both wearing their sunglasses and can’t see his eyes. He wants to know how he’s looking at him right now to see if he can figure out what it means, if he’s upset with the fact that they are fake. Or annoyed that Harry forgot it isn't real.

“That’s what I meant,” he rushes, feeling a wave of panic overcome him. “He’s still a prick. I’m not changing my mind about that.”

Luckily, Louis drops it quickly. “Aw, did he hurt your little feelings?” He teases, nudging him.

“Well, he locked me in the small bathrooms we had on set one day, and I had a fucking panic attack in there while he just laughed at me and didn’t come back for about fifteen minutes to let me out. So, yeah, I think I’m allowed to not like the guy,” he snaps, suddenly remembering all the shit pranks he did to Harry that actually were horrible. He would play them off as jokes even though Harry couldn’t handle it at the time.

Louis shuts up immediately. “What the fuck? Did he really do that?”

“Yup,” he responds, huffing. “He did a lot of shit like that to me and I just let him. He thought he was really funny while I was anxious all the fucking time not knowing when one of his next little _harmless_ pranks would come around.”

He doesn’t remember the last time he spoke about this. Harry’s pretty sure the only people that know are Helena, Jordan and Niall. He didn’t tell mum or Gemma because again, they’re a little too protective.

“Fucking Grimshaw,” Louis mutters, gritting his teeth. “I’ll seriously kill him.”

Harry laughs lightly, even though he sort of feels like shit thinking back to those times. He was so nervous with the show itself, and it didn’t help that he had to deal with that as well. “It’s fine, Louis. I haven’t seen him since I won,” he says with a wink, making Louis laugh with him.

They were the two final contestants, hilariously enough. It was almost relieving, really, winning against him specifically.

“Good. That fucking bastard deserved to lose against you,” he remarks, grabbing Harry’s hand and kissing his exposed fingertips again. “Anyone who is mean to my boyfriend will be dealt with by me. I won’t allow it, even if it happened four years ago.”

He for whatever reason can see that Louis is actually mad finding this out, and all he can take from this is that he actually cares about Harry. Like, genuinely cares. He bends over to press his nose against Louis’ beanie, nudging him a little. “I bet he’s mad I get to date you. That’s the sweetest revenge there is, baby. I won _the X Factor_ and you.”

They both burst into more laughter, almost slipping on ice as they continue walking through Central Park together. He can see people taking pictures of them as they pass, and Harry cannot wait to look at them because this isn’t a staged moment.

He doesn’t think there's been a staged moment between them for a while now.

_****_

Harry’s currently pressed up between Louis and Zayn in the car they’re taking over to the club and he has no idea what to do with his hands. He keeps fiddling with his rings like he normally does, but he can feel Zayn’s eyes on them as he does this, probably sensing his nervous energy right now.

Niall’s been rambling for the past five minutes about something irrelevant. Harry’s got no idea what he’s even saying since he’s been too focused on _not_ trying to pay attention with who he is sitting between, but it’s kind of hard not to.

It really shouldn’t be a problem, but of course, Harry’s mind doesn’t want him to relax.

“Right, H?”

“Hmm?” He asks, looking up to see Niall anticipating his answer.

He rolls his eyes, probably realizing that he wasn’t listening and not even bothering to repeat himself. “Never-mind.”

Harry just nods, bringing his attention straight back to his lap. As he does this, Louis who was staring out the window at the city this entire time, seems to finally notice Harry’s anxiousness himself. “What’s up?” He questions, referring to his fidgety hands.

Yeah, this is a mess. “Nothing. Just a bit claustrophobic,” he lies, shrugging a bit.

Louis reaches over to rub his thigh quickly before pulling away and returning his concentration to the streets of the city they’re driving by.

Really, a big part of why he’s so nervous is he realized it’s New Years Eve. And what happens at midnight on New Years Eve? You kiss someone. Which... they’re going to be in a public setting. Where people will be seeing Louis and Harry together, meaning... they’re going to have to kiss.

He’s sick to his stomach, quite frankly. He didn’t even think about it until Niall mentioned it this morning in their hotel room.

It doesn’t help that Louis looks as good as he does, wearing a black button up with black jeans, hair styled in a swirl. He’s sure that everyday he sees the boy, the better looking he gets. It’s almost cruel, really. He can’t catch a break.

He is snapped out of his thoughts again when Zayn apparently asks him a question next. He turns his head toward him, more anxious than he should be. “What?” He asks, snippy, because well, when he’s this on edge, he becomes a bit rude.

Zayn narrows his eyes for a moment before repeating himself. “I just asked what cologne you’re wearing.”

“Oh,” Harry mumbles softly, a bit guilty. “ _Tobacco Vanille_ from Tom Ford.”

He nods and starts talking to Niall about something, when Louis nudges him again. “Are you sure you’re okay? I’ve never seen you get claustrophobic like this before, do you feel sick?” Louis asks, starting to look concerned himself. “If you do, we don’t have to go to this. Fuck Theo and Helena, you know? I’m pretty sure your wellbeing is more important than being seen in public on New Years.”

Fuck. He’s starting to become sweeter too by the minute. Harry seriously wants to just die. Not to be dramatic, but it’s seriously really hard for him to deal with him now. “I’m okay,” he whispers, moving to rest his head on his shoulder. “But thank you.”

Louis reaches over to run his fingers through his curls, soothing him for the rest of the ride. He almost forgets about how nervous he is just by the comfort from him.

When they arrive at the club, of course there are paps already camped out ready for the group. Louis and Harry hold hands until they get inside, and Harry won’t admit that he’s a bit upset when Louis rips away from him the second he can.

“Zayn and I will go get our drinks,” he says, grabbing onto Zayn’s arm. “Margarita?” Harry nods, but he has a feeling he’s going to need much stronger alcohol throughout the night.

Niall comes up behind him, placing a hand on his back. “You don’t get claustrophobic,” he comments once they are away from the other two. “What’s bothering you? You can talk to me.”

Harry sighs, giving Niall a quick, reassuring smile. “Later?”

He does want to talk to him about what he’s been dealing with, since he’s been avoiding it these past couple days since they all got to New York. Niall tried getting him to talk then, but he refused. But now... he’s starting to think he needs advice from his best friend.

Tonight is a bad night for that though. Tomorrow? He’s going to have to.

“Of course,” Niall agrees, pointing a finger at him. “And you’re not getting out of it. You’re going to tell me what’s wrong and we can try to get through it together. Yeah?”

Harry genuinely smiles, reaching over to put a hand over his shoulder to hug him. There’s no better person in the world to have as your friend. “Thank you.”

When Louis and Zayn return, they’re both laughing loudly and he doesn’t expect Louis to approach him as happily as he does. He basically lunges himself at Harry, gripping his forearm like his life depends on it. “Here,” he says as he hands him the drink with his free hand. “Come on. We’re starting this party early.”

And that’s how the night started, really. With Louis dragging Harry away to dance with him, which he didn’t have any alcohol in his system yet, making him down his drink as fast as he could to speed up the process. He didn’t want to be here sober at all.

The four of them spent a majority of the time dancing and singing, going back and forth between the bar and dance floor. Louis and Harry were the ones drinking a little excessively, and Harry could feel the worried glances from Niall directed toward him, but he still was letting him do as he pleased. He probably knows what’s been bothering him all along after seeing how much closer they are, especially after spending the holidays together like they did.

Throughout the night though, at one point, Zayn and Louis got together and were dancing too intimately for Harry’s liking, which resulted in him sitting at the bar counter alone to cool off.

Truly, he can’t decide if he’s just straight up jealous of Zayn, with the possibility that if he were to suddenly open up and tell Louis he liked him, Louis would drop everything and be with him. They have chemistry, there’s no denying it.

And it’s just seeing them together, knowing what they could be, he can’t help but think the same with the two of them. He believes that Louis and him have such potential to be in a serious, amazing relationship. One that isn’t fake. They already have this friendship that is strong and just... he’s never felt this way when he’s with someone. It’s hard for Harry to naturally connect with another person. Most of the time, even with someone like Niall who he loves with all his heart, he likes having space away from people. But with Louis? It’s almost like it’s hard for him to be away from him for more than a day. He wants to be around him as much as he can because each time he’s with him, he learns more. And when he learns more about the boy, his feelings expand.

He thinks he wishes he was in Zayn’s position rather than his own, as fucked as that sounds. Because realistically, he’s sort of like Louis in their relationship. Louis confessed his attraction toward Zayn, and then Zayn denied him. He can see the same thing happening with them. Harry would admit to Louis how he feels and he would just explain that he doesn’t feel the same way.

The thought alone just hurts.

Niall found him eventually, sitting next to him with a loud, pitiful sigh. “Harry, they are just friends,” he explained, referring to the two boys behind them dancing somewhere, making it clear that it’s obvious why he was over here.

He shook his head since he didn't know about what Louis told him. He has a reason to be feeling this way specifically with their history. “It doesn’t matter.”

He wasn’t really in the mood to talk about it, and Niall seemed to notice and respect that. He soon patted his back before leaving him alone to take his shots.

He’s not sure how long he was sitting there until Louis finally approached him, all smiley and full of life, being the breath of fresh air he is.

“Are you drunk enough to finally tell me what’s the matter?” He asks, falling into the stool.

The question sort of catches him off guard. “What?” He frowns, furrowing his eyebrows. “I-I’m not... I told you I’m fine.” He doesn’t want Louis to be aware of the fact he’s jealous.

“I don’t believe you,” he says, swaying his head side to side. “Something is wrong and I want to fix it. I hate seeing you upset like this.”

Harry wants to cry because he can hear it in his voice that he is actually worried about him. It’s making it a whole lot harder to try and ignore these feelings and not confess right then and there to him. “Nothing is wrong, Lou. I promise. Now stop worrying about me, yeah?”

Louis shrugs, debating if he wants to continue pestering him about it or not. “Fine. But you’ve been at this counter long enough. It’s time to dance with me again, it’s almost countdown.”

Instantly, his heart starts beating faster. He can’t fucking do this. But he doesn’t got much choice as Louis grabs his hand and brings him back to dance.

He doesn’t know where Zayn and Niall are, but he can’t really care as he stares at Louis as he moves, making sure to grab onto his hips just to touch. He wants to touch him as much as he can, possibly never letting go. He doesn’t want to let go of this, what they have now.

If he tells him how he feels, it could ruin everything. He doesn’t want it to become awkward between them, not when they’ve been doing so damn well. Is it really worth it? Risking their friendship all because Harry has grown affection toward him? He doesn’t want to take that chance, no matter how much it’s eating at him on the inside.

Like he said, it’s hard for him to be away from Louis. And what if telling him how he feels makes him distance himself from Harry? To try and make those feelings go away? That would kill him, and honestly, he’d rather be hurting around Louis then be without Louis while hurting.

They continue dancing, and Harry’s too drunk to process the time and how long they are doing this. His eyes are only focused on Louis, and he’s only broken away from them when Louis starts leaning in.

Louis brushes his lips against Harry’s ear and he’s positive his entire body visibly shivers. “We should probably kiss, you know.”

He gulps, already squeezing his eyes painfully shut. “I know.”

His arms rest over Harry’s chest as he pulls away to make eye contact with him and it’s a lot. He can see it in his eyes that he’s nervous—probably not as much as Harry is—but still very nervous.

Louis starts to smile at him lazily. “Well, here goes nothing,” he jokes and Harry might be sick.

The countdown starts to fade and all Harry can focus on is the view of Louis’ mouth in front of him. He licks his lips making Harry mimic the action almost immediately and suddenly he feels like he’s floating. This surely can’t be real, right? He’s not about to finally kiss Louis Tomlinson... right?

He doesn’t really hear anything because of his internal panic but he can tell from his peripheral vision that it’s midnight. It doesn’t take long for Louis to make the first move since Harry is too timid to. Their lips push together with such force that it startles him. But fuck.

They’re finally kissing. And Louis, he’s a great fucking kisser. More than great, he’s fucking memorable. Distinguishable. That’s rare for Harry to feel that as he kisses another person because they all feel the same.

Louis, no. He’s better. There’s something about this kiss that is almost frightening with how much it makes Harry feel, how much he’s already craving more, and they haven’t even pulled apart yet.

Once Harry starts to get his mind working one hundred percent he immediately starts moving. He brings Louis closer to him, chests bumping together. He squeezes the back of Louis’ jacket with his fists not ever wanting to let him go.

He tastes like magic, it’s absolutely fucking captivating. As Harry swipes his tongue along his bottom lip and allows himself to pull it lightly between his teeth he hears Louis groan into it and that’s enough to send Harry into another dimension. He’s most definitely floating now.

It’s too soon for Harry’s liking when Louis pulls away. He opens his eyes expecting to see a light in Louis’ own that makes him believe he felt something too... but nothing’s there. He looks unphased like it was just another basic kiss for him. Completely _blank_.

And Harry can feel his eyes giving away too much. Too much adoration and lust. He is longing for more with the way his mouth remains open, panting. For a brief moment Louis notices it and there’s a flash across his face that is slightly worrisome. But it’s restricted and a smile is taking over.

“Happy new year, rockstar.”

Harry laughs nervously, letting his forehead fall against Louis’ shoulder, just resting. “Happy new year, moviestar.” He feels sick to his stomach but he refuses to acknowledge that, to even think about what just happened.

He doesn’t want to accept that the aching pain in his heart is real. This relationship isn’t real, so it might be easier than he thought.

He starts to realize this is exactly how Louis felt last year, when he realized he liked Zayn more than just friends. Sure, Harry’s been aware of his feelings for a while now, but for whatever reason, at this moment, it’s hitting him like a fucking truck.

It’s like he’s suffocating and Louis is his only source of air, and even though he’s so close to him, he’s still too fucking far.

_****_

Harry wakes up with one of the worst hangovers of his life. He’s had a ton of them, no doubt about that, but he thinks waking up hungover from all the alcohol he consumed, along with his undeniable feelings for Louis that seemed to expand in the seconds they shared a kiss... he feels so bloody sick.

Niall for once woke him up with some orange juice and toast, rubbing his back to bring him out of the deep sleep he was in. “Got you breakfast. I thought you’d want to get something other than booze in your system before we talk.”

“Jesus Christ, Niall,” he mutters into his pillow. “When I said we could talk today, I didn’t mean the fucking minute I woke up.” Niall sighs, placing the plate on the night table nearby, falling onto the bed. He lands on his leg, making him sit up straight because it’s a bit painful, if he’s going to be honest. “Fucking hell!”

“You only get snappy like this when something is really bothering you,” Niall observes, watching Harry glare at him.

Yeah, he doesn’t get this angry easily unless he really has to. The hangover isn’t helping, but still. He’s only this mad because he really doesn’t know what to do anymore.

Harry scrubs a hand down his face. “I’m so fucked.”

Niall gives him a weak smile in return. “I’m going to take a wild guess and assume this is all about Louis?"

Fuck it. He has to pour his heart out to him right now or he never will. He wants to get advice from his best friend more than anything. He always knows what to do. “Niall, I... I have actual feelings. Not just little, oh he’s cute and sweet, type of feelings, but holy fuck, I really fucking like this absolute idiot and I have no idea how it happened, type of feelings.”

He blinks at Harry, shrugging it off like it’s not a big deal. Okay. He didn’t expect him to react that way. “Yeah? I thought we knew this? Why are you acting like you are so surprised?”

“Because... I don’t know. It’s just that you warned me and I wasn’t able to stop myself,” he mumbles, pressing his hands against his face. “This is the worst thing to ever happen to me. You know why? Louis doesn’t feel the fucking same. I saw it. I _saw_ it in his eyes when we pulled apart from the kiss.”

Niall sighs, hurrying to wrap his arm around him. “H, stop being dramatic. I’d like to argue with you on that one, because from what I can see when you two are together, it’s like you two only have eyes for each other. I’d say it’s obvious he likes you back,” he explains a little too casually for his liking. “Now are you going to tell him or not?”

Harry wants to cry. Instead, he looks at Niall with panicked eyes. “What? Why do you say it’s obvious? He’s not obvious to me,” he admits, because he’s not. He has no idea what he’s thinking.

“Anyone around you can see that you two have feelings for each other, but you’re both too stubborn and weird about confrontation to acknowledge them, especially to one another. But it’s only going to get worse the longer you avoid it.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“It’s dumb to keep hiding from it. You guys are acting like real boyfriends now when there aren’t even people around. I really think you should tell him how you feel and see how he responds. You’re only going to make it worse if you don’t admit to him how you’re feeling because it’s just going to build up and hurt you more in the end.”

Really, he’s right. He’s absolutely right but Harry can’t seem to care. All he can see is that he’ll admit his feelings to Louis, and he’ll just say he’s sorry but it wouldn’t work out. Because this wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to start liking him. This was all supposed to be a way to help out their careers, together.

So he shakes his head slowly, looking at Niall with glossy eyes. “I can’t,” is all he says, quietly.

Niall frowns, realizing that he’s really hurting about all of this. He holds him tighter, rubbing his back soothingly. “That’s okay. Do whatever is going to be best for your own sake, Harry. You know yourself better than anyone else.”

He buries his face into the crook of Niall’s neck. “Fuck confrontation. And feelings. _And_ Louis Tomlinson.”

Niall only laughs, kissing his head. “Come on. Let’s eat your breakfast and get your mind off of it all,” he insists, pulling away to grab the food. “It’s 2019, baby. It’s your year. Be excited about that.”

He smiles, gulping as he takes the plate from his hands, placing it on his lap. He’s hit with the realization that he’s actually releasing his album next month. It’s finally happening. After all this time spent worrying about his feelings for Louis, he almost forgot that this new year is going to be so big for him. That’s something he should be looking forward to, stressing out about that. Not about Louis.

“Yeah,” he says shyly, biting his lip to suppress his grin. “It’s my year.”

After his very needed talk with Niall, he ends up on the floor in their hotel bathroom, puking up just about everything in his body. Niall does his best with holding his mop of hair back, rubbing his back soothingly. 

Maybe it's not his year after all? Time can only tell.


	13. thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// use of homophobic slur (very minimal).

The next month goes by too fast. It’s almost crazy how time is seeming to fly by now, ever since the new year. Harry doesn’t know how he feels about it, whether he’s relieved, or more stressed out than he already was.

His plans of ignoring his feelings towards Louis were going okay for the most part. That was up until it was his birthday and Louis invited Harry over to his house only to be welcomed with a cake in the shape of his personalized guitar. The cake was _huge_. He’s pretty sure he teared up just like Louis did when it was his own birthday, because realizing he went through the effort to have something made that was special to Harry specifically meant a lot.

Louis posted some pictures of Harry next to his cake, and for once, he actually looked through what people were saying about them. He was just curious because he wanted to see if people were talking about how good of a boyfriend Louis seems to be. Shockingly enough, all the comments were talking about how precious they seem to be together and that they’re happy they found each other.

Harry wants to agree with them so badly.

Tonight they’re going to the Golden Globes, and Harry is basically shitting himself right now as he gets ready with Susan, talking to Niall on speakerphone in a panic.

“This is our first time walking the fucking red carpet together, Niall,” he snaps, pulling on his pants in a huff. “I think I’m allowed to be freaking out.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“I mean, _why_ are you making it a big deal? All you guys have to do is hold hands and smile at the cameras,” he explains, not understanding Harry’s anxiety.

“And we’ll probably have to talk to people. You know... a little thing called interviews? We haven’t spoken publicly together yet. We’ve avoided it for such a long time. It has to seem authentic? Yeah?”

Somehow, he’s really thankful they’ve gone so long with never doing any interviews or anything. He knows for sure in the beginning he would have been obvious, implying that something is strange about their relationship. But now? He’s not so sure how he’s going to act. That’s why he’s so nervous.

He hates being interviewed alone. He can’t imagine how it’s going to be with Louis. Hopefully he does a majority of the talking and Harry can just stand there, smiling.

“Just look into Louis’ eyes or some shit. Yeah? That calms your little weak arse down all the time. Truly, it’s beautiful how all he has to do is look at you some way and—”

Harry hangs up on him because he’s not in the mood for this. He picks up his wine glass and chugs the rest of it. Nothing is better than an early drinking session to ease the nerves, he thinks.

Honestly Niall hasn’t been that bad. Ever since he found out about his real feelings toward Louis and how he wanted to ignore them, he hasn’t been pestering him like he thought he might. He can tell that he thinks he’s being stupid by purposely ignoring them, but he doesn’t make any rude comments.

The only thing he does is tease him whenever the opportunity is there.

Once he’s finished changing he thanks Susan for doing her amazing work like always, leaving him to wait for Louis to pick him up. He stares at the full wine bottle in front of him, debating if he should bring it or not.

As he gets the text from Louis to let him know that he’s outside, he mentally says fuck it and grabs the bottle with his hand, heading out. When he gets inside the limo to where Louis is, he shows him the alcohol. “You going to need this as much as I do?”

Louis simply smiles, bending over to retrieve something from the floor. He holds up his own wine bottle, and everything falls into place like it always does as they start laughing, clinking the full glasses together before popping them open.

“Fuck, I can’t believe we’re actually doing this,” he mutters, and while Harry is drinking from his wine, he takes the chance to scan Louis up and down, his daily task whenever he’s with him.

They decided to both wear velvet suits, Louis in navy blue, and Harry in plum. No clothes seem to hug someone's body better than Louis’ and Harry’s just lucky enough to see him in the flesh like this now. Louis is proper fit and everything looks good on him... Harry wishes sometimes he could dress him himself because he could pick out things that are extremely flattering for his body. He’s good with that aspect of fashion.

If his album does bad he won’t mind dropping out of his music career and becoming Louis Tomlinson’s new stylist. That wouldn’t be a bad idea, right?

He’s kidding. He thinks.

“Hate red carpets,” Harry breathes as the bottle pops off of his lips. “Fucking hate them. I don’t know what to do with my hands.”

“You never know what to do with your hands, red carpet or not,” he comments, which, true. “I’ve got to say, I do feel better knowing you’re going to be next to me. I hate going to these things alone.”

Harry nods, feeling the alcohol already sinking into his system. “Me too. Hey, maybe that’s what I can do with my hands. Like... hold you, or something.”

“Hold me?” He asks, amused, raising an eyebrow at him.

They didn’t talk about this and Harry sort of wants to so he can see what Louis is thinking about it. “Yeah. Well, I mean we can hold hands at least. So that’s one hand occupied. What about the other one?”

“Maybe put it on your hip. Pop your arse out and give the photographers your good angles. It's a nice bum, I'm sure it'll be appreciated.”

“If we're talking nice bums, I don't think it's mine the people are going to want to see. Yours on the other hand..." He teases right back (although he is 100% serious), making them both giggle in their seats.

The ride is a decent one because of the traffic that comes along with it, allowing them to get properly tispy before they arrive on the red carpet, which Harry cannot decide if this is a good idea or not. Maybe he should have slowed down his consumption a bit.

But the wine was right there... the bottle was in his hand and it’s so easy to just drink out of it. It helps ease his worries and he had a lot of them thinking about this fucking award show.

He’s never been to all these film ones before, obviously, since he’s a musician. Louis always gets invited to all of them, and he’s never really turned any of them down, which is surprising considering he seems to hate them just as much as Harry does.

“Have you ever missed an award show?” He asks, realizing they are closer to getting there. He hurriedly takes one last sip, promising that’s the last of it.

“Not for the last three years. Theo makes me attend them all,” he explains with a roll of his eyes. “I don’t mind them when Danielle is there. But otherwise, despise them. I don’t know what to do with myself. Like... who I’m allowed and not allowed to talk to.”

Harry nods, understanding it completely. “I dragged Niall along with me to each one I went to. He for one, loves them. All he does is stare at the different people walking around with his mouth wide open, drool literally pouring out of it. It might be embarrassing, but like you’ve mentioned, it’s so much better than attending completely alone.”

“Mhm,” Louis purrs, putting the wine down as they pull up. “You ready, baby?”

He smiles widely, reaching over to grab his hand. “Let’s do this.”

Now they both know how easy it would be to walk past everyone and just get inside like they did at the Emmys, but unfortunately today they can’t do that. Not this time.

Harry stumbles out of the limo as he has more alcohol in his system then he thought he did. Louis bursts into laughter, helping him get steady before they walk on over and do what they need to do.

Louis mutters things into his ear their entire walk to position themselves in front of the photographers, Harry not really comprehending what he’s saying because he’s too focused on the fact that they’re actually doing this.

When they start taking the pictures, they end up not really touching each other, just standing side by side until Louis decides to pull him in closer, resting his arm around his waist.

Harry on the other hand doesn’t know what to do with himself, and he’s staring at all the people, witnessing them as a couple for really the first time together in a setting like this, thinking about giving them what they want. Also, Theo and Helena would be fucking estactic if they did something to get people talking about their red carpet appearance.

His mind is hazy and he’s not thinking straight as his hand slowly travels down Louis’ back to land on his arse, giving it a squeeze to get an obvious reaction out of Louis in front of everyone. He felt like they seemed too stiff, and hopefully this will make him loosen up a bit, thinking he'll laugh it off and lean in closer to him.

Instead, Louis squirms, jumping and staring up at Harry like he’s absolutely psychotic. Okay? Maybe that was a bad idea. Oh, shit. That was a fucking horrible idea. He’s more drunk than he originally thought, what was he _thinking_?

Luckily, Louis collects himself and eases back into his touch. They finish taking pictures before they are dragged away to an interview, to which Louis is clearly shaken up. Fuck, this is the first interview he’s done since he literally came out. And Harry just made him more on edge. Great.

Harry is just staring at Louis the entire time to make sure he stays somewhat composed, watching his mouth move as he answers the interviewers questions, not listening at all himself. He’s snapped out of it when he nudges his hip (a little too harshly) implying he’s supposed to answer something.

He quickly looks to the girl who they are speaking to. “I’m sorry. What was that?”

“Your album comes out next week, doesn’t it? How does that feel?”

He blinks, almost forgetting that yes, right now would be a fucking fantastic time to promote that. “Oh! Yes, indeed it does. I’m very excited about it,” he smiles, trying to ignore his other feelings. Focus on the album. That’s it.

“It’s a big year for the two of you, isn’t it? I bet it’s wonderful to have each other. It must be nice having someone who could understand all this craziness by your side.”

Harry nods, hooking his arm around Louis’ waist. He really hopes he’s not pissed at him, but with the way he tenses up by his touch again, it doesn’t seem like it. His eyes aren’t as bright as they were when they got here, either. There’s no doubt that he isn’t pissed. “It definitely makes it a lot easier, yeah.”

They end the interview soon after that, and Louis doesn’t even bother grabbing Harry’s hand as they walk through the crowd to get inside the building. His stomps are short, angry, and quick. He doesn’t understand why he’s so mad about this, quite frankly.

The amount of times Louis has pulled shit like that out of nowhere to him? Two weeks ago, they were at a restaurant when Louis slapped his arse as they stood up after they finished dessert, joking that the fudge sundae they just ate might have been thick, but it wasn't as thick as his arse.

So yeah. They’ve done shit like this before. At least Louis toward Harry. He’s tipsy and it was the perfect opportunity to do something like this. It was harmless, and if he wanted to defend himself, he could say he was returning the favor from all the times Louis has done shit like that to Harry.

It’s just that Louis seems feral and Harry doesn’t know what to do about it.

Well for starters... he should maybe apologize. It was perhaps out of line for him to do that, especially in front of everyone. He’s starting to realize that now after it’s already been done though.

They usually tease each other like that in public, in a touchy way like real boyfriends would do. Maybe never that intimidate, but they still do become touchy with one another. He knows the media would eat that shit up and that’s part of the reason he did it.

Not because he wanted an excuse to touch his arse. Definitely not.

Louis spins around the second they get into the stairwell with privacy. Harry is preparing himself for whatever is to come and with him, you never know what that is.

Soon enough he smacks him on the back of the head and okay. He might’ve deserved it. “What the hell was that?” His voice is shaky and uneven, eyes a bit wild.

He doesn’t know what to make of it. He just runs a hand through his curls—which dumb idea, Harry, it’s done for the awards, you idiot—and lets out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I thought it’d be funny and cute if they got that on camera,” he admits with a shy smile. Hopefully one that lightens the mood a little to show it was supposed to be harmless.

Louis narrows his eyes at him and again, Harry has no idea what he’s thinking. He just continues to stare for a while before his face becomes smug. “If you’re going to grab my bloody arse, don’t do it in front of an audience.”

The motherfucker then winks and starts walking away. Harry has to basically stumble after him, processing what he just said to him. He is truly an insane person.

Well. At least there’s the Louis he knows.

_****_

Let’s just say Louis and Harry should be banned from attending award shows together. Well, make that attending anything together, really. What is it with them acting childish at professional events? It’s almost as if they are asking to not be respected.

But it’s just so easy and fun to mess around with Louis. He has a great time doing it and he has no shame. It’s not like it’s a big deal, really, all they did was get more drunk than they should have, running around to different tables during commercials and stealing snacks. If they got looks from very famous actors and actresses, that’s fine. Seriously, no reason to be freaking out at the fact that Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling might now think Harry is an immature idiot. Whatever.

They can’t stop giggling and clinging onto each other. It’s been like that ever since Harry stumbled after Louis in the stairway, getting their drinks and just continuing to get more as the night went on.

When they left they didn’t want to go to any of the after parties, especially after the way they acted tonight. Instead, Louis told Johnny to drive them to McDonalds which is where they are now, sitting across from each other in a booth while stuffing their faces with the junk from this place.

Harry couldn’t ask for a better night.

“Why is this shit so fucking good,” Louis moans as he drinks from his sprite. “Seriously. What do they put in it? I want answers!”

Harry giggles, shoving a fry in his mouth after dipping it in the milkshake he got. “We should do this more often.”

Louis quirks an eyebrow up. “What? Get plastered and go to McDonalds at one in the morning wearing overly priced suits?”

“Overly priced? Louis, these suits are nice quality. Sexy on, too. They are priced for what they’re worth, quite frankly,” he teases, folding his hands together on the table. “But yes. That.”

He rolls his eyes, reaching over to steal his milkshake and drink from it. “We should have ordered everything on the menu. Try it all. I mean, it’s not too late. Should we?”

“Next time,” Harry insists, even though he knows that won’t ever happen. They’re just drunk. “I think we did good today.”

Louis huffs, reaching over to lay his hand flat against the table, palm up. “Good job, pal. We are the worst people in the industry. Everyone is going to hate us now and we’ll never be invited to something like this again. Mission accomplished.”

Harry bursts into laughter, reaching over to high five him as that’s what he was implying for him to do. Instead of pulling away, he lets his hand lay there before squeezing it. “Wait until you win one next year for your new movie, Lou. Actor in a Drama Motion Picture? Actually wait... scratch that. You're going to be at the Academy Awards accepting Actor in a Leading Role. The biggest award there is. An _Oscar_ for Christ's sake! Fuck, I know you are. That’s going to be you, and I’m going to be front and center screaming so loud they’ll have to physically drag me out for disrupting.”

It’s risky, talking about something like this. Their future, he means. But he can’t help it, he wants Louis to know he’s going to be there supporting him, regardless if they still talk or not then. Especially that fucking movie.

“I am not getting a fucking Oscar nomination, Harry,” he mutters, pulling his hand away from him. Damn it. “Don’t be dense.”

“You’ll see.”

“No, _you’ll_ see.”

Harry narrows his eyes at him. “You’re annoying. Can’t you just admit that this movie is going to be amazing and successful?”

Louis shrugs, leaning forward with his chin resting in his palm. “Only if you admit your album will be nominated for a Grammy.”

This makes Harry burst into laughter until he realizes that Louis is actually serious. “Louis, that is not happening. The chances of that happening are super fucking slim. You, on the other hand, it’s a huge possibility. You know it too, you just don’t want to admit it.”

He sighs loudly. “I don’t want to get too proud of it yet because what if people don’t like it? Then I’m going to be even more upset than I originally—”

“Please,” Harry groans, shocking Louis at his dramatics. “Enough of that. Please. Just be proud of yourself without worrying about what everyone else is saying or is going to say. For once in your life, let yourself have this. I will literally get onto my knees and beg at this point. I want you to be happy, Louis. I want you to be happy for yourself. Because you deserve it. And I know that deep down, you are proud of this film. So knock it off.”

It takes a moment, but eventually Louis nods, seeming like he’s actually giving in for once. “If I try, will you stop overpraising me?”

He shakes his head, pulling his hand up to kiss his knuckles. “Not overpraising. Rightfully praising.”

Louis giggles, returning the favor to Harry by kissing his knuckles excessively. It makes Harry start giggling with him, but it doesn’t last long because they get interrupted.

“You sucking dick for your career now, huh? Since your acting started going down hill?”

They both freeze. Harry’s head snaps up to the direction of the voice, seeing a middle aged man with a couple other guys, sitting on the table vertical to them. They look drunk as well, dressed in grunge-like clothes. They are glaring at both Louis and Harry, clearly knowing who they are and not respecting them. At all.

Before Harry himself gets a chance to give this cunt a piece of his own mind, he watches Louis as he stops kissing him. He drops Harry’s hand, letting it grab onto his drink and he can tell he’s about to throw it at him—and as much as he would love for that to happen—he cannot let him do that.

So he reaches across the table to grab his arm, giving it a squeeze. “Ignore him,” he whispers deeply, taking the sprite away from him so no fights happen. He doesn’t want Louis getting into any sort of trouble.

Louis lets him take it but he simply doesn’t listen. He shoots up out of his seat and spins toward the man. “Why do you want to know? You must want me suck yours then, right? That is why you care so fucking much about _my_ fucking business?”

God damn it. “Louis,” he hisses, trying to pull him back again but he rips his arm away from his touch. Where the fuck did Johnny go?

He glances back at the man who is now standing up and shit. Harry steps up as well because like he previously mentioned, he will not let any fights take place, especially if Louis is involved.

“What did you say to me?”

Louis laughs almost hysterically and although his stance is rather confident, Harry doesn’t miss the tremble in his hands and voice. “You’re the one who started it, mate. I was just enjoying a fucking meal with my boyfriend and—”

Interrupting, the man scoffs. “And that’s exactly why I started it. Why don’t you fags go enjoy a meal elsewhere? We don’t want to see this shit.”

Harry’s chest tightens at the use of the slur. He hasn’t heard that directed toward him since he was a preteen and even after all those years, finally being comfortable in his own skin and sexuality, it still hurts equally the same.

He doesn’t think Louis has been openly called it before because he catches the way his entire body shrivels up. The confidence that he was desperately clinging onto disappeared in the matter of seconds all thanks to that one word.

“Come on,” Harry finally speaks after the dreadful silence of them all staring at each other, tugging Louis’ arm. “This isn’t worth it.”

“I’m going to kick this motherfucker in the balls,” Louis snaps and just before he lunges at the man, Harry wraps his arms around his small waist while the stranger seems beyond ready to fight this A-List celebrity. Apparently he’s a little too brave for his own good, and Harry really wishes he could allow Louis to attack him like he deserves, but he knows in reality it’s a horrible idea. He can’t have the news reporting that drunk Louis got into a fight with some random stranger in a _McDonalds_.

That headline would not be well taken out of context. Especially with his new movie coming out in a couple months.

Finally, Johnny seems to appear out of nowhere, helping Harry basically carry Louis out of there. Harry isn’t even listening to what the man is saying anymore, while Louis on the other hand is still squirming, shouting back and trying to get out of his grip.

“Put me the fuck down, Harry! Let me fucking punch him!”

Johnny opens the door for them as he has Louis off his feet, stumbling and making them both almost fall on the sidewalk because he’s still drunk and can’t really walk straight, and having him in his arms isn’t helping. “Can’t do that, babe,” he grunts, putting Louis back down and grabbing his hand instead to make sure he stays put and doesn’t run back inside.

“What the hell happened? I take a piss for one second,” Johnny spits, looking between the two boys with angry eyes.

“He called us fucking fags!” Louis yells, squeezing Harry’s hand a little too tight as his temper is still very much there. “I want to fuck up his face, please let me go back in there and tear him—”

“Let’s go home, okay?” Harry offers softly, putting his free hand to cup Louis’ face. He thumbs at the top of his cheekbone. “It’s late, we’re drunk, tired and angry. We can go to mine? We’ve never been there and we can just crash together since we’re both fucked.”

There really isn’t a reason for this. Louis just seems to like having Harry come to his house more than anything, always asking him to go there. But now, he’s just trying to get his mind off of that bastard, and he thinks if they went to his place and he was able to show him things there, he might get distracted and forgot about it until morning at least.

Louis’ jaw tightens, and it takes a minute, but he curtly nods. “Fine.”

He gives a forced smile, glad he gave in, but stomach still twisting at the man who is inside that McDonalds, thinking about what he just said to Louis and how he ruined the great night they were having.

Johnny helps them into the limo and drives them over to Harry’s house. They don’t talk in the back and he can tell Louis is really worked up about what just happened. He wordlessly reaches over to place a hand on his thigh, trying his best to comfort him. Louis lets him do this, keeping his head pressed against the window.

He’s sure Louis has read so much hurtful, homophobic shit online, but it’s entirely different when someone directly says it to your face.

Harry knows what it feels like. When he was only 13, Harry was caught staring at some boys thighs in a daze, not even realizing what he was doing until the kid next to him asked him if he was a ‘fucking faggot’ and Harry almost started crying right then and there.

He didn’t know for sure at the time, but hearing someone say that and realizing how badly it hurt him, how it _stung_ , he knew deep down that he did like boys. He just didn’t know how to come to terms with that then.

Even now, being as old as he is, it still fucking hurts. Sure, it’s not as bad as it was when he was younger, but regardless. Hearing that shit affects people. And he can see that Louis is struggling, refusing to accept what just happened. He’s bouncing his leg, the one that Harry’s hand rests on, trying to keep himself calm. It’s not that easy, though.

Harry leans over, placing his head on Louis’ shoulder. He opens his mouth to say something, but realizes that keeping quiet might be the smartest thing to do right now. So he closes it quickly, letting his head stay there.

Louis doesn’t seem to mind.

Once they arrive at his house, Johnny lightly lectures them and says they could have seriously gotten hurt while he was in the bathroom, and that they should have just ignored him, but Louis simply rolls his eyes and pulls them away toward the door.

When they get inside, Louis clearly wants to put what happened behind them already, because he whistles and kicks off his shoes. “Nice place.”

“Thanks,” Harry mumbles, scratching the back of his head, starting to become tired. “I’ve got a really big bed.”

Louis laughs, crossing his arms across his chests. “Do you now?”

He nods, feeling his eyes already drooping. He was maybe going to give Louis a quick tour, but now he’s deciding against that idea. “Yeah. Want to share it?”

Truthfully, he’s kind of wanting this night to come to an end. They had their fun, but that quickly was ruined and now he just wants to sleep it off. Next to Louis, of course.

“Lead the way.”

So Harry does, kicking off his own shoes as he waltz through the house. When they get to his room, they both rid their suits, leaving them in tank tops and briefs, crawling into the bed. They face each other, cheeks resting on the pillows and just staring into their eyes.

“Should we cuddle?” Harry asks, wanting an excuse to reach over and hold him. He feels fine asking this because they’re both drunk. It’s the only time he can be brave like this with absolutely no shame.

Louis shrugs but then nods and Harry doesn’t waste any time to swing his arm over him, making their faces even closer. He rests his hand flat against Louis’ spine, rubbing it softly as his mind starts going again.

He can’t not talk about it. He wants to at least make sure everything is fine. “You okay?” He whispers, scared to upset him all over again.

“Yeah,” he mutters, shaking his head. “Can we go back to laughing at nothing? I liked that better than moping about some homophobic bastard. He was so fucking ugly, did you see his shirt? He had honey mustard sauce all over it.”

Harry cackles, pushing his face into Louis’ chest and joining in. “That entire table _reeked_.”

“You smelt it too?!” He yelps, making Harry laugh even more. “I couldn’t tell if they were eating a filet o fish or it was just them!”

“Shut up,” he snorts, pushing further into him before pulling away to watch him laugh. His eyes dart all over his face, taking in everything inch he can. Louis is just so beautiful up close like this. “I can’t believe I didn’t get to finish my milkshake and fries,” he says, trying to change the subject and not think about how lovely Louis is.

He fails.

“I’ll buy you more tomorrow, baby,” he insists, winking at him. “We can have a fancy McDonalds dinner sober. Best date night ever.”

Their smiles are bright as they lay there, arms tangled with each other and everything seems to just fit. He can’t even explain why that is exactly. There’s just something about them that _works_.

God, he really, really fucking likes Louis. It’s almost suffocating how terribly he likes him. All he wants is Louis. _Louis, Louis, Louis_. That’s all his mind consists of now, one thing leads to another, and the next thing he knows is he’s referring it all back to this boy.

He’s so fucked.

Suddenly thinking back to their night, Harry feels his grin widen immensely, almost to the point where he can feel himself look like a psychotic fool. He doesn’t even get the chance to do what he wants to do before Louis is questioning him about it.

“What the hell is _that_ face?”

He slides his hands further down along his back. “Well,” he begins, hands reaching his arse. “There’s no audience.” He gives it a squeeze for good measure.

Soon they are both laughing hysterically, bumping foreheads and causing pain to radiate throughout Harry’s skull but he can’t even pay attention to that. Because all he can hear is their laughs mixing together, hands still on his arse and nothing but pure fucking happiness is in the air. It’s silly and ridiculous but they don’t seem to care.

Louis’ breath hits his face and they are so close. It fits. It works. Everything was meant to be like this when it comes to them. They were— _are_ — meant to be together. There’s no doubt in Harry’s mind that he’s not supposed to be anywhere else than where he is right now. He doesn’t want to hide from it anymore.

“You’re such an idiot,” Louis finally speaks, voice full of fondness. But suddenly darkness overtakes the coolness of his blue eyes as he sucks in a deep breath before continuing. “Do you want to give me a blowjob?”

Harry was still laughing but with that question he fully stops. He thinks he’s hearing things at first. There is no fucking way that he isn’t dreaming this. “W-What?”

“Do you...” Louis brings his hand to Harry’s chest, fiddling with the dip of his tank. “...want to give me...” He starts to lean in even closer, making Harry tremble. “...a blowjob, Harry?”

The alcohol in his system is clouding his rational thinking right now but he doesn’t care at all. Does he want to? Of course he fucking does. Is it the smartest decision? Absolutely not.

If they are going to do something during all of this tonight is the perfect opportunity considering everything that’s already happened. He just wasn’t going to be the one to make the first move but Louis had no problem doing that so he can’t turn it down.

“Don’t have to ask me twice,” he blurts, jerking away from his fingers only so he can crawl on top of him.

Louis starts giggling, making their bodies vibrate. Harry doesn’t waste any time connecting his lips to his neck, sucking at the skin all while inhaling every scent coming off of his body. God, he smells so fucking good. The second this starts happening though, he hears him suck in a deep breath, starting to become stiff.

“Wait, wait, no,” Louis rushes, quickly changing his mind. “No. You weren’t supposed to say yes.”

Harry pulls his lips off his skin, placing his hands on each side of Louis’ face, leaning over him to see his eyes. “What? Why wouldn’t I say yes?”

There’s something wrong. He can see Louis become panicked all of a sudden, like he wants to say yes, but also, wanting anything _but_ this. “I-I was kidding. I was just kidding, fuck,” he snaps, shoving Harry off of him. He falls back down in a puff. “We’re too fucking drunk for this. Let’s just sleep it off.” He throws an arm over his forehead, breathing heavily while Harry is just on his back, staring at him timidly and stunned.

What just fucking happened? He always does this. He riles him up, and then acts like nothing happened. He’s so sick of letting him do this to him, especially when he has the feelings he does.

Does Louis know how he feels? And he likes screwing with him? Using it as an advantage to feel powerful, almost?

He’s not going to ignore it this time. “Why do you always—”

“I’m done talking. Goodnight.”

Harry scoffs, shaking his head to himself because fuck this. He turns on his side, facing away from Louis because right now, he’s drunk, pissed, and hurt. He doesn’t want to look at the boy who is causing him a hundred feelings all at once.

Again, Louis lays there next to him, and he’s pretty sure more than ever, he’s never been so close but so fucking far. He can almost feel him drifting further away with every second.

He’s not sure if that’s a good thing or not anymore.


	14. fourteen

Harry shouldn’t be so shocked when he wakes up to an empty bed. Not only does he have to deal with this horrible hangover, but now he has to also deal with the panic of everything that took place last night. He remembers, of course he does. Why would his brain let him forget?

Louis, for fucks sake, what was _that_? He stayed awake for an hour after it happened, trying to figure out why the fuck Louis asked him to give him a blowjob, seeming like he wanted it at first, but then watched as a switch went off or something. Then he was pushing him off, back in a pissy mood.

There is something wrong with him. Come to think of it, he doesn’t think he’s ever met a more confusing person than him. Harry just wants to be able to understand and know if he has the same feelings that Harry has for him. Because lately, he can’t tell at all if he does or not.

He’s done. He’s done hiding, especially after last night. He needs to _talk_ to Louis. Niall was right, he’s only hurting himself more by keeping it in longer. He should let everything out and go from there. He’s simply going to have to deal with how Louis will react, he can’t keep going on like this. They’re only making this situation worse by completely avoiding it. He was dumb to think otherwise.

There’s obviously something there between them that’s more than friends. It’s been building each time they get together, becoming stronger and harder to disregard. He has to get this over with now or else he never will.

Maybe it’s not a good idea to be doing this when his album comes out this next week. But he can’t seem to shake this feeling of wanting to finally confess since it’s starting to eat him alive. He’s too wrapped up in Louis that he just finally wants to open himself up to him entirely. If he doesn’t, he won’t even be able to focus on the release. At least he doesn't think he'll be able to.

He’s just hoping that however this ends, it won’t ruin the release for him. That’s all he can pray for.

Harry grabs his phone, sending Louis a text to ask him where he ran off to. He’s really not expecting a text back from him, but he still has to at least try before he goes to his house to confront him.

Also, where is this coming from? Harry, the man who hates confrontation with a passion, wants to march over to Louis and tell him everything. That’s so unlike him. He supposes he just wants to hurry while he still has it in him. He doesn’t know if this energy is going to be permanent, so may as well do it while he’s brave enough. Right?

It only takes thirty minutes for Harry to drag himself out of bed and into his car to drive to Louis’ place. He tries not to overthink it as he’s on his way, meaning he really doesn’t want to have a thought come across that is going to change his mind.

The best thing to do right now is explain how he’s feeling personally. That’s it. He’s sick of tiptoeing around it. Maybe Louis is too, but he won’t know until they fucking _talk_.

Miscommunication is the downfall of so many relationships, and he doesn’t want that to be the reason for them. Not when they can easily (hopefully) solve this. Whatever this is.

When he arrives at Louis' place and buzzes his way in, he knocks on the door but then remembers that Louis doesn’t even bother locking it (very dumb, and Harry has lectured him about this, reminding him just how dangerous that is, even with the gates but he obviously doesn’t care that much) so he lets himself in.

He’s done it before coming over, because most of the time, Louis is too lazy to get up to let him in. This is just a bit different though since he wasn’t aware that Harry was on his way, or even coming at all.

Harry kicks off his shoes, glancing into the kitchen to see he’s not in there. He walks near the stairs, freezing before he walks up. “Louis?” He shouts, hoping to hear him tell him where he’s at instead of searching for him hopelessly in his mansion.

“In here.”

The soft voice comes from the theatre room, and he’s beyond thankful he actually responded to him, not bothering to just ignore him. He heads over where he is, immediately feeling the need to address him when he walks in. “Still leaving your door unlocked? Come on, Louis, you know how dangerous that is when people know that you live here—”

He stops talking almost instantly when he walks around all the seats, taking in the sight of a small Louis cuddled in one of the front ones, knees brought up to his chest with his phone laying on his bare feet. Something is wrong, he can tell that there is, and Harry thinks it has to do with last night.

Harry blinks, slowly walking to sit down next to him wordlessly. Louis just watches him, offering a soft smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. They sit there like that for a bit until he finally finds himself talking.

“I think movie theatres were my favorite place to go when I was younger. I always told my friends that one day I was going to have my own personal theatre, because they felt peaceful to me, and they would laugh at me. I said that I wouldn’t mind living in one... and I guess, it’s just... do you have any places like that? Places that just feel like an escape?”

It’s true. Whenever Louis is alone specifically, he’s always in his theatre room. He just says that he loves being in here, the darkness of the room, the smell of the popcorn behind him, the large screen that can play just about anything he wants to watch. He explains that it’s the best distraction for him, so he shouldn’t be so surprised that he was in here after the night they had.

He thinks about his question, shrugging a bit and leaning down in the chair to get more comfortable. “Probably balconies. The one I got here, in L.A., is fucking perfect to reflect on everything going on in my life.”

Louis laughs quietly, nodding and looking down at the black phone screen in front of him. There’s a reason why he ran here this morning, and Harry cannot tell what it might be. He can see that he’s debating about bringing it up, and apparently he decides to do it because he quickly starts to frown, opening his mouth hesitantly. “I looked at the comments this morning. With all the pictures we took on the red carpet.”

Oh. Did he... did he not go home because of what happened between them? But about what people were _saying_ about them? That is definitely something that he would do, and now as he’s sitting here, staring down at his face, it seems as if that’s exactly what happened. He let the negative comments affect him to the point he couldn’t even be next to Harry anymore.

He sighs, feeling angry with the thought of him doing this to himself again. “Louis—”

“No. I had to,” he interrupts, knowing exactly what he was going to say. “These people really make me want to fucking kill someone.”

Harry reaches over to rub his hand on his bicep, trying to soothe him as best as he can without getting too close. “Please stop doing this to yourself. I say it all the time, but _please_.” He sounds desperate but it’s because he is. He hates that Louis’ first thought is to look for all this hate.

Louis opens his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut and shoving his hands into them. He struggles as he tries to make the words come out. “I just... there’s so many... I-I don’t fucking know. _Fuck_ ,” he breathes, hitting his fist against his thigh, startling Harry just a little.

There’s nothing worse than seeing Louis this way. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours,” he tries, reaching over to run his hands through his soft fringe. He plays with the hair on the nape of his neck, and this for whatever reason seems to start calming him down.

He leans more into the touch as he manages to find what he's trying to say. “I didn’t expect this entire thing to be so hard for me. I’ve always been so confident, you know? At least I was good at pretending I was. But then I came out and I saw all the different reactions, it started to become harder to keep pretending. Everything sort of hit me at once and I started to think about how my parents didn’t even support me, and then the world seemed to stop as well. It’s just... it’s like my brain is wired with the thought of needing to please everyone," he huffs, looking so disgusted with himself. "Let me tell you, people are not fucking impressed that I’m dating you. All they say is that I’m using you, and I’m a shitty fucking person and there’s no way I’m a good boyfriend. And you know what? It’s the way they aren’t even wrong. I _am_ using you, aren’t I? You’re literally only here because of the fucking contract that Theo made you sign. I’m... fuck, Harry. I’m so fucking sorry. Those people are right, you do deserve better than all this.”

Immediately, Harry starts shaking his head. He can hear the pain in his voice, how terribly this is all affecting him, truly, and he can’t handle it. He doesn’t want him thinking this at all when none of it is even true.

But come to think of it, throughout their time spent together, he noticed that at times Louis seemed to be guilty about _something_. It’s likely that he was guilty because in the grand scheme of things, Harry really is doing all of this for him. Because of him. It was Louis and his team that needed a boy for him to date and that’s where Harry came into the picture. There’s no denying that part of it, but Louis seems to really be concerned about it. He acts as if he’s doing something he doesn’t want to be doing, that he’s miserable when they have to go on a public outing together.

None of that is true. Sure, in the beginning, he probably got Louis thinking that he was doing this out of pity, which would mean that he also didn’t want to be there with him... that it was a chore to spend time with him.

When they first started this, maybe he wasn’t exactly thrilled about going out with him. But it couldn’t be more obvious that things have changed, that he wants to be by his side through just about everything. He’s shocked that Louis is thinking that now, after everything they’ve done together.

It’s all thanks to those comments. Those people that are making him think differently.

“Louis. _Louis_ , please listen to me,” he begs before he starts talking because he knows that he’s going to try to tune him out and not really process anything he says. When he nods, he continues. “You might be getting all these hateful comments, sure. But you realize you’re constantly looking for them, right? You barely see any of the good because they aren’t your main concern even though they should be. I hate that you don’t realize what an impact you’re making on other people's lives...” He freezes, debating how he wants to bring up this next thing. “Can I-I show you something you probably haven’t seen?”

He hesitates with asking him that, because he doesn’t want Louis thinking it was weird he found this page himself. But at this point, he can’t even care anymore. Louis needs to see it, he needs to see all the praise he’s getting aside from all that fucking hate.

Louis blinks, staring at Harry with wide, timid eyes. “Sure,” he responds quietly, voice barely above a whisper.

Harry takes out his phone and googles the Reddit page he found with everyone discussing specifically how Louis has helped them come out, how he helped them discover themselves, and how fucking ready they are for this movie. They talk about a lot of different things, like how important it is to actually have a gay man playing the _role_ of a gay man, how unashamed he was to take part in this after he finally freed himself.

They say that those tweets were probably incredibly difficult to post, but he did anyways, because he’s _strong_. He finally said enough is enough and that helped them realize the same in their lives, how they wanted to stop hiding in fear of how everyone around them would react. Because it’s their life, it’s about being able to openly love who you love with no shame.

Louis slowly grabs the phone from him, scrolling through all the different stories and reading every last word, seriously taking them all in. He can tell that he is with how his facial expression completely softens, eyes becoming more and more glossy as he continues for a long time.

“Do you see now?” He asks quietly, tearing his attention away from the screen to look up at him once he nears the end of the thread. “Do you see how fucking special you are?”

This makes him scoff immediately, basically throwing the phone back into his lap. “I’m not special, Harry. Shut the fuck up. These kids would probably say that about any celebrity that comes out through a ridiculous breakdown on Twitter. It doesn’t make me special, or brave, it makes me a fucking _idiot_. I ruined everything.”

He doesn’t mean that. He knows that he means none of that, especially with the look he had on his face when he was reading those posts. He just doesn’t want to accept the fact that people love him for him and not just his career. For what reason? Harry can’t understand it.

“That’s not true. You’ve been so busy only looking for the bad that you missed all this good. You missed all these fucking heartwarming stories about people who love you and look up to you. These are real people, Louis, real people who were struggling within themselves but you were there to help them be true to who they really are. You made them want to be brave. I get you think your coming out was a mess, and sure, maybe it was at the time, but the reason you came out... you told the world who you were because you were sick of the rumors, and sick of hiding. You wanted to finally be free. At the time you tweeted those tweets, you said fuck what everyone else thinks because this is _my_ life and this is who I really am. That’s what these kids are seeing, that’s why it’s... why _you_ are so fucking special and important. Please, just realize that and stop only acknowledging the hate. At least look for the good while you’re at it, because it’s there and you deserve to see all this love people are directing toward you.”

He lets out a breath once he’s finally done rambling, realizing that’s probably the quickest he’s ever spoken to Louis. When he gets really passionate about something, he starts talking and he can’t stop, his words becoming more and more desperate, coming out faster after each one.

They are both staring into each other's eyes intensely, chests rising up and down slowly. Something just fucking snapped between them. Harry isn’t sure what it is just yet, but with the way Louis is looking at him right now... he doesn’t know what to think of it, really.

Their faces are closer than he remembers, and all he can pay attention to right now is the glint in his eyes. They’re softer, and he can see that some weight has just been lifted off of his shoulders with how his body starts to relax. It’s almost as if he’s finally letting himself believe that he’s got love all around him, even if he’s trying so hard to deny it. He’s just been looking in all the wrong places. Harry thinks he might’ve finally broke through to him.

Louis tilts his head, eyes falling to his lips before quickly going back up, like he didn’t mean to just do that. “Why are you so good to me?”

Harry can’t fucking hide anymore. He wants to be as brave as Louis was that day when he came out. He wants to be brave when it comes to his own feelings. There’s no point in denying it any longer. Louis is right here, and he’s just so, _so_ fucking special. He's willing to do anything until Louis truly believes in that himself.

Harry’s eyes fall to Louis’ lips, and he starts shaking his head as he stares at them. Fuck it. “I’m sorry,” he whispers before he lunges at him. Their mouths connect instantly, Louis softly gasping as it happens.

It only takes a second until Louis reciprocates, lips parting so he can let Harry’s tongue slip inside. The feeling is hot, making Harry moan as Louis starts going in harder. They begin touching each other, Harry’s hands going into Louis’ hair, Louis’ hands fisting at his t-shirt.

Louis quickly pushes Harry back to crawl on top of him, while their mouths never leave each other. They stay gaped open, begging for the connection to never stop. It’s sloppy, messy, and wet, but there’s just so much fucking passion behind it that it doesn’t even matter. All they need right now is to touch because they have been waiting too fucking long to do this.

At least that’s how Harry looks at it.

Harry’s hand slams to the side of the chair to recline it back as Louis continues to suck onto his mouth. They start going down, Louis completely straddling him by now and feeling up his entire body. Once they’re positioned perfectly, both of Harry’s hands find Louis’ shoulders, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt.

They go on like this for what could be hours or seconds, Harry doesn’t know. He’s losing track of time and all his thoughts are going blank besides the knowledge of Louis’ lips currently being on his, the feeling of their bodies pressed up against each other.

He’s hard and Louis is too, so he doesn’t hesitate to find the end of Louis’ shirt, attempting to take it off of him, but when he starts this, something snaps in Louis like it normally does.

He pushes his hands away, jumping off of Harry like he got electrocuted. Harry freezes, sitting up to catch Louis’ face as he stands there. His mouth is red and raw, pupils blown. He breathes heavily, shaking as if he can’t believe what just happened. “You can let yourself out,” he snaps, before he storms out of the room, not even letting Harry get a real good look at him.

Harry is still panting, dick throbbing and chest aching. Every part of his body is alive right now, begging for Louis. What the fuck is he supposed to do? His lips are tingling and already missing the feeling of Louis’ against his to the point he can’t get himself to move yet. He can’t decide if that actually just happened or not. It feels like a pipe dream.

When he finally is able to somewhat collect himself, he forces himself up to leave his house like he told him to. Apparently, Louis thought of this as a huge mistake otherwise he wouldn’t have done that. He wouldn’t have been so distraught once he put together what they were doing, or about to do.

So much for actually confessing his feelings. He was supposed to talk to Louis about them, not just fucking show him. How did he manage to screw this up this bad? It shouldn’t have been so hard for him to just tell him that he likes him.

Because where does this leave them now? He’s got absolutely no clue where Louis’ head is at. It could be anywhere at this point, with how that boy is.

Harry stumbles through the hallway, slamming the front door shut behind him, trying to process once again, like always, what the fuck just _happened_.

_****_

“Take these,” Niall mumbles in disgust, handing Harry over a box of tissues.

He gladly takes them, blowing his nose into one before throwing it on the floor. He may or may not have started crying the second Niall walked into his house a while after what he just went through with Louis, causing them to head over to his couch so he could let it all out.

Harry’s a crier. He always has been. Right now though, he’s not exactly sure why he’s crying. It might be because he hasn’t cried in such a long time (personally, at least) and thinking back to the possibility that everything might be ruined with Louis because he kissed him so abruptly...

He’s sort of a mess.

“Now are you going to tell me what happened?” Niall asks, reaching over to wrap his arm around Harry’s shoulders. “I really hope you’re not going to tell me what I think you are.”

He shakes his head, wiping at his cheeks. He’s desperate, so fucking desperate. “I kissed him. _W_ - _We_ kissed for a while, actually. But then all of a sudden he pushed off of me and told me to leave. So you tell me what the fuck that means,” he explains, basically begging because at this point. He’s got no clue and maybe Niall will know.

He hums, nodding delicately and playing with Harry’s hair. He is the type of person that won’t sugarcoat his thoughts at all, but rather tell Harry exactly what he thinks about the current situation. “To me it could mean two things. One, he realized right then and there that he has actual feelings for you, or two, he got too caught in the moment and thinks he made a mistake.”

Harry frowns, letting out another wail. God damn it. He wishes he had more control over his emotions. “I barely got the chance to see his eyes. I’ve got no idea.”

Niall sighs, clearly not knowing the best way to help him right now. There really is no way of giving any advice at this point, because what’s done is done. He just has to wait and see if Louis reaches out to him to talk about why he did that. He’s not going to be the one to try and get answers. No way. He did his part and he doesn’t want to hear it, not after watching how freaked out he got once he realized he was kissing Harry, about to do more with him.

“When are you supposed to see him next?”

Harry shrugs, sniffling as he shifts his body. “I don’t know. This week is full of different interviews and preparation for the album release. We didn’t have anything planned... and holy fuck. That’s _this_ week. Niall? Why did I do this to myself?” He asks in a panic, coming in full circle about regretting doing this _now_.

Fuck. See, this is why he shouldn’t confront anyone. He thought he was doing the right thing when he woke up this morning, but he was so fucking stupid to think that. He should have just let Louis go and talk to him after his album came out. Because now he has to be worried about Louis more than he already was, on top of the album reviews and reactions.

“Yeah...” Niall starts in a weary tone. “Your timing could have been... better.”

Harry snaps dark eyes toward him. Shooting mental bullets at him? Yes, please. Although, all this anger is his own fault. “I give you full permission to punch me in the face. Please, Niall, I deserve it for being so foolish.”

Niall cackles, only tightening his hold on Harry and nuzzling his face into his neck. “I’ll be there for you this entire week to distract you and remind you that your album is finally coming out. You’re giving the world your masterpiece. So, please, can we celebrate that? Can we celebrate your career and how far you’ve come since your first one? You fought for yourself to create the music you wanted to make. People are going to realize that and respect you for it. Okay? No negative thoughts are allowed for the rest of the week. That includes anything to do with you know who.”

Harry immediately starts tearing up again. He pulls away so he can look into Niall’s eyes, just so he can see how much those words meant to him. “I love you. I love you so much,” he whispers, meaning it more than anything.

He doesn’t know where he would be without his best friend. He wants to remind him how much he truly appreciates him, how he wouldn’t be able to survive without his unconditional support. He doesn’t know if he tells him that enough.

Niall gives him a soft grin. “Love you too, H. Now please. Can we get delivery or something? I’m starvin’ and sick of wiping your tears.”

Harry laughs loudly, reaching over to kiss his cheek. “Of course. We’ll get your favorite. If we’re celebrating me this week, we’re also celebrating you.”

“Duh,” Niall teases, clapping his hands together. “So... 40 love?”

Harry nods, grabbing his phone to order it for them. He gets everything that Niall loves from there, as well as some food he likes as well. Niall hovers over his shoulder as he watches him get it together. “Our week starts... now,” he explains as he places the order.

“Hell yeah! Harry Styles and Niall Horan rights!”

He bursts into more laughter, feeling a bit more relieved knowing Niall is stuck by his side during all of this, but it’s still hard to ignore the heavy feeling weighing down on his chest.


	15. fifteen

Friday comes in the blink of an eye. Literally. Harry spent the week doing interviews (which weren’t as bad as he thought they would be) and the next thing he knows is he’s sitting with all his bandmates in his house, watching his album release in all the different countries throughout the entire day.

Each time the album releases somewhere, Niall lunges himself onto Harry, smothering him in kisses all over. It makes him feel loved, that's for sure. Niall is good at that and exactly why he wants him to be by his side specifically. Not that he doesn't appreciate his other bandmates, of course not. It's just... Niall is Niall. Anyone would understand that much.

As good as this week was, it was still stressful. There’s no doubt about that. Of course, he was going to be nervous about the the album, but there were other things too. For instance, he was stressed about Louis (shocker), the promo, the reviews that were starting to come in from early critics, and everything felt like it was piling up on him but he still managed to fight through it.

When he wasn’t doing anything promo wise, he sat around and started writing new music. He hasn’t had to go out with Louis at all, so he had plenty of time to do so. It helps him get his mind off of things, when he has his pen, journal, and guitar with him... that’s all he needs.

Writing music is an escapism for him. He’s able to put whatever he’s feeling into his songs, sort of get it all out that way, without directly facing the problem itself. It’s truly his favorite way of expressing himself. He’s lucky he has a job that comes with these perks.

Once the album was released in London, that’s exactly when they all started drinking excessively. Niall popped open the most expensive champagne he got his hands on before coming over, shooting it all over the room. Harry and all his bandmates chatted on the phone with mum and Gemma, celebrating with them as well.

They got food delivered to eat in the meantime as they waited for it to release here in the states, enjoying drinks here and there, and about ten minutes before that happened, there was a knock on the door.

“Oops. Let me get that!” Niall says excitedly, suspiciously, really, before jumping off the couch and running toward the door, almost falling in the process.

Harry frowns as he watches him scurry, not knowing at all who it is because they haven’t ordered anything more. He didn’t mention that he was expecting someone coming over.

“Do you know who that is?” Sarah asks, elbowing Harry lightly. He shakes his head for his response because now he’s suddenly worried.

Niall loves doing this shit, bringing over surprises for Harry that he normally ends up hating. Like that one time, for his 19th birthday, he had not one, not two, but three male strippers come over and give Harry a lap dance. So yeah, it’s safe to say he’s now concerned about whatever this is about to be.

When he runs back in, he has a huge smile on his face that makes Harry sick to his stomach. That’s one of his evil smiles, one that means he’s about to do something to properly piss him off, too much to his enjoyment.

“We have a new guest, ladies and gents!” He shouts happily, and just as he finishes Louis waltz his way in, making Harry feel like he’s about to throw up. He tenses in his seat, thinking twice about jumping onto Niall and attacking him right then and there.

He was constantly texting someone all night, explaining that it was just that girl he's been getting on with. But now he can see that it was clearly Louis, probably convincing him to come over to celebrate the release with them. Holy shit, he sort of wants to strangle him. He’s such a fucking bastard.

“Sorry I’m late,” Louis greets quietly, making eye contact with Harry who can only just stare at him, avoiding his heart that is currently dropping into his stomach.

Harry blinks as Niall falls back onto the couch, purposely leaving room for Louis to sit between them. Once he does, Harry is still just staring because all he can think about is his lips. His lips and how fucking nice they felt.

He’s also drunk and his mind is clouded. It’s probably not best to see him for the first time since then in this state. But that’s Niall, for you. He doesn’t have the greatest timing when it comes to facing different problems, just sort of throws them at you out of nowhere.

Louis’ arm brushes against Harry’s, and he reaches over him to greet Sarah, Adam, and Charlotte. He doesn’t even hear what they’re saying because all he can focus on right now is Louis being so damn close to him. He inhales the fresh smell of him that he loves so much, pushing away the thought of leaning himself closer into the warmth of his body. He tries his best to stay put.

When he’s done with his hellos, he turns back to Harry and offers a soft smile. “Hi, rockstar.”

“Hi,” he whispers, feeling the sudden urge to cry.

Christ, what is wrong with him? Why does he feel this way when it comes to Louis? He can’t even explain it rationally, what his mind becomes when he’s around him. It’s just... it’s mush. Everything seems to feel okay, even when it’s not in reality. Louis makes him feel... he feels _happy_. It's as simple as that. He is so fucking happy when he’s with him, no matter what.

“So are you lot going to share the champagne or not? We’ve got to be fully ready to celebrate the best album of the year releasing! It’s about to be out in the entire world in less than ten minutes!”

Harry laughs, giving in and leaning into him naturally and handing him the bottle. Fuck this.

Right now, they won’t worry about what happened between them. They’ll celebrate the album the way they are supposed to. Talking about it can take place another time. It’s almost a relief to have him here now, to enjoy this with him and all his bandmates.

For the rest of the night after the album officially comes out, they spend it drinking and listening to it. They dance to it, they sit there in silence while the sad songs play, they laugh and cry. But it almost feels magical. He hates to sound sentimental and weird like that, but being surrounded by almost everyone that means so much to him, it’s one of the best feelings in the world. He couldn’t have asked for a better release night.

Hours go by and they’re all incredibly drunk by now, and he doesn’t know how it happened, but he finds himself with his arms wrapped around Louis’ waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. They stand there in his living room, leaning against the wall and watching as Niall and Adam perform to one of his songs karaoke style. They both laugh, bodies pressed up against each other and enjoying the moment.

He’s not sure how much longer that all takes place, but soon enough everyone besides Louis and Harry pass out in the living room. They’re then in the kitchen, drinking some tea that he sloppily made before asking Louis if he wants to go up to his bedroom to sleep it off.

When he agrees and Harry starts to process that they are actually alone and going upstairs, he starts becoming sick all over again. They’re drunk, sure, but that doesn’t mean they have to ignore the elephant in the room right now.

The fun is clearly over.

Actually, scratch that. Harry might have one more... arguably _terrible_ idea to suggest before they start discussing it.

Harry closes the door behind him when they get into his bedroom, shyly holding his arm. “Can I show you something?” He asks quietly.

Louis nods. “Sure,” he agrees, not hesitating to crawl onto Harry’s bed like he belongs there, like it’s a natural thing for him to do.

He gulps, taking in the sight of Louis a little longer. His t-shirt is still wet from the champagne, the holes in his blue jeans expanding at his knees as they’re crossed, white socks that end above his ankles, showing the little smiley faces on the top of them. He just wants to pounce on him and kiss him. He wants to kiss him so fucking _bad_. Especially now that he knows how that really feels like. The New Years kiss he doesn't count, but that one? That was a real kiss.

Instead, he snaps out of it and grabs his guitar. He then approaches the bed, sitting across from Louis and positioning himself so he can start playing.

It’s not much, what he plays. He hasn’t come up with lyrics yet, but he got this riff stuck in his head yesterday, and it was just so fucking lovely that he wanted to show it to Louis. He wanted to show it to Louis specifically, because it makes him think of _him_. It’s soft, it’s gentle, and it’s... it’s peaceful. It feels safe and warm, the way Louis makes him feel whenever they are together.

It’s not long since he just came up with it, but as he finishes, he glances up at Louis and doesn’t even hesitate to tell him that. He’s not sure if he wants to thank or curse the alcohol in his system for making him brave, just like it always does. Specifically around Louis.

“I just came up with that yesterday,” he explains quietly, watching as Louis stares at him with kind eyes. “It reminds me of you.”

Louis laughs nervously, tilting his head at him. He can tell that that comment made him become shy all of a sudden. “Why?”

He shrugs, putting the guitar down. “It’s peaceful.” He doesn’t want to go overboard and tell him too much, so that’ll have to do for now.

This immediately makes him scoff in denial. “Yeah, coz I’m so peaceful.”

“You can be,” he admits quietly, fighting the urge to reach over to him and hug him again. He also wants to scream at him, tell him just how amazing he is. He might've done that last time, but he wants to continue doing it. He will tell Louis he's lovely everyday of his life if he has to.

They end up staring at each other again, and Harry is still refusing to be the one to bring it up. He can see that Louis is turning the thought over in his head, debating as much himself. It doesn’t take long for him to finally give in.

“I guess we should mention it...” he mumbles, a tint of pink making its way on his cheeks.

Now, Harry feels the need to apologize to him. Throughout the week, he was able to come to the conclusion that he shouldn’t have kissed him. It was stupid and wrong to just assume it was the right timing, because apparently it wasn’t. He was there to talk to him, not fucking kiss him. “I’m sorry if you didn’t want that,” he says, hoping he just knows exactly what he’s referring to. He knows he will, but still. He doesn’t want to apologize for kissing him because he’s not exactly sorry for that. He’s just sorry at the thought of Louis not wanting it, for not making sure it was okay before he did it.

Louis sighs, running a hand through his hair. It’s getting long, the pieces at the end are starting to curl up. It looks so soft, and Harry would know that it actually _is_ soft since he was able to mess with the strands recently. He sort of wants to do it again, with how Louis is tempting him in front of him...

He curses himself mentally, trying to focus on the real issue here. Not his fucking hair for Christ's sake.

Thankfully, Louis continues. “It’s not that. I didn’t... I just... wouldn’t getting involved for real be a bit messy?” He asks, catching Harry completely off guard. “Think about it. Our contract ends in May, Harry. That’s only three months away.”

He wasn’t expecting that. So what if it does? It’s not like they are going to be banned from seeing each other anymore. He’s sure no one would care if this turned into something real and they continued dating. The public doesn’t know anything. Nothing would really change, honestly. Just then, it’d be real and they’d be _happy_. They’d be able to be together in the way they wanted to, instead of being asked to go on dates, they could go when they wanted to.

They could hide as much as they pleased, keep as many things private. It’d be almost better, really. It’d be such a weight lifted off both their shoulders. But it seems as if Louis can’t see that happening, and that’s what is shattering Harry’s hopes about them being more... actually being _real_.

Fuck.

“I guess,” he agrees halfheartedly, trying to not sound disappointed.

“Becoming a friends with benefits type thing might be more trouble than it’s worth. Right? We’ve been getting along fine as friends, let’s not turn it into anything more as we come closer to it all ending anyways. I understand I probably was a bit misleading, with all my jokes and teasing, but that’s just how I am. That’s my mistake. I’m sorry about that.”

Friends with benefits... so he doesn’t like Harry in that way, does he? He only sees Harry as fuck buddy. Nothing having to do with a real relationship. That’s... fuck, why is this hurting him so bad? Does he not have feelings toward him?

He thought he could’ve. But now, it doesn’t seem like he does. Not with the way he’s trying to get himself out of it. There’s no way he likes Harry the way Harry likes him.

All the signs were there, thinking back to what Louis just said. He said he was misleading. Was that all it was? Was he actually just teasing him because that's his personality and humor? Not because he might’ve actually _wanted_ it?

He’s too drunk for this. He can’t fully process what all this means. There’s no way he was joking all that time. Right? He really hopes he's just lying to get out of this mess that was created.

But then again, was he? Was he just kidding? Fuck, he’s got no idea what to think anymore. He’s so bloody confusing.

“Okay,” he responds weakly, having no energy to overdo it. “Yeah. Okay, we’ll just keep things the way they were. Nothing more. You’re right, it’s the smartest thing to do,” he says as he suddenly wants to convince him he feels the same.

Louis nods curtly. “Good.”

“Good,” Harry agrees in a huff, sounding just a bit childish. “Now are we going to go to sleep? Or is that too friends with benefit-y for you to sleep in the same bed?”

Shit. He’s already letting himself become an annoyed prick about this. It hasn’t even been a full minute for Christ’s sake.

It definitely catches Louis by surprise. He retreats back, body tensing up and brows pushing together. “Um. I don’t... I don’t know? It’s fine with me. Friends sleep together all the time, what the fuck are you talking about?” He snaps, pissed off as he realizes what Harry just asked.

Great.

Harry just shakes his head, rubbing his fists into his tired eyes. “Sorry. I’m just exhausted. Let’s sleep it off, yeah? Pretend none of this happened?”

Louis stares a little longer before rolling his eyes aggressively and doing as he suggested. They both crawl into bed, getting comfortable under the covers and leaving a good distance between each other. Nothing new there.

Although they agreed for things to go back to the way they were, he doesn't think that's going to be possible at this point.

_****_

Tour. That’s another thing that Harry almost forgot about. Can you believe it? He forgot that he has an actual tour coming along with this album. Not like it’s one of the biggest parts of his job or anything. One of his favorite parts as well.

A week after his talk with Louis, Jordan, Helena and him got together to discuss everything happening with his tour. Where he’s performing and when. They announced the dates as well to the world, and Harry sort of just has to sit there and wait for people to buy the tickets. Then in four months, the shows will start. They made sure to spread it out rather well, so he wouldn’t be overworking himself. In June, July, August and September, he will perform in the states, and then in October and November he will tour in Europe so he can just go home to London after that, and spend a good amount of time with his family into the holidays. Longer than he normally does.

So yeah. Summer, fall and winter are going to be hectic for him. But he’s excited. He’s always loved being on stage because he feels as if he can show everyone a version of himself that he wouldn’t day to day. It’s fun, being a performer. He wants people to look at him as an entertainer after his shows.

Another thing. His album, for one, did way better than he expected. Like really fucking good. Number one on Billboard, number one in 40 countries. So yeah. He’s a bit shocked, to say the least.

And grateful. He may have cried more than once. More than five times? Sure. More than ten? Possibly...

Career wise, everything has been going beyond smoothly. But then of course, for the stress in his life, it always falls back to his relationship issues. His fake relationship, that is. Who would have thought that this PR stunt was going to be the main source of trouble? Out of _everything_. He has a new album out and he's worried about Louis fucking Tomlinson.

He was able to lecture Niall about throwing Louis at him out of fuck nowhere release night. He defended himself and said he knew how badly he wanted Louis there, even if he didn’t want to admit it. He told him that Louis was also telling him he wanted to be there, but he didn’t know if Harry wanted that after what happened.

He understands his reasonings. He did want Louis there, he can’t deny that. It did make it better having him there with everyone, being able to celebrate it with him. Even though the night ended in a way he wished it didn’t.

It’s now March, which means that Louis’ movie officially comes out next month. All the times he’s been around Louis, he could tell that he’s been getting more and more anxious everyday. He tries his best to hide it, and act like nothing is bothering him, but Harry can see right through him.

He likes to think he’s gotten better at that. He can tell when Louis is being genuine, when he’s upset, when he’s lying or putting on one of his confident acts. He knows Louis more than he thinks he does, frankly.

Honestly, things haven’t been terrible for them, ever since that night. It’s been a little weird at times, but Louis does his absolute best with pretending nothing happened. It definitely makes it easier for him to play along, and once he plays along, everything starts to become natural again.

He still has his undeniable feelings for him. Of course he does. And just like they always were, they are still growing each day. He’s incredibly fucked because that could only mean one thing. That... fucking word that he doesn't even want to think about using with Louis because no. That's absurd. That's a reason why he's putting all this in the back of his mind the best he can.

Basically he's doing what he was before. He’s hiding from all of his problems. He’s avoiding them like the plague and simply hoping they don’t come back to bite him in the arse.

Louis and him are apparently both experts at this. Hiding.

He’s finishing up a random song on his bed at midnight, when he oddly enough gets a text from the devil himself. He almost doesn’t look at it at first since he was planning on going to bed after he was done writing, but once he saw it was Louis who messaged him, he ended up reading it immediately.

**Louis 12:03 A.M.**   
_You want to go on an overnight trip?_

Harry blinks at the message, confused where the hell this is coming from.

**Harry 12:04 A.M.**   
_......Now?_

**Louis 12:04 A.M.**   
_No you fucking idiot. Tomorrow_

He bites his lip, glancing around his messy room as he debates his out of the blue question. Louis is weird like this, coming up with random ideas, but never something like this before. As intriguing as it is, he’s also a bit concerned. Is he alright? Is he having one of his breakdowns? What made him upset and want to escape?

**Harry 12:06 A.M.**   
_This sounds a bit worrisome_

**Harry 12:07 A.M.**   
_You good?_

**Louis 12:08 A.M.**   
_Ha Ha_

**Louis 12:08 A.M.**   
_Just trust me????_

Fuck. He’s so far in deep for this fucking boy. He’s pretty sure he could convince him to face his biggest fears nowadays. He already did somewhat with the entire confrontation thing. He could probably also get him to jump off a bridge with him, no matter how cliche that is. It’s just true.

**Harry 12:10 A.M.**   
_Fine. I’m in._

**Louis 12:10 A.M.**   
_Good bc I already have a flight booked tomorrow for us!!! :)))_

**Louis 12:11 A.M.**   
_We’re going to Cleveland bright n early. Goodnight rockstar x_

Cleveland? Out of all the fucking places to go, he’s choosing... Cleveland?

It’s better not to question him and just agree with it now. He doesn’t have much choice because he gets a text with their flight information, their plane leaving at seven in the morning and that Louis will pick him up at six. Which is just bloody perfect, he’s getting less than five hours of sleep tonight.

But whatever. He gets to spend more time with Louis. And he’s rather excited, whatever it is he might have planned. He tries to ignore that annoying, fluttery feeling he has in his stomach right now, the one he always gets when he thinks about Louis for too long.

He decides to send him one last text before he starts packing, not really knowing what he should bring. He doesn’t ask Louis about that though since they are only staying for one night. He knows how to pack light, believe it or not. He'll be able to figure something out.

**Harry 12:14 A.M.**   
_Goodnight :) see you tomorrow xx. Can’t wait._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> side note; the riff harry played in this scene was cherry :))


	16. sixteen

“It is so fucking early,” Harry mutters as he slams the car door shut behind him. He glances up to Johnny before he even faces Louis because he is feeling extremely shy all of a sudden. “Morning, Johnny.”

“Harry,” he nods in response, driving away before even allowing him to get settled in. Typical.

Louis scoffs, pulling Harry’s bag away from his feet so he can properly position himself and get buckled. “Hey,” he greets softly, bringing Harry out of his haze.

When he looks at Louis eventually, he swallows and forces a tight smile in return. Nothing makes his heart pump more than a sleepy, morning Louis. He just represents so much fucking... so much _softness._ With his hair, his outfit, his eyes and eyelashes. It’s a lot for him to handle because all he wants to do is hug him so tightly that it’s hard for him to breathe.

Which might sound a bit psychotic, he's aware. But you get it. Sometimes you just want to squeeze the living shit out of someone you find so disgustingly cute. You know?

Fuck. It’s still early, his thoughts are excusable and valid. Super valid.

“Hi Lou,” he whispers, butterflies under attack in his stomach. “Are you going to tell me what this is all about or no?”

Louis chuckles, rubbing his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater. “Don’t make me ruin the surprise.”

“The surprise of Cleveland? No offense, but there are about 49 other states you could have chosen.”

“There’s obviously a reason I chose here. Now shut up. It’s too early for you to be bothering me about it already,” he murmurs, staring out his window and making Harry chuckle as he listens to his request. He watches him a little longer before he brings his own attention to the streets as well.

The flight is a little over four hours, so it’s not too bad. When they got on, they were able to watch two movies to pass the time together, and they actually ended up sharing the same blanket since Harry forgot his own (oops?) so they were pressed close together which Harry didn't mind. It didn’t seem that Louis did either as he rested his head on Harry’s shoulder comfortably, almost drifting asleep multiple times but each time he did, Harry would nudge him, explaining it wasn't fair that they got the same amount of sleep and he was unable to take a nap. His body just wouldn't let him, unfortunately, whenever he tried to close his own eyes. Louis was annoyed, but agreed. Halfheartedly.

When they arrived in Cleveland, they got a cab to the hotel since Louis didn’t let Johnny come along with them. He told Louis it seems sort of dumb to not have his bodyguard in the state with them at least, thinking back to the time at the McDonalds, but Louis didn’t care. He said he wanted to try and have a normal vacation with Harry, without worrying about any of that shit.

And by that shit, he probably meant the shit that comes along with being famous. Harry can’t disagree with that, but he still wants Louis to be safe. So what if one other person is following them around? It wouldn't be a big deal, and it has more pros than cons in their situation. But whatever. 

They arrived to the luxurious hotel Louis booked for them soon enough, where they definitely got some stares and people taking secret pictures of them, but no one actually bothers them. No one dares to approach. Which is nice, to be fair. Hopefully it can stay like that for whatever Louis has planned for them.

Louis gets their key and they head into the elevator, Harry watching him as he presses the button to the ninth floor. He can't lie and say this anticipation about why they are here isn't eating him alive right now. Louis is just full of surprises. “How much longer until you reveal the reason we're here?”

He chuckles, leaning against the wall as they start going up. He crosses his arms across his chest and narrows his eyes at Harry. “Impatient much?”

“Can you blame me?”

“Maybe not. Just chill the fuck out. We’ll drop off our stuff and head out to what I've got planned.”

“How am I not chill? I think that’s the second time I’ve asked you.”

“Shut up?” He teases as the door dings open, making Harry cackle as they walk out.

Louis opens their door for them and when they get inside there is only a king sized bed. This makes Harry raise his eyebrows at Louis once he realizes that he willingly asked for a room with a shared bed. There is no way he didn't ask for this. “Were all their twin rooms booked?”

He just wants to tease him about this because... because well, maybe he _wants_ to sleep with Harry. Harry obviously wouldn’t mind sharing a bed with Louis, but apparently it isn’t just a one sided thing. That means something, doesn’t it? It has to.

Okay, no. He shouldn’t be getting his hopes up. This is ridiculous. They talked about this and he knows what happened last time.

Louis rolls his eyes. “It’ll give me an easier reach to smack you when you’re snoring too loud,” he replies, making Harry tilt his head slowly at him in question. This gets him to scoff and give in. “Fine. And maybe I don’t mind your body heat. I’m always fucking cold when I sleep.

“That is true,” Harry agrees immediately. Every time his body would rub against Louis’ when they slept together, he felt like ice. It only made Harry want to be closer to him to help and warm him up.

“So yeah. I mean, if you don’t want to share, I could see if there’s any— “

“Nope,” he interrupts, shaking his head and dropping his bag determinedly. “This is fine.”

Almost instantly, this gets Louis to genuinely smile. Harry starts to mentally curse at his stomach. It’s not fair that these annoying butterflies release every fucking time this boy simple _smiles_ at him. It’s getting painful. More so than usual.

Once they get settled, they have a drink of water and get changed into nicer clothes, Louis called an Uber that’s going to take them to the place he has planned. Purposely to annoy Louis, they sat close in the back seat together and he constantly whispered in his ear, asking if they are there yet which was a mistake because once Louis had enough of that, he nailed Harry in the balls with a soft fist.

It got him to shut up. That’s for sure.

When they start arriving at their destination, he puts it together right away where they are. It's hard not to. He’s shocked that he didn’t even think of this, knowing they went to fucking Cleveland for this. He stares with his mouth gaped open, which earns a chuckle from an amused Louis. “I feel like an idiot,” he mumbles, turning to Louis with bright eyes. It's true, how did this not even come across his mind? Maybe he was too wrapped up in Louis to think properly, per usual.

The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is where they’re going. And Harry is really fucking excited about it, he’s in _love_ with shit like this. The industry he’s involved in, there are so many people that he looks up to that are represented in this museum. It’s... wow. It’s such a good idea on Louis’ behalf.

And wait. Did he do this _for_ Harry? This was his getaway trip, yeah, but this is more of Harry’s favorite things as opposed to Louis.

Holy fuck. He might actually pass out. Or throw up. Or both.

What does it mean??

“Yeah, I was a bit surprised you didn’t even think of it,” he admits, getting Harry to elbow him in the hip. “But you’re happy? With this surprise? It’s not stupid or anything?”

“Stupid?” He questions, staring at him like he’s crazy. “Are you seriously asking me if this was a stupid idea? Louis, this is... I don’t even have words. This is an amazing surprise, I just don’t understand why?” He's becoming panicked. Why is he panicking? It's not a big deal, they're friends, friends do stuff like this for each other. 

But then again. This is _Louis_.

Louis shrugs, scratching at his wrist as the car stops for them to get out. Harry opens the door for them, helping Louis as he climbs out and starts to answer him. “I mean, you had such a good last month, and I know how much you love music and shit. Obviously. And I thought it’d be nice to come here to see everything? Sort of random, I know, but I saw there’s a Beatles exhibit, some David Bowie suit on display, things like that. Sounded pretty cool.”

He becomes more and more shy as he explains that to Harry, and he starts to feel things within himself that he’s never even felt toward Louis before. This is a bad, bad thing.

But right now, he refuses to acknowledge whatever the fuck that is. He wants to enjoy his time with Louis, be happy that he took him here just for him. It was so sweet of him to do this, and he still has no idea why he really felt the need to do this, but he doesn’t care. There's no reason for him to be asking these questions or freaking out about it. He needs to stop overthinking every little thing when it comes to him. 

He throws his hand into Louis’ just so he can squeeze it as they walk toward the building. “Thank you. Thank you so much,” he says as he bends over to press his nose into his neck the way he does, giving one quick kiss before pulling away.

He doesn’t miss the way Louis’ entire face turns red, without saying anything in response.

To both of their surprise, when they get inside and go to the different parts, no one stops them. Sure, people are taking pictures like they were in the hotel, but no one makes the effort to try and get a picture with them. It makes the entire thing more enjoyable and less... stressful?

They don’t stop holding hands the entire time. And they aren’t even doing it for people that are taking pictures of them, but instead, they’re just doing it to _touch_. Because they want to somehow be connected. He can tell that it's the main reason.

Harry basically drags Louis like an eager child as they go to each spot, explaining to him why he loves these certain displays and what they mean to him. How certain musicians in here inspired him when he was younger. Louis listens. He listens to every word he says and he pays attention. He asks him questions in response, tells him it’s so nice to hear how passionate he is about all of this.

He tells Louis in front of Joni Mitchell’s guitar, how her songwriting influenced him. In front of David Bowie’s Moonlight Tour suit, how he inspired him to dress the way he wanted. How the Rolling Stones is one of his favorite bands in front of their Road Case.

These are a lot of things that Louis already knew about him, but they both didn’t mind talking about it again. It meant a lot to Harry, knowing that he was basically encouraging him to talk about everything he loves and why.

It sort of hit Harry at once, as he was rambling to Louis and seeing how his eyes were so intent on Harry, not shaming him for overdoing it with all his excessiveness.

They were standing in front of the Beatles exhibit when he couldn’t control himself anymore. He just couldn't.

“It’s sort of a great collection they’ve got, innit?” Louis asks, and just when he turns his head slightly to look at Harry, he snaps. 

He lunges himself at Louis, connecting their lips together like his life depends on it. And maybe it does. Maybe kissing Louis is the only thing he wants to have the luxury of doing for the rest of his life. It catches him by surprise, more than the other time, that’s for sure. But he doesn’t push away. He kisses him back just as sweetly. Undeniably, it's far more gentle than the last one. Soft little pecks, eyes fluttering, hands still holding on tightly to each other. Jesus, they've been holding hands for about two fucking hours now. That has to mean _something_.

When he pulls away, he doesn’t want to mention it. He just wants Louis to maybe understand how he feels toward him. “Thank you,” he whispers, staring into Louis’ glossy eyes. “For bringing us here. I loved it.”

Louis nervously chuckles, still dazed by the kiss they just shared, lips wet. “Sure, baby. I mean, I love seeing all this stuff too. You don’t need to make it all about yourself, you selfish prat.”

Harry laughs, untwining their hands only so he can wrap his arms entirely around Louis. He holds him tightly, feeling his face pressing against his chest. “Whatever the reason was. I just wanted to say thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” he responds quietly and genuinely, only making Harry pull him in closer. If possible, that is.

_****_

“Did we order too much for just us?”

Harry looks around at the two boxes of pizza they have on the bed. Both only half eaten, two liters of cokes almost gone. Not the healthiest Harry’s ever been, but it sounded too good to turn down at the time. He was starving and it was Louis' idea after all.

“Maybe? We can bring it home for Niall. He’ll finish it.”

Louis giggles, bringing his attention back to the movie they’re watching. Harry insisted that they watch his first movie, which he turned down a hundred times before Harry actually ended up winning. Ha. He knew he had some sort of power over him.

“Do you normally watch all your movies?” He asks, curiosity taking over him. He expects that he does, but then again, maybe he doesn’t. It’s possible with the way he hates talking about them.

Louis shrugs, stuffing the rest of his pizza crust in his mouth. “Sort of. I watch them directly after they come out, but I barely pay attention to them. I try to look away when I’m on the screen.”

“But that’s the best part!” He teases, but also being somewhat serious. He gets a scowl from Louis, making him chuckle before continuing. “Is it weird?”

“Well, yeah. Do you watch your performances?”

“I do,” he admits with no shame. “Because I like to see what I can change up or do better next time.”

He doesn’t like watching himself, necessarily, but that’s why he does it. He always is looking to improve and he believes the only way of doing that, is to see what he did the last time so he can either keep doing that, or fix it and do something completely different.

“Hm. Good plan,” he comments, wiping his greasy hands on his sweatpants. Harry cringes. There are literally napkins right in front of him. “I’d rather just get advice from my acting coaches or summat.”

Harry nods and his eyes get brought to the screen, almost jumping in excitement when he realizes what scene they’re at. “This is my favorite part!”

Louis scoffs, trying to sound annoyed but Harry knows he's rather pleased. “And you said that Gemma bought you this movie on DVD.”

“Shhh,” he hushes, watching as younger Louis fakes an orgasm in the middle of a diner in daylight.

“Can I ask _why_ this is your favorite scene?” He asks suspiciously, and yeah, maybe Harry didn’t exactly think that one through before he exclaimed that. Shit.

“Because it’s funny,” he replies, embarrassed, grabbing another slice and glaring at Louis. “How about you just eat this pizza we got and shut up so I can enjoy the movie?”

“You’re the one who asked me a question in the middle of it!”

“Well, now I’m telling you to shut up.”

“Christ,” Louis mutters, falling back on the bed and making Harry chuckle. He watches as current, real life Louis shamelessly covers his face while younger, in character Louis moans on the telly in front of them.

Once the movie is over, Louis thanks the lords above and they clear off the bed, sitting side by side and leaning against the headboard. There’s some random show on now, but Harry isn’t paying attention. He can only focus on Louis next to him.

“Didn’t you guest star in some shows?” Harry asks, turning his head slowly toward him. Their faces are a little too close and he should pull away, but he doesn’t.

He thinks he remembers him doing that. Obviously movies are his speciality, but there was at least one time he guest starred on a popular comedy show airing on FOX or something. He didn't watch it, but he heard of it. Not sure why he's deciding to ask about that now, but...

“Two. They were shit, all the cast members were rude as fuck.”

“You sure you weren’t the problem?”

“Me?” He fake gasps, clutching his chest. “Never. Everyone always says what a delight I am to work with. People love me as much as they love my characters. Especially that Hunter we just watched.”

Harry rolls his eyes because well, it’s true. Hunter was the character that Louis got everyone falling head over heels for, even Harry himself. “You were so cute in that movie,” he mumbles out of absolutely fucking nowhere.

Like okay fine. Maybe it wasn’t out of _nowhere_ since they were just talking about his character in the film, but still. Why’d he have to say he was fucking cute? He's starting to lose control over what words leave his mouth.

Louis bursts into laughter. “Aw. You think?”

Harry blushes almost immediately, wishing he could take that back. Luckily for him, since they are on the topic of 19 year old Louis, he decides to bring up something else. “I mean, you _were_ cute when you were first starting. Hold on, I have an idea.”

“What? That doesn’t sound good,” he mumbles, watching as Harry takes out his phone.

He quickly goes to YouTube, trying to hide the screen from Louis as he types in the commercial he did at that age, the fucking Colgate toothpaste one. He has toothpaste all over his mouth, brushing his teeth in the mirror along with Danielle while they sing horribly. It’s adorable, really.

When he starts playing it and turns it back for Louis to see, he’s not shocked as he pounces at Harry, trying to grab the phone. “Turn that the fuck off!”

“No!” Harry laughs, trying to keep a strong hold on it. The voice of Louis is in the background, and Harry tries his best to watch it as he spits accidentally onto Danielle’s hair, giggling harder as Louis’ elbow presses into his stomach.

“Fuck you,” he blurts as he gives up. He hesitates for a moment, coming up with his own plan. “Don’t make me play your fucking audition tape.”

This makes him turn off the commercial, glaring at Louis in panicked eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

No, he promised himself he would never watch that shit again. Mum and Gemma already tease him enough with that, playing it on the telly when they are in the mood to embarrass him. But having _Louis_ play that? Nope. He probably already watched it, sadly enough, but he cannot have him play that while they are in the same room.

Of course, this only makes Louis want to play it more, taking notice in Harry’s fear. He grabs his phone and jumps out of bed. Harry tries to catch him but he hurries into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He's a fast little thing, damn it. He pounds his hands on the wood, wanting to strangle him more than anything. All he can hear is Louis’ laughter as he finds it on YouTube. “Don’t do it, Louis! Please!”

“Karma, baby!” He shouts from the other side and suddenly, Harry’s 16 year old voice is blasting through his phone speaker. He lets his head slam against the door in embarrassment.

He ends up opening up soon though, proudly showing the screen across his chest. He looks to see himself playing, nervously auditioning for that shit show. He wraps his arms around Louis so he can grab the phone, luckily getting a hold of it and hurrying back to the bed to turn it off. “That is way more humiliating than your commercial with Danielle,” he grumbles, giving him his best scowl.

Louis joins him, taking his phone back as Harry returns it once it’s off. “I beg to differ. Come on! You were adorable, did you see your scarf?”

“Fuck you. Seriously. _Fuck_. _You_.”

“I mean, if you want,” he teases, winking at him and Harry can only glare at him, mouth agape. They talked about this, he was supposed to stop with those jokes. Louis does notice though because he instantly retracts back, closing his eyes and groaning. “Fuck. Sorry. I need a better filter.”

“Correct,” Harry agrees, smiling to himself as they get under the covers, continuing to stare at each other with their cheeks resting on the pillows. It feels like that one night they had before, and right now, all he can think about is today, and where Louis took them. Why they are here right now. He sighs to himself, wanting to once again mention it, and hopefully get an answer this time. “What made you want to escape?”

“What?” Louis asks, a small pout forming at his lips.

Harry shrugs. “What made you want to take a very random trip to Cleveland? I don’t think you did this simply because you were bored or something. Unless?”

Louis closes his eyes, seeming like he’s trying to collect himself before he confesses. “I don’t know. My movie premiere is getting closer and I was sick of being in L.A.. I wanted to do something different, and well, you’re good company. I thought it’d be nice for the both of us, especially since you were so busy before. You’re not like... annoyed that I dragged you here so last minute? I know we’ve been doing things without Theo or Helena telling us too, and I thought that if we did go somewhere that interested you, it wouldn’t be that bad? Maybe this could be considered a random thank you for basically handing yourself over to me?”

There he goes again with the nervous rambling and self doubts. Harry hates that he still is having them. So he slowly shakes his head, reaching his hand over to play with the soft hair he loves so much. “When are you going to realize that I might actually _like_ spending time with you?”

This gets him to smile. Smile, genuinely, that is, eyes bright, too. “I like spending time with you, too. Believe it or not.”

“Aw,” Harry teases, giggling under his breath, quickly thumbing at his cheekbone before bringing his hand back into his hair. “Ditto.”

“Don’t say ditto. Please.”

“Okay. Sorry.”

Louis rolls his eyes, leaning more into Harry basically stroking him. “Why am I so fucking tired?”

“Maybe it’s because we only got four hours of sleep and got on a flight early to Cleveland?”

“Hm. Maybe,” he agrees, eyes starting to flutter shut. A knowing smile creeps its way onto his lips, like he's hiding some dirty secret. “I’m shocked you ended up not being as bad as I originally thought you were.”

He can't stop looking at Louis. Fuck, he doesn't think he ever wants to stop looking at him. It's all about Louis. He's one of the most delicate people he's ever seen, and truthfully, he never thought that'd be the word he'd use to describe someone. But here we are, and all he can think about is his delicate eyelashes, delicate cheekbones, delicate hands, delicate ankles... and his heart. His heart is so fucking delicate that Harry just wants to wrap himself around it, protecting it from the world and everything that might try to break it ever again.

Snapping out of those thoughts, he snorts. (Seriously, what were those thoughts? Is he _okay_??) “What does that mean?”

“I couldn’t stand you,” he admits, reopening his eyes. “I thought you had this superior complex after I saw you had me blocked and I put two and two together about why you did it. And the way you performed on stage, you seemed like such a conceited dick. I wasn’t too excited about who we ended up doing this stunt with.”

This is the first he’s hearing about this half of it. “Jesus,” he mutters, a bit surprised to say the least. “I didn’t know it was that intense, your disliking toward me.”

“Don’t act like you weren’t just as intense as me,” he argues and Harry just shrugs, giving in. “But hey. Once you get to know you, you’re just a big teddy bear.”

He sneers. “What did I say about calling me that?!”

Louis chuckles, ignoring him. “I’m just really happy with how this turned out, is what I'm trying to say. I was worried I was going to be miserable with you all the time.”

“Me too,” Harry confesses, freezing his fingers in his hair. “I also thought you were a conceited dick with too big of an ego before I met you. But I’m pretty sure you already knew this.”

“Yeah, I’m aware.”

Harry grins like a fool at him. “I guess we both proved each other wrong, huh? Never judge a book by its cover?”

Louis nods slowly before finally letting his suffering eyes shut. He is obviously struggling to stay awake right now but is trying to just to talk. “Guess so. And also, I wanted to say thanks for always being there for me," he whispers, barely able to stay awake. "I'm really happy to have you in my life. Best boyfriend ever."

Boyfriend. No fake boyfriend. He understands he's probably just mumbling nonsense as his mind becomes more unconscious, but still. He said _boyfriend_.

Thickly, Harry swallows and doesn't respond because his heart is starting to throb too much for him to even think anymore. That ends their conversation, but Harry is too awake to fall asleep as Louis does. He watches his chest as it steadies, meaning he officially isn’t awake anymore. He continues staring, realizing his hand is still stuck in his hair but he can’t get himself to remove it. He lets it travel to his forehead so he can caress it gently.

There are so many wonderful things about this boy. He’s everything that Harry could ever want. He’s someone that he’d do anything for, someone he would want to spend the rest of his life with, no matter what that would take. He’d sacrifice whatever for him, as scary as that might sound. 

He eventually brings himself to get positioned to hopefully drift into his own sleep, although it’s a bit hard to do since his chest is currently aching. He feels a stabbing pain, that should almost feel like a relief, as he admits this to himself, but with the situation he's currently in, it's only making it worse.

All he can think about is how fucked he is that he fell in love with Louis.


	17. seventeen

Pretending to not be in love with Louis is way more difficult than Harry thought it was going to be. It’s harder than when he admitted to himself that he has feelings at all. See, he’s never experienced something like this, but now that he has realized that his feelings were to this extreme, all he wants to do is shout it into the world. He wants everyone to know he loves him.

Things after that trip to Cleveland were interesting. For some reason, it lifted a huge weight off of Louis’ shoulders and that part was relieving to see. He’s been shining like the sun ever since, while Harry on the other hand has been walking around with a cloud over his head.

A cloud that won’t stop fucking storming. Seriously. He’s drowning under it and each day it only seems to get worse, since Louis is glowing and Harry is just... not.

And it isn’t getting better.

The thing is, he was going to tell Louis about how he felt after that trip, but he saw how fucking radiant he was, and he was scared that was going to ruin that light he just got back. He’s been so worked up about his movie, that he didn’t think it was a good idea to throw this on him. Not when they just finally somewhat figured things out.

So he told himself he’d wait until after the premiere. Which is today. Today his fucking movie is premiering, Jesus Christ. How did that happen? He’d appreciate it if time could slow down, to be fucking fair.

They arrived in New York together two days ago. Zayn ended up tagging along, and he wished he was aware of this before because he could’ve invited Niall, too. He thought it was just going to be them. That was a bit of a surprise, even though it shouldn’t have been. Since he’s his best friend and all.

Anyways, they’re in separate hotel rooms again. Yay. Only because Louis said he didn’t want to be around anyone at night, since he’s been so anxious this past week. He explained he just needed some alone time to cool down. Which is true, because Zayn isn’t even staying with him like he did during New Years. They all got their own rooms. So in reality, it’s not that big of a deal. (Really. They don’t have to share a bed every trip. Harry’s not upset. He isn’t.)

Throughout the past month, Harry did a couple performances for his album on talk shows, they went on only one more date, then Louis was busy looking for new roles to act in, since he’s going to have the time to be in more movies soon enough after all his promo is done. He went to a couple auditions which he told Harry he thinks all went well.

Everything feels weird though. Harry’s trying to ignore it, but something is still there that is bothering him. The air is stuffy and sometimes he finds it hard to breathe. He thinks it has to do with the fact it’s already April which means that they’re almost about to cross that finish line. They’re just... they’re so fucking close to ending this entire relationship. Next month. That’s next month. Fuck.

The realization slaps him across the face like it has been recently, before he falls on his bed in the hotel room in the most dramatic way possible. He just finished changing, where he didn’t even bother to get any advice from Susan through FaceTime because he doesn’t have the energy to care. Not anymore for anything, really. He’s too busy worrying about Louis this, Louis that.

He’s an utter mess. Niall’s noticed it but hasn’t mentioned it. But he knows something is up, with the way he looks at Harry and offers to get him little things, telling him how proud he is everyday.

He’s sure that Louis is aware something is wrong as well, but he’s got his own shit to worry about, so he hasn’t asked Harry about it either. So he just has to suffer in silence, really, being around Louis as often as he is, trying to not confess his suffocating love for him.

He forces himself back up to grab the watch on his dresser to put on his wrist. As he’s securing the band, there’s a knock on his door that thankfully gets him to stop thinking. Fuck, all he’s been doing lately is thinking.

And writing. Writing is another thing. He’s written a lot of songs that he actually really likes. Maybe falling in love has some advantages.

He sighs as he walks over the door, swinging it open and expecting to see Louis on the other side. He’s about to say something sarcastic about how he couldn’t wait to see him, but he comes short when it’s Zayn standing there.

Harry blinks, watching as Zayn gives him a small smile. “Can I come in?”

Holy shit. He’s going to confront Harry, isn’t he? Not everyone is as oblivious as Louis, and not everyone is scared to question him about what’s bothering him like Niall might be. Which, in this case, it looks like Zayn, the guy he barely knows and has spoken to one on one, is about to do so.

He’s going to throw up.

Instead, he nods tightly and steps aside, trying to hide the tremble that is making its way into his hands. “W-What’s up?” He asks, clearing his throat.

Zayn shrugs, putting his hands into his jacket pocket. The boy looks amazing, like always. Model like. Why is he a singer again? Sure, his voice is out of this world, but his fucking face. He could model, too. Why doesn't he?

Christ. What the hell is he thinking? Shit, he’s just nervous that he’s here and his mind is doing that thing. That thing where it annoys the living shit out of himself.

And yes, he’s allowed to be mad at his own mind. Who isn’t? At least every now and then?

“We’ve never really gotten the chance to talk. You and me, have we?”

Harry places his hand flat on the dresser so he doesn’t fall over. “Um. No? Not really, yeah. No.”

Zayn bites down his smile at that, more than aware that Harry is possibly about to shit himself. He just won’t be able to lie easily about not having feelings for Louis, and he’s so worried he’s about to ask that. Because what if he tells him that? They _are_ best friends. Fuck. “You can relax. I’m not here to pester you about anything, or try to get any answers out of you,” he explains, like he can read his mind.

He swallows, furrowing his eyebrows and nodding his head. That’s good, right? That means exactly what he thinks it means? Still, he doesn’t want to give away too much. “Okay? Then why are you here?”

Zayn sighs, glancing around the room before letting his eyes fall back on Harry. “I’m sure he told you.”

For only a second, his heart bangs against his chest. “Told me?” He asks, then he sees Zayn’s facial expression, the one that's full of guilt, and it all makes sense. “Oh. He... uh, yeah. He mentioned it briefly.”

Why is he being so damn awkward? Jesus Christ. “I still feel fucking horrible about that. It’s just, what are you supposed to do when your best friend out of nowhere tells you that they love you... in that way? When you had no idea and you didn’t feel the same?”

Oh God. Louis was in _love_ with him? He didn’t tell him that? He just said that he confessed his feelings toward him and... oh God. Love? He loved Zayn?? What if he still does? He thought he just figured out that he liked him, not... not love.

Harry cannot talk about this with Zayn. Not right before the premiere. Is he nuts? He didn’t know his feelings were love and now he feels like he’s going to be sick.

He tries to pull himself together, regardless. “That had to have been hard,” he responds slowly, not knowing what he’s supposed to say here. Or why Zayn is telling him this. Why would he do this to him?

Zayn swallows thickly before continuing. “It was. You see... Louis hasn’t been this happy in a while. But he’s finally happy again. Like, truly, just fucking happy and I wanted to say that I think you have a big part of that. I have to admit, I probably wasn’t your biggest fan in the beginning, but seeing the impact you’ve been making on Louis... I think you are good for him. And as his friend, I _want_ what is best for him."

Harry feels his knees starting to buckle but he contains himself and nods. Fuck. He knows that Harry likes him. He’s not surprised he does, but fuck. “Okay.” Again, what is he supposed to even say?

“And after what happened between him and I, it’s easy to see that he’s scared to admit his feelings toward another friend again in fear of rejection. If you know what I mean. He won’t be the _first_ to admit any feelings,” he explains cautiously, staring at Harry with his pleading eyes.

The first. He won’t be the first to admit any feelings which means Harry has to and hopes he reciprocates them.

Maybe talking to Zayn isn’t as scary as he thinks it might be.

He nods once again, trying to show that he completely understands where he is coming from. “Okay,” he repeats, because apparently, he doesn’t know any other words.

Zayn laughs breathlessly. “Okay.” He takes a moment to study Harry for a little longer. “He wasn’t actually in love with me, you know. He was drunk and thought he was. He does love me, as I love him, but in a best friend way. He got those feelings mixed up at the time.”

Harry gulps. “Yeah. I get it,” he mumbles, because that would make sense. He thinks that Louis would have told him if he actually loved him, especially when he told him that he didn’t love Gabriel.

“But everythings different with you. For instance, he’s freaking out right now about the movie and he doesn’t want me there like he used to. He wants _you_. Not me. That’s why I’m here, to have you go to his room before we head off to the premiere.”

He frowns, anxiety filling it’s way through his veins. “Is he alright?” He asks, wondering how serious it is. He wants to prepare himself before he sees him.

“Yeah. He just wants reassurance from a special someone, I think. Even though he wouldn’t admit that to me. Which... tells me a lot about how he feels about you. He’s avoiding the topic since he’s scared about it. You understand what I’m saying?”

He does. He’s going to have to tell him how he feels soon... isn’t he? As soon as the moment is right, he’s going to have to tell him so he doesn’t keep fearing about what’s happening between them.

It makes sense now. After everything that happened with Zayn, he didn’t want the same to happen with Harry. They are still best friends, that both fell for each other in the process.

Coming to realize that Louis actually does like him back—with how he’s taking it from Zayn’s words—he should be excited about it but he’s not. Instead, he’s just sad. How could Louis not believe that Harry might like him back? After everything? Hasn’t he been pretty obvious about it? He would never hurt him like that, never.

The situation with Zayn seemed to really fuck him up.

He tries to stop thinking about this because none of it is really important now, is it? Today is about Louis and his movie. The feelings can wait at least one more day.

“What room is he in again?” He questions, reaching over to grab his wallet so he can go over there and they can leave together after that.

“521. Don’t tell him I came over here. It’ll just freak him out more,” Zayn demands, reaching over to open the door for him. He freezes before he does so, turning his body to face him once again. “And I just wanted to thank you. I know you don’t like me, but Louis is still my best friend, and I’m... I’m so fucking glad to see he’s stopped faking his happiness. It’s been a while since he’s been genuinely this... _free_. If he ever was, to be honest.”

Harry stares blankly at him, trying his best to not fucking cry right then and there. Because Zayn just said Louis is free. That’s a word he never even thought about when describing him, but now, it all makes so much sense.

He does seem free, doesn’t he? And that... fuck. That’s incredible. Zayn is also saying that Harry is the reason that he feels that way and this is just a lot for him to process right now.

He has to go see him. Now.

Harry gives a small smile. “Thanks, Zayn. For stopping by,” he says softly, biting his lip as he remembers what else he said. “I’m sorry, by the way. For being so weird around you all of the time. You never did anything wrong, it was just me being me.”

“Best we become friends now. Better late than never?” He reaches out a hand to shake Harry’s.

He accepts the offer with a laugh. “Yeah. Course.”

They part after that so Harry can go see Louis and it feels good. Maybe they should have done something like that sooner, because that just lifted a weight off his shoulders he didn’t even know was there. Being on better terms with Zayn, Louis’ best friend, is more important than he ever thought it would be.

Who would have thought he’d ever get here?

When he gets to Louis’ room, he knocks on the door gently. “Lou? It’s me,” he announces, hoping that he doesn’t send him off because that’s something he would do when he’s denying himself.

Not always, but sometimes.

He’s surprised when the door is swung open sooner than he anticipated, and when his eyes set onto Louis, again, he needs something to grab onto so he doesn’t fall over. His hand latches onto the doorframe, mouth gaping open as he does a full body scan.

Louis is wearing a pale pink slim fit suit with a white bowtie on his neck. The buttons are undone a bit to reveal his chest, skin looking as smooth as ever. His hair is styled in a swirl and as Harry sucks in a deep breath to try and collect himself like he always does, he realizes he’s wearing Harry’s cologne. He knew that Louis stole it when they went overnight to Cleveland, he _knew_ it.

“You smell like me,” he blurts, not even realizing what he’s saying until it’s said.

It thankfully gets Louis to laugh. “It’s a nice fragrance, okay?”

“I don’t like it.” Harry widens his eyes as Louis starts to frown. “No! I didn’t mean it like that. I meant... I like your smell. Shit. I mean, your normal cologne you use. That musky, woody scent fits you and you smelling like me is... nevermind. I’m talking nonsense.”

He truthfully has no idea what he’s saying. He just likes Louis’ usual smell, that’s all. Because it's _him_. He didn’t need to say all of that, whatever the hell that was.

Louis gives him a skeptical look. “Is that why you’re here? To criticize my choice in cologne?”

He gulps, shaking his head. “No. I wanted to see how you’re doing.”

This gets Louis to look away, walking further into his room. Harry follows behind, watching him cautiously. He doesn’t want to corner him like a timid animal and get him to snap. He can see with his tense body that he’s on edge, so he’ll just wait for him to talk. He won’t pressure him.

“I’m sort of sick? All my movies, the premieres I’ve went to, people in the audience would be laughing. That was sort of a relief to hear, you know? Because then I know my acting worked. The whole point of comedies is to get people to laugh. You can literally hear their reactions. But with a movie like this, something serious and depressing... you can’t exactly hear them laughing, can you? It’s like I have to sit through this shit thing while everyone is silent around me, not knowing what they’re thinking as the film goes on. I hope I’m making sense and not just talking gibberish,” he mutters, falling harshly on the edge of his unmade bed to sit.

“It makes sense,” Harry responds quietly, walking over to sit next to him. “You’ll be able to hear people sniffling, actually. When everyone is crying because your performance touches them.”

He knows that it’s an emotional movie. It’s probably going to be the saddest one he acts in, from what he’s guessing. Especially because it hits home to him, making his performance even more real. There’s no doubt in Harry’s mind that everyone is going to be able to physically feel Louis’ pain. Both his characters, and his own.

Louis scoffs, in self denial like always. “I highly doubt the theatre is going to be crying.”

“I beg to differ,” he explains, wanting to run a finger through Louis’ hair and being disappointed he can’t since it’s done for the red carpet. He settles with a hand on his thigh instead. “You wait and see, moviestar. At the end of the night everyone is going to be talking about how Louis Tomlinson, the comedy legend, made them an emotional wreck. Plot twist, huh? Oh, and that they’re excited to see you win that Oscar next year.”

“Shut the fuck up. God,” he grumbles, voice with a hint of amusement and fondness. “I think you missed a spot when you were just kissing my entire arse.”

Harry bursts into laughter, wrapping his arm around his waist. “I’m serious. Don’t be thinking too much about this, yeah? Just try to enjoy the premiere and remember that you’re proud of yourself. That’s the most important thing here.”

Louis nods because lately, he’s been trying harder to admit to himself that it’s okay to praise himself when it comes to his career specifically. “Alright,” he gives in as his eyes glance over Harry’s body. “You look good, by the way.”

Ignoring the feeling in his stomach, he replies back teasingly. “Not as good as you, baby.”

This gets Louis to groan, shoving Harry off of him. “Christ. Get away from me. I’m already sick about this premiere and now I got to listen to your bullshit?”

“Not bullshit,” he insists, throwing his hand at Louis’ wrist so he can bring his knuckles to his lips to kiss. “You look incredible, Lou. And this movie is going to be incredible, the response is going to be incredible... I’m just really excited for you. That’s all.”

Louis stares at him for a while longer, leaning his body into Harry’s to rest his head on his shoulder. “Thank you. For everything.”

Harry takes a deep breath, knowing how serious those words probably are for him. He remembers what Zayn said, about him being free.

Louis became free and the sun started shining again. It hasn’t stopped since.

_****_

Taking pictures together on the red carpet isn’t exactly their forte. They’re both stiff at first, not knowing how to pose, and although they loosen up when touching each other, it’s still just fucking awkward.

Well, Harry’s awkward at least. He never knew how to smile at the cameras while people are shouting his name and making him more anxious than he already was.

During the interviews, Louis is shy as hell. He can see he doesn’t want to give away too much or seem too proud of himself since he’s so nervous about getting a bad response from the people who are seeing it, so Harry decides to step in the last interview he does.

He’s been pretty quiet throughout, but since they’re getting closer to going in, Louis has gotten more doubtful and started stuttering over his words. Harry takes it as the chance to boost his confidence once more, especially in an interview where people will actually hear it.

“Can I say something?” He interrupts Louis after he’s been asked why this movie is so special compared to all his others.

The lady interviewing looks over at him, smiling excitedly. “Sure, Harry. Go right ahead.”

Harry nods, glancing at Louis once to see his reaction which is terrified to say the least. He continues anyway, turning back to the girl. “I was there when he filmed. Obviously. And I just wanted to say that people are going to be pleased with this character that Louis amazingly brought to life. Genuinely. It’s raw and real and it’s _Louis_. I’m so bloody proud of him, and I think that everyone else who has supported him throughout his career will be too. It’s a step in a different direction, yes, but personally speaking, it’s a step in the right one. He’s a man of many talents... and surprises," he laughs more to himself, shaking his head trying to get back on track. "And acting is where he thrives. I’m lucky to have watched him during this journey. I’m so fucking proud of him.” He widens his eyes once he realizes he cursed, slapping a hand over his mouth. “Crap. Sorry.”

They’ve been holding hands since the interviews have started, and he almost forgot since the touch is so natural now, like it’s always been like that. He remembers once Louis squeezes his hand to get Harry to look at him.

Once he does, he takes in the sight of his glossy eyes, barely able to process that because Louis stands on his toes to give Harry a kiss on the cheek. He doesn't need to say anything. Harry understands.

The rest of the premiere seems to fly by and soon they are in their seats watching the movie. Louis’ leg bounces consistently with anxiety, Harry having to place his hand on his thigh the entire time to try and comfort him.

And for once in his life, his attention is not on the Louis next to him. Shocking, he knows.

Rather it’s on the character in front of him on screen (which is still Louis... but still). Louis. _Louis Louis Louis_ who is fucking incredible. Yeah, he’s been saying that he was going to be, and he’s seen him act out different scenes in front of him, but now, watching as it all comes together in the film...

He can’t take it. His heart throbs. How can it hurt? How does it hurt so bad to be so proud of the person you love? Someone you never in a million years would have thought about feeling this way. It happened so fast, so _fucking_ fast. Louis had him wrapped around his little finger in the matter of seconds and he hasn’t moved since. Not even a sliver. If anything, he gets wrapped around tighter, and tighter.

But it’s _so_ tight. It’s so tight that he’s wrapped around Louis that it finally just snaps. It snaps as he watches this movie, during a scene that’s not even technically sad. He’s watching Louis laugh on screen, heart burning and begging him to tell him he loves him because he can’t hold it in any longer.

“Why the fuck are you crying?” Louis hisses next to him and oh.

He is? Right. He’s definitely crying. He’s near sobbing, actually. He has to cover his mouth with his hands so the sound doesn’t echo in the theatre.

Even though Louis is obviously terrified with his outburst, he reaches over to place his hand on his back, rubbing it gently. Harry falls into his touch, pushing his head into his chest as Louis pulls him tighter.

Tighter. Always fucking tighter to him.

“What the hell is up with you?” He whispers into Harry’s hair, making him cry more. He definitely made a noticeable sound now. There’s no way people aren’t staring.

He can’t tell him here, no matter how much he wants to. He can’t. Although all he can think right now is how much he loves him, he can’t say those words. “You’re so fucking amazing, Louis,” he cries, pulling away to look at his petrified, beautiful face. He places his hand against his cheek, thumbing at the soft skin. “So fucking gorgeous.”

Louis visibly swallows, face unreadable as he brings his attention back to the screen. Harry pulls his hand away and settles back in his seat, wiping at the tears on his face.

He just had a bloody breakdown in the middle of Louis’ most important movie of his life. All because he loves him. Jesus. He’s a mess.

When it’s over and everyone does their best to approach Louis to both praise and congratulate him, Harry is standoffish and is trying to stay composed. Louis is talking to someone when Zayn shows up out of nowhere, putting his hand on Harry’s back. He rubs it gently, nodding his head, understanding.

Harry sucks in a shaky breath, bringing his attention away from him as he goes to hug his best friend.

Once everyone seems to finally talk to Louis, his way of celebrating is apparently dragging Harry to his hotel room to drink. He offers for Zayn to come with, who declines it and he can see that it physically upsets Louis that he doesn’t want to come. He tells Louis that they will celebrate back home in L.A. the way they always do before he goes off for his two week promo tour with the rest of the cast.

Harry knows that Zayn is only doing this so Louis and Harry can get some alone time, after what happened in the theatre.

As they pop open champagne in the hotel room, Louis’ glow has faded and Harry hates that it’s because of him. It’s all his fault, he's tugging Louis to stand under the cloud that’s over his head, drenching them both.

He feels so guilty.

It doesn’t take long for Louis to confront him about it once they have enough alcohol in their system. They’re sitting on the floor together, legs crossed as they are staring. Harry was trying so hard to come up with words, but he couldn’t think of anything other than _I love you_.

So Louis finally snaps. “Why were you crying, Harry?”

He clenches his jaw, looking away from him so he doesn’t cry again. “I was just proud of you,” he lies. Well, it’s not a lie. He is proud of him, but it obviously wasn’t the reason for his crying.

“That’s all?”

He forces himself to glance back at him. Louis knows. He has to. With the anticipation in his eyes... and honestly, fuck it to hell. He has to be the first to admit it, and he did tell himself he’d do it after the premiere. Sure, he wasn’t planning on doing it literally hours later, but what the hell? Louis deserves to know he’s loved.

“No,” he answers, quietly, still building up the courage to say it. “That’s not all.”

Louis blinks slowly and cautiously. “Okay...?”

Harry sighs, running a hand frantically through his curls. He’s now frustrated with how he's playing dumb. He already felt all the emotions today besides anger. And he’s suddenly angry that this happened. It wasn’t supposed to bloody happen. Also, everything is now up to Harry and it's just a lot of pressure, okay?

“Do you need me to spell it out for you?” He snaps, cursing the alcohol. It’s making him act a way he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to tell Louis he loves him in a pissed mood like this.

“I think I do,” he responds softly, not angry or upset. Just... desperate.

And Harry gets it. It hits him hard, realizing that Louis might need to hear the words to help him process his own feelings.

Harry panics, moving his body so he can crawl over to Louis. He stops in front of him, kneeling in-between Louis’ widened legs that are spread across the floor.

He lets his eyes dart all over Louis’ face, taking in every spare inch that he loves. He reaches his hand to rest on his cheek the way he does, sucking in the shakiest breath of his life so he can confidently say the words he means with all of his heart.

“I love you.”

Louis desperately closes his eyes at that. Not the reaction he was expecting, especially surprised when Louis grabs his hand, only to pull it away from his face. Harry’s stomach drops, and he feels sick as Louis reopens his teary eyes. “I’m so fucking sorry I got you into this.”

Harry draws his hand away like it’s been burned. The anger is back. “What?”

He shakes his head aggressively, emotions flying all over the place as he trips over his words. “This wasn’t... we weren’t supposed to... it wouldn’t work, Harry.”

“And why the fuck not?” He doesn’t understand. It doesn’t make sense, not at all. There’s absolutely no reason why it wouldn’t work out.

“Because you’re you and I’m me—”

“Oh, cut the bloody bullshit,” he snaps, so sick of this. He doesn’t want to hear his self doubts any longer. Louis looks at him with wide eyes. “Is this seriously about what people have been saying about us? All those negative comments you’ve been reading since we started being together? Who fucking cares, Louis! It’s not about them! It’s about what you want. I’m tired of you worrying about these people who don’t even matter, you don’t even know them! Why can’t you let yourself be happy?”

“Do you really think that’s what this is about?” He snips, face reddening in his own rage. “Disaster follows me everywhere. And I don’t want it to get to you, which I know will happen eventually. You deserve better than—”

“You don’t get to decide that for me,” he interrupts, holding his hand up. Truthfully, Louis isn't making sense. It has to be that he's still scared about admitting himself to Harry. That's it, right? After everything he's been through in his life? 

Louis stands up, Harry slowly following. “We built our entire relationship from a fake one. It’s not smart, Harry. And you’ll see that in the long run, trust me on this. Once our contract ends and you can be away from me, you’ll realize you’re better off and this was just some sort of weird interruption in your life. Okay? I promise you that we wouldn’t work like you think we would. It’s a lot different when everything is sort of planned out for you, innit? We don’t know anything outside from this.”

“Which is why I want to try,” he pleads, clasping his hands together. “It would be better than this. We wouldn’t have to show off anything to the world. Only us. That’s a whole lot more special than—”

Louis bursts into laughter, running a hand down his face. “Please. Save me this hopeless romantic shit. Life doesn’t work that way. Get a fucking grip of yourself.”

Harry steps back, surprised at how mad he is about this. About wanting them to have a relationship that would only be special to them.

He thought Louis was going to tell him he loves him back. Not this bullshit.

It’s quiet for a while after that and Harry knows it’s over. It’s over before it even got the chance to actually start.

“I think you should go back to your room,” Louis finally speaks, quietly, voice cracking just a little.

It should feel like a goodbye, but it’s not. It’s not because they still have about a month left of their contract. Holy shit, this is horrible. Everything is ruined.

This is what he feared about happening.

Trying to hold himself together and not cry, he nods wordlessly, leaving Louis alone in his hotel room. He heads back to his own, and the second he is inside, he cries.

Everything has finally shattered. It’s been cracking for the past few months and now it’s officially broken.

Harry’s mirrorball. It shattered. Just like Louis’ did.


	18. eighteen

May. The month of everything slowly coming to an end. It’s here and it’s been here and Harry is in a weird denial stage. Funny, that. All because of his fake relationship.

After Louis’ movie premiere everything went to shit between them, as he suspected it would. It’s been painful and awkward to put it lightly.

For the past two weeks they’ve been traveling together for Louis’ movie promo. His cast and him have been doing some panels and interviews, and although Harry was there, he might as well haven’t been.

They’ve barely been talking, only having really uncomfortable small talk when completely necessary. He means that, too. Like, it has to be _necessary_. It's basically Louis texting him to let him know the plan for the day, or them making comments about the weather or something. 

Literally. They talked about the fucking weather. Like... for a full two minutes. Two. Minutes. About. The. Weather.

They still hold hands and are a little touchy when they need to be, but otherwise, everything is shit. He can tell that people on his team have noticed something, especially Theo, but nothing is addressed.

Helena texted him obliviously, saying she cannot believe this all ends next week and that she’s sad to see them break up. She meant it as a joke, but it only made Harry go into a spiral. He's basically been losing his mind ever since that.

It’s their last night in a hotel. They’re in San Francisco right now, so not far from home. Harry sort of wishes he just ran back to L.A. after the panel today instead of staying overnight again, but too late now. He's stuck, without the comfort of his own bed.

Luckily enough for him, whenever he didn’t need to be around Louis, he’d escape off to his room so he could write more music because apparently that’s the only way he knows how to cope. It’s almost embarrassing how many songs he’s written the past three weeks.

It’s late. Almost three in the morning and Harry can’t sleep which isn’t anything new. But right now, coming to realize that after tomorrow he’s not going to need to be seen with Louis anymore because next week they are going to start posting break up rumors, he feels sick.

And he needs his best friend. His best friend who has been trying so hard to be there for him, all while Harry is too embarrassed to actually talk to him. He hasn’t said one word about what happened between Louis and him because he’s sad. Okay? He’s fucking _sad_.

But now, he’s been holding it too long. Way too fucking long.

So he calls Niall, who ends up answering on the third ring.

“Harry? You alright?” He asks immediately, and that simple question makes Harry start to tear up.

He rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “No. I wouldn’t be calling you at three in the morning if I was,” he mumbles, trying to joke but having it only come off as harsh.

Niall chuckles deeply. “Suppose not,” he agrees quietly. “You finally ready to talk?”

“Yeah,” he says, rubbing a fist into his eyes. “I guess I'll just come out and say it,” he explains, a prickling feeling at the back of his throat. “It was... um, the night of his movie premiere. I uh, I-I sort of told him that I loved him. After that, long story short, he told me we’d never work. That we formed our relationship based on the original fake one. Which is technically true but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have gotten real feelings toward him during all of this? I know... he doesn’t want to admit it to me, but I know he feels the same. At least a little bit. Even Zayn. Zayn bloody talked to me that night and told me as much, basically. And I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I told him how I felt and he didn’t care to even try and turn this into something real.”

He’s angry again. He’s mad at the fact that Louis is too scared. Which is horrible, he knows. He’s been through a lot with his family, and then when he told Zayn he loved him, followed by him coming out so quickly... like he said; disaster does seem to follow him, unfortunately enough.

But that doesn’t matter, does it? Harry would be willing to risk anything for a chance to really be with him. Because that’s what love is... isn’t it?

Niall sighs on the line, sounding sorry for him already. “He’s a stubborn one.”

Harry laughs wetly. “Yeah. He sort of is.” Fuck. He loves him so much.

“Look,” Niall starts, sounding like he’s positioning himself on his own bed. He hopes that he didn’t wake him up. “I hate to be the one giving you this advice. Trust me H, I wish that things could have gone better for you. But for a while at least, I think you two need a break. When they end things next week, you guys shouldn't talk anymore. I get that you aren’t on speaking terms now, but just in case, you need to make sure you take a decent fucking break from each other.”

He starts frowning. That was something he didn’t expect to hear from Niall at all. “What?”

“At least for a couple of months. Have time some apart. He’s going to be in a new film soon enough, right? He’s at least looking for a new one?” He questions quickly.

“Yeah...”

He’s still waiting for his callbacks. He hasn’t been talking to Harry about his career at all recently. Not like that’s a surprise, but before everything went downhill, he was starting to kind of open up to him about it. He was telling him how he now wants to start working in different genres, maybe try all of them, for the hell of it.

“And you start the tour in a month. That’s fucking soon, H. It’ll be here before you know it. You’ll be gone for like, five months. You guys are going to be too busy for each other anyways.”

Harry hates hearing that, but it’s the truth. It would be really hard to be together during then, especially if Louis is filming, meaning he wouldn’t be able to travel with him the way he would like him to. He really would love to see the world with him, now that he thinks about it...

And nope. No thoughts about that. No thanks.

“I guess,” he whispers, not really wanting to come to that acknowledgment fully. He never even thought about that, how that could have affected them if they started something that night in the hotel.

“But then after all of that, I’m sure there will be a moment where you two can catch up. And that moment, that’s _the_ moment. Okay? The moment that you’ll know if what you guys had could turn into something more and be real this time round. I do think Louis is somewhat right about you guys building a relationship off of this fake one at first, and yes, along the way you two became close and developed an amazing friendship that turned into genuine feelings. Personally, I think a break would be healthy for you guys. You can meet again, whenever that is, and it’d be a fresh start. Not fake, not forced, just... meant to be.”

Meant to be.

Harry gulps, squeezing his eyes painfully shut. Niall is right. He’s so, so right. And he thinks that he really needed to hear that.

Ignoring that throbbing, stabbing pain in his chest, he tries to make a weak attempt at a joke. “Three in the morning and you’re still a fucking philospher. How am I so lucky that we’re friends, again? Honestly?”

Niall laughs although he can tell it’s one of his forced, pitiful ones. “I just love you. I want you to be happy and a part of me does think that Louis is the one who can _make_ you happy. The timing is just... off.”

Right then and there, Harry feels okay for the first time in weeks. It’s not exactly closure, but it’s an answer. It’s his answer to the question about how he’s going to be able to function after all of this ends.

And to that is simply... time.

_****_

**Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles officially break up, Sources Say.**   
_The adoring couple that the world has grown to love over the past year have sadly come to an end according to sources with direct contact to the pair. It’s said that the two ended on good terms fortunately enough, but with Styles’ going on tour soon and Tomlinson actively seeking new roles, they aren’t going to have the time for each other. It seems as if the young boys thought it was best if they took time apart as they focus on their careers now after having their fun. We’re sad to hear this news, but the impact this relationship has made throughout many young gay lives will hopefully live on forever. Even if their relationship won’t._

Harry throws his phone against the wall. He’s sure it shatters, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t fucking care about anything.

The funny thing is, he knew this was coming out today. Christ, he even told Helena to add that last part in for Louis specifically. About impacting many lives because he wanted Louis to read that and feel something special, since he really only looks at this relationship as a waste of time and something that happened because he was so fucking weak at the beginning.

Harry spent the last week after he got home from San Francisco locked inside, looking up every little thing that involved Harry and Louis on the internet. Was it his best idea? Absolutely fucking not. It made him a mess, both happy _and_ sad.

People had so many things to say about them. From the most cruel, horrible things (a lot more hate toward Louis which he can say fuck them, fuck them to hell for talking about the sweetest boy he’s ever meant that way) to the most heartwarming stories he’s ever read. Sure, he saw that one Reddit page, but the amount of other things that have been said about them... he was a fucking wreck.

He saw pictures of them that he’s never seen before, making him want to frame some of them throughout his house to remind himself how happy he was with Louis, and the proof was in the pictures that he didn’t even know was being taken of them. How they smiled at each other, how they meant it. How much they enjoyed being around each other.

He’s heartbroken. It’s as simple as that.

As he’s seated at his kitchen table feeling sorry for himself, there’s a knock at his door and he can only tense up knowing who it is already. It’s not Helena or Niall since he already saw them today. That means there’s only one other person it could be.

He almost doesn’t get up to answer it because he’s scared the second his eyes land on Louis he’ll cry. And he can’t have that happening. But then again, they need to talk at least one more time and that has to be the reason why Louis is here right now. He’s finally willing to confront Harry.

So he stands. He gets up and walks over to his door, opening it slowly and coming face to face with Louis who has his hands stuck into his hoodie pocket, hood draped over his head. He looks far too similar to the Louis he first saw at that meeting and...

Damn it. He said he wasn’t going to cry.

He blinks back his tears, clearing his throat. “What’re you doing here?”

Louis smiles tightly, not completely meeting his eyes. Not meeting them at all, really. “I... I got a callback. I’m going to be working on a thriller. Can you believe it? Me, doing a fucking thriller movie.”

As much as it pains him, he finds a real smile creeping on his face because despite everything, he’s still fucking proud and happy for him. “That’s amazing, Louis. Good for you.”

Almost instantly, they are both back to frowning, staring at their feet and unknowing what to say or do. God, he wants to turn back time more than anything. Maybe he should have never agreed to this after all.

Louis is the one to break the silence, saying what he probably came here to say in the first place. “And I wanted to thank you, Harry. Like properly thank you for everything.”

Harry fights the urge to roll his eyes. He just nods. “It’s fine.” Louis has probably thanked him a hundred times for doing this with him. He never needed to thank him, but he can’t seem to stop. Harry’s starting to wonder if that’s his way of trying to get his feelings across without directly saying them.

Louis’ face swiftly falls, a sigh escaping his lips desperately. “Alright. That’s all, I guess. I um. I hope you have a good tour. Show the bloody world just how much of a rockstar you are for me, yeah?”

He swallows down the lump in his throat. His eyes are starting to water more and he needs to get away from Louis before he breaks. “I will,” he answers hoarsely, not having any energy to joke back with him like he normally would. “Bye, Louis.”

They’re both trying to hold it together, and Harry can’t take it anymore as they stand there near tears. So he shuts the door in Louis’ face, sliding down the wood while letting out a sob. He crumbles and he doesn’t know when he stops.

He only stops once he realizes his phone won't stop ringing. He crawls over to retrieve it, answering it without even looking at the caller.

“What?” He snaps, wiping his cheeks with his hand.

“Not taking the breakup easy then?”

It’s Gemma. Fuck, it’s Gemma who thinks that they broke up for real. He forgot about that, he _forgot_ that they still think they were really dating. And if they were, the first person he would have called besides Niall would’ve been Gemma. And now she’s probably so confused about why she had to find this information out from the Internet and not Harry himself.

He’s been too busy dealing with himself that he completely forgot about his family. How fucked is that? He didn’t even think to at least send them or a text or something. Shit, his mum is most likely about to have a heart attack right now, considering how much she adored Louis after the holidays.

Both of them loved Louis. They really did. Every time they spoke after he visited with him, they would bring him up and explain how happy they are that they’re together. They would also tell Harry that they could see how they brought out the best in each other, that they’re one of those couples. The type of couple that everyone envies to be.

He feels fucking sick again.

And he can’t lie anymore. He needs to tell Gemma everything. It’s stupid to keep hiding it like this, not after everything went to disaster.

“We were never fucking dating Gems,” he blurts, another sob coming out in the process. “We were set up for PR. It was never real.”

The line is quiet for a while and Harry can tell that she’s shocked. He can’t blame her, when she saw them together at the time, it probably looked anything _but_ fake. He feels like shit.

“I’m sorry?” She asks, sounding like she’s closing the door behind her. She’s probably getting away from mum so she can talk to Harry properly herself.

He sighs, leaning up against the wall, still sitting on the floor so pathetically. Fuck, he really needs to get a grip of himself. “His career was going to shit. Helena came over to me with this entire thing planned out, explaining how good it would be for Louis and as well as my album. It seemed to have enough pros, besides the fact I fucking hated him considering he bashed my song that one time. Seriously, I never told you guys, but I was pissed and hurt. I blocked him on Twitter and then when we met in that meeting, about how we were going to go about this fake relationship, he confronted me about it and everything was so intense in the beginning...”

He’s not sure why he’s going to tell her from start to finish, but he feels the urge to. He wants to try and not leave out any detail, since he’s been keeping so much from her.

Harry awkwardly coughs, pushing his fist into his mouth. “But then we started to be around each other more. Things started to become more natural, and we really did become friends. Then we became even closer, basically to the point we couldn’t leave each other's sides. There weren't just planned dates or hangouts anymore, but real ones that we would figure out ourselves. All the meanwhile, I was starting to realize that I had real feelings toward him which eventually turned into love. Gemma, I love him. Like fuck, I actually _love_ _him_ ,” he laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. “He told me he thought we wouldn’t work, and he never really told me he felt the same which fucking hurts. But then Niall had a good point, saying that our timing might just be wrong. He thinks we should wait it out, see what happens after the tour. It’s a good idea, but I fucking _miss_ him. I miss him already and it’s barely been over. What am I... what am I supposed to do?”

By the time he’s finished, he’s gasping for air. Harry really doesn’t ramble much like this, but once he starts, it’s hard to stop.

He can tell that Gemma is speechless herself, clearly taken back that everything was a lie. And yes, maybe not all of it was a lie, but still. It was based on lies.

They never lie to each other. Never. As a family, they tell each other the truth no matter what, no matter how badly it might hurt. Harry just lied to them for almost an entire year. He’s a shit excuse of a son and brother.

“I don’t even know where to start,” she finally says quietly. She sighs, sounding a bit exhausted. “I guess what I want to ask is why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you let us know that it was fake?”

Harry hiccups. Fuck, he’s crying so hard to the point he’s _hiccuping_. He needs Niall to come over and beat him shitless. “I didn’t want you guys thinking I’ve changed. It’s just, at the time, it seemed harmless. You know? Like all I thought was it was going to be a few papped pictures together, a couple of events to attend, answering silly questions about our relationship in interviews. I didn’t expect it to turn into this mess.”

Gemma laughs weakly. “It sounds like a mess, alright. _You_ sound like a mess. Jesus Christ Harry, take some deep steady breaths for me, will you?”

He laughs with her, rubbing his knuckles against his nose. She’s not wrong at all. He tries to do as she says though, breathing in and out slowly. “He just left before you called me,” he tells her, tears threatening again. “And I knew that was a goodbye. A goodbye for a long, long time, at least.”

“Ah,” Gemma hums, understanding. “So my timing was perfect then, huh?”

“Precisely,” he mutters, forcing himself to stand up and sit back at his kitchen table like a normal, functioning human being. “Everything is so fucked up, Gemma.”

This gets the conversation back to something serious, the line quiet for a while as she gets ready to give the best big sister advice she can give to this new, heartbroken Harry.

“I do think Niall was right about giving it time. I understand that it’s going to suck so badly in the meantime, Harry, especially since you two were never able to really give each other a chance. A real chance. Also, if Louis never admitted his true feelings back to you, that makes it harder. Of course it does, I get it. But all you can do now is surround yourself with the other people in your life. Niall, you’ll be with him all the time on tour. _Tour_ , Harry! You love touring. You’ve done it once before and you get to do it again. In bigger and better stages. Aren’t you excited for that? You get to see all these faces of the people that love and support you, singing back the lyrics you wrote, poured your bloody heart into. It’s going to be magical. You’ll still be dealing with this broken heart, but time mends. And hopefully by the time your heart is mended, you and Louis will be ready for each other.”

Harry sniffles, nodding his head and resting it in his arms. He needed to hear that from her so badly, and after he did, he now has to accept that things will eventually get better. It’s not going to happen tomorrow, or the next day, but it _will_. He’s going to miss what Louis and him had in the meantime, and that feeling is never going to fully go away... but that’s okay.

It’ll be alright. He’s going to be alright.


	19. nineteen

**January 2020**

Harry gives Niall a beer before he sits, who gladly takes it. He gulps down a large sip before placing it on the table so he can continue strumming his guitar. “S’nice day, isn’t it?”

He nods, rubbing his sweaty palms along his shorts. “A bit hot,” he mutters, bringing his own beer to his lips.

“Love it like this,” Niall says, mostly to himself. Once he starts playing that guitar, he’s always in his own little world.

Harry closes his eyes, listening to the sound of his soft strumming.

The holidays were something that Harry had no idea he needed as much as he did until he stepped into his home, breathing in the smell of his mum’s homemade cooking, basically crumbling to the ground in relief. That's where he then stayed for a while, and he was just so fucking thankful to be there after those long six months of nonstop touring.

Tour was incredible, don’t get him wrong. Every show he performed went amazing.

(Expect that one where he fell off the stage, maybe. Like literally _off_ of the stage. We don’t talk about it).

The energy of the crowds, screaming Harry’s words back to him, being able to dance with them and sing his bloody heart out, he _needed_ that. He needed to spend that time on stage, losing himself in his own music.

Traveling the world too, that was special. Sharing it with Niall once again, being able to have those experiences with him. Trying all the different foods, spending nights out at the clubs. Sure, normally before Harry would have crashed inside his hotel room for the night after a show, but Niall was really convincing. He knew he needed to start living again, so that’s exactly what he did.

Oh. And he’s nominated for not one, but _two_ Grammys. So yeah. That has been... wow. He still can’t believe that that happened. The tears wouldn’t stop coming that day. He’ll admit to being an absolute crybaby when he found out the news.

They’re coming up in a couple weeks and he’s going to be attending with Niall as his date. He deserves it more than anyone, honestly. He’s the only consistent person in his life, and his album is Harry’s as much as it is Niall’s. It wouldn’t have been the way it is without him. So yeah, he deserves to come to the Grammys with him.

Gemma and mum will be flying in for that as well, in full attendance. He just spent over a month with them back home, but he’s still excited for them to actually be in the states with him. That’ll be a nice change.

“What are we doing tonight?”

Harry simply shrugs, pulling his sunglasses off his face and sticking them into his hair. He glances over at Niall, arms resting behind his head. “Dunno.”

“Movie?”

“Nah.”

“...Club?”

“No thanks.”

“Karaoke?”

Harry hesitates for a moment, considering. Then he shakes his head. “Negative.”

“Okay then. How bout a _Criminal Minds_ marathon?”

This makes him nod. “And we can order a pizza.”

“My man,” Niall praises, reaching over so he can get a fist bump from Harry. He chuckles as he does it, knowing how happy something as simple as a pizza delivery makes him.

He goes back to strumming and Harry goes back to thinking.

He thinks back to last month, when the thing he expected to never happen actually happened. Seriously, it took him by shock, and honestly, he's still thinking about it, not believing it happened after all these years.

Because Gabriel called him. He didn’t get the chance to talk to him because the call was from an unknown number, so he ignored it and let it go to voicemail. He left a message, and boy, was it an interesting one.

“ _Hey, um... Harry? Hey, it’s Gab. Gabriel. I think it’s best that this call went to voicemail, if I'm going to be honest. Kind of glad I don’t have to face the guilt of actually hearing your voice. But I was calling because I wanted to tell you my girlfriend dragged me to your show last month. Can you believe that? I couldn’t tell her no, like... what was I going to say? Sorry, I don’t want to see my ex on stage? Anyways, after the show, I felt like shit. I always have, don’t get me wrong. About how I handled our breakup, but man. After that it was eating me alive. I wanted to tell you I’m sorry for ending things the way I did, never giving you an explanation and just leaving like that. You didn’t deserve it, not at all. It’s just, I saw how quickly you were becoming famous, and I thought I was forgettable. You were being introduced to so many people and I thought one of them was going to replace me at the time. Which was stupid, I know. You’re not that type of person. But yeah. It’s as simple as that, really. I just ripped the bandaid and left you. I’m really sorry. But uh... besides that, I wanted to also say I’m proud of you. You really ended up making the music you wanted to. I knew how badly that bothered you at the time, during your first album. Anyways, yeah. ‘M sorry for calling but I’ve been wanting to for a while, and after that show, I knew I needed to. Hope you’re doing well_.”

He sat and listened to that entire thing on the back porch of his childhood home, not bothering to call him back.

It was closure he didn’t really know he needed. But hearing Gabriel confess all of that to him, let him know exactly why he did that... it was sort of a relief. See, Harry was wondering if he did something wrong. He hated thinking that there was something he wasn’t aware of that made Gabriel want to never see him again.

But it was all in his head. It was in Gabriel’s head that Harry was going to let fame get to him, possibly neglecting their relationship in the process. Which, he’d never do anything like that, not to anyone. Especially not to the person he was dating.

He understands it though. He’s not mad at Gabriel for thinking so low of him. It’s a normal reaction, isn’t it? You start overthinking certain things and the next thing you know, you’re completely flipping out and making up so many different scenarios. Then you sort of act on those possible scenarios, before they could happen.

“Did you like that?”

“Hm?” Harry asks, turning to Niall. He sort of zoned out there, not paying attention to what he just played. Niall starts strumming again, and he listens to what he just came up with until he completely finishes playing. It's a short, catchy melody. One that will definitely get stuck in his head for the rest of the night, but that's nothing new. He starts smiling gently at his best friend because his natural talent will always amaze him. “That’s lovely.”

“I know,” he jokes, putting his guitar down finally. “I’m so fucking great.”

Harry rolls his eyes as his phone vibrates in his pocket. He digs it out, expecting it to be Gemma but he almost drops it when he reads a completely different name across the screen. One that he hasn’t heard from in eight months.

Eight. Months.

**Louis 3:24 P.M.**   
_Hey. It’s Louis (in case you deleted my number idk) I get we haven’t really talked in a while but I wanted to text you and say you’re invited to my movie premiere next weekend. It’s in New York City if you’re able to catch a flight there. Hope to see you. x_

Apparently Harry’s facial expression is pretty obvious that he’s about to hurl everywhere because he can see Niall from the corner of his eyes sitting up straight, clearly trying to catch what’s wrong. He can feel his body weakening at just one fucking text. “Who was it?” He asks, probably already knowing that answer.

He hasn’t seen or spoken to Louis since he showed up at his door that day their breakup was made official. They haven't texted, and haven't called. Just fucking radio silence. As much as it pained him, he just couldn't get himself to reach out to him, even though he wanted to more than once. For instance, when he saw a new movie he liked, tried a new greasy food that he knew Louis would love, or just wanted to let him know that he missed him and wished he was there with him exploring the world. But he didn't, and Louis didn't either.

Although there has been no contact, he has been keeping up with him. Of course he has been, why wouldn’t he?

He’s obviously finished that thriller movie in the meantime, and he’s been casted in another movie already. That one is another thriller, so it seems as if he wants to stay with that genre for a while, which is a bit surprising, to be honest. But Harry is excited to see how he plays out this type of role.

Tour did make it easier to get his mind off of him. It didn’t work one hundred percent, but it definitely helped being so busy all of the time.

Harry swallows, not even wanting to talk. He hands his phone to Niall so he can read it. “What the hell do I do?” He whispers.

He wants to go. But the thought of seeing Louis again is so fucking scary, because this is the moment, the moment Niall talked about. It’s finally time to see if they can make something work after all.

“Well, you’re going,” Niall states immediately, handing the phone back. “Don’t tell me you don’t want to?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“You’re going,” he demands again. “If you don’t, you’d fucking regret it. This is important, H, don’t fuck it up. It might be time for you two to get your shit together. Don’t be an idiot.”

Harry shakes his head frantically. He doesn't even know what he's thinking right now. He can't think straight, he knows that much at least. "I don't think I can— **"**

"You. Are. Going," Niall snaps, giving Harry one of his threatening glares. Well. No arguing with that face and tone.

He guesses he's going to New York.

_****_

So the thing is... Harry actually fucking went. Like. He’s here. In New York. For _Louis_. Louis _fucking_ Tomlinson.

He may or may not be freaking the fuck out right now as he arrives on the red carpet. This is a lot for him, okay? He wasn’t even planning on walking the damn thing but he didn’t know how to avoid it so here he is.

Posing all alone, hearing the shocked voices of the people around him, clearly noting that he's attending his ex's movie premiere.

It’s not like he hasn’t done this since the last one, the one where everything went to shit. He did attend the VMA’s where he walked the carpet by himself, though he did feel really strange not having Louis by his side there. 

Weird, isn’t it? He walked only two red carpets with Louis and he was already used to having him next to him. Pathetic, even...

He can feel his palms sweating and right now he’s cursing Niall for not coming along with him. He explained to Harry that this is up to him, and as much as he’d love to support him, he has to do this by himself and face Louis alone.

He would have done that much, obviously, but it would have been nice to have Niall with him for this at least. Fucking hell.

Once he successfully makes it off and gets inside, he busies himself at the bar to get a drink because he’s going to need it. He’s going to need to be full of tequila by the time he sees Louis in person for the first time in eight fucking months.

He tries so hard to not frantically look for Louis but it’s near impossible. He knows that Louis is here already because he specifically arrived late, not wanting to be here first. He’s hoping Louis is busy now, not able to talk to him.

Which is strange. You think Harry would be desperate to get to him... but he’s just not. He’s scared, more than anything. Can you blame him? It’s been so fucking long and—

“Harry?” He snaps around after he retrieves his drink to see Danielle staring at him with wide eyes. “You actually came.”

So they discussed the possibility of Harry attending this, obviously. He isn’t surprised they did, but still. He gives her a smile, closing the distance between them to give her a hug. “You look as gorgeous as ever,” he compliments, not wanting to really talk about being here for that reason.

“Thank you. And this jacket is amazing,” she says, rubbing her hand up and down his arm. “Very cool.”

He blushes, glancing down to his outfit like he doesn't remember what he’s wearing. “Thanks. Sgt. Pepper inspired. I liked the yellow, floral embroidery,” he mumbles as the nerves catch up to him.

“The boots are a nice touch. You always outdo yourself when it comes to your fashion choices,” she explains with a laugh, pointing to his leopard print boots. “How are you? How was the tour?”

“Good, good,” he answers, stepping back and crossing hands together. “Exhausting, but rewarding.”

“Also, the Grammy nominations? That’s so incredible, Harry. I’m so happy for you. You deserved that so much, I must say.”

He smiles genuinely at her, reaching over to squeeze his hand on her forearm as a kind gesture. “Thank you, Danielle. I appreciate you so much. Truly.”

“Well, it was nice to see you. Now if you don’t mind, my date is currently about to shit himself because he’s talking to Hugh Jackman.”

She points to the sight of three men chatting it up, one being Danielle’s boyfriend that she recently got the end of summer named Evan, and then none other than Hugh fucking Jackman and right... Louis was literally in this movie with him. This is absolutely insane.

“You as well.”

They say their final goodbyes and he feels chills cover his body, trying to contain himself from physically shivering out in the open. This is just a lot, like he said. He’s not just about to see Louis in person, but also watch him acting in a thriller movie alongside Hugh Jackman, another very successful actor.

Fuck, he’s so bloody proud of him. Always.

And suddenly, he just wants to get it over with. The initial reunion. Once that’s over, maybe things won’t be as scary as he’s thinking they will be. Confrontation is his worst enemy, yes, but he needs to grow up. He's done it before with him (although it didn't end well). It's just... Louis is worth facing his fears. Even now, after everything.

So he actively seeks for Louis, not ashamed at all. He walks around, eyes on just about everything, greeting people that say hello to him before moving onto the next.

Then finally, he spots him in all his glory. His entire body halts, stomach and heart going absolutely fucking insane. His blood starts pumping, throat goes dry. Because he’s right there, and he looks... he looks perfect.

His hair is longer (and honestly, so is Harry’s) still styled in the way he loves it, swirled at the top, swooping over his forehead. He wears all black with a little pink flower at the collar, pink shoes to match. Harry wishes he had something to hold onto so he doesn’t fall over.

He’s staring for too long. He knows he is but he can’t stop. Eight months being apart and he still fucking loves him, craves to touch him. Shit, he always craved getting his hands on him, who is he kidding? The urge is just stronger than ever considering previous events.

It gets to the point Louis senses that someone is piercing their eyes into his soul, because his head tilts up and he notices Harry himself. His facial expression drops, before it suddenly washes over with surprise and excitement all at once. He quickly excuses himself from the people he was talking to so he can make his way over to Harry.

Fuck. He tries to straighten out his posture, composing himself as best as he can before he talks to him for the first time in so long. He doesn’t know if he’s prepared for this anymore. Mayday, mayday.

“You made it,” he greets, voice laced with shock. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he replies stupidly, letting himself scan him up and down like he normally would have before. No shame in letting himself do that, Louis is too attractive to not. When he glances back up and their eyes reconnect, he almost falls apart. “Hi,” he repeats, mentally slapping himself for already being a fool.

Louis laughs, returning the gesture as he takes in Harry’s outfit. “This is sick.”

“Saint Laurent,” he tells him, knowing deep down that Louis doesn’t give two shits about who he’s wearing. He probably doesn’t even know who he’s wearing on his own body. “I love your flower.”

“Thanks. Danielle picked it out,” he explains, reaching up to flick it with his finger. He’s wearing rings too, which is new for him. Nice, but new. He can't help but wonder if he took inspiration from Harry's rings. “I can’t believe you actually showed up.”

Harry swallows, nodding curtly. He doesn't stop staring into his eyes, letting himself sink in all the blueness of them. He's drowned. He definitely just drowned, completely underwater and gasping for air...

He is not okay.

He forces a smile to him, regardless of how he feels inside right now. Like he's suffocating. “I get this movie is important to you. Of course I’d come.”

He’d do anything this God damned boy would ask him to do, no matter how things left off between them. It’s just... that’s love, isn’t it? Fuck.

“It is, yeah,” he admits, cheeks flushing slightly. He looks lovely. “You just hate these things and like..." He shakes his head, clearly not wanting to finish that sentence but Harry knows he was going to mention something about how they left off. "Did you walk the red carpet?” He quickly asks.

He ends up laughing. “I hate _award shows_. These are alright, movie premieres. And yes, I did. I don’t remember what I ended up doing with my hands.”

Louis bursts into laughter with him, and there it is. The natural connection they have with each other, even after so long, it’s still there and everything feels simple. “Thank you, Harry,” he says suddenly, sounding so sincere with his words, eyes sparkling.

He nods in response, knowing how much it means to him that Harry showed up at all considering what happened. He steps a little to the side, straightening out his arm toward the theatre. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he doesn’t care enough to stop. He just wants things back to how they were. “Shall we?”

Louis’ smile is bright and beautiful. “Let’s go.”

_****_

They ended up sitting next to each other. Which, Harry didn’t think that was going to happen. But it did. He made sure to consume as much alcohol he could because of it. And Louis was clearly nervous about the movie, his leg doing the nonstop bouncing it does when he’s anxious. Harry desperately wanted to reach out and squeeze his thigh in reassurance like he did at the other film, but he couldn’t. He had to physically sit on his hands to restrain himself from doing so.

In the middle of the film (which was going so fucking great, Harry could hardly believe that this is the same actor in all those comedies) Louis sort of freaked out. He leaned over toward Harry, bringing his lips close to his ear.

“Can we go to my hotel?”

Panic rose in his chest, snapping his head toward him. He didn’t know why he was asking this, but his first reaction was to say no. “Absolutely not. I want to see this movie,” he declined, which wasn’t necessarily a lie. He did want to see it.

“I’m serious,” he whispered hopelessly, and honestly, Harry didn’t seem to have a choice with how sad Louis looked in that moment. He couldn’t turn him down.

So Louis brought him back to his hotel before the movie even finished. He brought them to the rooftop, giving them a full overview of the entire city. Thankfully, there was no one else up here, so they didn’t have to result in wearing any sort of disguise, sunglasses or whatever.

That’s where they are now. Bundled up, sitting on the ground near the heater that is up here, both not knowing what to say. The silence isn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

Louis is the one who brought them here, clearly wanting to get something off his own chest. It could be bad, or it could be good. Who knows with him? This boy is always surprising him and it's better not to take any guesses. He just needs to wait and see.

Harry is _not_ going to be the one to speak first. Nope. He knows that much. Not this time, or possibly ever again. He's not going to cave in.

And on top of everything, surprisingly, he’s not as nervous as he thought he was going to be. Instead, he feels... he feels fulfilled. Nothing even happened yet, disaster could be right around the corner, can take place the second Louis opens his mouth, but instead, he’s just _fine_. Neutral, maybe?

Maybe it’s because he’s simply happy to be next to Louis, no matter what is going on. Or is about to go on, he should better say. He just hasn’t been with him in so fucking long, at this point, he’ll take anything he can get.

“Congratulations on the Grammy noms. I’m about to be that bastard that says I told you so... so. I told you so,” he murmurs, making Harry laugh as he brings his hands to his mouth to blow heat into them. He thinks back to that night, where many events seemed to take place, to be honest. It was an interesting night for their relationship, lightly put.

And now it's clear that Louis kept up with him as he did with Louis. He expected much, but it's still nice to hear him say that. “Thanks, Louis.”

Louis frantically adjusts his beanie, staring down at his lap as he plays with his rings. Harry can’t help but smile, knowing that anxious feeling way too much. He’s thankful he drank as much tequila as he did, otherwise he’d probably be doing the same as him right now.

He finds it funny that they’re literally on the roof of some random hotel in New York City, still both in their suits from the premiere, covered by heavy jackets and beanies over their heads, ruining the hair they had styled for it. They try their best to warm up with the small heater, but fail as they continue shivering, refusing to talk about what they need to.

They look like complete _losers_ , honestly. Absolute messes. Train wrecks. And he wouldn’t want it any other way, oddly enough.

“I’m sorry,” Louis blurts, looking up from his hands, meeting Harry’s eyes with his timid ones. “I’m sorry that I’m so fucking stupid.”

Fuck. This is it. This is the moment that he's been waiting for. It's finally fucking here.

Harry swallows, nodding slowly before scooting closer to him. “You’re not stupid.”

Louis rolls his eyes at that. “I am,” he mutters, shaking his head at himself in obvious disappointment. “I’m sorry I gave up so quickly. Hell, I gave up before we even _tried_. That’s pathetic, even. And I didn’t even think about it until we stopped talking and I missed you every fucking second. I regretted it _so_ much, I want you to know that.”

Hearing his half of the story, it’s weird. Really. He sounds really affected by it, and before, he never allowed Harry to see this side of him when it came to their relationship. He always came off like he didn't care that much, was only messing with Harry and didn't nearly feel as much as he did toward Louis. But now he openly is and he can just see and hear that he was bothered by how he reacted to Harry telling him that he loved him.

“I missed you too,” he replies dumbly, scooting even closer. “And I think we needed this break. You know? As much as it sucked, we were going to be forced apart anyways. Me on tour, you with this movie... it would have been even harder, being together but not being able to _be_ together. I'm quite clingy,” he adds in teasingly for good measure.

Louis doesn't laugh though.

“Yeah. I thought about that too,” he agrees quietly, moving himself so now their arms are touching. “Still. We didn’t have to completely stop talking. Texting exists.”

Harry laughs humorlessly. “I know. I think it was just a bit overwhelming at the time. It all happened so fast, and you were right, it was scary because we started off weird. We didn’t even _like_ each other in the beginning. I was waiting for it to be over, almost counting down the days. Then, all of a sudden the next thing I know, it was over and I was miserably in love with—” He cuts himself off right there, cursing that he let his mouth go before even thinking about what he was saying. “We needed a break after being together the way we were. And now... I don’t know. You tell me what happens now.”

There. Again, everything is up to Louis. Harry has done his part more than enough. Louis has yet to reciprocate that, really.

“Me?” Louis asks, chuckling under his breath. “Why me?”

Again, Harry has told Louis how he feels, but Louis hasn't been too open himself so that's why he can't be the one to decide where they stand. Maybe he should explain that to him though because he might not get it until he does.

Harry is simply losing it. Months of buildup, he wants to let it all out. He’s tipsy, and on a rooftop with the fucking love of his life that he missed with his aching heart everyday. 

He sucks in a deep breath, turning to Louis to bring their faces even closer together. “Because you know how I feel about you. And just... _fuck_ , Louis, wherever you go, I go. If you want me by your side for real this time, I’m good with that. Obviously," he breathes out humorlessly. "I think I’ve always made that pretty clear, while you on the other hand... I never know what you’re thinking. Or feeling. I mean, you’re talking, sure, but I don’t think I completely understand _why_ we’re talking. I get that you missed me, but are we only here because you feel guilty about how it ended? Or because you’re willing to try now? Try us for real this time around? Because personally, I’d be more than happy to live a disastrous life with you. You stubborn, annoying, moviestar that I still love even after eight months of literally not speaking at all—”

Louis cuts him off by kissing him. He almost falls back, throwing his arms around Louis so he doesn't, catching them both and kissing him back. He kisses him back like his life depends on it, and honestly, it does. His life might just depend on kissing Louis until the day he dies.

When they pull apart, Louis' eyes dart all over Harry's face. They are both breathing heavily, lips wet and red, holding onto each other as tightly as they can because they never want to let go again. “I love you too,” Louis says passionately. “Sorry I was too much of a stubborn, annoying moviestar to tell you that in the first place when I’ve known all this time.”

Harry lets out a whimper and pulls him in so they can kiss again. "You fucking prick," he murmurs into his mouth, making them both laugh. "Was that really so hard?" 

"Shut up," he teases, bringing their mouths together hard, nipping at his bottom lip before pushing away once more. He almost chases his mouth because the only thing he wants to do now is kiss him until they pass out on this rooftop. He'd be absolutely fine with that possibility. “Harry?”

He almost screams but he holds it together. “Yeah?” He asks, clearly annoyed. More kissing, please.

“The real reason I wanted you back is because I miss your cream puffs.”

Harry bursts into laughter, Louis joining him before they continue what they started.

Dazed and in love, Harry makes sure to remember this very moment because it's something he never wants to forget. He wants to write about it, make a song and sing about how it feels to know that the man he loves most in the world loves him back. Nothing has been more magical than this, and he wants to try and recreate this exact feeling into music, although he's not sure if it could ever compare. He can at least try though.

Fuck. Eight months was worth the wait. It was one hundred percent worth everything.


	20. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it!!!! thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. This was a fun story to write :))) this epilogue is short, but I love it so much.

**One Month Later**

“Shit,” Harry curses as he spills his drink on the floor, pulling his lips away from Louis. “I should clean that up.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” He asks as he stands on his toes again to reattach their lips.

Harry shakes his head instantly, hating that someone could maybe slip and hurt themselves because he was too busy focused on kissing Louis to properly hold his drink. He pushes Louis off of him, making him almost growl in the process. “No, no. Sorry. There’s napkins right over there on the table, let me just—”

“Oh my _God_ ,” Louis groans, reaching over to grab the napkins himself a little too aggressively. They’re both super drunk, and horny, obviously. He throws them onto the floor, stomping on them to let them soak in the liquid. “There.”

He lunges himself back at Harry but soon enough they are interrupted by an excited Niall, shaking both their bodies to pull them apart again. “Brothers. I just fucking met Selena Gomez. And she was into me, holy fuck, she was _so_ fucking into _me_. She literally asked for my Twitter and recognized me from Harry’s band. Is this a dream? Please tell me this is real life! Louis, pinch me!”

“Why did we fucking bring him again?” Louis snaps, glaring at Harry who dizzily laughs, too focused on how adorable his angry face and tone is.

“Because you guys love me,” Niall answers, like he was seriously asking. “And so will Selena. There is no fucking way that we aren’t going to get together after that. You should’ve seen how she was looking at me. Oh! She also fucking grabbed my arm, like this,” he says, reaching over to squeeze Harry’s forearm. “Like _that_. For a whole five seconds. That’s flirting, my dudes.”

Louis groans again, dropping his head into Harry’s chest who continues to laugh, easily wrapping his arms around the boys smaller body, pulling him as close as he can. “That’s wonderful, Niall. M’happy for you. And Selena,” he teases, resting his chin on Louis’ hair, nuzzling it a little. So soft.

Niall just giggles after that, leaving them alone without another word, clearly not in the mood to listen to a pissy Louis lecture him for interrupting them with his nonsense. When you disrupt Louis when he’s in the mood to make out with Harry (like right now) it normally doesn't end well. Niall knows this, he learned the hard way.

“Wait until she blocks him on Twitter,” Louis mutters into Harry’s chest, making him erupt into laughter, nearly bringing them both to the floor.

“Maybe I can teach her,” he joins in, getting Louis to laugh with him and pull away.

“Can we go back to yours? I’m over this,” Louis whines, already reaching into his phone to call Johnny and let him know they are ready to leave.

Harry nods, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek because he can. “Anything you want. This day is celebrating you, after all.” Louis rolls his eyes and doesn’t respond.

But it’s true. They’re at the Oscars afterparty, which Louis ended up winning the award he was nominated for. Just like Harry said he would. Can you fucking believe that? Harry’s boyfriend won the Actor in a Leading Role title. What the literal fuck?

When he got nominated, Harry remembers it because they were all together at his house, Niall, Zayn, Harry and Louis, of course. They all smothered him in love (especially Harry, who is he kidding) and all he can see in his head—still to this day like it just happened—the way Louis looked at him and brought him in for a kiss, cupping Harry’s cheeks like a magnet. It was so fucking special.

Then he won it today with Harry by his side. He may have cried, resulting in Louis trying his best to get him to stop since he explained Harry was embarrassing the shit out of him.

He didn’t care. He continued to cry.

When it comes to Harry, he kept his word about bringing Niall as his date to the Grammys. Louis still came, but he didn’t walk the red carpet at all, since the world at the time didn’t know they were back together.

Today is definitely the day people are going to be talking about them, though. They arrived together, and Harry let Louis take his pictures by himself before they both went in, taking their seats. Then when Louis won, Harry kissed him in the heat of the moment, so yeah. People now know for sure.

Helena and Theo were thrilled when they found out that they worked things out. And yes, to answer your question, they are very happily together. For real. Louis and Harry had a field day when they finally admitted it, telling them how Harry will perform a song at their wedding and Louis will give his first attempt at a stand up comedy show.

Anyways, back to the Grammys. Harry didn’t win any of his nominated categories, but that didn’t matter to him. Not at all. He wasn’t really expecting to win considering who he was up against, he was just more than thankful to be there in that moment, catching Louis’ eyes from across the room who would give him a soft smile each time he lost, mouthing to him repeatedly that he was proud of him.

He felt like a winner despite leaving empty handed.

Well, he left with Louis’ hand in his. So did he really?

Soon after Louis makes his call with Johnny, they start heading out, Louis getting more congratulations from everybody as he passes, Harry proudly standing next to him and watching as his face heats up with both gratitude and shyness. It’s so, so beautiful.

The minute they get into Harry’s house, Louis pounces on Harry like he normally does, kissing him hotly but once again, they get rudely interrupted by Louis’ phone ringing.

“Fuck. It’s Zayn, I know it,” he pants, hands falling off of Harry’s shirt that he was just unbuttoning. “I have to answer it because he won’t stop calling until I do.”

Harry nods, grabbing his wrist and dragging him toward his bedroom. “Let’s answer together.”

So they do. They both fall onto Harry’s bed, Louis answering it and putting the call on speaker. “Hello my beautiful, sexy, hunky best friend.”

He shoots him a glare that gets Louis to chuckle evilly, knowing how easily Harry gets jealous whenever he talks about Zayn’s looks specifically.

He’s just a bit insecure, okay? You can’t blame him when Zayn looks the way he does. Jesus.

“Hello to my Oscar winning best friend. What the hell, Lou? God, I wish I could’ve been there. I’m so fucking happy for you, and yes, I filmed my reaction that I will definitely be sending to you guys later. Also, hi Harry.”

Harry laughs into Louis’ neck, the skin he was trying his best to quietly suck on... but apparently Zayn could still hear the noises. “Hi Zayn.”

Right. Harry and Zayn are like friends now. They get on with each other pretty well, since they’ve hung out a couple times since Louis and him got together. He’s easy to mess around with, which isn’t too much of a shocker considering he is Louis’ best friend.

Speaking of best friends, Harry’s own sort of betrayed him, because apparently Niall and Zayn have been ‘besties’ (that’s what Niall called it, at least) since the first time they all sort of met each other at Louis’ house that day. Which was news to him. They kept in touch and were hanging out on the low.

Niall said he didn’t want to mention it to him because he knew he wasn’t Zayn’s biggest fan at the time, since they were (and still are, honestly) pretty big contenders against each other when it comes to their careers. He felt like he was basically betraying Harry, but he just really liked spending time with him.

Harry wouldn’t have been mad, and he wasn’t mad when he told him that. It _was_ kind of funny though. And sweet, that Niall went through that trouble just because he didn’t want to upset him.

“Where did you get that suit by the way, Harry? I saw a glimpse of it on screen when Lou won and it’s so fucking sick. You looked great. You too, Louis, I guess, but... was it Gucci?”

“Stop flirting with my boyfriend,” Louis lectures, making them both laugh. “And yes it was bloody Gucci you bloody _idiot_. Now goodbye, peasant. This Oscar winning legend is about to have sex with his Grammy nominated boyfriend.”

“Great,” Zayn mutters into the speaker. “It’s already getting to his head.”

“We’ll let him have his moment for a week,” Harry suggests, knowing Louis is going to be a pain in the arse about winning this thing for the rest of his life.

Rightfully so, but still. Louis’ got a big mouth.

“Only a week?!” Louis squeaks. “At _least_ a month!”

Harry rolls his eyes, leaning in for a kiss but Louis shoves his hand onto his lips, not allowing him too. “Sorry, baby,” he mumbles into his palm.

“You guys are annoying. Goodbye,” Zayn says, probably thinking that they were kissing instead of Louis actually not allowing them to. He hangs up after that as Louis pulls his hand away.

“Can we have sex now?”

Harry knows that after they have sex, they’re going to pass the fuck out. And before that happens, he wanted to sing the song he wrote for Louis to kind of celebrate this night even more.

He shrugs, glancing over to his guitar propped up against his dresser. “Is it okay if I show you a song first?”

“Huh?” Louis asks, baffled. “Now? Why now?”

“Because I want to. Right now. You’ll see why after, just trust me,” he argues, standing up to grab his guitar before falling back onto his spot on the bed. “This song means a lot to me and I think it’s going to mean a lot to you, too. It feels right to show you it now after you just won your first ever Oscar. Okay? I promise we can fuck each other brainless afterwards, baby.”

Louis gulps, nodding eagerly. “Right. Okay, then. Go on, rockstar.”

Harry nods, suddenly feeling a wave of panic coming over him as he gets ready to play this song for Louis. Live. Just Harry, his guitar, and his voice. That’s it. Nothing more. And he’s singing it... directly to the person it’s about, and who it’s for.

He’s never done this shit before, okay? He’s allowed to be freaking out a bit.

He starts playing. He starts strumming his guitar, humming before he sings out the lyrics. Since he’s really shy about doing this, he keeps his eyes locked on his own fingers, not wanting to watch as Louis listens and reacts.

“ _I want you to know... I'm a mirrorball... I'll show you every version of yourself tonight... I'll get you out on the floor... Shimmering beautiful... And when I break, it's in a million pieces..._ ”

He knows it’s going to be a lot for Louis because he literally took his words. He took his words and made it into a song.

He wrote this song while he was on tour, specifically after Niall and him went to a club where a mirrorball was hanging from the ceiling. Of course he thought about Louis and what he said when they were in London together.

There was this guitar riff he was working on, one where he couldn’t think of any lyrics to go along with it yet, but he loved it so much, and after he saw that... thought came to him. It almost felt too perfect to be true.

So he’s singing this special song he wrote for Louis to him directly. And when he finishes, he gulps, daring to glance up to Louis who is staring at him with glossy eyes.

It’s enough to make Harry put down his guitar and the second he does, Louis jumps onto Harry, connecting their lips the way he does, but this time, he puts everything into it. Harry can tell he does, he fucking _feels_ it.

“I love you,” Louis says, pulling away and cupping Harry’s cheeks, squishing them. “I fucking love you. I can’t believe you wrote a song for me. About me? I don’t fucking know... Jesus. That’s a _song_ about _me_.”

Harry laughs, kissing the skin of his wrist he can reach as he continues holding his face. “To be fair, Lou, the entire next album are songs about you.”

Which is true. All of them are inspired by Louis, so there’s that. No writing from other people's perspectives, well, unless it’s from Louis’ perspective.

Louis blushes, pushing his cheeks together harder. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“You’ll see,” he muffles out, trying to talk but it’s hard when his face is being abused by his boyfriends paws.

“Take that, Gabriel,” Louis jokes, making Harry explode with laughter as he removes his hands finally. “I’ve got an entire album about me!”

He pushes Louis down on the bed, crawling on top of him. “Love you, but shut up.”

“Are you going to make me?” Louis teases, wiggling his eyebrows at him.

Harry responds by kissing him.

This version, the one of Harry and Louis being together for real, the way they love each other... it’s something he wants to hold onto forever. And as long as he can help it, he’s never going to let him go. The love of his fucking life.

His mirrorball that shines just for him.


End file.
